My lips tingle and butterflies fight to escape from my stomach.
His finger slides off my lip. “Thursday.”
I smile. “Thursday.”
He bolts down the steps and turns around at the bottom and grins.
I watch him jog across the parking lot and out into the street until he disappears behind a tree line on the side of the road.
Time to face Caroline.
She’s waiting when I open the door, excitement on her face. “Well?”
“It was nice.” I avoid looking at her.
“Nice? I need details.”
Heaving a sigh, I take off my coat. “We went to the movie, and we talked.”
Her perfectly tweezed eyebrow lifts. “And?”
“If you’re asking if he kissed me, the answer is yes.”
“And?”
“And what?” I know what she wants, but I’m sure she won’t like my answer.
“Scarlett!”
I shrug. “It was nice.”
She flops on the sofa, crossing her legs. “Again with the nice.”
I sit on the arm of the chair. “What do you want me to say, Caroline? He’s a nice guy. We had a nice time. It wasn’t spectacular. It wasn’t love at first sight. It was…nice.”
She scowls. “I don’t think you’re giving him a chance.”
My mouth drops open.
She leans forward, earnestness in her eyes. “He’s a great guy, Scarlett! He’s cute. He’s funny.”
“I don’t know.” I was confused before Tucker showed up. I’m even more confused now.
“Scar, this was one date. I know you. Give it a chance.”
I cock my head. “What are you saying?”
“I know how you are. You get nervous, and you blush, and you don’t talk. It’s hard for you to open up to people. It’s just going to take you some time to get used to him. He did ask you out again, right?”
Even though her advice is sound, I just don’t see Daniel and me working out. Even if Tucker hadn’t come over tonight. But I don’t feel like arguing about it. “I’ll think about it.”
“Good.” She reaches for my hand and pats it. “Things will smooth out. I promise. When are you going out again?”
“Friday.”
She smiles. “Plenty of time to get yourself ready. Maybe you can practice some of your guided imagery stuff.”
“Maybe.” I want to cry, and I’m not even sure why.
“I love you, Scarlett. I just want you to be happy.”
I give her a hug, then stand. “I’m tired. I’m going to bed.”
“Night.”
I get ready for bed, ignoring the sorrow that expands inside my chest, choking off my air. I lay down on the bed and tears burn my eyes until I can’t hold them in any longer. They stream down my face, dripping on my pillow.
The pillow Tucker slept on.
Three different battles wage on three fronts. Daniel, Caroline, and Tucker.
I wonder if my expectations of Daniel are too great. That I’ve seen too many rom-coms that set unrealistic expectations that no relationship could ever live up to. Did I overreact to his comments, especially since he apologized multiple times?
Part of me wonders if Caroline is right and maybe I’m not giving Daniel a chance. I have to admit that I let him do most of the talking. And he does seem like a nice guy. A normal guy. Not like the guys Momma brought home every few months. That has to count for something.
Finally, Tucker.
He stirs emotions in me that I don’t want to dredge up, yet when he touches me, all anxiety flees. When he looks at me, it’s not with pity or disgust. It’s with respect and something more. He really sees the real me, not the façade I wear to get through the day.
Why did he come over? Had he been jogging past my apartment building? There’s no way he could have seen me from the road. He had to have come with the purpose of seeing me.
One thing’s for certain. Caroline doesn’t approve of anything with Tucker, simple friendship included.
***
Daniel is waiting for me after class the next day. I didn’t get much sleep the night before, and I’m tired and cranky. I’m definitely not in the mood to tiptoe around Daniel.
He’s leaning against the wall again, and he moves toward me, looking unsure that I’ll welcome him. “Hey, Scarlett.” He gestures toward the door. “How was your class?”
I adjust the strap of my bag on my shoulder. “It was good.”
“Do you have time to grab a coffee?”
We both know the question isn’t do I have the time, but will I agree to it.
I’m tense enough with the test looming on Friday, I’m not sure I need this aggravation. I brush the back of my hand against my forehead. “I really need to study.”
His mouth purses. “It’s only twenty minutes. Then you’ll have an hour before Arabic.”
I’m irritated that he’s trying to arrange my study time, but he’s right. It’s only twenty minutes out of the seven hours I estimate that I have left to study. “Okay.”
He grins, looking so happy that I feel guilty for almost telling him no.
Daniel talks about the movie on the way to The Higher Ground. Since I didn’t notice most of it, I have little to contribute, not that he seems to notice. I could be offended by this but instead see it as a relief. I’m not required to carry much of the conversation.
He remembers how I take my coffee—medium roast, room for cream and sugar—and orders mine with his. That’s thoughtful, right? Is it wrong that I have to ask myself?
We sit at a table by the window, and I see Tucker walking across the campus. He’s with a group of people, and he’s in the center. I recognize two of the guys from the party a couple of weeks ago. My heart seizes when I realize they are coming to The Higher Ground. What will he think about me sitting with Daniel? Then again, maybe he’ll be happy. He was the one who encouraged me to date him.
My frustration mushrooms. This is why I need rules. I know he cares something about me, but I can’t help thinking it’s more than just friendship. He never told me why he came over last night, and his comforting seemed to be more than that of just a friend.
Life is so freaking complicated. People make it even more so. Why can’t they just follow rules?
Daniel has stopped talking. His face is expressionless as he watches me, and I wonder what I’ve done or missed. A quick mental inventory reveals only one thing—my attention is at the door where Tucker came in, my gaze fixed on his group. My chest locks down, and I push against the panic that fills my head.
Why am I freaking out?
“You don’t have a thing for Tucker Price, huh?” Daniel asks, his voice cold.
Tucker’s face looks up from the pastry case at the sound of his name. His eyes widen when he sees me.
“Daniel,” I say as calmly as possible, willing my racing heart to slow down. “You know I tutor him.”
“Does that mean you have to check him out the minute he walks in the door?” he asks in a hateful tone. “I see the look on your face, Scarlett. You have a thing for Tucker Price just like every other slut in this school.”
Tucker’s face contorts into an expression I’ve never seen him wear. Cold rage. He’s next to our table in two seconds, looking at Daniel through narrowed eyes. “Is there a problem here, Bailey?”
Daniel stands and grabs his backpack. “I don’t see how it’s any of your fucking business.”
“It became my business when you brought my name into it.”
I’m in the middle of a nightmare. It has to be, because there’s no way I could be caught in something like this in real life.
Daniel shakes his head with a sneer. “So what? You’re an attention whore. You should love that I’m throwing your name around.”
Tucker’s jaw clenches. “I don’t give a fuck if you talk about me. But I do give a fuck how you’re talking to Scarlett.”
Disbelief sweeps across Daniel’s face. “You�
�ve got to be shitting me.” His gaze moves to me and back to Tucker. “You don’t think you fucked enough of the girls on campus? Now you’re going after the academic type? Or are you just interested in the girls I want to fuck?”
I don’t realize what’s happened until Daniel falls to the ground. He clutches his face as blood gushes from beneath his fingers. Tucker has just punched him.
Tucker leans over him and points. “If I ever hear you talking about Scarlett like that again, I’ll beat the living shit out of you. Got it?” His voice is cold and hard and scary.
Everyone stands around us in shock. Then their eyes turn to me.
I’m still in my seat, my mouth hanging open. My diaphragm is stuck, refusing to push up or pull in oxygen to fill my lungs.
Tucker’s face softens as he squats in front of me. “Let’s go.” He grabs my arm and pulls me up, picking up my bag with his other hand. Since my feet have forgotten how to move, he drags me outside and around the side of the building where the gawkers can’t see us. Pushing my back against the wall, he drops my bag to the ground and leans over into my face. “Scarlett, take a breath.”
I look up at him wide-eyed. My head is getting fuzzy.
He cups my jaw and his fingers softly stroke my cheek. “You’re safe now. No one is watching you. Just relax.”
His touch is magical because that’s the only explanation I can come up with that explains why my body responds to his commands. My lungs inflate as I close my eyes.
“I’m sorry.” His forehead leans against mine. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”
My eyelids flutter open to see despair on his face.
He lifts his head. “Has anyone else given you shit about tutoring me?” His voice is quiet, but there’s a hardness that tells me that he’s about to hunt people down if I say yes.
I shake my head. “No. Just Daniel.”
His eyes enlarge, and his words are tight. “Did you go on a date with him last night?”
“Tucker—”
“He’s the one who made you cry?” He starts to pull away from me, but I grab his arm.
“Tucker, please. Don’t.”
His expression softens. “I’m sorry, Scarlett. I was the one who forced you into this situation. I encouraged you to go out with him.”
“No. I decided to go out with him on my own.”
“I just want you to be happy.”
I gawk at him. He knows what will make me happy, yet he’s not interested.
“I feel like I’ve screwed up your life, barging in and forcing you to tutor me. I’m sorry.”
I shake my head. “I’m not sorry.”
“How can you say that?”
How do I answer him? I want to say that he makes me feel like maybe everything can be okay, as long as he’s with me. That he makes me realize things about myself I never considered before. That my short time with him makes me want to live my life, not just watch it pass by. But my tongue refuses to respond except for three little words. “I like you.”
His eyebrows lift, then he laughs softly. “I like you, too.” Then his laugh fades and his eyes darken. “I think I more than like you.”
“I more than like you, too.”
His hand returns to my cheek, tilting my face up to his. His eyes search mine. “I’m not good enough for you, Scarlett. You deserve a hell of a lot better than me and for sure a hell of a lot better than Daniel Bailey.”
“That’s for me to decide, not you.”
“I’ll hurt you, Scarlett. I hurt every single person who gets close to me. I always fuck it up.”
I think about what he just did to Daniel and how he makes me feel. “I’ll take my chances.”
He draws a ragged breath and looks like he’s in pain as he exhales. “If I kiss you now, I won’t be able to let you go, and you’ll end up hating me. Tell me to walk away right now before it’s too late. Tell me to leave you alone so you can have the life you deserve, Scarlett Goodwin, and not get stuck with a fuckup like me.” The agony on his face tells me he believes every word.
It makes me want him even more.
Chapter Sixteen
I reach my hand behind his head and pull his mouth to mine, but he stops millimeters away, his free hand moving up to cradle my other cheek.
“Tucker?”
He shakes his head. “I can’t, Scarlett. I can’t do this to you.”
He drops his hands, and squats to pick up my bag and put it in my hands.
“Thursday?” he asks, his eyes pleading with me.
My eyes brim with tears. He’s just turned me away, yet he expects me to still tutor him?
His hand caresses my cheek. “Scarlett, I don’t want to lose you by fucking up our friendship. I want you in my life, and if we do this, I will lose you. If that means showing some self-restraint for once in my goddamn life, then I will.” Both of his hands cup my cheeks. “You make me want to be a better person. This is me being a better person.”
I want to argue with him, but I see that this is killing him. He’s trying to protect me in his own mixed-up way.
I nod, a tear falling down my cheek.
His thumb brushes it away. “Thursday.” His voice is choked.
“Thursday,” I whisper.
He turns his back and walks away, toward the fitness center. I stand with my back against the wall for several minutes, trying to figure out what happened. And hoping he changes his mind and comes back, not that he does. He doesn’t look back, not even when he enters the building.
Was this some kind of elaborate joke? But even as the thought crosses my mind, I don’t believe it’s true. There was too much pain in his eyes. He truly believes he will end up hurting me.
Common sense tells me to run away from him, as far and as fast as I can. But two things keep me here.
He makes me believe I can be more than the me I am now.
And I like the Tucker he keeps hidden from the world.
When my legs finally stop shaking so that I can move, I check my phone and see I have only thirty minutes until Arabic class. And I still have to get lunch. My already frazzled brain is having a hard time accepting the fact that I’ve lost over an hour of studying time. There’s nothing I can do about that now.
At least I’m settled down enough to pay attention in Arabic, and I’m lucky when my instructor compliments my oral recitation. I’d planned to go over it one more time before class, and all the Daniel-Tucker nonsense made me completely forget.
Between my course load and my tutoring job, I have enough to fill most of the hours of the day. I should save dating for after college, once I’ve established my career. I’ve done just fine on own. There are no surprises when there’s just me. No pain and no heartache.
This may be true or not, but it’s what gets me through the next two hours without breaking into tears.
Well into my shift in the tutoring center, I’m helping a freshman with problems from algebra 101. The image of Tucker walking in weeks ago asking for help rushes into my head. Frustration and hurt bundle together in the pit of my stomach. I have to find a way to let this go. It’s not that he doesn’t want me—that has to count for something—it’s that he doesn’t want to lose me. I don’t want to lose him, either. I just need to find a way to keep these more-than-friendship feelings to myself.
I glance up surprised to see Jason, the guy who confronted Tucker at the gym, enter the math lab. I study him out of the corner of my eye. He’s dark-haired, dark-eyed, and wears nicer clothes than most college students. He walks in with an arrogant swagger, making him stand out from everyone else. Most students have reached a place of humility by the time they come to our center, accepting that they can’t do the work on their own and need help from someone else.
This guy looks like he wants to flip off the entire room.
His eyes are on me as he takes a seat against the wall. Tina walks over to him and sits in a chair next to him, but he keeps his attention on me, watching me with a calculatin
g stare. Tina doesn’t like what he says, getting up and mouthing sorry to me.
My heart skips a beat. Why is she sorry?
I keep the freshman for several problems longer than necessary, just to stall. It’s now apparent the guy, who’s attempting to kill me with hateful glares, is waiting to talk to me. Especially after one of the other tutors tries to help him, and Jason turns him away.
When the freshman finally packs up her books, Jason doesn’t waste time approaching me, moving next to the vacated chair.
“Scarlett Goodwin?”
“Yes.” I force air behind the word so I sound more confident than I feel.
“Is there someplace we can talk?” He looks around the room, wrinkling his nose. “Alone.”
My first thought is that it definitely hasn’t been my day to handle men. There’s no way I’m going somewhere alone with him.
“It’s a delicate topic. Regarding Tucker.”
Tucker. I can’t figure out why he wants to talk to me about Tucker. And I still don’t trust him enough to be alone with him. “Can this wait? I still have two hours left.”
“I’ve wasted enough of my time already. I’m fine discussing this here. I’m merely trying to shield you. Delicate topic, remember?”
My throat squeezes. I can’t imagine what this could be about, but I’ve had my fill of embarrassment for the day. “And who are you?”
“Jason Wallace.”
I wait for more explanation but none follows. There’s only one student waiting to be tutored and hopefully this won’t take long. I stand and take a deep breath, glancing over at Tina. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Tina’s jaw drops, but I ignore her as I follow Jason from the room into the hallway. He walks to the end, close to the stairwell and stops, putting his hands on his hips.
He doesn’t waste any time getting to the point. “You’re interfering with Tucker’s progress.”
The air sticks in my lungs. “What does this have to do with you?” I clip my words in annoyance.
“I’m his brother.”
Tucker’s last name is Price. Perhaps they are step- or half-brothers. Where does his brother Marcel fit in there? I blink. “I still don’t see how this concerns you.”
After Math Page 13