In love with her? Are you out of your mind? He shook his head at the inner voice that argued back. Bottom line, that’s what it came down to. Sure, Ash had lied to him, and that broke something inside him. It made him ache, the idea that he’d bared his soul while she’d kept hers banded tightly up. It made him wonder how she really felt about him, and what else she might be hiding.
What it didn’t do, though, was change the way Eddie felt when he was with her. It didn’t change the fact that in meeting Ash, in living with her, in spending all those minutes together that added up to something more, he’d come alive for the first time in three years.
She'd taken away his guard. She'd made him laugh. She'd pissed him off. She'd made him remember what it was like to be a regular guy, someone who wasn’t trying to get into bed with a woman because it was easier than talking to her. God, she reminded me I still had a heart beating under the mess I became after the accident.
Eddie sped up as he reached Paradise’s town limits. The thoughts tumbled faster and faster inside his head. He needed to get back to Lycian Street. He needed to see her. He needed to talk to her.
Whoever she really is.
Chapter Twenty-Four
“Don’t touch me.” Before Colin could take her by both arms and pull her in for a kiss, Ash twisted away from him.
He stopped, and his smile froze. “I just—okay. I’m sorry.”
She stuck her hands into her pockets, house keys digging into one palm. First her father. Now her ex-boyfriend. Ash let out a long breath. Her legs grew unsteady, and she refused to look at him again. She couldn’t take any more surprise visitors. She was about torn in half as it was.
“What are you doing here?”
“That’s a nice way to say hello.”
“I told you I wasn’t coming home. And I didn't tell you where I lived. Which means you took it upon yourself to find me when I didn't want to be found.” She looked at the peeling paint beside him, the rusted door hinges, the weeds growing alongside the geraniums in the yard.
He exhaled. “Thought maybe you’d reconsidered.”
“Why would you think that?”
Colin’s chin jerked in the direction of the house. “This is where you decided to spend your summer?”
“What’s wrong with it?”
He swiped a hand over his close cut, dark blonde hair. “Nothing, babe. I just…”
“My father told you where I was. Didn’t he?”
Colin raised both palms to the sky. “Guilty. But only because I called him and told him I needed to see you. Needed to make up for the stupidest thing I’d ever done.”
Suddenly, the fire left Ash’s heart, and she sank into the chair farthest away from him. She didn’t have the energy for this. “Whatever. Stay, leave, I don’t care. I’m not going back to Boston. I already told him that. I don’t care if he sent you to try and convince me.”
“He didn’t.”
She doubted that, but she kept her mouth shut.
Colin sat in the chair across from her and folded his fingers together. “Okay, I get that you were mad. That you needed space.”
“That’s an understatement.” She tried not to look directly at him, because she had a feeling that if she did, he’d burn her to the core. Colin Parker was—always had been—a too-bright sun shining down on Ash. He pulled her close. He drew her into his orbit.
“I wanted to apologize. In person.” Eyes on the ground, he cleared his throat. “I was a total ass. Really. That thing with Callie—”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“It was a complete mistake. I was juvenile. Idiotic.” Another throat-clearing. “And yeah, the thing that happened with your dad, it shook me up some.”
Ash rubbed the back of her neck, trying to loosen the muscles there. “Well, me too.” I wasn’t exactly a saint when it came to defending him. I guess we both ran away from it in our own ways.
Colin reached for her hand, brushed his fingers across the back of it for an instant. “We were good together, right? I want to try again.”
Oh, God. The words she’d wanted to hear three months ago. Even two months ago. Ash’s skin burned from where he’d touched it. “I don’t think—”
“Hear me out. Please.” He inched his chair closer, so that their knees touched. Skin to skin, breath meeting breath. Ash’s heart sped up. “We’re a good match,” he went on. He caught her gaze and held it with those dark eyes. “We’re headed the same way. We want the same things.”
Oh, really?
“We’d be good for each other.” He wound his fingers through hers. “Or you’d be good for me, anyway.” He grinned. “But I’d try, babe. I’d try to be the best goddamned husband you could ever wish for.”
Ash drew her hand away. “What are you talking about?”
Colin rose, towering over her for a moment before he folded himself into a crouch at her feet. The boards creaked beneath him, and for an instant, she thought of the night she and Eddie had stood there, after a dinner shift. After the first time they fought. Before the first time they kissed.
“Thanks for walking me home.”
“No problem.”
“See you tomorrow, I guess.”
“See ya.”
Colin spoke again, interrupting the memory.
“Ashton.” He reached into his front pocket and pulled out a small black box.
She drew in her breath and held it. That box didn’t contain what she thought it did. It couldn’t. The wind picked up and crickets scratched their legs together. The flowers near the sidewalk swayed. Beyond the hills, thunder rumbled.
“It’s going to rain,” she said. “We should go inside.”
Thunder announced itself again, closer this time. As if it hovered in the hills behind the college, or came up from the ground beneath her. Or turned the corner on two wheels.
In slow motion Ash looked past him, just as the motorcycle veered onto Lycian Street. Just as its rider slowed to a stop in front of the house. Just as he pulled off his helmet and looked at her and Colin. Oh, Eddie. His eyes, wide at first with something like hope, dimmed as his gaze moved across them. Even from a distance Ash saw his face redden. Something clutched inside her chest.
It’s my heart tearing in two. Stretching in opposite directions. Breaking apart.
Colin took her hand, forcing her attention back to where he still kneeled in front of her. “Ash, I love you.” The last word cracked. “I want to spend my life with you.” He flipped open the box, and an enormous diamond ring flashed up at her. Emerald cut, the way she’d once told him she’d wanted. Close to two carats, if she had to guess. And more diamonds set along the delicate band of platinum. Sunlight caught a rainbow of color as his hand shook a little.
“Marry me, babe. Please. Make me the happiest guy in the world.”
***
Eddie pulled up behind a sleek silver BMW. Who the hell did that belong to? For a minute he wondered if Ash’s father had stayed in town. Then his gaze traveled up to the front porch. Eddie straddled the bike and stared. The whole way back to Paradise, he’d thought it over, and here was the thing: he wanted to work things out with Ash. He wanted to see if they could push aside the mess and make a go of it. Just the two of them. He thought maybe they could. He thought maybe they had a chance.
But now…
She wasn't alone. The realization stopped him before he got off the bike. She was with another guy. After twenty-four hours?
Ash glanced over and saw Eddie at that moment, and her eyes widened. A messy ponytail fell down her back, and her top looked damp. He wondered if she’d been up half the night, or out walking since dawn. Her face flushed, and her hands worked themselves in and out of her pockets. She bit her bottom lip and turned away again.
What the hell was going on? With his head still throbbing enough to remind him of last night’s mistake, Eddie rubbed a hand across his eyes. He didn’t recognize the guy kneeling on the porch, in his light blue shirt and iro
ned shorts and woven leather sandals. But he held something in his hand that Ash kept staring at. Eddie took a few steps up the sidewalk.
“Colin, I don’t...” As the guy stood, close to six three or four if Eddie had to guess, Ash put a hand on his chest. Her words fell away, but she didn’t stop looking at him.
That’s Colin? The ex-boyfriend? Eddie’s earlier cup of coffee burned in the center of his chest. As he watched, Colin slipped a ring onto Ash’s finger, wrapped an arm around her waist, and pulled her in for a kiss. One hand swept the hair off her forehead. The other pressed five fingers into the small of her back. Possessive. Wanting. He hadn’t even looked Eddie’s way.
Eddie’s head jerked back as if someone had caught him square across the jaw. He felt sick, almost feverish. Stumbling, he backed toward the bike. Mistake…the word echoed inside his head. A total mistake, to come back here. To think she’d want to be with him. To think she wouldn’t go back to her other life the minute she had the chance. Thunder growled, and a few drops of rain pattered the back of his neck.
“Eddie, wait!”
He didn’t turn around. One leg over the motorcycle, and it revved to life. The rain picked up; the wind swept in and chilled him bone deep. He couldn’t have cared less. Barreling through the stop sign, he headed downtown. He wove around a stupid Civic going thirty miles an hour and an equally stupid mini-van with a bumper sticker that read “I Brake for Manatees.”
Manatees? Where do you live, lady, fucking Florida? Look around. Only small-town USA up here in New Hampshire. No ocean. No big cities. No place anyone would want to stay and build a life, that’s for sure. Under his breath came every curse word he could think of, most of them directed at Ash. A few at himself. What an idiot he’d been to fall for her, someone he’d known less than three months.
On he rode, faster at every chance, savoring the silence, the speed, the rush of air that stilled his thoughts after awhile. Gotta get myself a bike. Or talk Frank into letting me buy this one. The rain came down harder with every mile, and he welcomed it. Only when he reached the hairpin curve that headed out of town did Eddie realize he’d left his helmet sitting on the curb back on Lycian Street.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Ash stumbled down the porch steps as Eddie jumped back onto the motorcycle. He sped through the intersection and left a strip of burnt rubber three feet long. Colin’s hand fell onto her shoulder, but she shook it off.
“Colin...” She looked down at the ring on her finger. Already it felt heavy with the weight of the gem, not to mention his offer and the promise it held if she said yes. “I can’t make this decision.”
His Adam’s apple moved once, in a hard swallow that betrayed his disappointment. “It’s okay. Take some time. Take as much as you need.”
He didn’t look mad, or impatient, or as though he wanted to change his mind. He just looked sad, as if he knew maybe he’d waited too long. As if he understood he’d made the wrong decision and now couldn’t right it.
“I know…ah…that maybe you didn’t expect it,” he went on.
“You think?”
Colin reddened. “Took me a while to figure things out.” He stared at his feet. “I screwed up. But I don’t want to lose you. I’ll do whatever it takes.”
Ash sank onto the bottom step. She didn’t want to blame Colin for her heartache. She didn’t want the exhaustion of hating him anymore. She wanted to watch the rain fall and not count all the times she’d walked with him in it. She wanted to sleep for more than two nights in a row without waking up thinking of him. She wanted what he was offering her: the chance to forgive, move on, and change the past.
But that made it harder. She wished he wouldn't be so damn nice about it. Give me an ultimatum, and I’ll throw the ring across the porch and tell you to go to hell. But don’t tell me you’ll wait. Don’t turn into this sensitive guy I don’t even know.
“You broke my heart.” She meant to hurt him with the words, to make him feel one ounce of the pain he’d put her through. “You can’t just make everything better with an apology and a ring.”
Colin nodded. “I know.” He looked down at his hands. “I don’t blame you if you tell me to go to hell,” he added. “I guess I probably deserve it.”
“You do.” But her voice faltered.
He bent and brushed a kiss across her cheek. “I still love you,” he said again. “And I’ll wait, however long it takes, for you to see that I’m serious. That I want us to work.” He stopped halfway down the sidewalk, shoulders hunched against the rain. “I’ve got a room at the Holiday Inn over by the interstate. I’ll be there until tomorrow.” He paused. “Then I’m heading home. Be at the Vineyard with your folks next weekend, if you want. Or if not, then…just call me, okay? Let me know.”
She blinked, surprised, at the kindness in his words. The sincerity. Maybe he really was sorry. She glanced down at her left hand. Maybe it wasn’t too late for a life like that.
“I’ll call you,” she said.
He nodded and jogged to his car, slipping inside and turning the wipers on high. The next moment the BMW turned the corner, a silver streak in the distance. He’s gone, just like Eddie. Only Colin was willing to wait for her. Eddie wouldn’t even stop to let her explain. She shivered in the damp air.
After a minute—or ten, she wasn’t quite sure—Ash let herself into the house. Halfway upstairs she had to stop and catch her breath. Palms wet with perspiration, she tugged on the ring until it slipped from her finger. She held it up to the light.
Gorgeous. And perfect, of course. She wouldn’t expect less from Colin Parker. But what did it mean? That he still loved her? That he was sorry? That he wanted her back, along with her name, her future, and the benefits they offered him? If she sliced away his top layer, could she see through to the bottom? Was there anything in the middle? Anything past the good looks and the intelligence that made him a shoe-in for political office?
Ash shoved the ring into her front pocket and made her way up the final few steps.
But if she did the same thing to Eddie, what would she see there? A man too angry to trust anyone again? Someone who was happy spending his whole life bouncing in and out of beds in Paradise? Or someone who could see through the layers she wrapped around herself?
She reached for her cell phone and punched in the number for the restaurant. Sometime while Colin was on his knee and Eddie was staring across the lawn, she’d heard the church bell ring twelve times, which meant she was now officially late for work.
“…I’ll be there in ten minutes,” she promised J.T. She walked to the front window and studied the sky, blue-black and scorched with lightning. She'd have to take her car. She couldn’t walk in this.
She’d bring an extra shirt, just in case she got soaked running across the parking lot. Maybe an extra pair of socks. Cataloging the things she needed to take care of in the next five minutes helped Ash keep her mind off the bigger things she had to figure out in the next twenty-four hours. Get from here to the bedroom. Then from the bedroom to the car. Then from the car to the restaurant. She could deal with the rest later.
Ash glanced outside. Near the curb, Eddie’s motorcycle helmet lay in the rain. She started, as if the lightning outside had reached into the apartment and sizzled her. Eddie’s helmet. Here. On the ground. Not on his head. Not protecting him. Without stopping to put on her shoes, she ran out into the rain and retrieved it, laying it in front of his door.
She hated motorcycles, had lost a classmate back in high school to a violent accident. Something stole the heat from her face as she stumbled upstairs. She couldn’t think about Evan Traler’s funeral, or the fact that his parents had a closed casket because his face peeled off when he hit the pavement going eighty miles per hour without a helmet.
Without a helmet…
Ash shook her head as she made her way to the car and negotiated the water filling Main Street. Eddie had seen enough damage from careless driving to know better. He’d be careful. Ri
ght? But that look on his face when he spun away from the sidewalk. That anger.
Stop it. He’ll be fine. His brother had died in a car accident, for God’s sake. He wouldn't risk putting his parents through that again. She pulled into the lot behind the restaurant. That thought felt right. That thought, she could believe and find comfort in.
When she got home from her shift, she’d go see him. Maybe they could talk rationally. Maybe she could convince him that whatever he’d seen on the porch wasn’t the whole truth. Maybe, with tiny steps, they could sift through their feelings and the lies that she’d told. Maybe, just looking up at him, feeling his hands on hers again, would help her make a decision.
Baby steps. Just get yourself through the next few hours. You’ll be fine. He'll be fine.
She skipped over a puddle, not knowing that this time, she was wrong.
***
Near the end of the lunch shift, the crowd at Blues and Booze finally trickled to a stop. With a single family in a booth and a couple of guys at the bar, the two waitresses headed into the kitchen. Ash leaned against the stainless steel counter, exhausted and starving. She grabbed a packet of soup crackers and realized she hadn’t eaten a thing since breakfast. Since before she’d gotten the phone call from Marty. Since before she’d walked her way through town only to return home and find Colin waiting for her, with an engagement ring and a promise of forever. Crackers fell from her hand and made a yellow crumb pile on the counter. Without the distraction of taking orders and running food, the memories returned, painfully sharp. Had all that happened just today? It seemed as though a thousand hours had passed since she woke up.
“Everything okay?” Lacey began refilling ketchup bottles.
“Fine.”
“I heard Marty asked you to take over full-time.”
Ash didn’t answer. News traveled fast. Too fast, sometimes.
Summer on Main Street Page 74