by V. Murphy
After a couple moments laying side-by-side together on the bed, Ryder spoke up, “Holy fucking shit Harper Mae. You are the most amazing woman I have ever been with in my entire life.”
“Is that a compliment?” I asked half-teasing, trying to get a rise out of him.
“You best believe it. I have been with a lot of women in my day, but shit Harper I have never made love with that much forceful passion in my entire life.”
“I’ve never been fucked in the ass,” I said bluntly, liking this confidence that I was feeling after I expressed myself emotionally to him earlier in the night.
He propped himself up on his elbows to look at me, but I continued to stare at the ceiling above, basking in the insanely comfortable down comforter under me.
“You’re kidding?”
“Nuh-Uh.” I hissed truthfully.
“Well gosh darn’ it. I was your first!” Ryder exclaimed as if someone had just given him the best present Christmas morning.
“Yup. You’re the first person I have ever told my story too and the first to do me in the butt…congrats,” I half teased.
He laughed and snuggled into the crook of my neck, nuzzling me.
“Come shower with me,” he said huskily.
I was excited he asked because I felt the desperate need for a shower after we had just both climaxed. So, I nodded and he grabbed my hand and jumped off the bed leading me towards the bathroom.
The bathroom was almost as big as the bedroom itself with a large claw foot porcelain tub and rain shower that had multi-color grey tiles. He led me into the bathroom pointing at the chaise by the sink.
As he filled the bathtub, I turned to look into the mirror. I sucked in taking a deep look at myself half expecting to see someone different than I saw earlier in the night.
To my surprise, I saw someone who was happy and smiling. Someone whose cheeks were flushed pink with color, whose jaws weren’t broken or bruised. Someone whose eyes didn’t sink back into her head, but were large and open ready to look at the world around. I saw someone whose melancholy was replaced with tranquil relaxation. I saw someone who was ready to fall in love, knowing that the person behind me was the person I was falling for. More importantly, I saw someone who was open and willing to fall in love, someone who wanted to open herself up to spend the rest of her life with a man who would treat her right.
I saw me. I finally saw me.
“You coming in?” Ryder interrupted my thoughts, standing naked over the full tub.
I walked over there and gave him a huge kiss before entering the tub, silently thanking him from saving me from myself.
***
As I got in the tub, one foot first, Ryder entered behind me and I curled up with my back to his chest and he started rubbing my shoulders and humming a familiar tune.
“You sing so beautifully. It’s mesmerizing.”
“I used to sing to Evelyn when she was younger and it was something that just stuck.” My mouth dropped at his confession about Evelyn. She must be younger than him if he was old enough to sing to her. She must be someone like his younger sister or cousin. I didn’t think he mentioned having any siblings, but maybe that’s why.
“She must love you very much. You’re very protective over her,” I whispered quietly into his ear behind me. He didn’t respond; instead he focused on washing the water over me, grabbing a bar of soap, and lathering up my body. His hands moving around my hair, rubbing the soap into it and taking care of me slowly. He was touching me in a way that was different from earlier. Instead of desire from earlier, this time he was taking care of me, washing away my sins from my past, washing away the pain I have suffered scraping the past off me exposing a new raw flesh.
When his hand moved down towards my back he noticed the infinity tattoo that was under the nape of my neck, between my shoulder blades.
“What is this for?” he asked as he rubbed soap around it tracing it with the water.
“It’s the sign for being a survivor of domestic violence. I got it when I first moved here, knowing that I was finally over everything I left behind.”
“It’s beautiful, very tasteful.”
“Yeah, coming from the guy who has a ton of tattoos,” I said pulling out his hands from the water to display a couple he had on his hands, wrists and shoulders.
“They tell a story. This one here,” he said pointing to a large tattoo on his shoulder, which resembled a field and a ball of some sort, “This one was when I left the NFL represents me leaving the field and the game behind. Sort of like yours: moving on.”
We sat in the tub together playing with our bodies exploring every nook of our physical bodies. We played with the water, soaking the floor while splashing each other like children.
“I guess we are more than just friends then?” Ryder finally brought up.
“I suppose there is no denying that we are more,” I responded knowing that was the full truth.
“I want you to be with me Harper. Please,” he begged in a soft tone.
“I’m scared.” This was the honest truth. I was scared of what would happen to us if we finally made it official. I was scared that this would be the end of us. I was scared he was still going to get up and leave at any point.
“I know you’re scared, but I will never do anything to hurt you.”
“Why do we have to label this then? Can it just be what it is?” I asked.
“I will do whatever you want Harper, but just know that you mean more to me than most of the people in my life,” he whispered gently rubbing water into my body.
When finally my hands started looking like a prune and my head started getting foggy from exhaustion we both got out of the tub. Ryder wrapped me in an extra large fluffy towel and slinked his around his waist allowing his golden abdomen to remain exposed.
I couldn’t help looking again. Shit I was one lucky girl. I didn’t think I could ever get a guy who looked this delicious and panty dropping at every hour of the day. His hair was wet and hung low on his neck, but he pulled his fingers through it rubbing it behind. He looked like a damn god.
When he started flexing and posing, I knew he caught me spying on him.
“You want this, yeah?” he mocked.
“You wish,” I teased and winked while pretending to stomp off away from him.
“Come back here you thang’,” he said while scooping me off the floor letting the towel drop on the floor. He flung me, effortlessly, over his shoulder like a sack of flour.
“Hey! Let me go!” I said as he walked over to the bed.
“As you wish,” he dropped me on the bed and tucked me into the incredibly warm comforter. We still had the glass doors opened and the breeze whisked into the room as I curled up, naked, under the comforter.
Ryder squeezed in next to me and even though the bed was the size of a house, he curled up next to me with my back to his chest. Holding me tightly, he began to hum a lullaby again while stroking my hair, squeezing me closer and closer into him.
When I was on the brink of falling asleep and letting the darkness take over, I heard a very quiet whisper, something that even a mouse wouldn’t be able to hear. I tuned in so I could better understand.
“I think I’m in love you Harper Mae.”
A smile emerged from my face as the night went black. I had never felt more content and at ease than I felt tonight. If this is what love is, this effortless feeling of happiness and joy then I’m pretty sure I was in love too.
As Ryder hummed, the darkness seeped into my pores and I drifted into the most calm and restful sleep I have experienced since I was a child.
Chapter 10
The sun shone brightly through the glass door that we closed back up after our bath, before we went to bed last night. There were no curtains, so the brightness pierced my eyes as I was sleeping restfully. When I finally woke up, I curled up in the extra large and plush comforter and stretched my arms out.
When I wasn’t able to find Ryder by movin
g my arms, I got up and looked around assuming he was on the far side of the bed. When I looked past the plush comforter and pulled it back thinking maybe he was engulfed in it, I realized that Ryder was nowhere to be found in the bed.
I quickly shuffled out of bed and walked over to the bathroom thinking maybe he was taking another shower or getting dressed, but was welcomed to an empty bathroom. I grabbed my shirt and put it on as I moved down the long hallway into the living room part of the suite.
Once again, there was no Ryder.
“Shit. Shit. FUCK!” I screamed to no one in particular knowing that Ryder was just what I had suspected. Leaving me alone after I had bared my heart and soul to him. He probably thought I was some freak of nature now and hardened criminal.
“I knew this would happen,” I whispered under my breath but out loud. Normally when Ryder left he left a note by the kitchen, but since there was no kitchen I looked around the entire living room tearing it apart. I ran back to the bedroom and bathroom desperately trying to find some sort of note explaining why he left, but there was nothing there. I found absolutely nothing.
I felt a weight lift itself back onto my shoulders and my heart filled with a mixture of anger and sadness. I was alone again. I knew I shouldn’t have listened to anyone but myself. I knew that Rita was wrong about going for the guy and Skye was wrong for thinking this guy was the one for me. From now on, I have to trust myself and no one else, they knew nothing about me.
Tears started trickling down my cheeks and I quickly wiped them away not wanting to cry about any of this. I guess I was just confused. Why did he take me to this hotel to leave me the next morning? Why was he doing this to me? I couldn’t wrap my head around him wanting to know more about my story last night when I gave me many times to stop me or walk away. Instead he took me to this hotel, fucked me and got what he wanted out of me. He probably wanted to make his mark on the broken girl who was vulnerable to anything he said.
Tears started gushing gown my eyes and I curled up on the floor next to the glass wall separating me from the ocean. Tempted to just jump in and swim away from this crazy world we live in, I had to force myself to stop crying.
“It’s not worth it Harper,” I kept repeating to myself on the floor.
I felt like I was lying to myself though the pain of him leaving ripped parts of my heart out with him. It felt like something was missing suddenly and I wasn’t able to stop it or mend it this time.
I was mad at myself for falling in love with someone I knew was going to disappoint me, but falling hard for him anyways. After a few moments, I realized that if I was able to pick myself up from everything that had happened with Tye, I was capable or picking myself up from this.
I moved off the floor, mechanically picking up my clothes from last night and putting them back on. I knew I had to find a way to get back home, so I called Skye praying that she should be able to pick me up. Thankfully, my phone had a couple percent left in the battery.
On the second ring Skye picked up, too bubbly for morning and screamed through the receiver, “Ohmigod! Harper I am dying to tell you something!”
“Skye,” I said as serious as I possibly could, “I am in trouble.”
“Holy shit. What’s wrong? Where are you? Are you okay?” She asked in quick concession.
“I need you to come pick me up. I am at the Arden Hotel in Del Mar. Please.”
“Okay, I’m getting the driver now, we will be there as soon as possible, just go wait for me outside.”
“Thank you,” I thanked my best friend for coming to my rescue, not asking any more questions.
I knew I had a half hour before Skye arrived so I went into the bathroom and stuck my tousled bed head in a long ponytail and fixed my makeup from last night. I went and grabbed my purse, making sure I had everything from last night, then went downstairs. Thankfully, Ryder had charged the room last night, so I didn’t have to pay for anything.
I gathered myself up, gaining enough composure to start the day and reminding myself that I would have to go to Rita’s at noon. I clicked the door to the hotel room closed, locking away the pain that was caused in there moving forward from the day. I kept telling myself that it was okay and he was just another guy moving through my life, but even though that was what I kept repeating in my mind, my heart had different thoughts. There was a gaping hole missing from inside of me, and it felt like I was crushed by a ton of bricks and my heart was missing from inside my chest cavity.
Why the fuck did this have to happen to me? I didn’t deserve any of this. I need to make better choices when it comes to men.
I sat in the lobby up at the front waiting, until I saw her town car pull up. I ran outside and into the car before she could even open her door.
When I saw her, tears starting dripping down my face like a steamy window with heavy perspiration.
“Oh honey, what’s wrong? What did that son of a bitch do?” She asked while wrapping me into a huge hug as I hopped in next to her
“He left Skye. He left me sitting in a hotel thirty-something minutes from home. He left without even a note this time.”
“Maybe something came up?” she asked nervously not wanting to make me sad.
“No. He should have woken me up or said something. I told him everything Skye. I told him everything and he ran away.”
“It’s not because of what you told him Harper,” she said but she had no idea what I could have possibly told him. She thinks I just ran away from home and had a terrible childhood, but she has no idea the pain I suffered or what I had gone through.
“No, it is. He got scared so he ran away, which is why I never tell anyone anything.”
“I am sorry Harper,” she gripped me tight in her arms, hugging me, “I think maybe you should go confront him and tell him your feelings.”
I thought about this for a second as the anger started to boil through my veins. Yeah, he deserved to give me an answer. I deserved something from him.
“Maybe I will. I just don’t want to go into work right now.”
“Call Rita, she will understand,” Skye assured me as I grabbed my phone and dialed Rita’s number.
When she picked up I explained that I wasn’t feeling well and would come in. She was understanding about everything, saying that I could come in tomorrow.
“Can we like go do something today? I don’t feel like going home,” I muffled through my breath.
“Yes, but first we have to make a pit stop.” Skye leaned over and whispered something to the driver.
We sat a couple moments in silence and I went to grab my bag sitting next to Skye when I noticed something shiny and sparkly on Skye’s ring finger. It took me a second to realize, but there was a roughly 4-carat diamond ring propped up high in a solitaire style with a small diamond band.
I grabbed her hand and thrust it in her face while screaming, “WHAT IS THIS?”
The only thing Skye could do was giggle and laugh at my outburst.
“It’s an engagement ring, silly.”
“What does that mean? What are you talking about? SKYE MONROE ARE YOU ENGAGED?!”
I think the driver was about to get in a car accident when I echoed the last part of the sentence.
“Yup,” she said nonchalantly while playing with her sparkling ring on her hand.
“Are you kidding? Here I am telling some sob story and your freaking engaged?!”
“Well, I didn’t want to interrupt.”
“Skye, you don’t even know the guy!” I exclaimed rather truthfully. She had only been dating him a couple of weeks and known him for like one month.
“Please don’t start with that,” she exhaled, “I know him well enough to know that I am madly in love with him. I know enough to know that I want to be forever with this man who will support and love me with every ounce of his soul.”
I got teary eyed again, not thinking I had any tears even left, but I couldn’t believe that Skye was actually getting married. It was just yester
day that we were going out together to pick up guys to bring them home and now here we were growing up falling in love and in my case, falling apart. But, I was so happy for Skye, she did love Jayson and I knew she was going to pick someone who could not only put up with her, but love her deeply.
“I love you!” I exclaimed grabbing her by her shoulders and wrapping her small frame in a huge hug. “Am I at least going to be a bridesmaid?”
“Well, I was hoping that maybe you would be my maid of honor?” she squeaked out through my shoulders.
I unpeeled myself from her and looked at her with shock. I honestly hadn’t thought that she would ask me to be her maid of honor, knowing she had a ton of sorority sisters and other friends, so I was elated she had asked. For that moment, I was truly happy for Skye, completely forgetting about my morning with Ryder, but once his name crossed my head, those thoughts rushed again leaving the hole gapping open.
“Of course I will be your maid of honor, I am tickled you asked me Skye.”
“You’re so lame, of course I was going to ask you! Who else would I have?”
“How did he propose to you?” I asked curiously.
“We were laying down in bed after making the best love we had ever made.”
“Eww!” I teased making a scrunched up face with my nose.
“Shh,” she said, “So, we had just been together and we were naked and raw in bed. He jumped up, pulled on a pair of boxers and got down on one knee after grabbing something from his pocket. He asked me if I would spend the rest of his life together with him, while I was still lying in bed. He promised he would take care of me like I deserved and he would never abandon me like my parents did.” She started tearing up thinking of the night.
“That is so sweet.” I was shocked with nothing more I could say.
“I know, it was the best thing that has ever happened to me Harper.”