by V. Murphy
“Sometimes the best things in life are the hardest obstacles to overcome. Go out and beat that obstacle Harper.”
I hesitated for a moment, but once everything sunk in, I actually smiled. An unconscious act, that paralyzed me for a second while realizing what I was doing. I get it now. Life isn’t about the moments that people take away from us; it’s about the moments we make for ourselves.
I could go to Seattle and leave Skye, Rita and the rest of my life here. That is something that would be the easier road to travel, but sometimes making that tough choice is worth all the sacrifices. I want to see Skye get married and plan her wedding with her.
“There are plenty of fish in the sea,” Rita said as if she read my thoughts.
“You’re right,” I exclaimed, “ I can’t leave Rita. I don’t want to leave. It would be unfair to myself, to Skye and to everything I worked for here.”
“Exactly,” she said enveloping me in a hug. “You go talk to that boy Harper, he don’t mean no harm to you. I think he may even love you,” she said with a wink.
If we are doing this whole take the hard road, it was only fair that I gave Ryder a chance to just talk. If nothing came out of the situation, there was closure knowing he was really an ass. Closure from letting myself go with someone and then getting hurt again. There was always going to be someone who will hurt you, it’s more about how you get up and move on from that pain.
What I was doing wasn’t moving on, it was ignoring the pain suffering from irreparable numbness. A solution that wasn’t solving any answers to my problem, but rather just increasing the problems I was creating for myself.
“Okay, I will.”
“What are you waiting for?” she asked.
I looked around the store, not sure if that was a trick question or not.
“The end of the day?” I wondered out loud.
“You go now! Come back tomorrow with the details. And girl, you better come back,” she said ushering me out the door and locking it behind her.
I grabbed my phone and sent a quick text to Ryder telling him to meet me at my place so we could talk.
As I drove down the interstate, I imagined so many different scenarios for this, but nothing that was happening right now. This was a new Harper--changed Harper--a change that was made for the better.
Chapter 13
As I pulled into my apartment complex, I saw Ryder’s car in the visitors spot. I was surprised he beat me there; I lived rather close to Rita’s shop. I pulled my car into my assigned spot and slowly walked towards him.
Before I reached him, I smoothed out my top and made sure my jeans were properly fastened and zipped. I sighed, knowing that this conversation could make or break how I felt. This whole being brave thing was new to me and I wasn’t sure if I was completely ready for it.
I spotted Ryder standing in front of my door in a pair of dark denim jeans and a v-neck black t-shirt. His hands were forced into his front pockets and he was pacing outside my door, stopping to tap on it every few seconds.
I sighed, knowing this was just an act he was displaying because his real truth was covered up in the woman in the coffee shop.
As I approached and he saw me, his face was broken down and his eyes were large with deep black bags under them. His hair was unwashed and unkempt which was out of the ordinary from his normally slicked back black hair. He looked awful and his aqua blue eyes were tinged darker with a heavy sadness. It looked like he had been crying for most of the night. I didn’t understand why he would care this much if he already was involved in another woman?
“Harper, shit Harper, I am so happy you’re here and you texted me. I can explain I swear…” I cut him off sending my pointer finger to his lips, barely touching his chapped lips with my finger and sending him the universal sign to be quiet.
I shuffled the keys on my key chain and found the one for my apartment as I opened it up and let him in.
“Now you can explain,” I said motioning to the couch to sit down, wanting to sound as formal as I possibly can so he can’t detect any weakness in my voice.
“Harper,” his voice was weak and desperate as he shifted nervously in the chair trying to clamor to where I was on the other side of the couch, “I swear to you I never meant to hurt you.”
“I told you this would happen. I am only here because of Rita I might add.”
“Bless her right now because I have so much to explain to you.” His voice reeked of solid desperation and his body continued to shift painfully in his seat.
“Start by explaining why you did everything you said you wouldn’t.. Explain why you let me open up to you, listening to my story, then proceeded to fuck me and make me think you actually cared. Then you left the next morning with no note or anything.”
“I didn’t mean to, I was sitting there and heard my phone buzzing and I had to get it. Evelyn was in the hospital and I had to go to her. You are my everything Harper Mae, but Evelyn is my heart and soul. She is my family.”
“That fucking blonde sitting at the café? If it was so important with her why were you both sitting at the coffee shop?!” I screamed at him, my blood boiling into spilling out of my body and I felt like I was about to snap at him.
“I was going to call you after work Harper. The woman you saw wasn’t Evelyn. I know what you saw is bad, really bad but I didn’t kiss her back. I promise you this Harper; I am in love with you. I love the way you look at me with those beautiful brown eyes with passion ignited. I love the way your smile sending me chills through the deepest parts of my body and down my spine. I love the way you look so nervous when you first see me, but the moment I come around it’s like your heart visually melts around you and you open up. It’s like seeing a new world around me when I’m with you Harper.” His voice was breathless and almost silent but lilted with anguish.
My body froze in place as if I was stuck in some sort of ice block for years. I had never heard anyone confess something so powerful to me, but I was confused. If he felt like this, why didn’t he show it? I was distressed unsure of what I should be feeling or doing at this moment. No one has ever told me they loved me before, not even Tye. We both sort of assumed it or said it casually in conversation, but never confessed it to each other in an intimate moment like this.
How did I feel about him? That was the most confused part of this whole thing. I was in love with Ryder Andrew Kent. I wanted him to engulf my heart. I wanted him to love me every way possible for every second of my remaining life. I was totally and completely head over heels in love with Ryder.
I echoed Rita in the back of my head. This was one of those crossroads I was forced to be put in and maybe I put myself in it, but I wanted to get answers. I could take the easy road and just throw Ryder out right here and right now vowing never to see him again and ignoring him. Or, I could take the harder road and work through this problem and listen to him explain who Evelyn is and what happened with that blonde woman. After briefly weighing the pros and cons, it didn’t seem to be a tough decision.
“You have to tell me everything Ryder,” I said as stoic as possible, but letting some weakness seep through the words.
“I will, I swear to you I will do anything possible,” he cried, “can I please come sit next to you and I’ll tell you everything.”
It was secretly kind of adorable to see him this nervous around me, not wanting to even come close to me. I felt like a horrible person, but I sort of liked when he begged; it was kind of sexy.
“Sure,” I said as he moved closer towards me on the couch. Barely centimeters away from me, I felt the heat grow in my core as his arm slowly touched the top of my knees. I looked up and was greeted by his ocean blue eyes, which was much better than the deeper blue from earlier.
“Before you interrupt me or say anything, let me get this all out. It’s difficult for me to explain and I couldn’t tell you any of this earlier because I wanted you to get to know me for who I am and not for what I have done.”
&nbs
p; “Okay…” I declared waiting for him to continue.
He took a couple deep breaths in and looked visually nervous as he circled his thumbs tightly around my knees. His hands braced on my skin roughly, clinging to me as if I was going to run away from him. His heart was racing which was clear from his frantic tapping of his foot.
“I have to start at the beginning, is that okay?” he asked hesitantly. He appeared almost as nervous as I was the night before, if not more when I was telling my story of my past. We both had deep secrets and finally when they were coming to surface it felt like an exhilarating nervous fear.
“Go ahead. I am right here,” I prompted urging him to continue trying to provide support for him.
“Remember how I told you I kind of liked to sleep around when I was in college? I did, but I never told you that I had a girlfriend all those years. I was a horrible boyfriend to her I know now. She was someone I had known from home and our parents were good friends. It was kind of like we were meant to be together and our future marriage was already planned when we were only two years old. Her family came from old money as well and had made money off the hotel business.”
I interrupted, even though I was told not to, but I wanted to know her name desperately.
“What was her name?” I asked.
“Kylee. I did love her, but I was never in love with her. I wanted other people and other things. I felt like I was on top of the world where my career was just starting. A career that was always in the limelight with people and I sort of loved it. When I decided to choose football, she sided with my parents, telling me that it was a waste of time. She told me I would surmount to nothing in life.” His voice was bitter and he paused remembering the time where his parents chose their reputation and lives over the happiness of their own son. I felt terrible for him and wanted to hold him, forgetting about the instances of earlier. I let him continue, baring his soul to me, opening up like I opened up to him.
“Kylee let me cheat on her, telling me it was just getting my willies out for when we were married and I never understood that. The fucked up part is that Kylee and I would sleep together too. She was a beautiful woman and will always be in my life in one way or another, but I was never in love with her, Harper. I didn’t know what love felt like until I met you that day at the coffee shop.” His eyes started to water and tears threatened to fall. His hand moved from my knee and fell on my holding my hands with tightness, sending a shiver through my spine at this agonizing act.
“It was our junior year of college, the day after the game, Kylee and I slept together the last time. I couldn’t pick up anyone from the bars, but I needed to celebrate the high of just getting picked up by an NFL team. It was horrible. We were so awkward together but I needed to pound off the energy I had so I thrust into her without thinking about birth control. Normally we used condoms, but when she got on the birth control pill we stopped, so I thought it was safe. She never said anything.”
Tears welled down his cheeks now and it killed me not to just go up to him and give him a huge hug, comforting and telling him that everything was okay. I knew where this story was going; it happened to guys all over the place and shock was still surrounding me, but I continued to listen thinking maybe something else happened. I couldn’t be right.
“Three months later, she came to me when I was training for the NFL and told me she was pregnant. I shook her off, not believing her bullshit. She came back that night and showed me the ultrasound, but I didn’t believe I could be the father, so we went to the clinic to get a DNA test. I didn’t speak to her until the DNA test came back positive that I was the match for the father. My world broke around me and that night I was suppose to play my first NFL game.” I was completely in awe, knowing now the reason why he ruined his career is because he was distracted by the news he was going to be a dad. A dad. Oh my god.
“So as you probably have already put together, I was completely distracted during the game and landed on the bottom of a man pile where my knee was completely fucked up. I ruined my career and Kylee had her way. So, at what I thought was the right thing to do...I married her so we could have a family. I married her so that she wouldn’t have to raise our daughter alone. I wanted to prove to her and to the rest of the world I could be the dad they thought I was incapable of being. I thought it was the right thing to do.” He mumbled with his head hung low in shame.
MARRIED!? I am not sure if I heard that right. HE WAS MARRIED? Is he still married? I cannot seem to wrap my head around any of this. I was going nowhere, but my thoughts were racing a mile a minute. I had a blank expression plastered across my face for fear he may see me freaking out.
“You’re oddly calm,” he muttered.
“I am just taking this all in,” I tried to blurt out.
“Should I continue?” he asked hesitantly, still not looking up at me.
“Yes, please,” I begged.
“I’m not married anymore. I got divorced, but that’s jumping ahead. I found out she was pregnant and we got married in a quick ceremony in Texas. Our marriage was a sham though and I continued to sleep with women on the side. I was horrible but I didn’t know how to become a father. When I told her I was moving to California, she wanted to come with after she had the baby, so nine-ish months passed and that’s when my beautiful daughter, Evelyn, was born.”
Oh.
My.
God.
Evelyn is his daughter! That explains so much and so little at the same time. If he has a daughter, then the women he was with at the coffee shop must be Kylee, his ex-wife. Why were they kissing though? How could I trust someone who admits they slept around with their pregnant wife not to sleep around with me?
I had so many questions I couldn’t bear to begin to ask, so I sat there in stunned shocked waiting for him to continue with his story. His head raised slightly, but still hung low in shame, glancing at my face but I tried to remain as oblivious to any other emotions as possible.
“I can remember the day like it was the back of my hand. She was in labor for twelve hours and I sat by her side the entire time. I was freaking out unsure if I was going to be any good at this whole fatherhood thing. When it was finally time to push, our beautiful baby girl came out screaming and kicking. It was truly the most humbling experience of my life. To see something that you created and that is part of who you are as a person completely changed me. I started acting right by my daughter, for the sake of my daughter. The first thing I did was ask Kylee for a divorce. It wasn’t fair that I was with someone because of my child. I was miserable and even Kylee was tired of putting up with my antics just to please her parents. At that point, we both were in San Diego and for the sake of Evelyn, we both decided to stay here.”
My mouth was frozen in place forming a large O. I wasn’t sure of how I was suppose to act knowing that not only has Ryder been married before, but he has a daughter. I loved kids sure, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to be a step-parent and that’s the road I would take if I was going to be involved with Ryder.
“So, the woman that I saw in the coffee shop was Kylee?” I asked trying to put the pieces together.
“Yes. And what you saw, what with Kylee kissing me meant nothing to me. She was telling me that she was still in love with me and had made the mistake of letting me go, but I am over her and I was trying to tell her that gently. She will always be in my life but only because of Evelyn. I don’t want any other woman by my side but you Harper.”
“Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?”
“Because I was scared damn it. I was scared that you would think because I cheated on Kylee and I was a horrible person to her that I would do the same thing to you. Kylee and I have been over for a long time and we should have ended things in high school. She tricked me to thinking she was on birth control when we had sex. She told me she wanted to have a baby and knew I was the only person her parents would approve of. She was obsessed with me. I tried for so long to change, but Evelyn was the only
person that had the ability to change me, until I met you. Harper Mae, I would do anything to make you happy.” The small trickles of tears that pricked his face turned into a slow stream, which opened the floodgates.
I have never seen a man cry for me. Tye just ratted me out and took the easy path, but what Ryder did took courage.
“When I raced off the other morning from the hotel, it wasn’t because I hated what you told me or I was scared of you. I had to get to the hospital because Evelyn had an asthma attack and I had to go be by her side. I am sorry I forgot to write you a note; it wasn’t my intention to leave you that morning. I desperately wanted to show you that I could be the man you need. I still want to show you that I am here to stay with you for the rest of my life. I will always be by you Harper.”
“I meant when I said I loved you.” He throttled with tears streaming down his face in rapid succession.
There was something deep down inside of me that still wanted to run away; away from these problems that were plaguing my life, but there stood a man in front of me baring his soul and opening up a new world for me. I wanted to cling to him and tell him everything was going to be okay. I wanted to make love to him and hold him throughout the night. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with a man who knew all my secrets and still wanted to be with me. I wanted to tell him I loved every single ounce of him including his past. I wanted to meet his daughter and get to know her and let him understand that everything was going to be alright.
“I love you too,” I murmured into his ear just as he grabbed my face and planted his plush lips into mine tenderly.
Chapter 14
“Oh thank you Harper,” he cried breaking his lips free from mine. I gently wiped away the tears that continued to pour down his face.
“I want you to make love to me. Now,” I commanded with gentle passion.
His lips fell against mine gently parting them while slipping his tongue delicately into my mouth. He was sipping for passion as his hands explored their way through my hair delicately smoothing out the knots.