Emily and her brother Austin had started working in Pop’s office when school got out, which wasn’t so bad in the beginning. They even rented a booth at the town’s annual summer festival, where Emily painted kids’ faces and Mamá sold her perfectly seasoned empanadas to support the Little League team that Pop sponsors. Austin didn’t do much. He called it working the crowd, but Emily called it flirting. Pop shook a lot of hands and gave free legal advice. At one point, Emily thought she had seen actual tears in Pop’s eyes as he looked from one family member to the other, watching them work together. Of course he was happy, she thought. This was all for him.
Unlike Emily, her brother was actually interested in the law, which meant he often joined Pop on his trips to court and left her alone in the office with Luís, the tech-geek-spy, of all people. His apologetic speeches about how he was only doing his job were met with Emily’s death stare and polite smile. To avoid Luís, Emily texted Abby and Sarah. They tried to make her laugh about the situation, which didn’t really help. When they left town, Emily was left with an overly chatty Luís, a pile of unsharpened pencils, and Candy Crush.
So, when Kevin had texted her one Saturday afternoon with an invitation to swim at his house, she jumped out of bed and jammed a swimsuit and change of clothes into her backpack. Austin gave her a ride. She had easily lied to him and her parents, saying lots of kids would be hanging out.
When she arrived, Kevin was in the back, already in the pool. He smiled wide when she walked through the gate. He pushed himself out of the pool in one fluid motion and walked to her, dripping wet. When he reached her, he hugged her tight and kissed her temple.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispered. Butterflies tap-danced from the top of her throat to the bottom of her stomach. He led her by the hand into the house and to the bathroom. “Meet me outside,” he said.
After changing, she covered her stomach with one hand and her mouth with the other. She quietly screamed with excitement and nervousness and then lowered her hand to breathe deeply and calm herself.
She had briefly questioned herself: After everything that happened, what are you doing here? But she laughed because the answer was obvious. She wanted to be here. And she wasn’t doing this because Abby or Sarah pushed her into it, or because her dad pulled her away from it. This was her choice. She took one last deep breath, walked outside, and dived in.
She had returned every chance she’d gotten since then. Keeping him a secret made everything sweeter somehow, but now Abby and Sarah were back and school had started. Things would be more complicated.
Emily set aside her concerns as she climbed the stairs and walked into Kevin’s room. From the doorway she watched him sleep for a while and then crawled onto the bed beside him. She rested her head on his shoulder and draped her arm across his chest. She closed her eyes, exhaled, and let herself sink into the mattress.
He felt her and curled his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer to him.
“Hey,” he said and kissed the top of her head.
She lifted herself to kiss him on the lips.
“I love your lip gloss,” he said and then gently pulled on her bottom lip.
He leaned back and they lay quietly for a while, holding each other.
“I was thinking about the first time I was here,” Emily said. “Why did you invite me that day?”
“Because I wanted to.”
“Was I the only girl not away on vacation? I mean, if Sarah was in town, would you have texted her instead?”
“Believe it or not, I don’t ask out every girl who crosses my path,” Kevin said. “I asked you. I didn’t think you’d say yes, but I asked anyway.”
“Why did you think I’d say no?”
“Because you’re usually glued to Sarah and Abby, and I had already tainted your spotless reputation. After all the publicity, I figured you’d tell me to go to hell.”
Kevin laughed. Emily turned and propped herself on her elbow. He swiveled, too, so that they lay side by side.
“But here you are.” He reached out and held her free hand. “So, tell me, why did you say yes?”
“Because I wanted to.” She smiled. “If it was anyone else, I would have said no.”
Kevin smiled wide and squeezed her hand.
“Being with you here is easy,” she said. “At parties, I feel like everyone’s watching and commenting …” She shook her head and stayed quiet for a while. “You know what I like best?”
“I know,” he said and raised his eyebrows. “I can tell.”
Emily pulled her hand free and hit him on the shoulder.
“I like to watch you sleep,” she said. “And I like when you hold me and whisper things like, ‘Are you okay?’ or ‘Are you comfortable?’ ”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Kevin held Emily closer and then rolled on top of her. She shifted so that her legs were on either side of him. As they kissed, Emily slid her hands under his T-shirt and rubbed his skin. Kevin moved back and pulled his shirt off. He grabbed Emily’s hands and gently tugged her so they were both kneeling on the bed. She rested her hands on his hips while he buried his in her hair at the base of her neck.
“So, what do you want to do now?” he asked and smiled.
“Let’s go swimming,” Emily said and moved off the bed.
“What?”
Emily laughed as she reached for her backpack. “You’re closing the pool soon, so we should take advantage of it.”
Kevin, still kneeling on the bed, stared at her in disbelief.
She walked to him, kissed him on the cheek, and whispered, “We don’t only have to swim.”
Kevin laughed and Emily left to change in the bathroom.
Emily beat Kevin to the pool and lounged on a chair while she waited for him. As he came toward her, he said, “You’re not afraid someone will see us out here? Abby and Sarah might be in the bushes with binoculars and cameras, taking pictures and posting them all over the Internet. Maybe the local paparazzi were tipped off. You know, they’ve already nicknamed us EmKev or is it Kevily?”
“That’s not funny,” said Emily.
“It might be safer to stay in my room,” he said and wiggled his eyebrows.
Emily tilted her head and grinned but didn’t say anything.
“Seriously, though, I know we kind of talked about this yesterday, but I really want to know how long this whole secret-boyfriend thing is going to last.”
“You’re in my sun,” she said and motioned for him to move.
He smiled, raised his hands, and backed away a few feet. He crossed his arms and waited for a response.
“I don’t know,” she said. “You said it yourself: my reputation will be ruined even more.”
“I was joking.”
“But it’s true.” Emily stood up. “Everyone will have something to say, and I really don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to feel like I have to defend myself because I’m not ashamed of being with you.”
“You shouldn’t be. We haven’t done anything wrong.”
“I know.”
“So, what’s the problem?”
“Well, let’s see … Sarah and Abby will be pissed when they find out I lied. And even if they’re not, they’ll talk about our every move.” Emily paced while she talked. “And then my dad will find out—por supuesto—and force me to talk to middle schoolers about abstinence or something. ¡Ay, mátame ahora! And, what if, while all of this craziness is going on, something happens between us?” Emily lowered her gaze.
Kevin put his hands on Emily’s shoulders. “Jeez, chica, you are tense.” He turned Emily around and massaged her upper back. “Now let me give you some ‘what ifs.’ What if your friends are just happy for us? What if you tell your dad to back off and let you live your life?”
Emily shook her head. Kevin turned her around and lifted her chin with his finger.
“What if you trust me when I say I won’t hurt you? And what if you stop worr
ying about everything and enjoy the moment?”
Emily’s stomach tightened. She hugged him, resting her head on his shoulder. Could it really be that easy? Thinking about the aftermath of the June party, she doubted it. She’d never seen her father so angry. She’d never been more upset with Sarah and Abby for not understanding the position she was in, for thinking her problems could be solved with another manicure or pint of ice cream. But, they did promise to be more careful. Maybe, with her friends protecting her, and Kevin by her side, everything could be different this time. Still, right now, while their relationship was a secret, she had him, her friends, and no family drama.
“I don’t want to tell anyone yet,” she said, looking up at him. “I want to keep you to myself for a little while longer. Is that okay?”
“I’ll take what I can get,” he said and grinned. “But I’m not going to do this forever, Em. I don’t like to play games.”
Emily nodded.
Kevin started to fuss with her silver cross pendant, moving the clasp to the back.
“Wait,” she said and touched his hand. “You’re supposed to make a wish when they touch.”
“Okay,” he said with a laugh. “Make a wish.”
She closed her eyes and let Kevin fix her necklace. When she opened them, he was gone. She turned her head and saw the tail end of his cannonball into the pool.
Emily patted her pendant and repeated her wish before she jumped into the water.
Chapter 10
“I dwell in Possibility –”
Elizabeth stormed into the classroom seconds before the bell. She dropped her bag to the floor as she plopped into her assigned seat. Her hair was down, hanging straight. She wore black jeans and high-top Converse sneakers, and an oversize army-green T-shirt tied in a knot in the back. Even stretched as it was, an outlined sketch of Frida Kahlo could be seen on the front.
“Okay class, let’s begin,” Ms. Diaz said after the bell. “I read your first-day reactions last night.”
Elizabeth had been digging through her bag but stopped to listen to her teacher.
“Very interesting,” Ms. Diaz said.
What the hell was that supposed to mean? Elizabeth’s response was genuine. She didn’t draw and write what she did to provoke her teacher, but it wasn’t typical. And all she gets in return is “Very interesting?”
Elizabeth was not impressed.
Maybe she was wrong about Ms. Diaz.
She pulled a beat-up copy of Wuthering Heights from her bag. She slouched in her seat and rested the opened book in the space between her body and the edge of the desk.
“I love seeing the variety of interpretations,” Ms. Diaz continued.
Unlike yesterday, Elizabeth only half listened. She scanned the room and noted Tommy whispering to Abby about how he grows out his hair in the summer and then shaves it off in the winter during swim season. Abby listened intently while she circled one of his wavy strands around her finger. Tommy grinned and blushed but didn’t pull away. Stupid seating arrangement.
Given their last names, Elizabeth would have been looking at the back of Tommy’s head if they had been seated in normal rows. But, no, Ms. Diaz put them in a double semicircle to “encourage discussion.” Bad move and good luck keeping our attention. Even worse, because of this fancy seating arrangement, Elizabeth had a clear shot of Abby and Tommy. Elizabeth finger-combed her hair forward to try to block them from view.
“As readers, you’ll bring your own experiences to your literary interpretations,” Ms. Diaz continued. “So, each of us can see something different.”
After several more glances at Tommy and Abby, Elizabeth forced her attention elsewhere. Next to her, Emily sat up straight, books and notebooks neatly stacked on her desk. She was mouthing a question to Sarah across the room, using her hands in a form of sign language they seemed to understand. Kevin, who sat behind Sarah, witnessed the exchange and joined in. He made exaggerated, nonsensical signs to imitate the girls, which made Emily and Sarah giggle.
“I’ll pass back what you wrote yesterday,” Ms. Diaz said. “We’ll read the rest of the poem and analyze it a bit. And then for homework, you’ll write a one-page, typed reaction to it, building on what you started yesterday. This will be due the day after tomorrow.”
Students groaned. Elizabeth agreed. She was not amused.
“This isn’t a research project,” Ms. Diaz added. “I want a one-page paper, no more, so you shouldn’t need more than two days.”
“Wow, Miss,” said Kevin. “You don’t mess around. We have a paper due the first week of school? What about a get-to-know-you activity?”
Elizabeth laughed along with the rest of the class.
“First, please call me Ms. Diaz.” She walked around and distributed the students’ first-day papers, a copy of the Dickinson poem, and the directions for their assignment. “Second, you’re a sophomore in high school. The days of the week-long, get-to-know-each-other, lovey-dovey stuff are over.”
“Aw, man,” said Kevin.
Ms. Diaz placed Emily’s papers on her desk. Elizabeth watched the girl immediately pick them up and read them. She opened her school-issued agenda to write down the assignment.
Elizabeth glanced at her paper. “See me at the end of class” was written on the top. She smirked, turned the essay over, and returned to her book.
“Third,” Ms. Diaz continued, “getting right to work is the best way to transition out of summer vacation and into school. Trust me. I’ll go easy on you today.”
“Okay, okay,” Kevin said.
Ms. Diaz returned to the front of the room. “First, let’s talk briefly about Emily Dickinson. Does anyone know anything about her?”
“She was a poet,” said Kevin.
“Yes, thank you for stating the obvious,” Ms. Diaz said with laughter in her voice. “Anyone else?”
“Didn’t she live around here?” asked Abby.
“Yes. She lived in Amherst, Massachusetts, which isn’t far from here. Anyone else?”
“She was a recluse,” said Elizabeth. She closed the book but was still slouching.
“True,” said Ms. Diaz. “At about the age of thirty, Dickinson retreated from society, staying mostly in and around her home.”
“Why?” asked Tommy.
“Good question. No one knows for sure. Some of the theories are: an illness, depression, a broken heart, maybe. She may have simply chosen to live a quiet life and dedicate her time to her work. She wrote almost eighteen hundred poems, but according to the Emily Dickinson Museum, only ten were published in her lifetime and likely without her knowledge.”
“Should we be writing this down?” Kevin asked, interrupting her.
“Yes,” said Ms. Diaz. “You can assume that anything we discuss may come back to haunt you on a quiz.”
Elizabeth rummaged through her bag and retrieved a notebook and pen. Kevin had nothing but a single-subject notebook on his desk. He patted his pockets but came up empty. He leaned forward and gently scratched Sarah on the middle of her back with his finger to get her attention. Sarah wiggled a little at his touch and turned to hear his request for a pen or pencil.
Elizabeth noted how Emily crossed her arms as she watched the exchange. When Kevin saw Emily looking in his direction, he winked at her, but she looked away quickly. Elizabeth would ask him about it later. On the other side of the room, Abby now sat sideways so her perfectly tanned legs directly faced Tommy. Elizabeth sighed and continued to stroke her hair forward to block them out. Worst seating arrangement ever.
“Dickinson’s poems were discovered and published after she died, and she has since been considered one of the most important American poets in history,” said Ms. Diaz. “I’ll tell you more about her as we read her poems throughout the year. Let’s get to today’s selection.”
Ms. Diaz projected the first stanza of poem #657 on a wall. She asked Emily to read aloud. She seemed startled to be called upon but didn’t protest. She read:
I dwell in Possibility –
A fairer House than Prose –
More numerous of Windows –
Superior – for Doors –
“You were supposed to go easy on us. This is making my head hurt,” said Kevin.
“Good,” responded Ms. Diaz. “That means you’re thinking. Now, who can tell me what’s going on in the first stanza?”
No hands went up. Elizabeth stared at the lines of poetry, rereading them several times. She then started to write and draw in her notebook.
“What do you notice about the poem? Let’s start there.”
Tommy tentatively raised his hand. Ms. Diaz nodded at him.
“She uses capitalization in unusual ways.”
“Good. That’s a start.” Ms. Diaz underlined the capitalized words.
“Should we be underlining these?” asked Kevin.
“Yes,” she said. “Now, what does the capitalization do for these words?”
“Gives them importance,” said Tommy.
Abby smiled admiringly at Tommy. Elizabeth noticed when she peeked from behind her hair-curtain.
“Good,” said Ms. Diaz. “Please read the rest of it, Emily.”
Elizabeth raised her gaze from her notebook to the projected poem. Emily sat up straighter and read with a clear, singsong voice:
Of Chambers as the Cedars –
Impregnable of Eye –
And for an Everlasting Roof
The Gambrels of the Sky –
Of Visitors – the fairest –
For Occupation – This –
The spreading wide my narrow Hands
To gather Paradise –
Ms. Diaz waited to let the words settle. “So, what is she talking about?”
“I have no idea,” Kevin said. Several students giggled, but not Elizabeth. She lowered her head, letting it hover a few inches above her work. She furiously jotted notes and drew.
“Anyone else?” Ms. Diaz asked. “Is anyone else confused?”
Several hands shot up. Elizabeth didn’t raise hers.
When Reason Breaks Page 5