It’s not long after we get the party started that Roundman and Danza arrive with their women at their sides.
My woman, she’s giving the lead singer of some shit-ass band a good look down her cleavage. Where is the love? Where is the loyalty?
My anger boils.
Stepping out back, I go to the makeshift horseshoe area we have, throwing back a beer before picking up the metal set to toss. Slice comes over with another beer in his hand for me and the other set of shoes.
“You all right, brother?” he asks.
“Wanna fuckin’ cut the broad loose. Can’t seem to shake her, though. When it’s me and her, she’s a fuckin’ dream. The second there is anyone or anything else going on besides me being with her, then all hell breaks loose.”
Slice laughs as he tips his beer up.
Rocky strolls over, saying, “Pussy on the regular can’t be that bad, especially if she ain’t wantin’ the house, the kids, the fucking station wagon, and the dog.”
“Oh, but she is,” I reply, feeling the weight of my situation on me.
“Frisco!” Tilly calls out to me. “California kid, if you won’t love me right, this one will.”
Rage runs through me. I want to beat that fucker’s ass as my woman reaches up and grabs his dick. At the same time, I want to fuck her into oblivion so she will shut the hell up.
Everything happens in a blur, and before I realize it, I have beaten the hell out of the lead singer of the band. With blood on my knuckles, anger in my eyes, my brothers all at my back, Tilly looks at me with love.
“Shit’s fucked up, Tilly.”
“Choose me, Frisco.”
I shake my head, blood pouring from my busted lip. “Come again?”
“Choose me,” she whispers before she turns and walks away.
I let her go. Stupidly, I let her go.
With every fiber of my being, I know she wants me to follow her. I know she needs me to choose her over the mayhem of the night. I know her heart craves my attention. Everything inside me screams to follow that tail right out the doors and don’t look back.
After all, I am a man. We tend to get led around by our dicks. My dick knows that me throwing down for her ensures she’s going to ride me hard and long tonight.
The problem is that’s what she wants all the time. Everything is a choice: her pussy or …
Her pussy is tired. Her mouth is tired. I’m so sick of the break up to make up I can’t see straight.
What’s worse? My brothers have come home from doing time, and I’ve gone and beaten the hell out of some shit-ass band all because of tired, worn out pussy.
There is something wrong with me. Seriously fucking wrong with me, because even in all this, for a moment, a brief moment, I considered following that pussy right out the door.
Thankfully, I used my brain for once.
Looking around, I see the clubhouse is a wreck. Roundman is smiling before devouring Dia in a kiss while Danza looks like he’s on the prowl. Both men were big before their years of three hots and a cot, but the time in the yard has seriously bulked the two of them up.
Going to Danza first, I extend my hand. “Sorry about the mess, brother.”
He grabs mine in a firm hold. “Nothin’ to be sorry ’bout, man. Fucker had it comin’. If it were my woman, I’d have made him choke on his own balls.”
“Your woman wouldn’t have given that man a second look.”
With a cocky smile, Danza nods. “You got a crazy one, Frisco.”
He’s right about that.
I take my time cleaning up the clubhouse and making sure everything gets squared away. It is my fault things got out of hand tonight; it’s the least I could do. A smart man would have either followed his woman out of the clubhouse hours before or kept his ass with his club.
I’m a man, but I’m not always a smart man.
Finally pulling up to the single-wide trailer Tilly and I share, I should have known things were different this time when I didn’t find my shit in the front yard. In all the time we’ve gone back and forth, I swear she has put me out more times than years we’ve been together.
Walking in, the lights are off except in the bedroom. As I enter the space, the sight in front of me has my guts in knots.
On our bed, naked with cuts all over her body and blood still running out of her, lies Tilly.
“Baby!” I call out, rushing over to her.
With her eyes closed, I make the mistake of assuming she’s passed out from blood loss.
This isn’t the first mistake I’ve made where this woman is concerned.
The sharp metal hits my throat as her wild eyes pop open.
“Told you,” she says with a rasp to her voice like she’s been screaming for hours on end. “Begged you. How many times have I gotten on my knees and begged you to choose me! Me!” she screams as the blade cuts into my skin.
I don’t move. I should. I should break her fucking wrist and take the knife. I should pull my gun from my back and shoot her in the head. Yet, I don’t.
Instead, I take the pain as the burn hits when the opening of my wound is exposed to the air. I don’t stop her as I let the crazed woman in front of me find her twisted pleasure in watching my neck bleed.
“You feel powerful now, Tilly?” I ask as she presses harder into my skin.
“More than ever before.”
“Taking my life mean that much to you?”
“You’re mine, Richard. You always go where the club needs you, but what about me? What about us? I’ve tried everything, yet you always choose the club.”
“What’s this, Tilly? If you can’t have me, no one can?”
She pauses at my words. At the nod of her head, I know I’m fucked.
Reaching up, I take her wrist in mine as the metal digs in. Then I yank hard, and she yelps as I twist, forcing her to release the weapon.
Tears stream down her face, falling to her naked torso and mixing with the blood where she’s sliced herself.
“I had a plan,” she whispers.
“I can see that.”
“Gonna take you out, say it was self-defense.”
My heart hurts for the pain I’ve given this woman. This is the moment when I should have known better. She isn’t strong enough for the life I live. She isn’t ready to have times when I can’t share things with her—not because I don’t want to, but because it’s in her best interest. I have broken this beautiful woman, all because I do choose the Hellions.
“Tilly, I’m gonna release you. I’m gonna climb on my bike and never look back. I should kill you for what you’ve done, but I’m simply gonna walk away.”
“Kill me!” she screeches. “Just do it! You already killed me on the inside.”
“I know,” I give her solemnly. “I never intended to. I’m gonna get you set up financially for a while. When you’re straight, you move on. There’s a good woman inside you, the kind of woman who could make a lot of men happy.”
“Just not you,” she says quietly.
“Not a man like me, no. Go on with life, Tilly. Instead of me choosing you, you choose you. Gonna go now. Don’t try to stab me in the back. This is our time to part ways.”
I expect her to jump me. I anticipate the move. She never does.
I leave the trailer like I said and don’t look back. I go to the one place that really is home—the Hellions’ compound.
Sometimes, love lost is love won. One day, Tilly will realize this when she wins her happiness away from me and my club.
Seven Years Later…
Losing It All
“Fuck cancer! Fuck it all!” I roar, throwing the beer bottle at the wall behind the bar and watching the glass shatter.
My wife is at home, painting Delilah’s toenails, while I try to wrap my head around the fact that the treatment failed. My beautiful wife, my strong, vibrant woman, has months left. It isn’t supposed to be like this.
I have spent the last year holding her hand while she has
been in pain so bad she can’t move. I have watched her cry as her hair, her beautiful blonde hair, fell out chunk by chunk. I continuously sat in the waiting room of the hospital as she had the surgery to remove her breasts. Her beautiful breasts are no more.
All because of fucking cancer.
Through it all, through every high and every low, Dia has been strong. She has smiled through the pain, laughed during the agony, and pushed through each and every day, only to find out that we are once again losing the battle.
I feel like I’m dying inside. The mere thought of one day, one minute without her by my side is a hell unlike any other.
Send me back to jail, brand me with a hot iron, cut my dick off and shove it up my ass, but God, please don’t take her from me.
A slap on my shoulder has me turning my head.
“Let it out here, brother,” Danza says. “Let the walls have it all. Then take your ass home, and Roundman, you give her every part of you left to give until the very end.”
Blinking, I jump up and head home. I don’t want to waste time. I don’t want to be away from her.
Once our little Doll is fast asleep, I climb into bed beside my wife. Her eyes don’t hide the pain, the fatigue, or the sadness she’s carrying around.
Laying my head on her chest, I listen to the steady thumping of her heartbeat.
“Blaine,” she whispers as she strokes my hair. “Sugar, times a comin’. Doll’s gonna need you.”
With no shame, I let the tears fall. “Can’t do it without you. I’m a man, baby; how can I be what she needs as a girl?”
“You are what she needs because, love, you have always been exactly what I needed when I needed it. Ain’t nobody stronger, more loyal, and more loving than you.”
“You’re wrong.” I hold her tightly, hating feeling her frail body under me yet selfishly needing to hear the thump, thump, thump of her life moving through her body. “You’re the strongest person I know.”
“Blaine, I’m always with you. Eternity, baby, I promise you. I’ll love you for eternity. We have a girl, a beautiful, magical, wonderful little girl, and she’s gonna need you.”
I lift my head and look into her eyes. “I could get lost in the depths of your eyes.”
“We gotta face this. Gotta be prepared.”
Sliding up, I rest my forehead against hers. “I can’t let you go, Claudia. Don’t ask me to let you go.”
Before she can answer, I press my lips to hers to keep her quiet. I can’t let her say the words. I can’t hear her tell me to go on.
Breaking away, I brush my lips to hers again. “You are my partner. You are my lifeline. You are my heart.” I kiss her deeply again. “Made you promises, baby. Dia, I gave you my word. It’s ride beyond this lifetime, you and me. Don’t give up on me, because I damn sure ain’t giving up on you.”
Bracing my weight on my forearm, I tenderly rub the soft skin of her scalp where her hair once was. Then I close my eyes, and my tears fall down her face, mixing with her own as I remember the times I would brush her hair from her eyes.
I kiss her forehead then under each eye, tasting the salt of her tears. Then I kiss her nose and each cheek before I once again press my lips to hers.
She holds me to her, and I feel the strain as she tries to grip me more firmly.
“Love me, Blaine,” she whispers against my lips.
“For all my days, Claudia, and beyond,” I tell her before I slowly, softly, and with every bit of my soul make love to my wife for the last time.
It Takes a Club
Laying my wife to rest is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
I think back to the day I killed the men of Fury MC. Is this my karma? Is this my punishment?
The loss of the love I’ll never share again kills me little bit by little bit.
Yet, for our daughter, I have to hold strong.
Delilah is the best part of Claudia and me. She is a physical piece of our love coming together. She is what I can hold on to when I need to remember what I had.
People say I should move on. Even before my wife died, the barflies were ready to pounce. There is no moving on for me, though. Claudia stood by me when a million other women would have left. I will not tarnish her memory by putting anyone else in her place. She is my heart, my soul, and will always be my wife.
“She loved you,” Mary Alice whispers, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. “Blaine”—she pauses—“she loves you.”
I turn to my wife’s best friend and see the tears in her eyes as she hands me an envelope.
“Take a moment for yourself. I’ll be in the kitchen, setting out food and making sure Doll’s hanging in there.”
Sitting on the edge of my bed, the bed I made love to my wife in so many times before and never will again, I trace the edge of the envelope. In her script is my name on the outside with the simple note, For when the time comes that I am here no more.
Blowing out a breath, I open the last gift from my wife.
Inhaling, I smell the faint scent of her perfume. Then I unfold the paper and treasure the curves of every letter.
My vision blurs as the tears once again fill my eyes.
Squeezing them shut, I pinch the bridge of my nose and hold them back as I read:
Blaine,
My badass bear, we go back so far I don’t remember a time in my life without you in it.
Every tear I’ve cried in the last few months has been for the things I will miss with you and Delilah.
Our ride has been paved in rough patches, ups, downs, good times, and sometimes painful times. Do not cry for me, Blaine. Do not cry for a loss, because the love we share crosses all time, all distance, and it’s a kind few get to experience.
Being sick hasn’t been easy for you, me, or our little girl. You have been my rock and my soft place to fall all in one when it got bad.
As my body changed, as my hair fell out, as I slept more than I could stay awake, you have been there to tell me you find me beautiful, and your love for me never once wavered. As I write this, I know the time is coming when I will be here no more. Knowing you will be reading this once I’m gone, I need you to know, Blaine, I love you, and it hasn’t wavered once since our first kiss. You have given me life, love, and happiness.
Our Doll, a gift so precious I still can’t believe she’s ours. I wish I could hold your hand as she grows the way you held mine when she was born.
Baby, you have a tough road ahead of you, but there isn’t anyone stronger in this whole world than you. I need you to hold our little girl tight … but when the time comes, I trust you’ll know I need you to let her go.
My dream for Delilah is to have a love like ours. When the man comes along who is strong enough to stand before you and claim her, you’ll know it’s my blessing you are giving with your own. As much as your instincts will scream to keep her close, she’s a wild one, our baby girl, and you’ll need to let her run at times.
Raising kids is never easy. Raising a girl into a woman as a man isn’t going to be any easier. I need you to remember something, Blaine.
It takes a club.
No matter what this life throws at you until I see you again, my love, remember it takes a club. The Hellions have your back. They have our daughter’s back. Let them hold you up when you feel down.
You are a good man, Blaine Reklinger, and even though at times it may feel like it, you are not alone. You have the Hellions, and baby, you have my heart.
My dream for the club is to be a family. It’s not always blood that connects you; it’s bond, it’s life, it’s love, and it’s loss. Grow the Hellions beyond Haywood’s Landing.
In this crazy chaos, find a way to give people a safe place to become good men like you. Control what you can and leave the rest to the club to keep everyone in the right place.
My love, my dream for you is to let go of the things that hold you back. The past is in the past, baby, and sometimes, as much as it hurts, we have to let go.
&n
bsp; Leaving you behind hurts my mind, my heart, and deep into my soul. You are the half that makes me whole. I have to say good-bye, but only in space and time, because I’m always in your heart, Blaine.
Please don’t let this time apart harden you. Be open to whatever life throws you. Do not become bitter; do not become harsh. Be the Blaine I fell in love with and the man you are today so that our daughter can still experience what makes you, you and what made us, us.
I will see you again one day, my love. Until then, kiss our daughter’s head and tell her I’m in her heart. Love without hesitation, laugh without reserve, and baby, live without a single regret.
All my love for always and into eternity,
Your wife, Claudia Reklinger
I hear the sounds of my house filling with people. The sounds of mourning, or as Dia chose for us to call it, her celebration of life. I can’t celebrate her loss as much as she wants me to. I can’t avoid dwelling on the fact that, three days ago, she took her last breath, and from that moment on, I have not been able to look forward to the end of a day anymore. There is nothing to look forward to for me beyond our daughter.
For fifteen years, I have lain in bed beside her except the time I was locked up. I haven’t slept since she’s passed on.
Originals Ride: Hellions Motorcycle Club (Hellions Ride Book 8) Page 7