by Renee Rose
“But your trailer was trashed.”
“Yes, I think some kids did that. I’ve been meaning to go back and clean it up.” She waves her hand to the chorus of bangles.
“You don’t think it was the same thugs?”
“No, of course, not. I mean, I paid the loan back. Mr. Biggs said it would be all right.”
“Then, why didn’t you go back to the trailer?”
“Negative energy. I haven’t had a chance to sage it and clear dark energies that came in, so I slept the last couple of nights in Daisy.”
“So you borrowed money, got a reminder, paid it back, but then your trailer was trashed. Did you call the cops?” Tank asks.
“No need, darling. The men who came had very bad energy. Karma will take care of them.”
“Men? There was more than one of them?”
“Yes, two,” Sunny says. “And they seemed interested in you, Foxfire. That’s why I called to warn you.” She looks back and forth between us. “Is something wrong?”
“Let’s go back to your home, Ms. Hines. We have a few things to discuss.”
Chapter Nine
Foxfire
“Sorry,” I say as we drive over, following the brightly painted VW bus my mom calls Daisy. “I should’ve warned you about her.”
“Has she always been this way?”
“When I was sixteen, she met the guy who wanted to take me to prom, gave him a box of condoms and a candle shaped like the Minoan fertility goddess.”
Tank winces. I shrug. “I was used to her by then. She’s a big believer in free love.”
“So, your father…”
“They were twin flames.” I mimic Sunny’s airy tones. “Souls destined to meet. They met at some sort of festival, I think.”
“So he could be the shifter.”
“Yeah,” I say quietly. My mom’s anonymous sperm donor, aka Dear Old Dad, gave me more than gray eyes and the tendency to burn in the sun.
Inside the trailer, Tank and I clean up while Sunny bustles about making green tea. Her bangles ring constantly until I ask her to remove them.
“Tank prefers silence,” I explain.
“Does he meditate?”
“Yes,” I lie.
Poor Tank hasn’t said a word.
“Most days, he takes a vow of silence.”
He snorts.
“Really,” Sunny breathes.
I nod. “He broke it to be with me. After I got your voicemail—”
“Yes, I’m so sorry, darling. It just shook me.”
“Of course.” I hug her. The teapot whistles halfway through, but we remain in our embrace until Tank clears his throat.
“Right, silence,” Sunny mutters. She serves the tea in traditional Japanese service, which means we get about a thimbleful each. Tank looks at his dubiously and doesn’t touch it.
“So, Sunny, about these men—”
“They were very coarse, darling. I had a bad feeling and left in the bus immediately after talking to them. I came back to get my things and the place—” She gestures. My poor mom, all alone.
“Do you have any idea who they might be?”
“No, darling. I asked Mr. Biggs about them and he said the matter was all settled, there must have been some mistake. It was all very strange.”
“Huh,” Tank says. “But you say they asked after Foxfire?”
“Yes. Perhaps they thought she had the money, if I didn’t.”
“Excuse me. I have to make a call.” With a nod at me, he rises and leaves.
“Mom, I have to ask you something. It’s about Dad.”
“Your father?”
“Yes. How did you meet him?”
“The street festival. He manned a booth near mine. We spoke quite often and, well.” She shrugs.
“Did he tell you anything? About himself or his family?”
“Only that they were very private. He grew up on a compound up in Utah. Sounded quite secretive. They weren’t at all welcoming to outsiders.”
“Did he…” I pause. I don’t quite know how to say “turn into a fox every full moon?”
Tank returns to sit with me.
“Ms. Hines, your daughter is very special.”
Sunny bobs her head. “Oh yes. I know.”
“We’re wondering what traits she might share with her father.”
“Do you mean his wild energy?”
Both Tank and I sit up straighter.
“Yes,” I say slowly.
“You definitely share the same soul color. Sort of red…with gold. Vibrant. Pulsing energy.”
“Yes, all right.”
We give each other a glance. She doesn’t know anything.
“Funny. But we had the wildest time together.”
I clear my throat.
“Once we partied and he disappeared, and in his place—well, in his place was his spirit animal. At first I thought it was a bad trip. But your father was in tune, very in tune. What makes you ask about all this?”
I try to think of a logical way to ask without telling her I shift to a fox. “I want to know more about him. Recently, I—”
Tank shakes his head.
“Um, I’m going through a spiritual awakening. Finding my spirit animal, too.”
“Ah.” Sunny nods.
“Ms. Hines,” Tank cuts in. “After you called, Foxfire was afraid for you. I thought it might be good if she learned more about her father.”
“I just want to know if I have any family on that side, and I don’t know anything about him, really.”
“Of course. You just never cared to hear about him.”
I blink. “I thought you didn’t want to discuss him.”
“Oh, I don’t mind. Your father was very special. I’m glad our energies aligned to make a child. No, whenever I brought him up, you changed the subject.”
“He abandoned us,” I croaked. My throat is suddenly dry. I swallow my tea and reach for Tank’s. He scoots it closer to me, and I down it, too.
“He didn’t. His sensitive nature didn’t allow him to live around people for long. All his kin were very secretive. He was the only one brave enough to venture out to market. The rest of them lived off the land. Before he hitched a ride to the market, he had never ridden in a car. But he was more modern than all his relatives combined.”
“Did he ever ask about me?”
“I sent him notes and a few pictures. He only sent back money.”
I pull out the envelope and set it on the table.
Sunny nods. “Darling, if I’d known you wanted to meet him—”
I turn away from her. “I looked up the address. It belongs to a Johnny Red.”
Sunny nods. “Yes, that’s him.”
“That’s him? My dad? He was in Moab all this time?”
“No, darling. He moves around quite a bit. At least, he used to.”
“But he has a post office box there?” Moab. A wilderness. Good for fox shifters.
Sunny hesitates. “Darling, are you sure—”
“Just tell me. Is my biological father currently residing a mere six hours away from here?”
My mom bites her lip and nods.
Suddenly the trailer, with my mother’s scent and items from my childhood, is too close and stuffy to bear. “I need a moment,” I whisper, and leave. Tank stirs but lets me flee.
Outside the chilly air has a bite to it, but I don’t mind. I walk quickly to the edge of the woods and stop, chewing my lip. Sunny doesn’t know I’m a shifter. Maybe no one does. All my life, I’ve marched to the beat of a different drummer. But now I really am alone.
My skin itches, like I could shift and run. Life is simpler as a fox.
“Foxfire,” Tank calls. I don’t turn around, even when his heat hits my back.
The wind picks up. I wrap my arms around my body but refuse to move.
Tank sighs. He stands beside me, keeping his eyes on the forest. His profile blurs out of the corner of my eye.
“My mo
m left, too,” he says. “When I was nine. My dad was a wolf, had a good place in the pack, but she… she was a loner.”
The wind blows along the trailer with a slight howl. I don’t know whether it’s creepy or comforting.
“Did you ever see her again? After she left?” My voice is brittle.
“No.” Tank moves and puts his hands on my shoulders. “Whoever your dad is, he cared for you. He’s been sending money all these years.”
My cheeks are a bit wet. I dash at my cheeks. “He didn’t care. He didn’t stay. He didn’t teach me who I am. I never thought…” I stop talking because, of course, I never thought anything like this would happen to me. I lived twenty-six years as a human. I embraced my weird. I just never thought I actually was a freak.
“Come here.” Tank folds me in his arms. He’s so big, for a second I’m completely enveloped, hidden from the world.
“It hurts,” I whisper against his broad chest.
“Baby.”
“He should’ve been here. He should’ve helped me.” I wipe my eyes, annoyed. I never cared about my dad. He left. Why should I feel anything for a man who obviously felt nothing for me?
“I can’t believe he didn’t try to reach out, tell me he was a fox.”
“Maybe he wasn’t sure you were one.”
“What do you mean?”
“Children of shifters and humans aren’t always able to shift themselves. Maybe he thought it best to leave you alone, let you live a normal life.”
“Normal life? Raised by Sunny?” I scoff.
“As a human, then.”
“Well so much for that,” I mumble, but I’m not sorry I’m fox. I refuse to regret my animal’s magical presence in my life. It’s not her fault my life is fucked up and my parents are a joke.
Tank regards me, but there’s no pity in his expression. Only a tenderness that will make me strong again, if I let it.
He cups my cheek. “What do you want to do?”
I take a deep breath. “I want to find him.”
“Okay,” he says, and just like that, I feel better. But I don’t let go of him. Tank’s my rock, I decide. I’ll cling to him, as long as he lets me.
~.~
Foxfire
“You sure about this, baby?” We spent the last few minutes informing Sunny of our plans and getting ready to head out. Tank has his arms around me again. I’ve needed more fortifying hugs in the past day than I have my entire life.
“Yeah. My fox... she needs her kin.”
He nods.
The door to the trailer bangs open, breaking us apart.
“This is going to be so fun,” Sunny trills from the front step. She’s dragging a large carpet bag behind her.
“What is?”
“Road trip!” She claps her hands.
I roll my eyes. Mom can be so ridiculous. I definitely take after my dad.
“Where do you want this?” Sunny lifts her bag.
“No,” Tank says.
“What?”
“Um, Mom,” I rush in, “we didn’t realize you’d be coming.”
“Well, of course I am, silly. How else are you going to recognize your father?”
I look at Tank, who rubs his forehead. “I don’t have room in my truck.”
“Oh, I can ride in the back,” Sunny waves a hand.
Tank shakes his head.
“Or we could take Sunny’s bus,” I offer. The three of us turn to look at Daisy. It’s an old VW bus. The parts that aren’t rusted are painted purple, with white daisies.
“What a marvelous idea!” Sunny crows.
Tank’s jaw clenches as he closes his eyes.
Chapter Ten
By noon, we’re on the road. Tank insisted on driving, even though he’s twice as big as the seat. His big hands are monster sized on the steering wheel. Before we left, Sunny insisted on burning sage and cedarwood throughout the vehicle to clear negative energy for our journey. The cabin smells of burnt herbs and spilled paint from her art projects. Even though Tank hasn’t said a word, I can tell he’s pretty close to the breaking point.
I decide to sit in the back with my mom to act as buffer.
“He has such masculine energy,” Sunny tells me in a loud whisper. “Do you think he’ll let me paint him?”
Mom paints nudes. “No, I don’t think so. He’s a very private person.”
Sunny considers this.
“I wouldn’t ask him,” I add. “He gets... grumpy.”
“You certainly have a way with him.”
Me? “I don’t know about that. He’s kinda bossy.” Especially in bed. Not that I’m complaining.
“I like him,” Sunny decides.
I let Sunny read my palm. She’s always been a tarot reader, and palmistry is something new for her.
“Interesting, interesting. You’ll live a long life, darling, and have one great true love. You’ll have some challenges along the way, but it’ll work out in the end.” She drops my hand, looking expectantly at Tank.
“What about a tarot reading?” I ask before she can grab his hand. Knowing her, she wouldn’t care that he’s driving a stick shift.
My request buys another few minutes of silence as Sunny digs in her giant sack-like purse for the deck of cards she always carries. This time it’s not traditional tarot but some kind of angel cards.
“You will go on a great journey—not in distance, but in importance.”
“Makes sense,” I agree.
“You will face a great enemy.” Sunny frowns.
“I’ve always wanted a nemesis,” I say absently.
“Darling, this is very serious.”
“Oh, I know. I fear for my life every time I go to the bathroom. Toilet snakes.”
“What are toilet snakes?” Sunny asks.
“They’re snakes that come out of the toilet while you’re sitting on it, and bite you.”
Sunny gasps.
“Foxfire,” Tank rumbles.
“What?” I ask innocently.
“There’s no such thing.”
“Oh I know that,” I say. “I’m still scared of them.”
His lips twitch.
“Speaking of toilet snakes…” Sunny says.
Tank sighs, and takes the next rest stop exit. As Mom and I leave to go the bathroom, he pulls out his phone. I hasten through my business and leave Sunny admiring some murals.
Tank’s on the phone, I approach slowly, giving him space until he thanks whoever he’s talking with and hangs up.
Instantly, his eyes land on me.
I give a little wave and bounce to his side.
“I just called in a few favors,” he tells me. “I have people looking into your father’s whereabouts. By the time we reach Moab, we should know more.”
“Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it.”
“What about Garrett?”
“Haven’t heard from him.”
“Still? Is he usually this hard to get hold of?”
“No.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I got a feeling—something’s going on.”
“Do you need to go?”
“I’m going to see this through.”
A thrill goes through me. It shouldn’t. He’s not choosing me over the pack, not forever. But it stills feels good.
“Thanks.”
He cups my chin for a moment and studies my face. He’s going through all this trouble. I hope it’s worth it.
I hope I’m worth it.
But, even if I am, in the end, he hasn’t made me any promises.
“So… my mother.”
He just shakes his head.
“I’m really, really sorry.” I begin. “She means well.”
He grasps my nape and pulls face up to his, claiming my mouth. His kiss is dominant, demanding. I can’t decipher the meaning. Is this more punishment? Promise?
“Don’t apologize again, baby. You can’t help who your mom is. None of us can.”
My mouth twists into
a wry smile. “Well, my mom believes all babies choose their parents from the other side. We pick them for certain lessons we want to learn or something.”
He frowns, shutters going down over his face again. He must be thinking of his own mom. What lessons—or scars—did she leave on him?
“Do you think she knows something? I mean, deep down? She did name me Foxfire.”
“I don’t know, baby.” He rests his hand on the back of my neck and kneads it a little. I didn’t realize how tense I’d gotten. “I wouldn’t know what’s going on her head.”
“I will say this. She’s friendly. She’s never met anyone she didn’t like.” Sunny is at a picnic table with a group of tourists. She’s got her astrology book out and is doing their horoscopes. “Are you close with your dad?”
“Yeah. We were on our own for a few years, before we found Garrett’s dad’s pack.”
“Must have been rough.”
“He never really got over what my mom did to him.”
“Her leaving?”
“Not just that. When she left, she stole from the pack. Money. Each pack has central finances that everyone pays into, in case of emergencies, to pay for a safe house, that sort of thing. A small percentage, but it adds up. When my mom left, she took almost fifty grand.”
“Whoa.”
“Yeah. But that’s not the worst. My dad was second in the pack. He was in charge of the finances. He was the reason she had access. So when she left…”
“He was blamed.”
“We were in disgrace. Dad went from second in the pack to having his position in jeopardy. Everyone wanted to fight him. He was afraid for me, so we left and wandered around a while until we found a new pack. A good one in Phoenix—run by Garrett’s dad. They welcomed us, but Dad never recovered.
A new shifter has no rank, Tank had said.
“Didn’t your dad have to fight for dominance again?”
“The pack he chose didn’t make him fight for his place. But Dad didn’t try to establish dominance. He took a low rank and didn’t bother to fight. Almost like he stopped caring.” Tank rubs his forehead. “Anyway. It was a long time ago.”
“Parents.” I shake my head. “Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.”
“You can’t replace family,” Tank says softly.