They no longer swung side by side, holding hands to maintain a rhythm. They were out of sync and almost entirely disconnected, which was almost impossible to fix without serious effort. But, Abby was here, in her driveway, unannounced. I can’t believe she’s here.
Emily was about to run downstairs when Austin walked out of the house. He marched straight to Abby, bent down, and kissed her on the mouth.
The blood drained from Emily’s face. She rested her forehead against the chilled window pane and gripped the sill. Abby slid into Austin’s car and they drove away.
Hours later, Emily noted the sounds of Austin’s return: the car’s engine going dead, the slamming of doors, footsteps striding down the hallway. When Austin shut his bedroom door, Emily sprang out of bed and called Abby.
“How long have you been dating Austin?”
“Hey, Em. So nice of you to call me after all this time,” she said. “Well, we’ve been texting for a while and decided to get together since he’d be home this weekend.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because we haven’t been talking much.”
“I know, but he’s my brother.”
“Even more reason not to tell you right away. You’d probably think it was gross or he’s too old for me or whatever, so I didn’t want to say anything unless we were serious.”
“Are you serious?”
“Not yet, but I like him a lot.”
Emily wanted to be happy for them, but a pit lay in her stomach. One of her best friends came to her home and ignored her, like she was the slightest in the house.
“You didn’t even come inside to say ‘hi’ to me,” said Emily.
“You didn’t come out to say ‘hi’ to me. You could’ve opened your window or waved or something.”
“I know.”
Abby sighed. “Em, what did you want me to do, invite you on our date? That would’ve been awkward, don’t you think? And even if I did ask you to hang out with us, you would have said no, as usual.”
“That’s not fair,” Emily whispered.
“Really, Em? How many times have you blown us off? You have a boyfriend, fine, but sometimes you say no and stay home, doing nothing. And how many times have Sarah and I asked you what’s wrong?”
“Oh sure, you told me to down some energy drinks or take a pill and snap out of it. Very sympathetic. Thanks.”
“Yes, I’m blunt, but that’s nothing new, and that’s not the problem here. You’re the one who disappears into the library and makes excuses when we invite you out. You haven’t called me in weeks. You didn’t even tell me about what happened at Sarah’s house. Yeah, she told me, but you didn’t. You’ve been acting like I don’t matter, but I’m the one who’s doing everything wrong? Give me a break, Em.”
Abby stopped to catch her breath. Emily stayed quiet.
“You don’t know how many times Sarah and I talk about you, trying to figure this out,” said Abby. “What did we do? Or did something horrible happen and you’re afraid to tell us?”
Emily cried into the phone. “It’s not you. Nothing horrible has happened to me.”
“Then, what is it?”
“I don’t know.”
“What do you mean? You’re the only one who can know.”
“I don’t know, everything’s all messed up, and maybe it’s all my fault, but when I saw you today, I thought everything was going to be okay, but you weren’t here for me.”
“Okay, now you sound like you’re jealous or something.”
“Of course, I’m jealous. We were in a relationship first. We’ve been best friends since kindergarten and you come to my house and don’t even say hello. You want to hang out with my brother instead of me. Yeah, I’m jealous. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“So, let me get this straight, you’re jealous that I’m dating your brother?”
“Yeah, and I guess what I’m really saying is I don’t want you dating my brother.”
“You can’t tell me what to do, Em.”
“But you can tell me and everyone else what to do?”
“I never tell you what to do. I tell you how it is. There’s a difference,” said Abby. “You know what? I’m tired of being blamed for everything. I’m done.”
Minutes after Abby hung up, she posted a vague yet attention-getting comment about “that awkward moment when one of your best friends professes her love for you.”
“Aw, does this mean you and Emily kissed and made up? I hate it when my girls are fighting,” wrote Sarah. “Love you both!”
“Um, no, like I mean she really professed her love for me, I think. It was weird. I’ll text you.”
A string of comments followed, but the one that caught Emily’s attention most was from Olivia, who sits in Emily’s seat when she has lunch with Kevin. She wrote, “I guess getting Kevin to hook up with her was a waste of time. Maybe Sue Huntington, that tomboy freshman, is more her type.”
Getting Kevin to hook up with me? A wave of nausea rippled through Emily’s body. She rushed to the bathroom and heaved into the toilet, but nothing came up. She sank to the floor and pressed her face on the cold tiles until her stomach unclenched and her body felt cool all over.
But another thought forced her into the fetal position: on Monday, Luís the tech-geek-spy would see all the posts, which means so would her dad. And then she’d have to explain what was true, and what wasn’t, and she really didn’t want to talk to Pop about any of it. And no matter what she said, she’d probably be shipped off to a boarding school. She buried her face in her hands and rocked from side to side until she could breathe normally.
After peeling herself off the floor, she gawked at the computer. Kevin had joined the conversation, posting comments in her defense. She considered posting something, but didn’t have the energy. Her phone buzzed constantly as Kevin texted and called her. Tomorrow, she thought as she shut down the computer and turned off her cell phone. Tomorrow, I’ll talk to Kevin. He has some explaining to do.
The next morning, Emily’s family went to church without her, leaving her to deal with her “painful cramps.” When they left, she texted Kevin to come over. She raced around the bedroom, shoving clothes into drawers or tossing them into the hamper. Anything else was piled into corners, chucked into the closet, or shoved under the bed. That done, she turned to getting herself ready.
When the doorbell rang, she lifted her bedroom window and yelled down to him that the front door was open, but to close and lock it behind him. She stood in the middle of her room and waited. Her pulse raced. She breathed deeply a few times before he entered through the door. He walked straight to her, reaching out to hug her, but she pulled away.
“Em …,” he started.
She cut him off. “I need to ask you something, and I want the truth.”
“Okay,” he said.
“Promise?”
“Promise. Scout’s honor,” he said, raising three fingers.
“You were a Boy Scout?” She was skeptical.
“No, I can’t support anything that doesn’t support my dads. I had to learn how to start fires on my own,” he said and grinned.
“This isn’t a joke,” she responded.
“I’m serious, but fine, I get it. I just wanted to make you smile a little …”
“Was our first kiss a setup?” Emily blurted.
He stood quiet for a while and then said, “I just promised not to lie to you, so I won’t.”
Emily shook her head. She thought she wanted to hear it, but now she wanted to cover her ears. No. Please, no. She almost begged him to lie to her, but he opened his mouth and said, “Yes.”
She crossed her arms and forced herself to remain upright.
“Was this summer a setup, too?” She wrapped her arms around her middle and buried her fingertips into her sides.
“No.”
“I don’t believe you,” Emily said. She sat on the bed, pressed her palms into the mattress, and shut her eyes. Kevin kneeled in f
ront of her, resting his hands on either side of her.
“I’m not lying,” he said. “Don’t be mad, Em, please. I wouldn’t have kissed you if I didn’t like you. That’s the truth. So, yeah, Abby said you liked me, and she encouraged me to do it, but it’s not like she forced me. I wanted to, just like I wanted to see you over the summer. After you dropped me and all, I probably wouldn’t have even tried again if Abby didn’t suggest it before she left for Italy.”
“She what?” Emily said, snapping her head up.
“Yeah, she was like, ‘Hey, you should text Em if you’re bored.’ ”
Emily pushed him away. “Is that why you texted me? Because you had nothing better to do?”
“No, that came out wrong. It was like a friendly nudge in your direction. It wasn’t all Machiavellian. Nice one, right? See, I’m not always daydreaming about you in class.”
Emily shook her head and closed her eyes again.
“Sorry. Not funny,” Kevin said and then inched his way onto the bed next to her. “She wanted us to get together, don’t you see? It was just like the notes she used to pass people in elementary school that said, ‘Do you like so-and-so? Check one’ and then there were three boxes with ‘yes,’ ‘no,’ and ‘maybe,’ and then she’d set up a play date at recess.”
Emily opened her eyes and smiled slightly at the memory.
“She wasn’t trying to be sneaky in a bad way and hurt you. And, you know what? I’m glad she played matchmaker with us.” He reached for her hand. She let him and shifted her body toward him.
“I thought this one thing was mine—ours—that this was about us, not about her or anyone else,” she said.
“It has been all about us,” said Kevin, turning his body to face her. “I kept my promise. I never posted anything about us until last night, when everything exploded. But I had to say something because I knew you wouldn’t. Before that, though, I never talked to anyone about our relationship, except for Tommy, Elizabeth, and my parents, but they don’t really count, do they? I know I’m rambling and you probably hate me, but I need you to know that I think we’re great together, Em. You mean everything to me.”
Emily’s eyes softened and she squeezed Kevin’s hand. He leaned in and planted a kiss near her ear. He brushed his cheek against hers and then made a trail of small, gentle kisses to her lips. Her body relaxed and tingled all over, the same way it did when they first kissed. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. But, Emily couldn’t focus on the moment, his lips tenderly touching hers, his hands soft and warm on her waist. This time, the outside world didn’t fade away.
Emily pulled back and started to cry.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
She shook her head and said, “You need to go. My parents and brother will be home soon.”
“I don’t want to leave you this way.”
“I’ll be fine,” she lied. “You can’t be here when they get home. My dad would kill me for sure.”
Before he left, he held her tight and said, “Everything’s going to be okay, Em.”
She stared at Kevin through her tear-blurred vision. Abby had orchestrated everything, nudging him and pushing her. They were fools, moving predictably with each tug of their strings. And last night’s online scrape was only the beginning. Emily would have to face everyone at school, and her dad would know soon, which would trigger another onslaught. Everything’s going to be okay?
“I don’t know, Kev,” she said and shook her head. “I can’t think straight and my family will be home soon. You really have to leave.”
She kissed him hard and then let him go.
Minutes after he left, she deleted all of her social media accounts and blocked several numbers on her cell phone, including Kevin’s.
When prompted electronically, “Are you sure?” she hesitated before hitting “Yes.”
Chapter 30
“Alone and in a Circumstance”
MARCH 2
Emily waited in her bedroom, with her coat on but unzipped, and her backpack hanging on her shoulders. She stared at the second hand circling her watch’s face. Her plan was to sprint downstairs and out the front door with enough time to make it to the bus stop and zero time to chitchat with her family in the kitchen.
Austin intercepted Emily as she bounded down the stairs.
“I’ll drive you to school today,” he said. He also wore his coat, ready to go.
“Okay,” she said, relieved because a ride meant she’d dodge Sarah and Abby on the bus.
As soon as they were on the road, Austin said, “I’m sorry about what happened.”
Emily nodded.
“I talked to Abby and told her to back off. I hope that helps.”
Emily nodded again but didn’t respond.
“It’s stupid high school shit, Em. Don’t worry about it.”
“You’re talking about my life, Austin.”
“I’m sorry,” he said and sighed. “What I mean is you and Abby have been friends forever. Isn’t there the slightest chance she’ll apologize in a few days and you’ll be friends again?”
“Not a chance,” said Emily. “It’s as likely as Pop saying, ‘So, you’ve had a boyfriend for months, which means you’ve been lying to me and Mamá every time you’ve left the house. That’s okay, we forgive you. And your classmates think you might be bisexual and in love with your best friend. No problem. My people will somehow fit that into my ultraconservative campaign.’ ”
“Good point, but guess what? Pop is leaving this morning for some convention. He won’t be back until Saturday. The even better news is Luís called in sick with the flu, so he’ll be down for a few days. You’ve got some time, probably until this weekend, before you need to face Pop.”
Emily nodded again. “Thanks for the ride,” she said when Austin stopped in front of the school’s main entrance.
“Hey,” he said and grabbed her arm. “I’m going back to Amherst today, but if you need me to intimidate anyone big-brother style, say the word.”
“Thanks.” Emily pushed in her earbuds and cranked the volume on her iPod before entering school. She strolled halfway to her locker but decided to hide out in the nurse’s office for as long as possible. After the last bell rang, signaling the start of classes, Emily ambled to her locker in near-empty hallways. Still, the few people who passed her jabbed her with snide comments. Nicole Taylor whispered, “I’m friends with Sue Huntington. I can set you up, if you want,” and Anthony Ramos yelled, “Can I get a videotape of you and Abby together?”
Emily didn’t respond. She almost ripped up the note on her locker, but she recognized Kevin’s handwriting: You’ve disappeared from all electronic forms of communication, so I’m writing a good, old-fashioned note to say hi and I hope you’re okay and I’ll find you later.
Emily tossed the note into her locker and camped in the library for the rest of the period, sitting on the floor in the nonfiction section, where no one would find her. English and lunch were the only periods she shared with her friends. Avoiding them at lunch would be easy, but she couldn’t cut English every day, and she’d have to see them in the halls and on the bus. Plus, Kevin knew her schedule, so he’d probably wait outside her classes to talk to her. She could blast her iPod to shut out the whispers and crude remarks, but she couldn’t elude Kevin or her friends forever.
After the period two bell rang, she walked past her locker and retrieved another note from Kevin: You skipped English. I know because someone said they spotted you this morning, but you weren’t in class. Call me Sherlock. Anyway, cutting class is more Elizabeth’s thing, not yours. I’m worried about you. Find me later.
Emily walked different routes to her classes and arrived a few minutes late to each one to avoid crowds. Music blared in her ears and she avoided eye contact. In between classes, she received two more notes from Kevin.
I haven’t seen you all day. Well, it’s only third period, but still, this is unusual. It’s like you’re purp
osely avoiding me. Did I do something wrong?
Seriously, Emily, what’s going on? Find me or leave me a note.
Emily scribbled on a ripped piece of notebook paper and folded it so the square fit in her palm. Walking down the hall, she purposely bumped her shoulder into Elizabeth’s.
“What the …?!” Elizabeth stopped when she saw Emily. They locked gazes and Emily slipped the note into Elizabeth’s hand and kept walking.
At lunchtime, Elizabeth met Emily at the clearing.
“It’s freezing out here, Delgado. Make it quick.”
Emily grinned. “It’s not that cold. I thought you were a badass.”
“This badass likes to be warm,” she said with a smile. “So, I heard about what happened. How are you holding up? Not that I care.”
“I’m fine,” she said with a smirk.
“Liar.”
“Yeah,” Emily admitted. “I’m lying. Everything’s all screwed up.”
“So, Kevin was prodded by Abby, so what? Think of her as the teen version of match.com. Kevin really likes you. Trust me, I have to hear about it all the freakin’ time.”
“Maybe,” said Emily. She zipped her coat to the top and bounced to keep warm. “But I can’t be around any of them right now.”
“Sounds familiar,” Elizabeth said and threw up her hood.
“What’s going on with you? Not that I care,” Emily said with a smile.
“Tommy and I still aren’t talking. We only spoke once last week, but he was all formal, in the role of editor, not friend. He asked me again about publishing one of my poems in the newspaper. I knew he was trying to break the ice, but we’re still living in Glacierville.”
Emily remembered the poem she gave Tommy in January. “What did you say?”
“I said maybe.”
“Your maybe usually means yes.”
Elizabeth smiled. “Don’t act like you know me, Delgado. They don’t call me Enigmatic Elizabeth for nothing.”
When Reason Breaks Page 15