He’s not avoiding me.
Except she couldn’t help feel he was. He’d visited her a couple of times in the hospital. But once she’d been discharged all she’d received from him were a couple of texts. He couldn’t even be bothered to call her.
He was probably busy.
Too busy to pick up the phone for five minutes and check on her? Maybe he just didn’t care.
After she’d been cleared to leave the hospital, her parents had insisted she move back in with them. She hadn’t put up an argument. She might not be able to remember what happened to her, but she’d been told the basics. And the thought of being on her own was terrifying.
Terrifying enough to make staying with her parents seem like a good idea. It hadn’t taken her long to see that was a mistake. Her mother fussed over her to the point of smothering her. Daddy acted like she was fragile. An invalid.
Her mother had even hired a nurse to take care of her. Reasoning with her hadn’t had any affect; Jenna should have known it wouldn’t. Normally, Daddy would come to her rescue, but he’d practically locked himself in his study, claiming he had to work. She got the feeling that was just an excuse. As though he couldn’t face her. After a few weeks of butting heads with her mother, which meant weeks of Jenna giving in to her demands, she’d finally told her mother to get rid of the nurse or she was leaving.
The nurse was gone the next day.
But Jenna was still stuck living with her parents. She wondered how she was ever going to get away from their good intentions.
“Hey, Jenna, how are you doing?”
She turned towards the cheerful voice with a smile. “I’m good, how are you?”
Cady looked a bit tired. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her skin was pale. Jenna wasn’t sure what was going on with the other woman, and she didn’t know her well enough to ask. She’d met her several times because of her therapy sessions with Lacey. Cady was married to Hunter Black, one of the owners of Black-Gray Investigations. He was one of the most intimidating men she’d ever met. Large and gruff and a little scary even though he’d never been anything but polite to her.
“All good,” Cady replied. “Did you just have a session with Lacey?”
“Yeah.” She bit her lip. “I’m still having trouble remembering things.”
“Don’t worry, it’ll come.”
“That’s what Lacey tells me. Do you know if Curt’s around?” She tried to keep her voice casual, but from the knowing look on Cady’s face she hadn’t quite managed that.
“He’s away on a job. He should be back next week. Do you have his cell number?”
“Oh, yeah.” She flicked a hand out. “It’s nothing important. I might catch up with him next week. Bye.”
She walked away before the other woman could question her further. Nerves danced through her stomach. She took a deep breath then let it out slowly as she stepped outside onto the pavement. Her father had wanted her to have a bodyguard. Jenna didn’t like confrontation much but when she felt strongly about something she could be stubborn as hell.
And she was damned sure she didn’t want some stranger following her around. She already felt like so much had been taken from her she didn’t need to have her privacy intruded on as well.
But she’d compromised and agreed to a driver. Hans was more than just a driver, she knew that. She saw the way he watched their surroundings. He was always on guard, his gaze always roaming, and he was built like brick shithouse. No, he was no ordinary chauffeur, but so long as he didn’t try to follow her everywhere, she’d put up with him. Because she still didn’t feel safe. Not like she once had. She wondered if she ever would.
***
“Hey, Curt. How’s it going?”
Curt looked up from his laptop as Cady walked into the office. He saved the report he’d been working on and turned to her with a smile. Petite and delicate looking, he knew her outer appearance hid a hard-as-nails attitude and a strong personality. She had to be strong to deal with Hunter.
“Am I interrupting?”
He snorted. “It’s a welcome interruption, believe me. I hate report writing.”
“Me too.” She grinned. “
He gestured to a chair, not liking how pale she appeared. “Have a seat. Can I help you with something? You feeling all right?” He turned in his chair and reached into the small fridge they kept in the office, pulling out a bottle of water and handing it to her.
She raised her eyebrows.
“You look pale.”
“Can’t get anything past you, can I?” she grumbled as she took a drink.
He frowned slightly. “I’m surprised Hunter allowed you come in to work when you’re feeling so ill.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Allowed me? Why does everyone seem to think Hunter’s the boss of me?”
“Perhaps because he is your boss. And your Dom. And your husband. And he has been charged with your care. You need to let him look after you.”
For damn sure, if she were his wife she wouldn’t be working while she obviously felt poorly. She’d be at home, with her feet up, being pampered like a princess.
Of course, he never intended to marry again. So, he’d never have the bother of trying to care for a delicate wife.
She sighed, shaking her head. “This is what I get for working with a bunch of Doms. Bossy bastards, all of you.”
“We try our best,” he told her mildly.
“Anyway, I didn’t come in here to get a lecture on my health. I saw Jenna the other day.”
He tried hard to show no reaction, although he knew very little got by Cady. He didn’t know if it was working as a cop or living on the streets, but she was pretty good at sizing people up. She’d taken an instant liking to Jenna.
Of course, it was hard not to like Jenna; she was like a sunny day in the middle of winter.
Christ, he was practically poetic.
But Jenna was the sort of person who made others smile. People were drawn to her friendly personality, her warmth, and the way she listened to everyone, giving them her full attention.
She was goodness and light. And she didn’t belong in his world.
“Oh? She’s still having sessions with Lacey, right?”
“Yes.” Cady frowned. “Don’t think they’re going well. She’s still having problems with her memory. She asked about you.”
“She did? Is she all right?” He sat up a little straighter, ignoring the way Cady’s gaze narrowed thoughtfully. Did she need him? Shit, why had he been avoiding her? He hadn’t been around much lately, but he’d figured she was in good hands.
He’d never thought she might need him. Not when she had her family surrounding her in love and safety. Her father had called and asked for recommendations for a bodyguard. He’d had no reservations recommending Hans for the job, even though he hadn’t liked the idea of someone else being charged with her safety, but if it couldn’t be him then Hans would be his next choice. Hans was a deadly bastard. Mean and capable.
He’d do whatever was necessary to protect Jenna.
Cady shrugged. “As all right as you’d expect her to be. I think it’s wearing on her, not being able to remember what happened.”
“What does Lacey say about that?” Maybe he needed to have a talk with Black-Gray’s newest employee. See if there was something else she could be doing for Jenna.
“Lacey told her she had to be patient. I think they’re going to try hypnotherapy during her next session. Just thought I’d pass on that she was asking after you. I asked her if she had your cell number, and she said she did. If she didn’t contact you, it must not have been too important.”
Only problem was, he wasn’t certain Jenna would contact him, even if it was important. She didn’t like to ask for things, even things she needed. He tapped his fingers against his desk. He could call her. Or go see her. Check on her. Or he could just ignore what Cady had told him and keep clear of her.
He let out an impatient sigh.
> She was safe. He’d know if she wasn’t. He’d made that clear to her father. David Jasons knew he was to contact Curt if there was any threat to her safety. Curt needed to stay away from her. It was best for everyone involved. Jenna especially.
Maybe a night at the club was what he needed. Spanking a few subs asses ought to help him forget a petite brunette with eyes too big for her face, and a smile that reached even the darkest recesses of his soul.
***
She was going to vomit.
The memories assaulted her. One after the other, moving so quickly through her mind she could barely keep up. Her breath sawed in and out of her lungs, the nausea bubbled as she recalled Alana on her knees, begging for her life. The images of mothers trying to shield their children. The small, dead bodies strewn about. Cries of terror and screams of disbelief and horror filled her mind.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
“Jenna, it’s okay. It’s Lacey. You’re here with me.”
No, no. She couldn’t stand it. The memory of the beating she’d suffered made her catch her breath. She whimpered. She could feel each hit of his fist against her body as though it was happening to her right now.
Fear. Panic. I’m going to die.
“Jenna, you’re safe. You’re safe in Dallas. In my office at Black-Gray. You’re safe.”
You’re safe, little bit.
Curt. She remembered. He’d come for her. He’d carried her on his back, brought her Sergeant Teddy, told her off for pretending to eat that horrid protein bar. She heard him telling her he’d always come for her.
I need him now.
“Jenna, open your eyes and look at me.”
Lacey’s calm voice broke through the memory, and she gasped, opening her eyes. She blinked, staring up at a pale Lacey.
“Jenna—”
“I’m going to be sick.” Jenna rolled off the sofa she’d been lying on and stumbled, falling to her knees. She felt so weak and disorientated.
She still hadn’t regained all her strength after being kidnapped. The doctor had told her she needed to eat better, develop an exercise routine . . . blah, blah, blah. She knew all that. Everyone seemed to forget she was a doctor. They treated her like she was ill.
And right now, it felt like they were right.
Nausea bubbled in her stomach as Lacey slipped her arm around Jenna’s waist and half-dragged her to the bathroom. She bent over the toilet and vomited.
Oh, God. Oh, God.
“I’ll get you some water,” Lacey said.
Jenna whimpered as her stomach clenched and she threw up again. When she thought she had herself more under control, she reached up with a shaking hand to flush the toilet then sat back, leaning against the wall of the small bathroom attached to Lacey’s office.
Lacey entered and handed her a cold bottle of water. “Here, drink this.” Then she turned towards the bathroom cabinet. “I’ll get you a toothbrush and toothpaste.”
“Get a lot of vomiters, do you?” Jenna tried to joke.
Lacey just sent her a small smile. “Do you want me to call someone for you? Perhaps your mom could come and get you?”
“God, no.” Jenna shook her head then regretted the action as the room spun sickeningly. “That’s the last thing I need.”
Lacey frowned slightly. “We just had an intense session, Jenna. You’re going to need support.”
“I have a driver, he’ll get me safely home.” Not that she’d call Hans a source of support by any stretch. Hans was even more cut off emotionally than Curt was.
Curt. When was the last time she’d spoken to him? He hadn’t visited her again, hadn’t texted her in weeks. And yet she couldn’t help but want him, miss him.
I will always come for you.
“I wasn’t talking about just getting home. Although I’m glad to know you won’t be driving after this.”
“I’ll be fine,” Jenna told her. “If I need someone to talk to I’ve got you, right?”
Lacey looked concerned. “Aren’t your parents being supportive?”
“They are. In their own way. But I-I can’t tell them about this.” About the horror. The fear. The pain.
Her hands shook so badly she couldn’t get the top off the bottle of water. Lacey took it from her and undid the top, handing it back.
Jenna took a few sips, grateful her stomach remained calm. She leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes. “I hate being weak.”
“I know it must feel that way, Jenna. But don’t underestimate what you went through. Being afraid doesn’t make you weak. It makes you smart.”
“I blocked everything out to protect myself, didn’t I?”
“It was the brain’s way of protecting you from the trauma.”
“They shot all those people. It didn’t matter if they were just children. My colleague, she begged them,” she sobbed, “she begged for her life, and they just shot her, but I lived. Why?”
Lacey sat on the bathroom floor with her. “I don’t know that, Jenna.”
“How did they know my dad had money? Did they go there for me? Why did they kill everyone?”
“I don’t know. Maybe we never will.”
And not knowing was going to eat away at her. How could she ever feel safe again, when she didn’t have answers?
They’re across the other side of the world. They’re not coming for you here.
Somehow, that didn’t seem to help. It was like she’d worn rose-colored glasses all her life, and now those glasses had been ripped off her and stomped into little pieces.
Nothing was the same, and adjusting to life as she now knew it was something she just wasn’t certain how to do.
Fifteen minutes later, she reassured Lacey she didn’t have to call someone for her, that Hans would get her safely home. She sensed the other woman was also shaken.
She walked slowly down the corridor at Black-Gray. Lacey had wanted to escort her out, but Jenna had wanted a few minutes to herself.
“Jenna? Jenna, wait.”
The hand on her shoulder made her cry out in fright, and she turned, stumbling back. She saw Curt’s shocked face before he took a step back, holding his hands up as though trying to appear nonthreatening.
It didn’t really work. At around six feet tall, he wasn’t the biggest guy she’d ever met or the most handsome. But he had a look about him that warned you he was dangerous. He could appear so cold and removed.
He could also make you feel like you were special with just one smile, one look.
She took one deep breath then another.
“I’m sorry for scaring you. I called out to you, but you seemed to be deep in thought.” He studied her closely, his gaze narrowing. “Have you been crying?”
Crap. The last thing she wanted was for him to see her as weak, even though he’d seen her at her worst.
“I’m fine. I just . . . I had a session with Lacey just now. Things were a bit intense.”
“I thought you couldn’t remember anything.”
“Well, that all changed today,” she said dryly. “The hypnotherapy worked, and everything came back to me. Most of it anyway.”
He frowned. “And Lacey let you just walk out on your own? Where’s Hans?”
He knew about Hans?
“I assume he’s waiting in the car,” she said. “I’ve tried to tell him he should go get a coffee and something to eat while he’s waiting for me. He must get so bored, but I don’t think he ever does.”
“In the car? How the fuck is he supposed to guard you if he’s in the car?”
She jolted at the harsh note in his voice and realized this was one of the few times she’d ever heard him swear around her.
“As far as I know, he’s not supposed to be guarding me.” She studied him closely. “But now I think I’ve been an idiot; he’s obviously no ordinary driver.”
“You’re not an idiot. Your father is. Hans has skills even the military doesn’t know about, but how is he supposed to use them to protect yo
u if he’s limited to driving you around? What was your father thinking?”
“I imagine he was thinking he didn’t want to upset me. I told him I didn’t want a bodyguard.”
“That’s just tough then, isn’t it? Considering that’s exactly what Hans is. From now on, he accompanies you everywhere.”
“No.”
“No?” He gaped at her, clearly in shock.
She had to hold back a smile. “You sound like you’ve never heard the word before.”
“Oh, I’ve heard it. Just not aimed at me when I give an order. Everyone usually obeys.”
“Guess I’m not everyone then.”
As they spoke that knot in her stomach lessened. That feeling of never being safe, of always being on guard dissipated. Around Curt, she felt like nothing could touch her. Even Hans, who was always on alert and looked like he could face down a tornado and come out unscathed, didn’t induce these feelings of security in her.
“Damn it, Jenna. You’re going to let Hans do his job. It’s why I recommended him to your father. To keep you safe.”
A feeling of happiness filled her. Maybe he’d been avoiding her. But at least he’d cared enough to send Hans to her.
“Your father wanted to hire me, but I couldn’t do it. I knew Hans was coming off a job so I recommended him.”
That feeling of happiness abruptly faded. He hadn’t had time for her so he’d sent his friend to do the job? Because she wasn’t worth his time?
Stupid. Stupid. Why did she always let herself think she was more important to him than she really was?
“If you’ll excuse me, it’s been a long day, and Hans will be waiting for me.”
“Wait, Jenna.” He reached out and touched her hand, and she had to fight to hide her reaction to his touch, the shiver that raced across her body. How was it possible for her to feel arousal after everything she’d remembered today? She felt so raw, exposed, and vulnerable.
“Come for a drink with me.” There was a gentle note to his voice. As though he could tell she was near the breaking point.
“I don’t know,” she whispered.
“Please,” he added.
She snorted. “Not sure I’ve heard you use that word before.”
He grinned. “No, but it’s a word I hear often.”
To Save Sir (Doms of Decadence Book 7) Page 4