“I told him he was a fool a few times, but you’re right, I never gave him the kind of grief I’ve given you.”
They’d both stopped walking and were facing each other on the sidewalk, blind and deaf to everything except their conversation. Her father looked away, trying to gather his thoughts, and his eyes were watery with emotion when they met hers again.
“The thing is, you’re my baby girl, CJ. From the moment you were born, it’s been my job to protect you. I know you’re tough and smart. I know you can ride. But the thought of you getting hurt… It undoes me. It really does. And I know that’s not politically correct to admit, because girls are supposed to be the same as boys these days, but it’s the way I feel.”
CJ could feel her own eyes getting hot with unshed tears. Her father almost never talked about his feelings. He told her he loved her on special occasions, and he showed her his love in ways small and large every day, but he didn’t often open up and share himself the way he was right now. And even though she was frustrated by the way he’d handled his fear, she understood it, too.
She wished he hadn’t allowed it to come between them, but she understood it.
“I get it,” she said when she could trust herself to talk. “I really wish you’d just talked to me about it, but I get it.”
“Like I said yesterday, I’ve been an old fool. But I want you to know, I did try to get over it. Made myself watch those first rides you did when you were trying to earn your pro ticket. First time I had to go lose my lunch behind the outhouse. Second time I thought I was going to have a heart attack.”
“Dad…” CJ didn’t know what to say. She’d had no idea he was so affected by her riding. She’d thought he’d stopped coming to watch her because he didn’t approve.
“Watching you drive away on Friday, knowing you were heading off to your first pro event without the support you deserved…that was almost as bad. Along with knowing that your mother has felt so torn between us.”
CJ nodded in acknowledgment. Her mother had been so unhappy, being caught between them. She’d always listened on the rare occasions when CJ railed against her father’s apparently conservative response to her desire to ride saddle bronc, but she’d never given any hint that there was more to the situation than CJ understood. Her silence made perfect sense now—she would consider anything else a betrayal of CJ’s father’s confidence.
“So what made you change your mind?” CJ asked, because she still didn’t understand what had shifted.
“After you spoke to your mother yesterday, she drove out to where I was working. When she told me how well you’d done, I didn’t know what to do with myself, I was that proud. And then your mother floored me by saying it was time for me to make a decision between being afraid for you and proud of you. She told me we’d raised you to be brave, and that meant we had to be brave, too. And I knew she was right. So we got in the car and we drove half the night to get here.”
CJ sniffed back a rush of tears. “I’m glad you came,” she said, then she threw her arms around her father and held on with everything she had.
“I’m sorry for making you afraid for me,” she said. There was a part of her—the dutiful daughter, the good girl—who wanted to offer to bow out, to back away from the ambition that was causing her father so much angst. But she knew if she did that, she’d be betraying herself, and that she’d eventually come to resent him for hobbling her dream.
Riding pro rodeo was dangerous. It might even be reckless and foolish—but she loved it. The challenge of it was unmatched by anything else in her life, and she wasn’t ready to give it up.
“I don’t want you to change who you are,” her father said, his voice thick with emotion. “You’re a wonder to me, and I’m that proud of you.”
They stood locked together for long moments, then finally CJ sniffed and lifted her head, and her father let his arms drop to his sides. The sight of her father’s tear-streaked face nearly set CJ off again, but she blinked hard and after a second she held out her hand.
“Hand over your handkerchief. I know you’ve got one,” she said.
He huffed out a laugh and handed over the folded cotton square, and she blotted his face dry, then mopped up her own cheeks.
“Well. This has turned into quite the breakfast meeting,” she said.
“Your mother will be feeling pretty proud of herself, I’m guessing,” he said.
CJ laughed. “Oh yeah, she is going to be smug.”
They turned around and started walking back to the car and this time the silence between them was warm and expansive, filled with a new understanding.
Sure enough, her mother was waiting at the car. Her sharp gaze took in their tear-blotched faces for a moment before she smiled.
“Thank God, and about time.”
*
Jesse started coffee and had breakfast after CJ left. He was washing his cereal bowl when Jed entered, already dressed for work.
“Good timing, just about to pour coffee,” Jesse said.
“Make it a large one, thanks,” Jed said.
Jesse poured them both a cup and propped his hip against the sink while he took his first mouthful.
Jed grabbed the bread from the pantry and fed two slices into the toaster. “I’m heading into town for the fencing supplies now, if you want to come along for the ride?”
“Sure thing,” Jesse said. Then he cleared his throat. “I asked CJ to stay on for the week in the Airstream. Hope that won’t be a problem for anyone.”
Jed’s hands stilled momentarily on the peanut butter jar, the only sign he was surprised by Jesse’s announcement. “Don’t see why it would be.”
“Figured she could help with the fencing, too. Always good to have another pair of hands, get things done faster.”
Jed frowned, his face suddenly looking tight and hard. Then he nodded, and turned away to open the fridge. “Sounds good.”
Jesse stared at his brother’s back. “If that’s a problem, just say so.”
“Not a problem. Like you said, extra pair of hands is always welcome. Hope she’s happy to take ranch hand wages.”
Jesse let out a small, frustrated sigh. “I’m sure she will be.”
Something had just happened with Jed, but getting anything out of his taciturn brother was like pulling teeth. What more could he do, though, other than ask directly if something was up?
“Is there time for me to shower before we head into town?”
“Go for it. I’ve got some paperwork I need to get on top of in the office, anyway,” Jed said.
Jesse had a quick shower and shave, then dressed in work clothes. He was pulling on his steel-toed work boots when his sister stuck her head in the door.
“What’s this I hear about CJ staying for the week?”
Jesse stood and adjusted his belt. “Yep. I invited her to stay, and she said yes. She’s going to help with the fencing.”
Sierra frowned. “Please tell me that’s not how you asked her.” She lowered her voice and put a dopey look on her face. “‘Come and help us do some fencing, it’ll be awesome.’”
“If that was supposed to be an impression of me, it needs some work,” he said. “I would never say awesome.”
“At least you have good taste in women. I’ll give you that. Bit worried about CJ’s taste, though.”
He grabbed his wet towel off the bed and threw it at her, but she dodged into the hallway.
“Missed,” she called.
“Meant to,” he yelled back.
Her derisive laughter echoed down the hallway.
He went looking for Jed then, and found his brother in his office, frowning intently at what looked like a spreadsheet.
“Ready when you are,” Jesse said, noticing that his brother was quick to hit the button to minimize the screen.
The furtiveness was so unlike Jed that Jesse stepped further into the room.
Originally their father’s office, the room had been Jed’s space for many yea
rs now, yet still remained essentially the same: old wooden desk on one wall, battered bookcase against the opposite wall, and an office chair with cracked leather upholstery.
He could remember his father sitting in that chair, bitching about having to do paperwork. From the looks of things, Jed didn’t love doing it, either.
“What you up to?” he asked.
“Just going over projections for the next six months.”
His brother wasn’t a liar, so Jesse figured that was probably the truth. So why the haste to minimize the screen?
“Better get going or we’ll lose half the day,” Jed said, pushing to his feet.
Jesse had no choice but to step back and follow him out of the room.
The trip into town was uneventful enough. Jesse trailed his brother around Big Z’s Hardware, acting like a pack mule when required. To say his brother was pumped when he discovered fencing wire was on special was an understatement—Jed talked about it for most of the drive back out to the ranch.
Jesse’s spine straightened when he saw CJ’s truck parked behind his as they arrived home. He craned his head, looking for her, and was rewarded when Sierra came out of the barn with CJ in tow.
“Hey,” he said as he climbed from the truck.
She was wearing a pair of faded jeans, a green and black plaid work shirt and well-worn boots. She even had a pair of leather work gloves tucked into her front pocket.
Ready to dive right in. No surprises there.
“We already fueled the four-wheeler and hitched the trailer up,” Sierra said. “Casey’s saddling up Pedro, Meteor, Gem and Major.”
“Great. Good to see you, CJ,” Jed said, tipping his hat to her.
She ducked her head in acknowledgment. “You, too. Thanks for allowing me to stay again. Hopefully I won’t slow you down too much.”
Jed laughed. “From what I’ve seen, I bet we’ll be struggling to keep up with you.”
Jesse’s hands twitched at his sides, eager to touch her again. If she was his girlfriend, he wouldn’t hesitate to kiss her hello, but what they had between them was far less defined than that. They were lovers, but there’d been no talk of tomorrow. And CJ had been up-front about her desire to keep their situation under the radar.
So what did that make them? A fling? An affair?
Something like that, he figured, even though none of those words felt exactly right.
“I’ll go make some sandwiches for lunch,” Sierra said. “Give me ten and we can hit the road.”
CJ pitched in to help unload the pickup, transferring the supplies to the trailer on the four-wheeler. Then Jed started loading up the rest of the equipment they’d need—a robust cordless drill with a wicked-looking oversized drill bit, pliers, tensioners, a couple of sledgehammers. Jesse watched the pile grow with a frown.
“Thought we were just redoing some fence?” he said.
“Upgrading it,” Jed corrected. “Deer and elk numbers have been through the roof last couple of years. We’ve lost so much feed to them it isn’t funny, not to mention the risk of brucellosis transmission. The current fences are next to useless at stopping them, but it’d cost more than we can afford to replace ’em all with deer-proof fencing. So we’re modifying it, bit by bit. Using the rebar to add height to the existing posts, running the mesh in between.”
“Huh,” Jesse said. “Smart plan.”
Jed flashed him a quick grin. “Carmodys are good improvisers.”
Jesse recognized the saying as one of his father’s and felt a bittersweet pang, followed by the usual lash of guilt. If fate hadn’t intervened, his father would be here right now, loading up the trailer alongside them.
Casey led his and Jed’s horses out of the barn then, both of them Appaloosas bred from their own stock.
“You want to grab Major and Gem?” he asked.
“On it,” Jesse said.
CJ followed him inside to help with the second horse.
“What were you thinking about back then, when you were talking to your brother?” she asked as she led Gem from her stall. “You looked so sad.”
“Did I?”
“Yeah. Sad and angry at the same time.”
“That was Dad’s saying, the thing about Carmodys being good improvisers.”
CJ nodded, then ran a gentle hand down Gem’s nose.
“How’d things go with your folks this morning?” he asked.
Partly to change the subject, but also because he genuinely wanted to know.
She smiled, her eyes lighting up. “Really well, actually. Dad and I talked.”
“Take it it was a good talk?”
“Yeah. It was. I’ll bore you with the details later if you’re interested.”
“I’m interested.”
She looked so happy, as though a weight had been lifted. He stepped closer, claiming her pretty pink mouth in an impulsive kiss. She opened to him straight away, and he felt the instant rush of heat and want he always experienced when he touched her.
“We ready to rock and roll?” Sierra called from the front of the barn, and CJ broke their kiss.
“Probably just as well,” she said quietly, and he laughed.
She was right—five more seconds and he would have forgotten the obligations of the day.
“Come on, then, Ms. Cooper. Let’s go mend some fences.”
Chapter Fifteen
Casey took the wheel of the four-wheeler, which left CJ to ride his gelding, Meteor, with Jed on Pedro, Sierra on Gem and Jesse mounted on Major. It took them half an hour to reach the section of fence Jed wanted to tackle, and once they’d unloaded the trailer they set to work.
It had been a while since Jesse had pitched in with his siblings, but he was surprised how easy it felt, how natural. There was some mandatory swearing and shit-giving when things went wrong, but lots of laughter, too. And it was hard to overstate the pleasure of looking up from his work and seeing CJ hard at it nearby, more than holding her own.
By lunchtime they had a good stretch of newly extended fence behind them, and they sat down among the tools and supplies to eat the sandwiches Sierra had made, feeling as though they’d well and truly earned their meal break.
“Rate we’re going, we’re going to need another trip into town for supplies again tomorrow,” Jed said, and Jesse could see the satisfaction in his eyes.
“Exactly how much feed did we lose to deer and elk this year anyway?” he asked.
The invoice for the fencing materials they’d bought today had been several hundred dollars, and they had miles of fencing to upgrade, which meant Jed hadn’t undertaken this project lightly.
“Enough,” Jed said grimly. “Too much.”
“Sometimes we’ve had to do two or three times the feed drops we would normally,” Casey said. “Not sure why deer and elk numbers are so high the past few seasons, but they’ve been causing problems all over. Couple of ranches down south had to cull and quarantine after their herds tested positive for brucellosis.”
“How much of the fencing have you managed to upgrade?” Jesse asked.
“Maybe forty percent. Got to fit it in when we have time. And even though it’s less expensive than replacing the fencing entirely, it’s still not cheap,” Jed said.
“Yeah, I noticed that,” Jesse said.
CJ stood, dusting off the seat of her jeans. “I’m going to go see what’s over that hill,” she said. “Stretch my legs a bit.”
“Good idea. I’ll come with you,” Jesse said, because working alongside her all morning and not touching her had been its own special form of torture.
As they started up the hill, CJ shot him an amused look. “You know going for a walk was code for ‘I need to pee,’ right?”
He laughed. He’d been too busy plotting to get her alone to read an ulterior motive into her words. “Guess we’d better hope there’s some good brush over the other side of this hill, then.”
Sure enough, there was a small stand of trees and brush halfway down the slope
on the other side. Jesse turned his back and whistled to himself while CJ disappeared.
“Better?” he asked when she rejoined him.
“Definitely.”
He studied her face, noting her nose was a little pink from the sun.
“Better put some lotion on that nose when we get back.”
“Yes, Mom,” she said.
“You coping okay with the workload? Just shout out if you can’t keep up,” he said.
Because she wasn’t the only one who could be provocative.
She shot him a scornful look. “What do I look like, some kind of wimp?”
He gave her a slow head-to-toe, lingering in all the good places. “Not even close. Tell me—that bit of black lace I keep seeing when you bend over—that your bra?”
She tilted her head, a challenging glint in her eye. “You been checking me out, Carmody?”
“Every chance I get.” He stepped closer, and she held her ground as he reached out and hooked a finger into the neckline of her shirt, tugging it out so he could get a good look down her top. He was rewarded by the sight of her full breasts clad in black lace and nearly transparent mesh, the pink of her nipples visible through the fine fabric.
“Jesus,” he said. “You have any idea how hot that is?”
“Some idea, yeah,” she said, laughter in her voice.
He dipped his hand inside her shirt, tracing the edge of the bra along the curve of her breast. “Were you thinking of me when you put this on this morning?”
Her eyelids dropped down over her eyes for a moment. “Maybe.”
He glided his finger down over her nipple, flicking it lightly until it beaded into hardness. “Only maybe?”
Her mouth parted on the smallest of gasps. “Yes. Yes I was thinking of you.”
He closed the distance between them, kissing her, his hand fully inside her shirt now, her breast heavy in his hand. He was contemplating urging her into the trees when he heard Casey’s laughter from the other side of the hill and remembered where they were.
CJ looked flatteringly dazed when he pulled back. He huffed out a laugh and reached out to straighten her shirt. “Who knew I could ever forget my family was around?”
The Cowboy Meets His Match Page 19