by AD Hartley
‘Ooh… that’s it!’ Carlo shouted. ‘We’re going to have people who look after people? Yeah? Contracts and firing and stuff?’
‘Yes, it’s called HR or Human Resources.’
‘So one of them can be Junior Director of that then, you see? To look and learn, just like you said.’
‘I see where this is going.’ Randy laughed. ‘So, we let each of them shadow a department, say Manufacturing, Sales, HR & Accounts and Marketing. I suppose they could swap between them after a while too. OK, you’re on, but we have to remind them this isn’t a game and you guys go back to school in 5 weeks, so there has to be no missed homework assignments. That’s one of the rules.’
‘No problem.’ Carlo said. ‘No problem at all.’
The Squat Dictator
Ben and Carlo were crumpled against the wall struggling to breathe and even Newton, who normally could explain everything, was at a loss for words.
‘OK.’ Abi said eventually, ‘What have you come as?’
‘I’m taking this seriously!’ Norton protested as the howls of laughter continued. ‘I’m a businessman and this is my “Power Suit”.’
‘That’s fine. It’s just that it seems a little, err… ill-fitting.’ Newton pointed out.
‘Well, yeah, I haven’t worn it since our Gail’s wedding before Christmas. I may have grown a few inches since then.’
‘Yeah… but out, not up!’ Ben wheezed through barely suppressed snorts of laughter. ‘Ooh… my sides hurt.’ he added, trying to stand upright.
‘My jaw does.’ Carlo agreed while taking deep breaths to try and compose himself, but as he stood he took a glance at the brown and beige pinstriped jacket that was stretched worryingly tight across Norton’s ample chest and started silently convulsing as he battled to hide his mirth. This set Ben off again and both soon had tears pouring down their faces.
‘Ignore them,’ Abi said, ‘I think you look very nice.’ she added, not focussing on Norton’s trousers being a little too short for him and that he had used so much hair gel it looked like it had been greased back for aerodynamic efficiency.
Order was eventually established as the group saw Randy enter the factory with a woman with blonde hair pulled tight into a pony tail high on her head and wearing a black suit so severe it radiated menace. As she made to follow Randy to the offices she glanced back and offered them a look that made them all feel as if they had just been given detention.
‘Whoa… Now that’s a power suit, Norton.’ Abi said as the woman disappeared into the office.
‘Who was that?’ Newton asked.
‘That was Lucy Lightfoot.’ Carlo answered with a sigh. ‘She’s the new Operations Manager. Uncle Randy couldn’t get Neil back so she’s sort of in charge.’
‘What? She’s your boss?’ Norton asked.
‘No, she’s yours…’
The others fell into a silence that could only have been deeper if Mr Short-Bottomly had walked into the factory with Randy.
‘Come on. I’ve got to fill you in.’ Carlo said, trudging off towards the factory floor. The others followed as he began to lay out the plan for them to shadow a department manager as Junior Director.
‘I don’t want to be Junior Director of Human Resources!’ Norton complained five minutes later as they circled around the back of the factory. ‘It sounds boring! I want to be Junior Director of Ice Cream Vans.’
‘That’s part of sales.’ Carlo pointed out, ‘which you also said you didn’t want to do, so now Abi has it.’
‘Well I didn’t know sales meant the vans as well.’ Norton huffed. ‘What about manufacturing then?’
‘You said Ben could have it!’ Carlo shouted in exasperation. ‘Look, Ben has Manufacturing, Abi has Sales, Newt has Marketing and you get HR! Then in a week’s time, you swap!’
Carlo marched off in what he hoped was a Junior Managing Director type way, but pulled up a few paces later, standing stock still.
‘What?’ Ben asked as they walked past Carlo, who was now staring at the door down to his father’s study.
‘Hmm? Oh, nothing.’ He said absently, still staring.
‘Did you get a chance to read your father’s diary?’ Newton asked, following Carlo’s gaze.
‘No… no. Not while I was ill. It’s still in the study.’
‘I’ll go get it for you.’ Newt said, setting off towards the stairs.
‘What? No!’ Carlo said, pulling Newt back. ‘I’ll get it later, there’s no rush.’
‘I’ll only be a second.’
‘No…. look, I don’t want anyone to go down there.’
‘Why not?’ Abi asked, curiously looking Carlo up and down. ‘What’s wrong.’
Carlo sighed, realising that there was no way he could keep them out of there permanently unless he banished them claiming it as his office, which was unlikely to work anyway.
‘I… I think the study is, well… haunted.’ he muttered, waiting for the expected reaction.
‘Don’t be soft, Carlo. Who’d haunt an ice cream factory?’ Norton exclaimed, waving his arms around to take in the factory floor and the idiocy of it being paranormally occupied.
‘You would.’ Ben pointed out.
‘Shut up!’
‘You shut up!’
‘I’m just saying that ghosts normally haunt old castles or things that have been around for years an’ years ‘n stuff. Not your average factory.’
‘Don’t see why they wouldn’t haunt a factory too. Those castles must get quite boring.’ Ben countered.
‘I think it depends on where they were killed.’ Newton added; bastion of scientific truth, or at least fourteen-year-old conjecture.
‘Nah, I’m not buying it. There’s nothing scary about rattling chains around a conveyor belt of choc-ices. It has to have corridors and attics.’ Norton replied.
‘I was scared.’ Carlo said from outside the conversation. The gang turned to face him and he could see that Norton was on the verge of starting up again, so he took a breath and told them about what had happened. He ended by recounting throwing up and the beginning of his “stomach virus”.
‘But I think it was something to do with what happened down there.’ he finished, nodding towards the stairs. There was a silence as the four others chewed over the new evidence. ‘You don’t believe me?’ he asked almost pleading.
Ben looked at Norton and found his own smile matched. ‘Dr. Venkman?’ he said, motioning towards the study.
‘With pleasure Dr. Stanz.’ Norton replied, before both of them pelted towards the stairs.
‘I think they believe you.’ Abi said, walking after them with Newton in tow.
‘Guys… look, we don’t need to go down there. I’m sure it was nothing. Guys?’ Carlo shouted, reluctantly trotting after them. But as he reached the door he was relieved to see the others still outside the study and Ben rattling the handle in frustration.
‘Locked.’ He said, giving it one last shake.
‘Well I certainly didn’t stop to lock up.’ Carlo said with a shrug. ‘Must’ve been Uncle Randy’
‘I think we should start calling him Managing Director Fox.’ Norton said, ‘To get past the “uncle” thing.’ Everyone ignored him.
‘Well have you got the keys?’ Abi asked.
’Nup. Uncle Randy has them.’
‘MD Fox!’
‘Norton? Shut up! Carlo, why don’t you go and ask Randy for them?’ Ben said, his hand still absently holding the door handle.’
‘Get lost! I’m not going up there with Lightfoot with him.’
‘Me neither.’ Abi added.
‘Nor me.’ Newton agreed.
Ben looked at Norton who shook his head. ‘OK then, I guess we wait.’ he said, giving the door a small thump with his hand.
There was a click from the handle and the door opened a fraction.
‘D’uh! It was open you muppet!’ Norton laughed, pushing Ben in the back.
‘I was sure…’ Ben mumbled, taki
ng the handle and slowly opening the door. Carefully peeking into the dark room, he took a step inside and peered behind it the door.
‘Careful.’ Carlo whispered.
‘I’ll be fi…’ A hand darted from behind the door and pulled Ben to the side by his neck, slamming it shut.
‘Ben!’ they all screamed jumping forward to hammer on the door, which eased open to reveal Ben stood in the dark with his own left arm grabbing onto his neck and wearing a huge grin.
‘You should have seen your faces.’ he said reaching out to turn the lights on.
‘You idiot!’ Abi retorted, punching him in the arm. ‘You scared the life out of me.’
Carlo stepped past the bickering siblings into the study and looked around. The diary was where he had dropped it and everything else looked normal. He wasn’t sure what he had been expecting, but in some way nothing out of the ordinary seemed more unnerving.
Newton was walking around the room too, but the others seemed less impressed. ‘There are no ghosts here now.’ Norton said with obvious boredom.
‘How do you know?’ Newton asked whilst peering under the desk.
‘Get lost, Newt!’ Norton said, but with less certainty, looking around a little himself.
‘But there’s certainly nothing obvious here now, so in that respect, Norton’s correct.’ Newton claimed, finishing his inspection. Norton beamed; head of the class.
‘You don’t even know what you were looking for.’ Ben laughed.
‘No, but I have more idea of what I don’t know what I’m looking for than you.’ Newt pointed out.
‘What?’ Norton asked.
Carlo bent down and picked up the diary, wiping the cover before placing it back on the desk.
‘Carlo, are you sure about what you fe…’ Abi started.
‘Yes… I am.’ Carlo interrupted.
The others stood quietly as if expecting something to happen, but nothing did. ‘I guess it is a little cool in here?’ Abi offered, without real conviction.
Newton decided to continue his search whilst Ben crept up behind Norton with a book from the shelf and slammed it shut just behind his ear, causing a scream, laughter and the makings of another argument.
Carlo, sighed not knowing whether no ghosts was better than some ghosts and made for the stairs, leaving them to it.
The following day, Randy announced that Lucy Lightfoot had agreed to come back to work for Leodoni’s as Operation’s Manager, her previous job, and that five more of the old staff were available and willing to return, though to Carlo this sounded like a worrying number had decided not to join the re-launch of the company, which caused him a certain amount of angst. Had they retired? Started new jobs? Or did they not want to work for him?
This also left forty or so positions within the factory that needed to be filled including twelve drivers for the vans, two more than previously as Randy and Luigi had always taken the opportunity to go out in their vans as often as possible leaving the factory in the hands of Neil and Lucy.
Carlo tried to show some excitement at this development as Randy confirmed that the first interviews would begin the very next day, but the reality if the situation was beginning to dawn on him with nerve shredding clarity. The factory was without doubt going to re-open and very soon at that. He had half hoped that the labours involved would take so long he would have safely returned to school by the time they were ready to start manufacturing, when his non-participation could be easily masked by the need for study.
But against all his hopes it very much looked like he would be the owner of a fully functioning ice cream factory within a week or two. He was so scared by the thought he had started to feel queasy every time Randy mentioned “The Big Day”. However, walking around a supplier’s factory with Randy and Lucy that afternoon as they negotiated contracts for ingredients and packaging, Carlo saw more than one poster for “Hill’s Vanilla this” and “Hill’s Chocolate that” and pictured the vile, gargling Mr Hill each time and when he did he mentally took a deep breath and re-doubled his efforts to understand what Randy and Lucy meant by Resource Plans, Peak Production Days, Demand Indicators and the other foreign terms they kept using. The simple idea of selling ice cream from a window in a van was seeming more remote the more he learnt about his new Empire.
‘So we have staff?’ Abi asked excitedly that weekend.
‘Some.’ Carlo answered. ‘And enough stock to start limited production next week, Uncle Randy says.’
The gang took this as legitimate grounds to dance around Norton’s front room in celebration.
‘And,’ Carlo continued, ‘Uncle Randy says I can sit in on the last few interviews tomorrow.’
‘Firstly,’ said Norton to groans from the others, ‘he’s not your Uncle. And secondly, can I come to the interview?’
‘I don’t know…’ Carlo said, ‘It’s very important Uncle Randy gets the right people for the job and I’m going to be putting them off as it is without you sat there dressed like a squat dictator.’
‘I do not look like a squat dictator!’ Norton fumed. ‘Anyway, what’s a dictator?’
‘Someone who writes down stuff other people say.’ Ben answered knowledgeably.
‘He’s saying you dress like a third world despot.’ Newton corrected.
‘Well, that’s OK then.’ said Norton, appeased but none the wiser. ‘So, can I come? I really think the Junior Director of Human Resources should be at one interview at least. That is what HR is isn’t it?’ he added in a whisper to Newton as Carlo thought about it. Newton nodded, so Norton intensified his determined look.
Unfortunately, determination on Norton tended to manifest itself as a reddened face that looked dangerously close to exploding, so Carlo caved under pressure not to laugh. ‘OK, OK… you can come. Just don’t say anything. Let Uncle Randy and me do the talking.’
‘Who’s phone is that?’ Abi said, looking around at the others as something started beeping manically. ‘It’s not mine.’
‘Not me, either.’
‘Mine’s in my bedroom.’ Norton added.
‘Must be yours, Newt.’
‘Mine doesn’t have that ringtone anymore.’
The gang turned to Carlo, the only one who hadn’t accounted for his mobile phone. ‘It can’t be mine. You’re all here.’ he pointed out. ‘Who else would call me?’
‘Just answer the phone!’
Carlo fished his mobile from his jeans and looked at the screen. ‘Oh, God! It’s Victoria Dearlove!’
‘Answer it then.’ Abi said, sitting up in excitement.
Carlo pressed the call button and lifted the phone to his ear. ‘Hello?’ he managed but the caller had hung up. ‘I wonder what she wanted?’ Carlo said, staring at his phone as if it may hold the answer. ‘I didn’t even know she had my number. No one has my number.’
Abi shifted in her seat. ‘Ah… It’s funny you should mention that…’ she said, but Ben cut across her…
‘Call her back, see what she wants.’
‘What? Are you mad… I’m not calling Vicky Dearlove.’
‘Why not? She called you.’
‘Coz it’s Vicky Dearlove!’
‘He has a point. I mean, it’s Vicky Dearlove.’ Norton added, helpfully. ‘You don’t just call Vicky Dearlove.’
‘But she called him!’ Abi said exasperated. ‘She wants to speak to him! Call her back, Carlo.’
Carlo tried to sink into his chair in the hope the cushions might show pity and swallow him. Everyone was staring at him in anticipation of his next move but he was stuck between the will of a girl who wanted to speak to him but was not actually in the room; someone he probably couldn’t have spoken to even if he wanted to; and the will of a girl he was more than capable of talking to and was very much in the room, furrowed of brow and resolute of manner.
‘Call her!’ Abi ordered.
Carlo looked at the three boys hoping for some male solidarity but recognising that they were just as interested in see
ing the outcome, he gave in and pressed the last number on his phone.
‘What do I say?’ he asked.
‘Hello?’ Ben offered.
‘Thanks.’ Carlo answered, pulling a face at Ben just as the phone started to ring, but he soon let out a sigh of relief as the call clicked through to answerphone. He was just about to hang up when the tone beeped in his ear awaiting his message. He hung up in shock.
‘No answer, it just went to answerphone.’ he announced happily.
‘Why didn’t you leave a message?’ Abi asked.
‘Why would I do that?’
‘Because that’s what normal people do. I think you should call her back.’
‘Are you mad?’
‘Well, she knows you called her now, so you might as well leave a message and be nice.’
Norton started to smirk. ‘Yeah, play nicely, Carlo.’
‘Shut up, Norton. Carlo, leave her a message.’ Abi persisted.
Carlo, feeling rather harangued, pressed re-dial and waited for the answer machine, but as it kicked in he made the mistake of looking over to Newt and Norton and started to feel very self conscious. ‘Err… hi. Umm… yeah, er, bye.’ he mumbled into the phone before hanging up.
‘Carlo!’ Abi moaned. ‘What was that?’
‘I dunno… I panicked.’
‘Well, you’ll have to ring her back now.’ Ben said with a grin whilst Newt and Norton giggled at Carlo’s discomfort from the sofa.
‘What? Why? I tried and she didn’t answer; I left a message; why do I have to ring her back again?’
‘Because you just left her the world’s most stupid message, that’s why.’ Ben answered.
Not convinced, Carlo pressed the button again and waited for the answerphone one more time, hoping desperately that Vicky wouldn’t answer in person. ‘Yeah, err… Hi, again. I’m just ringing you because you, err… rang me. So yeah. Bye.’
‘Pathetic!’ Ben laughed as the two boys on the sofa howled in laughter.
‘Perhaps you should do this in private?’ Abi suggested.
‘Do what? I called her again. That’s it… isn’t it?’ Carlo asked, now concerned that Abi was suggesting it wasn’t.