She got ready for bed as quickly as possible, happy she’d showered at the hospital because she was way too tired now. She was hoping to be asleep before he came home. She just needed to keep her thoughts off her mother. She sank into the comfortable bed, exhausted. Maybe she’d think of Ben without a shirt. Despite everything, she actually fell asleep with a smile, thinking about him.
…
Ben got out of the shower and quickly toweled himself off, yanking on boxers before leaving the washroom. He was bone tired and ready to fall into bed. Of course, this week had been a real first. A woman in his house, not sharing his bed. Not even remotely interested in sharing his bed. Not that he’d offered, or wanted to. Well, that part wasn’t exactly true. But still.
The night at the hospital when Molly had run to him and hugged him had gutted him. He’d already been at a low point, but seeing her concern for him, feeling her tremble in his arms, played with his head. It made him remember the way they used to be. But he couldn’t go back there, so he’d dodged her all week, not that it was hard; he barely even knew Molly was here. She didn’t eat here, didn’t even make coffee here. Her bed was made every morning, and the room barely looked inhabited. She used the washroom off the hallway, and her things were neatly placed on the corner of the counter.
He was about to shut his bedroom door when he heard what sounded like a muffled cry. He paused, his instincts on high alert, waiting. A minute later he heard it again and knew it was coming from Molly. His gut clenched as he approached her room. He didn’t want to barge in there if she was crying or something, but it didn’t sit well with him if she was all alone in the dark, hurt. He stood at the closed door and knocked softly but didn’t get a response.
He opened the door and scanned the room. She was in bed, and it took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the dim lighting from the hallway, but he realized she was sleeping. He should walk out. She was an adult and she was having a bad dream. He’d had more than his share in his line of work. She had a stressful job. She saw things as horrific as he did. It was normal. Leave, Ben.
He stared at her, his conscience, and maybe his heart, making a real case on Molly’s behalf. Her face was scrunched and her hand was clenched tight, the covers in a tangled mess around her bare legs. Leave. He ran a hand through his hair.
“Don’t. Please don’t,” she whimpered, and this time he saw tears squeezing from her eyes.
Who was he kidding? He wasn’t going to leave her. He walked over to the bed and said her name softly. She whimpered, the sound so vulnerable and scared that he winced as he placed his hand on her shoulder and gently shook her. Her skin was burning through the thin fabric of her shirt, and he could see the beads of perspiration on her temples. “Molly, it’s okay. Wake up.”
“Don’t touch me,” she said in a ragged, guttural voice that sent a shiver through his body. “Please, please leave me alone.”
“Molly!” he said, this time louder, and grasped her shoulders.
“No, no, no,” she cried out, and her eyes flew open. His gut dropped. The terror in her eyes made him not hesitate a second to pull her into him.
“You’re having a nightmare. It’s okay. It’s me. It’s Ben. You’re okay, Molly.”
She stiffened in his arms, and he could feel her heart pounding. He held his breath, expecting her to show him that iron will and push him away. Instead, she collapsed against him, her hands digging into his arms, her face against his bare chest. He pulled her closer and she curled against him, her tremors making him hold her closer, desperate to bring her comfort.
He held on to her, and despite his better judgment, he rested his head on top of hers and let his lips brush against her hair. She still smelled like lilacs. She still felt as soft as he remembered. And she still fit against him like no woman ever had. “You okay?” he asked, his lips brushing against her hair, when it sounded like she was starting to breathe normally.
She nodded against him but didn’t make an attempt to move away from him.
“Molly?”
She slowly pulled back, but not out of his arms, and looked up at him. Her eyes were stormy and he could see the anguish in them, but he didn’t understand. It was obvious this wasn’t a random nightmare. She was not the same girl…woman. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice ragged. “It was a long day at work, and then I ran into my mother on my way home.”
He didn’t want to say that running into Marlene was enough to give anyone nightmares, but he also didn’t really believe that her workaholic tendencies were giving her nightmares. He remembered what he’d heard her whisper. The raw desperation in her voice had given him chills.
“Let me get you a drink,” he said, his voice rough, his throat thick. He didn’t make an attempt to stand because that would mean he’d have to let her go. He wasn’t prepared to do that again. He didn’t care that this was the woman who had almost destroyed him. Right now, she was his Molly, and holding her still felt right, still felt like the most natural thing in the world.
She nodded but didn’t move, so they sat there. He held on to the one woman he’d loved in his lifetime, the one woman he’d never been able to get over. He held on to her and replayed the words she’d said out loud in her dream. And then he held on tighter and vowed to himself he’d find out the truth.
He handed her some Kleenex from the nightstand, and she wiped her face, slowly extracting herself from him. It took everything in him not to reach for her again.
He slowly stood and helped her up. “C’mon,” he said, leading the way into the great room, holding her hand. “I have beer, whiskey, brandy.”
“Um, brandy. No ice,” she said.
He nodded, letting go of her hand, and went to pour their drinks. She went to sit on one of the couches. He looked over at her, and he couldn’t help but stare because she didn’t look anything like the woman he’d seen this last week. She looked small and vulnerable. Her blonde hair was tangled and in a heap around her shoulders. Her bare toes were curled under her, and her long T-shirt hung loosely around her slender body. He’d also noticed smooth, bare legs and that’s when he’d decided it was time to physically move himself away from her. “Are you cold? Do you want me to light a fire?”
She settled into the corner of one couch. Her hair was smoothed out, and she’d managed to tuck her T-shirt around her. “No, no, don’t go to any trouble. It must be really late now,” she said, taking the brandy from his hand. He ignored the jolt of awareness just by the grazing of her hand against his. He slung back his whiskey and then decided to go and get both bottles and place them on the coffee table.
When he returned, her empty glass was sitting there, a blatant confirmation of how shot her nerves were. She needed to eat before he refilled. He settled into the couch, a decent distance from her. “Feeling better?”
She nodded. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened. Did I wake you?”
He shook his head. “No, I was just out of the shower and heard you.”
She nodded, looking embarrassed or vulnerable or both. “Well…thanks.”
He shrugged. “It was nothing,” he said. His gut clenched as he caught her eyes wandering over his body, and he recognized the longing in them. Dammit. It was one thing to deal with his own attraction to her, but it was another to know she was still attracted to him. She averted her eyes quickly and smoothed her hair, tucking it behind her shoulders.
“You said you ran into your mother?” Talking about Marlene would curb any kind of sexual feelings.
One corner of her full lips turned up slightly. “She was waiting to pounce after my shift. The perfect way to end a long day,” she said with a small laugh.
He frowned. “At that time of night?”
She shrugged. He realized this was the first real conversation they’d had since she’d been back. They used to be able to talk for hours and hours. He didn’t consider himself a talkative person, but with her, he had been. “I’ve been avoiding her, and she definitely does
n’t like being ignored.”
He knew her mother drove her crazy—well, she drove the entire town crazy—but he didn’t know she was going out of her way to avoid her. “I take it things didn’t go well?”
“Correct. I ended up storming out of the hospital.”
He nodded, wanting to ask about the nightmare but not wanting her to close up and leave. He wasn’t ready to lose her yet tonight. “Did you have dinner?”
She furrowed her brow and then shook her head. “No time.”
He had noticed she still hadn’t bought her own groceries, and his mother kept hounding him about how tired he looked, so on his way home from work he’d actually bought food. “Are you hungry?”
She winced. “I don’t feel like apples or beer.”
He grinned and stood. “I bought food.”
She eyed him skeptically.
He would have held out his hand. He would have tugged her into him, but that was another time, another place, another Molly. He had to keep his head on straight. They were not the same people. He didn’t want Molly. She was just a woman he was helping. “Seriously. Sit there, I’ll be right back.”
A few minutes later, he joined her back at the couches and placed the already prepared tray of cheese, crackers, grapes, and cold cuts on the couch between them.
“This is impressive and unexpected,” she said, shooting him a wary smile.
“I can’t take much credit for it. It was already prepared at that new gourmet cheese shop in town,” he said, handing her a napkin.
She smiled and looked up at him. “I like your napkin choice.”
He laughed when he saw she was pointing to the Luigi’s Pizza logo on the front. Luigi’s was the long-standing favorite pizza place in town. “I’m lucky he’s so generous with those when he delivers pizza,” he said.
She laughed and he found himself smiling. “I’m actually really hungry, now that you brought it up,” she said, plucking a few pieces of cheese, crackers, grapes, and meat off the platter. They ate in silence for a few moments.
“Um, thank you…for before,” she said, giving him a small smile.
He shrugged. “It wasn’t anything.”
“It was. I know you have issues with me, and I know I’m your least favorite person in town, but you helped me.”
He poured them each another glass and waited until she’d taken a sip of hers before he spoke again. “You were saying things…” He cleared his throat. “It sounded like a pretty vivid dream.”
Her face went white and her mouth dropped open. “I…I have no idea. The ER was crazy tonight. It was probably that,” she whispered. She was trying to save face, but he saw the fear in her eyes. He saw that she was lying.
“It’s fine if you don’t want to tell me. We don’t have that kind of relationship.”
Her cheeks turned pink. “I just don’t remember,” she said, plucking a grape and popping it into her mouth.
“I think you do remember, and I think it’s a recurring dream or nightmare,” he said, trying to keep his voice non-confrontational.
She held the cluster of grapes in her hand, not looking at him, staying completely still. “Fine. You’re right. It’s a recurring nightmare. It usually happens when I’m stressed. I’m sure you’ve had your share in your line of work, so you know how it goes.”
She was right, but his instincts told him it was more. She stood abruptly. “What time is brunch tomorrow?”
He stood as well and ran his hand through his hair, trying to look calm even though he was exasperated. He needed to keep his distance from her and not get involved with whatever issues she had. Brunch while pretending to be in love with her, in front of his family, would surely be wise. “Eleven at my mother’s house.”
“She’s feeling well enough? I popped in there a few times this week to check in on her, but I don’t think she’s actually in any condition to host.”
He knew she’d gone to visit because every time she left, his mother would call him and tell him how sweet it was of her. She’d then say how happy she was that they were back together. A knife to the damn heart. “Well, she was released and she said she has news to share tomorrow. Once my mother sets here mind to something, it kind of has to happen.”
Molly tilted her head. “Maybe we should host.”
“Maybe we should host? We can’t host anything. Between the two of us, I’m the cook and the only food I managed to provide was an already prepped tray of cheese and cold cuts.”
She crossed her arms and tapped her index finger against her lips. “Right. All true. But still, she’s barely out of the hospital. How can she host?”
“Finn is cooking apparently. I don’t know what that means for all of us, but at least we’re all trained in first aid. He’s also going to do the cleanup.”
She laughed. “Okay, fine. Finn is hilarious. I’m sure it’ll be fine. Well, we should stop along the way and pick up flowers. Maybe dessert. Text him and ask if he’s getting dessert.”
“It’s a little late.” He didn’t know why he was getting irritated. Maybe because she was acting like this whole arrangement didn’t bother her, like she couldn’t care that they were pretending to be in love, like the way they once were.
“Okay,” she said, backing away from him and heading to her room. “Text him first thing in the morning. I need to get a run in before we go. I haven’t been all week.”
“Great. I’ll run with you,” he said.
She stopped in front of her door and frowned. “I like to run on my own. It’s therapeutic.”
“Well, you don’t even know these streets around here. They’re deserted. You should probably run with someone. Since I’m the only someone around, and your fiancé, you should run with me.” He wasn’t going to say that after her nightmare he was going to keep an extra close eye on her. Nor would he mention he wasn’t exactly supposed to be jogging because it aggravated an old knee injury he’d gotten in the line of duty. One run would be fine.
She lifted her chin. “I know my way around this town, and I know how to look out for myself. I’ll be fine.”
“Of course you do, Molly, but I’ll still see you early morning,” he said, not intending on letting her go alone. He’d just run behind her. It would drive her crazy. And since she was driving him nuts, it would give him a chance to return the favor.
Chapter Eight
Molly zipped her windbreaker as quickly and quietly as possible. It was still dark out, not yet 6:00 a.m., and she was hoping Ben wasn’t awake yet and ready to keep his promise to jog with her. She had fallen asleep quickly after their talk and had slept for a solid five hours. She needed to sort out her thoughts regarding Ben and her feelings for him.
She closed the door softly behind her and walked quickly to warm up before her run. Ben’s street had no sidewalk, but the road was wide enough. She double-checked to make sure she had her phone in one pocket with her usual self-defence items in the other. She had taken the courses, but she also liked backup. Pretty soon the cool fall air didn’t feel all that chilly, and she was able to enjoy the view of the country. The grass was sparkling with dew in the sun, and in the distance, she could see a farm and barns. “You didn’t actually think you’d sneak out without me, did you?”
She yelped as Ben’s voice from behind caught her by surprise. She stopped and turned around. Sure enough he’d basically caught up to her. He was wearing a T-shirt, athletic shorts, and a ratty baseball cap with the SCFD letters stitched across the front. She had no idea how he wasn’t freezing; it was like they were dressed for different seasons. “I wasn’t trying to sneak out.”
“Yes, you were,” he said, running past her. “I heard you clomping around the house.”
She picked up her pace to keep up with him. “I don’t clomp.”
“Sure you don’t. You’re worried you won’t be able to keep up with me,” he said, and she could see the corners of his mouth twitch.
“I always outran you.”
“I
let you win,” he said, shooting her a grin that was both infuriating and gorgeous.
She gasped. “What? No way.”
“Yup. I knew winning was important to you, so I let you win.”
“I feel like everything I ever knew about you has been a lie,” she said.
He laughed and she smiled, watching the way the corners of his eyes crinkled and how the deep sound of his laughter made her feel warm inside. She was so busy noticing how good he looked and sounded that she didn’t see the giant pothole until her foot got stuck in it and she went flying forward, her favorite curse words flying out of her mouth as she hit the ground.
“What the hell, are you okay?” Ben asked, his hands on her shoulders.
She couldn’t answer because she’d had the wind knocked out of her, not to mention humiliation was seeping through her faster than the gravel that had pierced her skin. She stared at the asphalt and didn’t move. Ben hoisted her up like she was a ragdoll and held on to her while she steadied herself.
He winced when he looked at her and gently plucked out bits of the road from her hair. “I’ve never seen anyone do that before,” he said, turning her hands over and shaking his head. “It’s like you were showing off one minute and then face-planting the next.”
She would have come up with a retort to his smart-ass comment, but she followed his gaze and saw the gravel mixing with blood on her palms. But what held her attention captive was the sight of his large hands, holding her smaller ones protectively. He pulled back to look at her and she stood there, feeling almost like a child who’d gotten all scraped and banged up in the playground. “You okay, sweetheart?” he asked, bending down and smoothing her hair from her face.
She held on to her tears, just like she’d learned to, except it was harder. Ben, using that voice that was filled with such concern, for her, was something she never thought she’d hear again, especially two days in a row. She wanted nothing more than to lean forward and wrap her arms around him. She’d been so strong this last decade; she hadn’t cried, and she hadn’t leaned on anyone. She’d worked until she couldn’t move, and ignored her heart. But her heart would always lead her back to Ben and that was so unfair because she couldn’t have him.
The Firefighter's Pretend Fiancee (Shadow Creek, Montana) Page 8