by Angela Horn
Suddenly Bethany’s light eyes lit up and she stood carefully and hurried towards her bedroom. Gigi wiped away her tears and calmed herself. If she grew too upset, she would become sleepy and she had no interest in taking a nap. Just then, Bethany emerged with a picture frame in her hand.
“I didn’t remember having this. When I found it, I did not think anything strange about it. I think your mamma left it for when you remembered enough.”
When Bethany handed her the silver picture frame, Gigi didn’t care if crying made her sleepy. She just wept over the photo of Mamma Celeste standing on the porch of a white house with a blonde girl in her arms.
Gigi always felt her mamma loved her, but the memories were fragmented and she sometimes doubted them. Now though the look on Celeste’s face as she cuddled her daughter was all the proof Gigi needed. They were smiling and happy and together. Long ago in a place called the Bog, Gigi had a mamma who loved her. The picture frame left with Bethany meant somewhere in the world her mamma still loved her and Gigi planned to find her.
Chapter Fifty One
Gigi woke up the next day believing she might not see the next morning. Some part of her was scared to leave behind Finn, her friends, and the life she had built in the Circle, yet mostly she was excited. Tonight Gigi hoped to save her big sis and make the monster pay for all its evil.
Like her last few mornings, this one began by watching Finn sleep. He looked like an angel with his golden skin and blond hair shining in the breaking light. His face was relaxed as a faint smile curled his lips.
“Gigi,” Finn whispered with his eyes still closed. “Good morning.”
Watching his eyes flutter open and focus on her, Gigi grinned and cuddled closer.
“You are my love,” she sighed.
“And you are mine.”
“And I always will be.”
Smiling, Finn nuzzled his face in her hair as his hand drifted down to her butt. Gigi sighed with excitement about the prospect of having sex again. Sensing what was coming, Millicent left the room in a huff and the kittens jumped on the dresser to get a better look. They really enjoyed Gigi’s noises.
Once Finn and Gigi cleaned up and ate their English muffins, they said goodbye. Finn thought Gigi would be busy this evening and didn’t plan to come over. While she hated lying to him, he would never understand her plan and would insist on coming with her or telling someone else to handle it. Gigi knew it had to be her.
Just in case Gigi didn’t make it back and the master won, she left a note for Finn on her kitchen table, knowing he would come looking for her if she went too long without contacting him. Lying to Finn had proven so difficult Gigi wasn’t sure how Bethany kept her secrets from Chogan for so long. The guilt and fear must have eaten at Bethany every day.
Staying on schedule for a normal day, Gigi worked out at Declan’s gym. He flirted with her, but kept his hands to himself. Once Ella showed up, Declan stopped flirting and just watched Gigi in the intense way he often watched her. Gigi didn’t think he knew about her and Finn, mostly because of the flirting. He also would have probably said something. Declan could be pretty blunt.
When Gigi hugged him goodbye, Declan eyed her as if confused. Yet when she tried to pull away, he tugged her back into the hug. His gray eyes studied her face and she sensed maybe he understood the danger facing her. When Declan finally let her go, he ran his finger along her cheek while scowling.
“Be careful. People depend on you being in their lives,” he said in a gruff voice, yet his eyes were conflicted.
“Geez, get a room,” Ella snapped at Declan while pulling Gigi away. “We’re heading to lunch and I don’t want your male odor all over her.”
Declan rolled his eyes and pretended he was more annoyed at Ella than worried for Gigi, but he was faking it. Alphas faked a lot of things, Gigi realized.
At lunch, Ella talked for ten minutes about all the mean pranks she had planned for Michael at their next poker game. Gigi watched Ella who was bouncing around in her usual animated way. Finn said Ella was lonely and wanted a boyfriend, but was afraid to admit it. Since this might be Gigi’s last day alive, she figured challenging the Were would be worth it.
“Do you want to have sex with Michael?” Gigi asked.
“Oh, gross. What the hell? I’m eating here.”
“You talk about him a lot.”
“Yeah, cause he sucks.”
“I think you like him,” Gigi said with a grin, not believing Ella’s protests.
“Can you even imagine how awful the sex would be? He’d probably do me from behind, it’d last like two minutes, and I’d end up with a disease. Oh, and he wouldn’t even let me sleep over, but would kick me out of his place so he could have the bed to himself. No way would I lose my virginity to that asshole.”
Ella sounded angry by the end of her rant, but her wrath wasn’t directed at Gigi.
“Is that why you don’t tell him that you like him? You’re afraid of his reaction?”
“Michael is an asshole.”
“But you like him.”
Ella frowned at Gigi. “Are you dating Finn?”
“No.”
“Are you fucking Finn?”
“No.”
“Do you want to fuck Finn?”
“Yes.”
Ella sighed, clearly unsure if Gigi was telling the truth or just a good liar.
“So do you like Michael?” Gigi asked.
“No.”
“Then why are you so mean to him?”
“Because he’s an asshole and deserves it.”
“Was he mean to you?”
“He’s mean to everyone.”
“But you want him to be nice to you.”
Ella frowned darkly. “Shut up. I know you’re not as dumb as when we met, but you’re not nearly as smart as you think you are.”
“I just think if you stopped being mean to him, you could see if he’d stop being mean to you. Maybe find out if he likes you too.”
“Michael doesn’t like anyone.”
“He likes me and Finn.”
“Yes, he likes you. They all like you.”
“I don’t think Michael likes me that way.”
“Of course he does. He just won’t show it because, a, he’s incapable of showing any kind of sensitivity, and, b, he knows Finn wanted you first and there are dude rules.”
Gigi considered this idea while finishing her rice. “Okay, you’re right. Michael does want to have sex with me, but I don’t think he likes me like Finn likes me. He just wants the sex like Declan and Anton and Simon and the rest of them. I frustrate Michael and I think he feels sorry for me. He might like you though, but you mess with him too much.”
“He doesn’t like me. I doubt he’d even fuck me.”
Gigi noticed how Ella’s anger had faded into grumpiness.
“The last time I got to the poker game, Michael kept checking the door. I think maybe he was waiting for you.”
“So we could play.”
“Maybe. Or maybe because he thought you weren’t coming. I said you might not.”
“He doesn’t care. I know you can’t understand that because of how everyone wants to be around you. For other people, it’s not the same. Michael thinks I’m crap. He’s said as much.” Ella’s grumpiness melted into a pout. “Sometimes I think about moving away. Just go some place where Declan never called dibs and I can actually get a frigging date. Seriously you’ve been here a month and have gotten more action than I’ve had my whole life. You don’t flirt. You don’t even wear makeup. I’ve never seen you shake your ass, but they swoon for you. Yet I can’t give my shit away.”
“Do you want me to ask Declan to uncall his dibs?”
“It wouldn’t matter. Guys like Anton, Michael, Finn, and Roger don’t care about Declan’s fucking dibs. They just don’t want me. I tell myself it’s just because Declan cockblocked me, but I know it’s not. Maybe I come off desperate, you know, like Justine? I see the way Nolan looks at you and the way
he looks at Justine and it’s obvious who he’d rather sleep with.”
Gigi wasn’t sure what cockblocked meant, but she decided not to ask.
“Then act differently. If you seem desperate, act the opposite and see if it makes a difference?”
“It’s too late. People get an idea about someone and the image sticks. I’m the loud goofball cocktease. You’re the beautiful idiot.”
“You shouldn’t give up. Just try to be different. Well not too different because I like you the way you are, but maybe you shouldn’t be so mean to Michael.”
“I’m not mean to Finn, but he doesn’t ask me out even though his mother wants him to.”
Gigi didn’t want Ella anywhere near Finn and the jealousy she felt hurt her stomach.
“Finn is too soft for you. You need someone tougher because you’re tough. Michael’s tough, but so are a lot of Weres. You need to act softer though so the males can feel like they’re in charge. Oh, and you need to tell Declan to stop calling dibs so you can get a date.”
“I know you think it’s that easy, but it’s not. If I fake being someone else, the guy will either figure it out or he’ll only like the lie. I am who I am and that means I get to be alone.”
Gigi slurped the last of her soda then sighed. “If I had let people make the rules, I wouldn’t have saved Justine. If I had waited for the pack guys to save her, she might be gone or at least the monster bird would have gotten away. I think maybe you need to stop doing stuff just because you think you have to, Ella. Someone told me the Circle is full of freaks. Everyone here is different and people like me because I can’t hide how different I am. I stare when I’m not supposed to. I say stupid stuff because I don’t know how to fake being smart. I just do what I want because I don’t know how to do anything else. Maybe you need to stop caring what everyone else wants and figure out if you like being the way you are? I think you only mess with Michael because you like him and resent the fact that he doesn’t like you. Problem with you being mean to Michael is that you can’t be sure if he would be mean to you if you weren’t always messing with him. If you were nicer, maybe he’d kiss you? Yet maybe Michael isn’t right for you, but once you can get one guy to make a move, it might make it easier for others to try. I know they like you. I’m not the only one they check out.”
Ella finished her Chinese noodles and studied Gigi. “Are you dating Finn?”
Gigi nodded. “Don’t tell anyone. It’s a secret and we can’t be together if people find out.”
“Because of Declan?”
“Maybe. Someone threatened to hurt me if Finn dated me so he wanted to stay away. I made him date me though and now he loves me. I don’t care about the rules. I want Finn and he’s mine.”
Ella grinned. “You’re a little vixen, aren’t you?”
Gigi shook her head. “Someone took my memories and put rules in my head and they watch over me enough to know when I need healing. They could be using me as an experiment. They could even be the one who took Sara and the other girls. Simon thinks people will want to use my blood as a weapon. He says Vamps might want to kill me to keep me from being used. I have all these unknowns and I don’t know how long I’ll be allowed to live. I have to take chances now because I might not have a tomorrow.”
Gigi felt like maybe she was explaining things to Ella, just in case she died and the others wondered why she behaved so recklessly.
“Finn’s a good guy. I used to have a crush on him, but he and Declan think of me as their sister,” Ella said, fiddling with her straw. “Did Finn tell you we went on a date once?”
Gigi shook her head as her stomach clenched with jealousy again.
“We tried to act like it was a date, but ended up playing laser tag and eating pizza. I really dug him, but he didn’t dig me. He digs you though. I’m glad he ended up with someone good and I won’t tell anyone you’re dating. I know Declan wants you. While I don’t think he’d hurt you or Finn, I don’t think he’s above making threats.”
“Thank you. I love Finn, but he’s nervous about someone finding out.”
“Lips are sealed, G. Oh, and I’ll take your advice and play it cool at our next poker game. I don’t think it’ll make a difference, but if you believe I mess with Mike because I dig him then he might think it too. No need to make his ego bigger.”
Gigi smiled, hopeful about Ella finding a boyfriend. The males just needed a push and maybe Ella would figure out a way to give them the green light. The idea of all those males in a holding pattern and suddenly pouncing on Ella made Gigi smile as she told her friend goodbye.
When Gigi stopped at Anton’s office, she was startled to find the front area empty. It was well past lunch, but the guys and Melanie were gone. The sound of typing from the back office alerted Gigi to Anton’s presence. She hadn’t been alone with him since they talked about why he stood her up. Since then Gigi fell in love with Finn, but her heart still hurt when she thought about Anton. Maybe Anton’s loneliness could be fixed while solving Ella’s problem.
Knocking lightly on his open door, Gigi waited for Anton’s reaction, unsure if he was angry with her. His expression did look a bit irritated until he saw her then those dark eyes warmed.
“Gigi,” he said in barely more than a whisper.
“Can I speak with you?”
Anton nodded, pushing away his keyboard and watching her intently as she sat across from him.
“I’m sorry…”
“I don’t want to talk about that,” she interrupted. “I’m still mad at you and I don’t like being mad at you.”
Anton nodded, looking scolded. “I understand.”
“I’m more sad than angry, I think,” she added. “But anger feels better so I need to be mad for a little while longer. That’s not what I wanted to talk about though.”
“What do you need?” he asked softly.
Gigi felt uneasy under his gaze. In the past she thought his expression was full of love, but now she didn’t know what it meant besides lust. Swallowing hard, she made herself remember the way Finn smiled at her that morning when he woke up feeling frisky.
“You said you liked Ella’s freckles. Do you like the rest of her too?”
Anton frowned, clearly not expecting her question. “Yes. I like Ella.”
“Do you want to date her?”
Anton flinched, looking as if she slapped him. His eyes studied the room, avoiding her gaze, and then he sighed.
“Ella is part of Declan’s pack. It wouldn’t be appropriate for me to date her.”
“You could sneak around like you wanted to do with me. I know Ella has a big mouth, but she would keep quiet if she could have a boyfriend. Would you like to be her boyfriend?”
“Did she send you here?”
“No, but whenever she talks about Weres who never ask her out, she mentions you. I know you’re lonely. You and Ella are both beautiful and Weres and lonely.”
Gigi knew Ella liked Michael, but it wasn’t clear if Michael liked Ella. He was a difficult male to read. He acted like he hated Gigi, like she was the dumbest, most annoying creature he had ever met, but she knew for a fact he liked her and would have sex with her if Finn wasn’t in the picture. Before Sara disappeared, Michael treated her like shit, but he mourned her and fell into spells of silence whenever her name was mentioned. Michael was complicated and it was possible he didn’t like Ella or would only want to sleep with her and toss her out of his bed. Ella was a virgin and deserved better. While Anton might not want a mate, he would be gentle with Ella like Finn was with Gigi.
“Gigi,” Anton began then lost the words. He finally sighed, “I love you.”
A shivered rushed over Gigi and she pushed deep into the chair. “We can’t be together. It’s fate.”
“Fate?”
“The night of our date just happens to be the night Roger returns. It was fate. We aren’t supposed to be together. I would have given you my virginity and thought it meant more than it did because I never listene
d when you said you couldn’t have a mate. I’m still confused about relationship stuff. Like I thought you would be happy that I asked you about Ella, but you’re not happy, are you?”
Anton watched her with eyes overflowing with some emotion Gigi didn’t understand. He finally shook his head.
“I don’t want to date Ella.”
“Because you don’t like her?”
“Because I like you.”
“But you’re lonely and it’s fate we’re not together.”
“The reason we’re not together isn’t fate. It’s me. I chose poorly and now I’m alone. Dating Ella wouldn’t fix that.”
“But if you chose differently, I would have given you my virginity and then you would have dumped me. I would have hated you if you did that and I don’t want to hate you. I care about you and want you to be happy.”
Anton sighed deeply and stared hard at the wall. “I never would have dumped you because I never would have been strong enough to let you go.”
Gigi hated feeling so much need for Anton when she loved Finn, but the Were owned a piece of her heart. No matter her feelings though, Anton and Finn both made choices that fateful night. One led away from Gigi while one led towards her. It was fate and no amount of second guessing changed how when she had wanted Anton, he chose to leave her while Finn chose to stay.
“You’re lonely. You think you love me because you want things you can’t have. You’re not your own male. You said that.”
When Anton just watched her, Gigi thought he looked tired.
“I know I hurt you and it might be easier for you to think my feelings are complicated, but they’re not. I love you, but I made a mistake that night because I was scared. It’s not complicated at all.”
“But you loved me before you knew me. That makes no sense.”
“You’re special. Everyone knows that. I fell in love with you because I knew how special you were even before I kissed you. The night in the alley when I thought I would lose you, I understood what I was losing. I know you need things to make sense because it’s new for you, but not everything falls into order that way.”
“You just need to date so you won’t be lonely.”