“Hmm, I don’t know. Justin Bieber?”
Lindsey giggled. “No, silly.”
“Mickey Mouse?”
Lindsey rolled her eyes. “No. Jack-Mack!”
Renata’s thin lips pressed together. Thunder shook the house.
Beth cleared her throat. “Uh, Jack McCauley. He, um, plays for the Rapids.”
“I know who he is.” Renata speared a piece of Knedlíky and dipped it in gravy. But she didn’t lift the fork to her mouth. “So how did this happen?” She directed the question at Lindsey, but Beth knew it was meant for her, because Renata’s tone was light. Too light.
“I caught a fly ball at the opening game and then I got to meet the players and they signed my ball, and then Jack-Mack told Mommy we could go anywhere I wanted to go. So we went to Charlie Cheesie because it’s my favorite place in the whole wide world.”
Well, that wasn’t exactly how it happened, but close enough, Beth supposed. Renata didn’t need to know the sordid details. She couldn’t quite meet Renata’s eyes, even though she could feel the woman’s gaze boring into her.
Lindsey chattered on about their time together and how much fun they’d had. Renata’s posture grew straighter and straighter, and her lips thinned until they’d disappeared into a straight slash across her lower face. Why was she acting so weird? As far as Beth knew, David hadn’t told his parents who Lindsey’s biological dad was. He’d just told them that Beth had “made a mistake” with a boy, who’d dumped her when he found out she was pregnant. She’d told her parents the same thing. The partial truth was easier than the entire truth—if her dad had known who the father was, he’d have hunted him down and forced him to “do the right thing”.
But what if Renata had figured it out? Oh, God. If her mother-in-law followed baseball at all—and it was hard not to in this town—she’d realize Jack had been in town at the same time Beth got pregnant. And now, seven years later, this famous ballplayer just happened to go out for pizza with them?
Beth took some deep breaths. In through the nose. Hold. Out through the mouth. Hold. Just like Tara taught in yoga class during relaxation. She listened to the heavy rain outside the window and tried to focus on just that sound.
If Renata figured it out, Beth would deal with it then. Just as she’d deal with it if Jack decided he wanted to be part of Lindsey’s life. No use freaking out about either scenario right now.
Tell that to her stomach, the Knedlíky feeling like a heavy boulder in her gut.
“I want to have my birthday party at Charlie Cheesie,” Lindsey piped in. “Mommy, can I have my birthday party there?”
It took Beth a moment to process the words, she’d been so wrapped up in what-if scenarios that might never happen. Lindsey’s birthday wasn’t until next month, yet in typical first-grader fashion, she was already planning ahead.
“Uh, I don’t see why not.”
“Can I invite Jack-Mack?”
Oh, God. Lindsey spent one afternoon with the man, and already she’d fallen for him. Did he feel the same way? The two certainly had hit it off yesterday.
Beth forced a smile. “We’ll see. He might be playing out of town that day.” She’d make sure to plan the party on a day he was out of town. She was so horrible.
“Lindsey,” Renata said a few minutes later as they cleared the table. “Why don’t you go into the TV room and watch your DVD?”
“Really?” Lindsey squealed. She loved watching the DVD of home movies with her as a baby. She raced out of the kitchen.
Here it comes. Beth steeled herself for the onslaught.
“What’s going on between you and Jack McCauley?”
Beth forced a casual shrug. “Nothing. He... came into the store a while back, because his teammate wanted to see Zoey—they met at the ball signing.” She forced a light-hearted giggle, but it sounded more like a sick, bleating lamb. “Zoey has had a huge crush on him from the first time she saw his picture in the paper. You know how girls are at that age.” Her story didn’t explain why Jack spent time with them, but hoped Renata didn’t realize that.
Renata’s dark brown eyes turned black when she was upset or worried. They looked black right now. “Are you dating?”
Beth’s laugh was genuine this time. “Oh, right.”
Renata just stared at her, thin eyebrows raised.
“First of all, I’m not ready to date—”
“I should hope not. It’s barely been a year since David’s passing.” She sniffled.
Beth couldn’t pretend to know the pain of losing one’s only child, but she imagined Renata’s reaction to the thought of her daughter-in-law dating—which she wasn’t!—would be the same today as it would be ten years from now. And Renata seemed to forget David had left her and Lindsey six months before his death.
She didn’t know that Renata would ever be able to handle her dating. Jack’s face flashed in her mind. She shoved it away. Like that would ever happen. But she would like to date again. Some day. Reason number 423 that she wanted to get her own place, away from prying, if well-meaning, eyes. But until the store was doing better, it made more sense to stay put a while and save money.
“And second, Jack has no more interest in me romantically than I do in him.” Which was the truth.
Renata pursed her lips and turned on the hot water to fill the sink. “So what was yesterday about then?”
Jack had wanted to meet Lindsey, spend some time with her. Beth had been touched by his genuine attempts to get to know Lindsey at her level. But now what? She felt like she was walking along the edge of a steep precipice, arms outstretched and trying not to fall into it. And she’d continue to feel that way until she knew Jack’s intentions.
She carried in dishes from the dining room. “Nothing. I… used to know Jack. He used to come to the Rapids coffee stand.” That was the truth. “Remember when I worked there?” That was also the truth. “He recognized me when he came into the shop, and you know…”
“No, I don’t know.”
Beth paused in the doorway. “Renata, if you have something to say, you should just come out and say it.” She could take it. She hoped.
Renata rinsed the plates, scraping bits of food into the garbage can. She refused to get a garbage disposal. Beth had no idea why. “I’m just worried about my granddaughter. She’s been through a lot. She misses her father terribly. I just don’t think she’s ready for you to be dating.” She held up a hand. “I know, I know. You’re not dating. Well, whatever it is you’re doing with Mr. McCauley, Lindsey’s not strong enough for it.”
Or you aren’t, Beth mused. “You know Lindsey is my first priority, Renata. I won’t ever do anything to jeopardize that, so you have nothing to worry about, okay? Jack’s just… a friend.” Even that term was a stretch. What were she and Jack together? Really nothing but the biological parents of her daughter.
Which was hardly nothing.
It was a big, fat, scary something.
Her cell phone rang from where she’d left it next to her purse on the kitchen counter. Renata picked it up to hand it to Beth, but not before glancing at the screen. “Just a friend?”
Beth took the phone, and saw Jack’s name on the screen. Her heart leapt in her chest, an odd combination of dread, anxiety, excitement and total panic, all wrapped into one calm-on-the-outside but freaking-out-on-the-inside emotion.
She swiped on the phone and turned away from Renata’s prying gaze. “Hello?”
“We need to talk.”
“About…?”
“Our daughter.”
Chapter Seven
Oh, God. Jack had never referred to Lindsey as his daughter before. Beth felt Renata’s gaze boring into her back. “Um, okay, but now’s not really a good time. Can I call you tomorrow?”
“I’m heading south for some games. I won’t be back for a week. Are you home?”
“No. Wait. I thought you had a game tonight?”
“They called it for lightning and rain. I was hopi
ng I could stop by, talk after Lindsey goes to bed or something.”
The thunder and lightning seemed to have passed, but the rain was coming down harder than ever. “Um, I’m next door at my mother-in-law’s house. We’re, um, in the middle of dinner.”
Renata’s pause in dish rinsing was very slight, but enough for Beth to know she’d heard the white lie.
Silence on the line. “You live next door to David’s mother?” He must have realized she couldn’t really answer that in the company she was currently keeping, because he quickly added, “Does she know about… me?”
“No. Well, not like… that.” But Beth knew it was just a matter of time before she put two and two together. “I’ll be home soon, if you want to call me—”
“I’m parked across the street.”
“You—” She crossed to the front window. Jack’s Audi was parked under the street light in front of the Sloanes’ house, getting pounded with slanted rain. An unwanted and unexpected shiver raced up her spine.
She couldn’t do this. Not with her mother-in-law right here. “Thanks for calling,” she said brightly. “Have a good road trip!” She clicked off the phone and joined Renata at the sink. “Sorry ‘bout that.”
Renata shook her head. “My son was a good man, Beth. I know he made some mistakes, but he was a good man.”
***
A week later, Beth’s feet pounded softly on the asphalt path of the Centennial Trail, each footfall splashing a fine spray of rainwater onto her running tights and shoes. Despite the rain, the path was populated with quite a few walkers and runners. In the Pacific Northwest, especially in the spring, if you waited for it to stop raining before you went outside, you might never go outside.
Beth knew she was running away as much as running for exercise today. Jack had returned from his road trip and left her a message, saying he wanted to get together. Rather than return his call, she decided to come out here, to work out the kinks of another long shift at the call center. One of the hardest parts of the job was the rotating shifts. She never knew week to week if she was working days, nights, or swing shift.
She wasn’t ready to hear what Jack had to say. He’d referred to Lindsey as ‘his daughter’ before he’d left town. That could only mean he wanted to assume responsibility as her father.
She ran a bit faster at the thought.
She needed to quit assuming anything and talk to the man. She just didn’t want to do it face to face. Face to face was too… hard. Jack was so damn attractive and charming when he wanted to be. All those old feelings she thought she’d repressed and outgrown came to the surface whenever he was around. It would be too easy to agree to anything when she was with him. Talking on the phone was much better. Texting or emailing, even better.
Okay, from now on when she had something to say to him, she would text him. Perfect.
“On your left,” called a bicycle rider from behind. As it passed her, it sped through a mud puddle and kicked up a stream of water, mud and pebbles.
“Dammit!” Beth muttered. Most bicyclists were careful to avoid standing water when passing people. This guy, obviously, wasn’t so conscientious.
She slowed to a walk and grabbed a tissue from her pocket, wiping mud off her jacket sleeve and the side of her face. The tissue was soon a transparent, gooey mess.
Footsteps pounded behind her. “That was rude,” came a deep voice. “The jack-ass didn’t even—”
She turned at the familiar voice.
“Beth. Hey.” Jack slowed to a walk beside her, his breathing barely elevated.
Crap. Could she look any grosser? Plus she’d been avoiding him. Awkward and embarrassing. “Hey. What are you doing out here?” God, what a dumb question. It was obvious what he was doing. Duh.
“We’re off today, so I thought I’d fit in a run. I remember running this trail with you before.”
Yeah. She remembered. They’d sneak off the trail halfway through their run for some hot and sweaty fooling around alongside the river. Her face heated up at the steamy memories. And from the way Jack’s eyes darkened, he remembered, too.
“You’ve been avoiding me.” He didn’t look mad, just matter-of-fact.
She averted her gaze. “No, I haven’t. Well, maybe just a little bit. Um, sorry I haven’t called you back.”
He reached over and touched her face. She jerked. “Sorry. You had some mud on your cheek.” He pulled his hand away to show her. “Unless you wanted it there?” He made a move as if to put it back.
She had to smile. “Uh, no. Thanks.” Rain pattered the visor of her ball cap. It bounced off his, too. “Are you supposed to be running?” She noticed he’d limped a bit when he’d approached.
“It’s part of my training.”
“It doesn’t hurt your knee?”
“It’s fine.”
His tone told her that was the end of the knee conversation. The game came before anything, including pain. She pressed her lips together to bite back a retort.
She swiped at her clothes a few more times, then broke into a jog, not wanting her muscles to get cold, and not wanting to talk to him anymore. “Don’t let me hold you back,” she said over her shoulder, hoping he’d get the hint.
“Talk about subtle,” he said with a chuckle, and fell in beside her. “I should probably take it a bit slower anyway.”
“Hey, buster. I can kick your ass in a run and you know it. I clearly remember—” She cut herself off at his laughter. He was baiting her. She reached over and slapped his arm. “Jerk.”
After a few hundred yards of not too uncomfortable silence, he said, “We need to talk about Lindsey.”
She clenched and unclenched her fists. “Okay, talk.” She kicked up her speed a notch.
“Her middle name is Faye.”
Beth’s breathing hitched. “Yes.”
“That’s my mom’s middle name.”
She jumped over a large puddle. “Yes.”
Jack ran right through it. After about twenty yards, “Yes? That’s it?”
“What do you want me to say, Jack?”
“It’s not a very common name.”
“It’s not that uncommon.”
“Are you saying it’s just a coincidence?”
“This is where I stretch and turn around,” she said, slowing to a walk as they approached a picnic table on a bluff over the river. “Have a good run.” She stopped in front of the table and propped her heel onto the low bench, leaning forward to stretch her hamstring.
He jogged in place beside her. “Answer my question.”
She stretched her other leg. “Okay. Fine. I named her after your mom. You’d told me you two were close.”
He stopped jogging and stared at her, an indiscernible expression on his face. “That was… nice. Thank you.”
He was thanking her for naming their daughter after his mother, even though she’d never met the woman? Even though she’d withheld the existence of their child for almost seven years? Go figure. It was the least she could do, really. “Why aren’t you mad at me for all this? If I was in your shoes, I’d be furious.”
“I was. I am. But I... get it.”
Beth stretched her quads, holding onto the edge of the picnic table with one hand for balance. “You get what?”
“If I had been in your shoes, I probably wouldn’t have told me about the pregnancy either. I wouldn’t have handled it well. I was a selfish ass back then.”
“You told me the other day you’re still a selfish ass.” She didn’t wait for his response and kicked into a slow run, heading back toward Twin Rivers. After a moment, he caught up. As she knew he would. It was wishful thinking that she’d have a solo run home.
“I want to be part of her life.”
Beth’s step faltered, then she kicked it a bit faster.
He kept up easily, despite his injury. “No comment?”
“I’m just thinking.”
“You’re freaking out inside, aren’t you?”
�
�A little.” She slanted a glance his way. He stared straight ahead, but his jaw was set and his mouth firm. They ran a bit. “When you say you want to be part of her life, how big a part are we talking?”
“David is the only father she’s known,” he said. “I won’t jeopardize that relationship. I don’t plan on stepping into his shoes.”
Relief shot through her, along with something else she couldn’t quite put a finger on. “So… what are you saying then?”
“Fatherhood is just something I never—” He cleared his throat. “I would be a shitty dad. Trust me. Just like I’ve always been a shitty boyfriend. As you just reminded me, I’m a selfish ass. But…” They ran in silence a few yards. “But now that I’ve met her, I can’t just walk away. I want to be part of her life, but just as a friend, like a favorite uncle or something. I also want to help you financially.”
That thought made her skin burn. She didn’t want his money. She didn’t want to feel beholden to any man ever again. So she ignored that part of his comment. “You don’t want to be her father?”
“I... just want to take things one day at a time for now.”
Meaning, there might come a day where he wanted to take on the role of father. Which totally freaked her out. But she would deal with that when—if—that day ever came.
In the meantime, he was being way more reasonable than she would be were the situation reversed. “Okay.” After a few more yards, she added, “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For not trying to barrel into her life, for respecting David’s role as her dad, for…” She cleared her throat. “Just thank you.”
She glanced over at him and he nodded his acknowledgment. After about a hundred yards, she said, “David left us.”
“What?” He stopped running.
She slowed down and turned around. Jack stood still, a shocked expression on his face. “Don’t stop like that,” she said. “Your knee will freeze up.”
When he jogged up to meet her, she headed forward again. It was easier to talk to him when they weren’t standing face to face.
“David left you? You mean, before he—?”
Summer on Main Street Page 89