How could she feel the loss of two people she barely knew so fiercely? And how could she ever go through life with the hurt losing her mother caused.
Hayden brushed the tears back with her arm and found her eyes drifting up to the painting of the Clarksport Head Light. Even though her body shuddered under the force of her hurt, a sense of peace reached to her from the canvas. It was a place that always quieted her heart, and she had an overwhelming need to be there, leaning up against its white stone surface, letting the ocean and the sky and gulls soak up her pain.
What about Ben?
The thought of leaving him didn’t settle well. Her mind went back to the night they’d spent together. It’d been as near to perfect as anything she’d ever done, any night she ever had. He’d comforted her and warmed her body, sent her to the stars. And for a few hours drove away the loneliness she’d felt for too long. It had been her first glimpse into the possibility of a forever with someone.
And it scared her to death.
The first rumble of irritable thunder rattled against the panes of the parlor windows.
****
If anyone had seen him they probably would have thought him nuts. So it was a good thing Ben was by himself.
Rain sliced hard out of the sky, beating against the windshield of his truck with the kind of force that would flatten the prairie. The constant sound competed against the swipe of the wipers and the music from the CD player. But even the rain couldn’t stop Ben from grinning to himself and no matter how hard he tried to stop he couldn’t. Damn, it made his cheeks hurt.
“Goofball.” He shook his head again and pressed his foot down on the gas pedal just a bit more. He wanted to get back home as soon as possible. He and Hayden had some talking to do. He’d left too soon that morning, hadn’t had a chance to discuss plans with her.
Like how long he could get her to stay. Forever maybe?
The thought startled him. He’d never thought about marriage much. Never had any particular need to think that way. After all, the supply of eligible women in this rural area wasn’t exactly fertile. Most of the female population in the Burton area “jumped ship” after graduation. A few stuck around, but usually for reasons such as they already had someone to keep them there.
It was rarer yet that a young woman came along who’d stay here long enough to develop any kind of relationship. Until Hayden. At least it was clear that she and Jesse, while not on any kind of speaking terms, weren’t bent on destroying each other. Maybe they’d figure things out over time.
By the time he turned into the entrance to the ranch, the rain had stopped, but dusk had begun to roll in. A crack in the clouds revealed a slice of lavender sky and one bright pinpoint of light. Perhaps by dinner the clouds would’ve moved on and the night would be perfect for sitting under the stars.
Hayden’s car wasn’t in the lot when he pulled up to the house, though. Ben frowned and glanced at the neon blue clock on the dash. It was past seven. Did she really have that much to do over at the inn? An uneasy feeling gripped his belly, but he jumped out of the truck and slammed the door, and headed for the house at a jog.
There had to be a logical reason why she wasn’t there, and he was determined to find out before he flew off the handle and tore off to the other house. Maybe she ran into town for something, or just decided to get more done at Primrose than she first thought.
The house was just too quiet. Like it had been in the days before Hayden had ever shown up. More than likely Amelia had had a quiet dinner and had retreated to her suite of rooms at the back of the house. And besides him, that only left Hayden as the only current residents of the big log house. There was a bunkhouse down behind the barn that housed the stable hands who didn’t have homes in town. But they didn’t come up to hang out. Ben kept the main house pretty much off limits to anyone but guests and the few cleaning girls who came in when the guests were there.
Without breaking his quick stride, Ben headed back to Amelia’s rooms, tapping lightly on her closed door when he reached it.
Amelia pulled the door open and peered out, smiling in an instant. Ben tried to smile back, but did a poor job of it. He was far too nervous about Hayden’s whereabouts.
“Where’s Hayden?”
Amelia tilted her head and frowned, her gray brows furrowed. “Not in her room? She came home for dinner, but went off to bed early.”
Ben hadn’t realized he held his breath until he let it go in a sharp hiss.
“Her car isn’t here. Unless she parked somewhere else. I’m going to go change and head over to Primrose. Maybe she forgot something over there.”
Amelia nodded, her face looking slightly grimmer than it had a moment earlier.
“She seemed okay at dinner, didn’t she?”
Amelia pondered his question then shrugged. “Seemed a bit quiet, but I put it down to the stress she’s been going through. I’m sure she’s fine, Ben.”
He had to force another smile, but he nodded. “I suppose. I’ll go check. Sorry to bother you. Goodnight.”
Amelia laid her hand on his arm and squeezed. “You’re never a bother. Have a good night.”
It was a struggle not to run up to his room, but Ben walked, convincing himself that everything was okay. He stopped at her room first, but it was dark and the bed empty. Proceeding to the next door, the unease came upon him wave on wave. And telling himself to stop worrying didn’t help one bit.
His room was much the way he left it when he responded to Hayden’s nightmare, bed barely slept in. Just the thought of the previous night, holding Hayden, making love to her and waking up next her, sent fingers of heat licking through his body.
Along one of the walls was a large dresser. Two large packages were propped against the mirror, an envelope rested against them.
Ben stalked them as if they were some dangerous animals he didn’t want to wake.
He’d only seen Hayden’s handwriting a few times, but he recognized the neat script that spelled out his name. He picked up the envelope first and retreated to the edge of his bed, feeling that he was going to need to be seated for what the envelop held in store for him. Slowly he opened it with his finger and pulled out the single sheet of lined paper. Before he unfolded it, he took a deep breath, feeling deflated even though he had no idea what the letter contained.
Finally he opened the sheet and read what Hayden had written.
Dear Ben,
It was never my intention to leave like this, taking the coward’s way out, but I just couldn’t stay here. I needed to go back to Maine. I have so many things that I need to think about and I think that would be the best place for me to be, near the ocean and my lighthouse.
When I woke up this morning, I never thought I’d be writing this letter. Being with you seemed like I’d just started the best part of my life. I’ve never been in love before, and if this is how it is, then it’s all the harder to leave it behind. But while I was at Gran’s, going through everything, it hit me. The pain I’ve shoved aside since my mother’s death and now my grandmother. I know I didn’t know her as well as I should have, but I loved her very much.
I just need my home. I’m sure there’s a place that you have that you go to think and to heal, and my place is the lighthouse.
I was going to stay longer, so I could tell you this face to face, but there’s a flight out of Rapid City and I have to leave soon to catch it.
While I’m in Maine I’ll be thinking of a lot of things. Like what I’m going to do with Gran’s property. I know you want it, and I’ll think of selling it to you. I’ll let you know as soon as I’ve made a decision
I’ll also think of you. In fact I’ll probably think of you more than anything else. I fought against it because I didn’t see my life here. I had reasons for coming here and after I’d accomplished those, I planned on leaving South Dakota behind with no regrets, no looking back. I didn’t expect to find the love of my life.
Ben had to stop reading. He laid the lette
r on his knee and rubbed his temple before he picked up the paper again and finished her words.
I’m leaving you two gifts to remember me by. I hope when you look at them you’ll think of me and how much you mean to me. I do plan to think about us, about coming back, but I need to do it with a clear head. And if you don’t hate me too much now, maybe you’ll allow me to come back to you.
I love you with all my heart.
Hayden.
Ben folded the letter back up and slid it into the envelope. Hayden’s words reverberated in his head, but he couldn’t feel much more than numbness and confusion. So she loved him, but couldn’t wait a day or so to tell him? Couldn’t let him take her back to the airport and see her off? Had to leave him with nothing but a letter and a million questions?
He eyed the two packages still sitting on his dresser. He knew they were paintings, her work. Tired, he pushed himself to his feet and went to them. These must be the products of all those rides with Missy out onto the prairie. Ben picked up one of the canvases and pulled back the tissue paper to reveal a gorgeous painting of Sky Butte at sunset. She’d captured the splendor of the sunset against the backdrop of the prairie and distant butte. A myriad of orange and yellows blended to perfection with streaks of purple and blue. But what struck him more was the man and horse she’d added into the scene. It only took a split second to recognize himself in the cowboy. Ben reached over and turned the light on the dresser on so he could get a better look.
His breath caught in his chest as he examined the incredible detail, how she’d captured a wistful gaze in his eyes as he faced the sunset and the butte. And to think she did that from memory. If he’d been there, posing for her, she couldn’t have captured him closer. What impressed him more was how well she’d painted his horse. For someone who didn’t know much about horses, she’d captured Ricochet to perfection.
A lot of love went into the painting. He could see it in every stroke. Looking at the painting he couldn’t doubt her feelings for him. Which made her leaving even harder to take.
Reluctantly he put down the canvas and picked up the other one. After removing the paper, he stared at the painting of Clarksport Head Light. The painting she’d made for Lu, the one that fascinated him so much. He set it down on the dresser next to the Sky Butte scene and compared the two. They were fire and water. His world and hers.
How could he ever make her happy here? So far from the ocean, so far from her lighthouse?
He stared hard at the tall tower with the beam of light reaching out.
She didn’t say she’d never come back. Maybe there was a way to want to stay here forever.
****
Things should have been different. But everything looked exactly like it had nearly three months ago when she left Clarksport.
When Hayden arrived back in town after five hours of sitting in coach on two different airplanes, hanging out in airport waiting areas before reaching the Portland International Jetport, not to mention another two hours of sitting in the back of a bus heading up 95, she wanted sleep.
At the bus terminal outside Clarksport, Hayden hauled her bags over to the payphone. She eyed the suitcases with a contemptuous glare, wondering what the heck she’d been thinking, lugging all that stuff back.
You were thinking of making the quickest getaway you could make.
Carl had no clue she was coming home, and she wanted to surprise him, but since there was no cab service in Clarksport, her only two options were to walk home or call the inn and ruin her surprise. Three suitcases, a backpack and purse were a bit much to lug three miles to the Widows Walk Inn.
Hayden dropped fifty cents into the box, punched out the familiar numbers to the front desk of the inn and waited through four rings. A cheerful voice picked up and greeted her.
“Good afternoon. Widow’s Walk Inn. How may I help you?”
“Is this Wendy?”
“Yes this is,” the voice confirmed, a hint of doubt lowering the pitch.
“This is Hayden. Is Carl there?”
The young woman laughed. “Oh sorry! I didn’t recognize your voice. You sound like you’re really close.”
“How does three miles sound? I’m at the bus station and need a ride.”
“Oh you’re kidding! You want me to come get you? Carl’s out at the hardware store. But it’s pretty dead here. I think I could escape.”
“That would be great. I can still surprise him.”
“I’ll be there in a flash.”
Hayden waited next to the bus terminal in a sliver of shade. Even though she was still several miles from the ocean, she could smell it wafting on the breeze that moved unhindered across the parking lot. The subtle scent of seaweed and salt. Three gulls rode the wind, swooping to land on the light poles or the ground if they saw something worthwhile to come down for. Their wings were bright against the powder blue sky, and their cries filled the air. Hayden closed her eyes, but instead of the image of the white birds remaining, instead she saw a hawk gliding in wide circles in another sky, keeping their watch on the high, swaying grass below them.
Her eyes flashed open to get the prairie out of them. She was home now and she needed to concentrate on that, not about what she left behind. Very soon she’d be able to go up to the lighthouse and sit on the rocks that overlooked the ocean, or go down to the wharf and visit with the LaPointes. Maybe even treat herself to a lobster and steamers.
She made her mind think of those simple pleasures to keep it off her desire to sit under the South Dakota moonlight. Tonight she planned to walk to the lighthouse to prove to herself that the moonlight here was just as intoxicating as at The Painted Horse Ranch.
Without having Ben next to her, though, she wasn’t sure how enchanting the moonlight would really be.
The arrival of Wendy saved her from having to delve further into her heart to find an answer to that question. The young woman hopped out of the vehicle enthusiastically and grabbed Hayden’s backpack and a suitcase.
“Welcome home.”
Hayden grinned as she picked up the rest of her luggage and stowed it away in the bed of the little blue pickup. “Thanks. And thanks for coming to get me.”
“Oh, no problem. It’s been a quiet week. Only three guests right now. More coming in tomorrow, but I’ve been playing solitaire and quite frankly that’s dull as dirt. Carl is going to be thrilled to see you!”
Wendy continued her zealous chatter as she pulled away from the bus terminal and headed toward the ocean. Hayden only half listened. Her mind had shifted to an unsettling pattern of comparing Clarksport to Burton. It had to be the strangest thing, but neither one particularly came out ahead.
“Here we are.” Wendy turned the pickup into the dirt parking lot of the Widow’s Walk Inn, her mother’s dream. The tall Victorian was similar in a lot of ways to Primrose Inn, with two turrets and high peaked roofs. Widow’s Walk was painted in two shades of rose that complimented the rich green grass, the deep red and pale pink roses that grew along the side of the house, and the ocean in the background.
“Feels like I’ve been gone forever.” Hayden sighed as she got out of the car. She expected to be overcome with joy and comfort, but it didn’t come. Instead her heart was melancholy, torn between wanting to be there and wishing she were back with Ben.
She hated the way she left, leaving behind the letter trying to explain, and the two paintings. No doubt by now he hated her, and she couldn’t blame him if that were the truth. But seeing him, being near him, would’ve broken her resolve to return to Maine. And she needed Maine to heal.
But she had a feeling deep in her heart that she needed Ben to live.
Stop that, she reprimanded herself and headed up to the inn.
After unpacking, she planned on going up to the lighthouse, just to charge her batteries. The sight of the ocean would do her heart good, she convinced herself. Seeing her lighthouse would be even better.
Hayden stashed her stuff, including the suitcases taken from
her grandmother’s house, in her little suite of rooms at the back of the inn. The room had a stale, unused odor, so she opened the windows to let fresh air in. Immediately the sound of waves, rolling up over the rocks and pulling back with a slow, hypnotic rhythm, reached into the room, the scent of the water blending with the fragrant roses outside her window.
Clarksport was welcoming her home.
Hayden changed out of her travel clothes and took a quick shower. It was a warm afternoon, so she slipped into a pair of cutoff jeans and a halter-top, pulling her dark hair into a ponytail on the top of her head. From her backpack she pulled out the drawing pad Ben had purchased for her and her pencils and left her room.
“What are you doing back here?”
The booming voice startled Hayden, but it was familiar and dear. Carl was behind the mahogany front desk, his hand still clutched around the plastic bag from the hardware store. Hayden watched his friendly face transform from surprised shock to joy. He let go of the bag and wheeled himself quickly around the desk. Hayden leaned down and was engulfed in a warm hug, which she returned enthusiastically. Despite the long years he’d spent in the wheelchair, he was still a bear of a man. Maybe not like he’d been before the accident that took his ability to walk, but he’d refused to let his disability eat away at him. Her mother’s death had been far more detrimental to him than that.
“I missed home,” she said against his shoulder.
“Well, home missed you too, honey,” Carl replied, held on to her a moment longer before releasing her.
“What’s going on with you? You look different.” The blond man studied her with pale blue eyes. For a moment she imagined looking into another pair of light blue eyes and her heart lurched. She shut her eyes and took a deep breath to capture her peace of mind. She opened them again and met Carl’s concerned gaze squarely.
“Do I? I guess I’m just tired from being up most of the night. I spent too much time in airports.”
Carl lifted an eyebrow and tilted his head to the side. No, he didn’t buy it. Hayden couldn’t fool him easily.
Summer on Main Street Page 115