by Roux, Lilou
The million-dollar question: How the hell was it possible?
And a close second place for: Why would she dream of it?
It was time to find out more about this place, about her dream.
It was time for a chat with Joanne.
FOUR
The weather forecast promised another warm day but a cooling breeze that would proof summer’s slipping grip, and so Tess had settled on tight jeans, wine red top and a light, cream colored cardigan. Not that her duffle bag gave her much to choose from. She added her brown leather jacket but left it open.
Stepping outside the cabin Tess halted in her tracks. The day was still young, painting the trees a dark blue. Wafts of fog embracing the valleys where the sun hadn’t won the battle yet. The air was mild and clear. A snapshot of summer and autumn coming together.
Peaceful quiet surrounded her - the lonely cry of a bird of prey or occasional noises from the stable so natural it didn’t disturb the peace but blended with it, even intensified it. Her hurt clenched in her chest. Not in pain this time, but rather from its wish to sprout wings and soar. This place was magic to her senses, to her soul.
Looking over the rise and fall of endless spreading forest she suddenly longed to run in them. To feel the earth beneath her feet, the wind in her hair and moonlight against her bare skin. What? Wait! The image crackled in her mind. Moonlight? Bare skin? Inwardly she sighed. That stupid dream. Wasn’t it enough to be haunted by it in the night? Now it even invaded her daydreaming.
It wanted to play it that way. Well, then she didn’t have any other choice but to exorcise it, starting by going into the woods and finding the lake today. Hopefully it would help.
“Well, if that isn’t a determined look, then I don’t know what is.”
Tess nearly jumped out of her skin at the deep voice. Her head snapped around to stare at the man who was heading towards her. Oh boy.
He was hot. Tall, short dark hair; he was dressed in dark blue jeans and his broad shoulders were covered by a light gray shirt that was rolled up to his elbows revealing strong arms, the kind that only real labor could shape. And that voice of his, it had a raspy, dark note to it as if he had just gotten out of bed. It was a caress in itself and made her shiver.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
Startle? Try heart attack – and it wasn’t because of the scare.
She needed a moment to get her voice back. “It’s okay. I was just…uh, woolgathering.”
A smile curved one side of his perfectly formed mouth. “Really? It looked more like you were preparing for battle or something.”
He stopped in front of the stairs leading to the porch and made her realize how tall he was. Well over six feet. And then she looked into his eyes. Silver gray, they were the lightest color she had ever seen. It was like looking at the moon.
When she didn’t saying anything, he extended a hand and added, “But where are my manners? I’m Nathan Hawkins, Joanne’s son. Good morning.”
Finally she managed a smile. “Morning. I’m Tess Wright. Nice to meet you.”
She descended the stairs to take his hand and nearly gasped at the sudden charge cursing along her skin and to the heart of her. When his eyes flashed golden, her heart stopped a beat - but then her brain caught up. It must have been the sunlight reflecting in them.
“My pleasure.” Did she imagine it as well, or was his voice even darker than before?
Her pulsed throbbed. They were so close, the heat of him caressing her. Once again their eyes met and she appreciated the fact that she had to look up a bit. She wasn’t small, far from it, with her five feet ten inches, which had often been a problem for her - and in the end, the guys she had been with. Add high heels and most of them had felt dwarfed – even if they weren’t – offended in their masculinity, showing her that they hadn’t any to begin with. Somehow she knew that Nathan wouldn’t be offended by such things. He was male through and through.
He let go of her hand but not her gaze. “My mother’s probably in the kitchen, preparing breakfast. I was on my way there. Would you like to join?”
“Um… yeah, why not.” She smiled a little and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Actually that’s where I was headed…before the view got the best of me, that is.”
Nathan gazed around to take in the majestic mountains and woods surrounding them under what could become a nearly perfectly blue sky as soon as the fog lifted. A quiet peace and reverence that pulled at her heart filled his eyes when his gaze returned to her. “Yeah, I can understand that. Glad you took your time to enjoy it.”
Together they started towards the main cabin that was the reception, dining room and general heart of Joanne’s B&B.
“Do you know the area? Have you been here before?”
Yes and no. Tess nearly laughed out loud at that but kept it inside and just shook her head. “No. Why?”
“I heard you arrived only yesterday, so I figured if you need a guide…well, just let me know. On horseback, hiking or whatever. I grew up here, I know my way around.”
She felt at ease with him. There were no sparks flying at the moment, but a steady buzz, an awareness of each other, seemed to vibrate between them. “Thanks. I was thinking about exploring the forest earlier but I think I’d like to go on my own. No offense.”
“None taken. There’s nothing more exhilarating and awe-inspiring than being all alone out there in, and with, the forest.” At her stunned look, he shrugged. “I have my lone wolf days as well.”
They continued the rest of the way in companionable silence.
Tess was shaken by the intensity of the instant attraction that was still warming her insides whenever their gazes met or they accidentally brushed against each other. Amazed at how Nathan instantly understood why she wanted to be alone in the forest. But she was also scared by it. She had so much going on, inside her head and soul. She really needed to find out what her dreams were all about and clear her head before she could even think about getting her heart, or even just her body, tangled up with his.
An image of his strong body tangled up with hers flashed in her mind and her lower belly clenched. Obviously her body’s way of rebelling and demanding a say in the matter as well. As if she didn’t have enough to worry about.
FIVE
The moment they stepped into the main cabin - which was basically a bigger, more intricately designed and even cozier version of the one she was staying in - she relaxed. Although it was still too early in the morning for most of the guests to rise, scents of breakfast filled the air, making her mouth water in a different way than Nathan had. Her stomach wanted food, her blood was begging for caffeine.
“Come this way,” Nathan said, and placing a hand at the small of her back that sent a shiver to all the right parts, he steered her towards the kitchen.
The kitchen was perfect. Wide and open, with sunlight streaming in through the windows, it made her feel immediately at home – a sensation that was rather foreign to Tess. Light wood – of course – everywhere; an efficient island in the middle with a lot of space to work and a rack hanging from the ceiling with copper cookware, and herbs and flowers pots were scattered wherever there was some space. It was messy, but in that good, often-used kind of way. The air was spiced with rosemary and blueberries and lemon.
Joanne was a lovely picture to behold. It was as if the air sparkled around her as she was singing to herself and preparing a batch of dough. But it was probably just fine sugar and flour swirling in the air around her, catching sunbeams.
Looking up, a wide smile lit up her face. “Well, hello there, early riser. Good Morning. How did you sleep?” Joanne was wearing an apron around her waist which made her look even more adorable and absolutely at home. This was her real domain.
Tess automatically smiled back. Who wouldn’t? “Good morning to you, too. And I slept very well. Thank you.” She really had when she didn’t have the dream. “Like the dead actually. Must be the peace and
quiet here.”
“And the air.”
Motioning towards the dough Tess asked, “What’s that going to become?”
“Rosemary bread. Blueberry lemon muffins are already in the oven.”
“Oh God, I’ve died and gone to heaven.”
Nathan chuckled as he poured coffee for them.
“What? And how the hell did you manage to end up with such a hot body anyway? With a mother like yours I’d have risen like a yeast dumpling.” The words were out of her mouth before she could really think about them. She had just called him hot – in front of his mother. “Dammit.”
Nathan and Joanne started laughing, and though heat crept up her neck Tess soon joined in.
After they recovered Nathan stepped close to hand her a cup of coffee. “Thanks for the compliment, I guess.” Their fingers brushed around the cup, eliciting another spark, and he smiled into her eyes. Her breath caught in her throat. “To answer your question, it’s only a matter of wisely spending all that excess energy.”
The wicked curve to his mouth and deep voice turned the remark into something hot and suggestive, and made Tess blush even more.
The timer of the oven went off and Tess jumped away from him as she remembered their audience. What the hell was she doing? What was wrong with her?
A grunt came from behind her and Tess turned around. A tall and very tired looking man was standing in the door leading into the kitchen. Although the dark hair was a little longer and the shoulders were broader than Nathan’s, the resemblance was unmistakable. With eyes that rivaled the moon even when half-closed he could only be the other son Joanne had mentioned. He zombie-walked straight for the coffee pot to pour himself a mug before resting his hip against the counter as if he didn’t have the energy to stay upright yet. After a first sip he sighed with relief and closed his eyes.
Joanne, who was grabbing an oven mitt, chuckled and said to Tess, “That grumpy bum is my son Seth. Give him five minutes and he’ll be a little more responsive.”
Trying to chase away her awkwardness from before she asked, “Can I help you with something?”
“Actually, you can, by telling me what you’ve planned for today.”
“I wanted to hike. Explore the forest.” Remembering the clerks words, she wanted to know, “There’s a really beautiful painting of a lake exposed in the gas station. The clerk told me that you painted it.”
“Ah yes, that’s right.” She grabbed some sort of small cool bag and began filling it with an apple, muffins, bread and cheese.
“I saw it and was… mesmerized by it. So, I was wondering whether you could point me into the direction of the lake. I’d really like to see it.”
Joanne exchanged an odd look with Nathan. “Why don’t you show it to her?” Holding up two thermoses she inquired of Tess, “Tea or coffee?”
Nathan shook his head. “Because she wants to go alone.” After a pointed look he added, “And I’m not the overbearing kind.”
Tess’s gaze jumped from Joanne to Nathan and back, sure she was missing something here. At least understanding of what Joanne was up to finally dawned and she hurried to assure, “Oh, you don’t need to do that. I’ll take my own provisions.”
Reaching over the island to grab a muffin, Nathan grinned. “You’re wasting your breath.”
Seth agreed, “She loves this.”
Joanne smiled lovingly at her sons and then at Tess. “They’re right. I really do. I love cooking, baking, providing and caring.”
Surrendering with a soft shake of her head Tess said, “Tea.”
Joanne added the bottle, closed the bag and handed it to her. “You’re good to go. Well, almost.” Like any responsible and self-respecting B&B owner she couldn’t let Tess wander off without a brief lesson regarding the dos and don’ts in the woods.
“Okay. So. The lake?”
Nathan got her a compass and map and showed her the trail she had to follow. She had to concentrate on his voice, as they stood close to study the map and their bodies brushed against each other. He smelled good, of man and soap and wood. When they stepped away she felt breathless, as if she had already hiked the entire way and back.
“If you aren’t back by nightfall I’ll send the boys after you,” Joanne made clear.
Tess wasn’t used to being worried over or even mothered by anyone but her sister, and so it warmed her heart that Joanne would. Smiling gratefully, she promised, “I’ll be careful.”
SIX
As soon as she had entered the forest the rest of the world had slipped away with every next step she took. Until there existed nothing else but the fresh air and the mingling scents of earth, wood and water, and that unshakeable feeling of being a tolerated visitor down the rabbit hole. At least that was how Tess perceived it. But to her the forest was also a place of awe and magic, of colors and scents tickling the senses. Whenever she had been exhausted or feeling tired Tess had found that a walk in the woods was all she needed to restore her batteries.
After another look at the map that Nathan had given her, she had decided to make a detour since the lake was only an hour away even if she took her time. And because she wasn’t quite ready yet to face the truth. She didn’t know what to think if the lake turned out to be the one she had seen in her dreams. As long as she hadn’t seen it, there was a possibility that it wasn’t the same lake. Reason chimed in, telling her that even it was her dream lake, she could have seen it in a documentary and her subconscious had picked it up. Her heart smirked, Right.
Pushing those thoughts away, she took a deep breath of clear, woodsy air that helped to clear her head even more and marched on. For nearly an hour she was able to forget her worries and what brought her here, and simply enjoyed the forest. Magnificent trees rose high into the sky, seemingly touching it, greeting it. A first brush of autumn showed golden sparks here and there. Her heart felt light, no fear, no painful longing or excitement filling it for once, but rather a simple peace. That was what she had needed, what she had been searching for the past month. Peace.
Tess was startled as the trees suddenly parted. And revealed the lake.
She stared, a shiver of apprehension causing goose bumps on her skin, but then she relaxed, kicking herself mentally. Unconsciously she must have headed towards it.
Pushing herself forward she walked to the edge of the rocky lakeshore. The water was a rich blue, sparkling gold and silver where sunbeams tickled.
Even if the light was different, it was definitely her dream lake.
She hadn’t expected anything else, just had hoped for it.
Sighing she dropped to the ground. Tess needed more energy before contemplating the whys and hows. Using another, higher rock beside her as a table, she pulled out the bag Joanne had prepared for her and started laying out the bread and cheese. Grabbing a muffin she leaned back against the rock, her face turned towards the sun, and took a bite. Oh God. It was an explosion of perfectly balanced bitter freshness and juicy sweetness in her mouth. She would have to ask Joanne how she got those done, whether she had a secret ingredient or something. It was magic on her tongue.
The thought of Joanne – and the instant, easy connection to her – brought her back to wondering whether she could have been to this place before.
Her parents had died when Erin and she were young, so young in fact that she didn’t remember them – not even the faintest memory of a scent. After that Erin and Tess had been lucky and had stayed together. In their first home the father had loved having two young girls at his mercy. Erin, only one year older than Tess, but taking that very seriously, had quickly showed him her teeth – quite literally. The second time, they were returned to sender much like an unwanted parcel. The third time they went home with a lovely couple and went home for good. Tess didn’t think that their first foster parents had left any marks on her, but in her sister they had. Despite how open, fun and easy-going Erin was, she had trouble trusting others, trouble letting them in. And really, who could blame her? Bu
t going back to the matter at hand, Tess was sure that despite the moving around she had never been here before. She had no memory of this place.
Her thoughts were interrupted by a tiny noise and she slowly turned her head to see a squirrel reaching for a crumb of bread lying on the rock. It froze, with an almost cartoon-like pose and with an Oh-shit expression on his face and Tess had to bite her lip to keep from laughing.
“Busted.”
The squirrel looked at the crumb, then back at her.
“Nah, I don’t mind. Go on, have some. There’s enough for the both of us.” Tess relaxed back against the stone, careful of sudden movements and keeping an eye on the squirrel.
He went for the crumb.
“Do we know each other? ‘Cause I kinda have the feeling I’ve been here before but can’t remember it. Never seen me around? No? Well, nice to meet you, anyway.”
He sniffed the cheese, but suddenly lifted his head. In the blink of an eye he was gone, dashing past her and back under the cover of trees.
“You’re welcome.”
Then Tess heard a rustle coming from the trees behind her to her left. Her heart started beating faster.
A gray wolf stepped out of the forest.
“Oh, shit,” she cursed under her breath while her mind raced. What could she do? Run? No, bad idea. Wolves liked to chase, right? What had Joanne told her?
“Most animals didn’t want to attack, but were just as startled as you, so stay calm, avoid sudden movements and hope that the animal will pass you by.”
Very slowly she moved out of her sitting position into a crouch - just in case she needed to run - but hoped that being lower than the wolf was helping things. That maybe it made her look more submissive, or something.
“You know, you gave that little gray fella quite a scare.” Tess couldn’t say why she started talking. Having fun while watching the squirrel was one thing, talking to a wolf whose radar she didn’t want to be on was quite another. God, if someone came by they probably thought she was nuts.