by K. I. Lynn
He leaned in and took my bottom lip between his teeth, staring into my eyes. He was searching for something, but he couldn’t find it.
“Push me away; you have to,” he demanded. His eyes were haunted and scared.
“No.”
“Push me away!”
“I can’t!” I cried out, the tears returning.
His body sagged. “Why? Tell me why…say it.”
My heart was breaking for the hollow, empty shell of a man in front of me. “Because I want you! I want you so much it hurts! I need all of you, and I can’t deny it anymore.”
He looked down at me, his inner conflict and turmoil evident on his face.
His fingers brushed strands of hair behind my ear as he cupped my face. “I can’t give you what you want, beautiful. I’ll only hurt you.”
“It’s okay. If it’s you, I don’t mind.”
“Stop,” he pleaded, his hands coming up in surrender. “Let’s just go back to bed.”
“Okay…okay.”
With that, we returned to the sanctuary that was his bed, and curled up in each other’s arms. It seemed to be what we both wanted, what we both needed. He was relenting, if even a little, and letting himself simply be.
CHAPTER 9
It’d been a week since I admitted to myself I was altered. That Nathan had altered me. The growing feelings for him I’d kept hidden, were out. The night after we left the club made me face that fact. How I thought and felt about him changed; he wasn’t the asshole I thought he was when I first met him. He was a broken man, and it made me wonder – can two broken souls make one whole person?
He intrigued me, it wasn’t only sex anymore. Every time his guard dropped around me, I saw the real Nathan, and I liked him. I wanted him. Every day I needed him more. Any thought of leaving him and returning to the way we were, was painful.
One week had passed since he conceded to letting himself have something with me. It was undefined and not spoken about out loud; little different than it was in the beginning. The exception was every night he was either in my bed or I was in his. It started on Saturday night when he showed up at my door just before midnight and took me against the wall in the entryway.
For three nights in a row, I was running to answer his knock near midnight. He’d fucked me like I’d never been fucked before. His eyes were dark and angry as he snarled at me; always reminding me he believed his lust for me was my fault. Hands dug into my flesh, bruising me. They were harsh as he pulled me to him, at the same time he pushed me away. Then we’d crawl into bed and fall sleep, his arms wrapped around me with the same intensity he’d used to fuck me.
On the fourth night, things changed. It was past midnight and he hadn’t knocked on my door. I knew of his struggle, and if I truly wanted him, I was going to have to fight for him. So, a few minutes before one in the morning, I knocked on his door and fucked him into oblivion then collapsed, exhausted, in his bed.
I’d never had such a peaceful sleep. The cure for my insomnia appeared to be a hard fucking, as I had passed out every night and did not wake until the alarm went off the next morning.
That lasted until the wee hours of Saturday morning when I felt the bed shake before Nathan screamed out—a sound so raw and harrowing, I knew it would haunt me for the rest of my life.
His body was shaking, his chest gasping for air as he swung his legs around the side of the bed. He fumbled in the dark with the light switch, and I cringed against the sudden, intense glow that filled the room. I couldn’t see anything, but I heard a drawer open, and the clinking of plastic and what sounded like pills bouncing around. Frustrated sounds and movements came from him in his frantic search. Once he found the right bottle, he opened a container and threw his head back.
I crawled out from under the comforter to sit next to him, my eyes having adjusted to the light. He must have felt the bed move, because his hand shot out and pushed the drawer closed, as if he didn’t want me to see the contents inside. He was still breathing hard, his face contorted in pain and anguish. My chest constricted; his agony became mine. It was so overpowering at times; I wondered how he even managed day-to-day tasks. Or was it my presence? It was always me that set him off, that much I knew. He never did explain why, other than he was angry at himself for wanting me and giving into that want to some degree.
My hands reached up to cup his face. His pained gaze met mine as he leaned into my touch.
“Ssshhh,” I soothed, my other hand stroking the sweat matted hair from his face. “It’s all right, baby. Everything’s all right.”
His lips caught mine in a harsh kiss. He didn’t say anything, but pulled me close as we lay back down. His arms wrapped around my body, head lowering to the crook of my neck. My hands began running through his hair.
After a while he calmed and I could feel the even temper of his breath blowing across my chest. Tears stung my eyes, but I pushed them back. I needed to be stronger if I was going to help him; a large feat for me.
It was Wednesday when Caroline dragged me out into the spring rain for lunch at our favorite dive. It was a hole in the wall bar that served some of the best potato skins I’d ever had. It was a rare treat to split an order, and I was willing to brave the weather for the wonderful tastes that awaited.
We placed our order and included side salads to make it a little less terrible.
“So, you got laid?” she asked without missing a beat.
I choked on the drink as it went down the wrong pipe, and almost spit some of my soda across the table at her. “W-what?”
“You heard me. You. Got. Laid.”
“How… Why do you think that?”
“Oh, come on, Lila. I’ve known you since we interned together between L2 and L3. That’s five years, if you’re trying to figure it out.”
I sighed. “Fine. Yes, I got laid. Happy?”
“No. Who is he?” She was not letting the subject go, her lips curling into a smile.
“Just some guy I met,” I lied, trying to brush it off. I wanted to tell her it was Nathan, but how was I supposed to explain our situation? I didn’t want to tell her about his scars and his self-imposed inability to love. I didn’t want to gossip about his pain. I wanted to protect him. I needed Nathan. So, I would lie to my best friend for now in the hopes that soon I could tell her everything.
“And?” she pressed. “Name? Date of birth? Social security number? Birthmarks and tattoos?” She grinned and waggled her eyebrows.
I laughed at her absurdity, and it felt good. “His name?” I felt the blood leech out of my face. My mind raced to come up with something when Nathan’s middle name popped up. I remembered seeing it on some of his access paperwork. “Christopher, his name is Christopher.”
“Was he at the club the other night?”
Oh, thank the heavens, something I didn’t have to lie about. “Yeah.”
“Well, obviously you liked him enough to have fun with him on multiple occasions.”
I couldn’t help the sad smile that formed on my face. “I like him, I do.”
“But?”
“But, he has some issues he’s working through, so I’m not really sure how he feels about me.”
“Well, if you can keep your self-flogging at bay, maybe you two can help each other. It’s obvious he likes something about you if he keeps coming back for more.”
“The feeling of me wrapped around his…” I trailed off, the waiter smirking as he dropped our food off.
Caroline laughed, and I couldn’t help but join in. I felt lighter after telling her, even though it wasn’t much. It felt good to talk about him in some fashion to someone other than myself. We ate our treats and headed back to the office, and I went straight back to the mysterious God that sat in the desk next to me.
Two days later, I was squirming in my chair, my mind envisioning the previous evening’s activities, and it was making my panties soaked. Every day seemed to be growing longer; minutes where like hours. His scent filled the conf
ines of our office, making my cravings for him stronger with each tick of the clock. I wanted him all the damn time.
I absently twirled a pen in my mouth as I attempted to read over the contract in front of me. It had been a day for reading and re-reading, and starting over because I didn’t catch anything. I didn’t even realize I had begun daydreaming, the pen sliding between my lips, until my phone began to buzz, breaking me from my trance. It was a text from Nathan, sitting right next to me. I’d forgotten we exchanged numbers. Curious, I opened the message and wished I hadn’t. It was too much for me to handle.
If you keep sucking on that pen I WILL drag you off to a secluded spot and shove my cock in your mouth.
My eyes widened and I choked on said pen while I read his text. The message was so hot my whole body lit up, and I licked my lips at the thought. Fantasies began running rampant, about places he would drag me to, when my phone buzzed with another message from him.
And you will choke like that around my cock when I jam it all the way down your fucking tease of a throat.
I had to begin fanning myself with the still unread contract; I was certain my face was Santa-suit red.
“Hey, Delilah,” Benjamin called from the doorway. “Can I get your help on this verbiage...? You okay?”
I gave him a fake smile. “Fine, just got a little hot all of the sudden.”
“Well, keep your cooties to yourself. Marianne will kill me if I bring home another illness from work,” he said with a laugh. Benjamin was such a sweet guy, and his very pregnant wife had gotten sick earlier in the year and she was unable to take much medicine, adding to her increasing level of discomfort.
“I’m not sure that what’s wrong with Delilah is contagious,” Nathan spoke, interrupting our conversation, his eyes trained on the screen in front of him.
I quirked my brow at him. “And exactly what is ‘wrong’ with me?”
“Few screws loose there, drunkie. Now, be a dear and help Benjamin out so you can get back to drooling all over the Henderson contract,” he taunted.
“Screw you.” I scowled at him and turned back to Benjamin. “So, verbiage?”
I worked with him for about half an hour before returning to my attempt at concentrating on my work. A difficult task when I was still so worked up from the texts Nathan had sent me.
It was after six when we saw Benjamin again, dropping by to let us know everyone was gone, and to lock up when we left. I sat stock still at my desk, paralyzed. A sudden extreme awareness of Nathan, and how we were alone, hit me. The words of his texts came back to me, and a small moan slipped from my lips. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him look briefly at me before resuming his work.
After a few minutes of pin-drop silence, Nathan rose from his chair and walked to the door. He reached out and slammed it shut, the sound making me jump. My breathing became labored, my body shaking in anticipation as I heard the click of the lock. He turned toward me; his eyes were dark, menacing, and full of lust.
He stared at me as his fingers worked to undo his tie, while he stalked his way over to me.
“You have been a very naughty girl today.” His hand wrapped around the fabric, slipping it from around his neck. “Naughty girls get punished. Hard. I don’t think I can wait any longer to punish you…”
My thighs were rubbing together, my bottom lip caught between my teeth to stifle the moan that threatened to escape. It was too late, the look in his eyes was animalistic, and I was dripping for him. He grabbed my arm, pulling me to my feet, and turned me around. My arms were pinned behind my back, the silk of his tie wrapping around my wrists, binding them.
He plopped me back down in my chair, giving me a fierce kiss before straightening to reach for his zipper. His fingers lowered it, making me fight off the shiver at the sound of the metal teeth clicking. He pulled his cock out of the slit, took a step closer, lining the tip mere inches from my lips. The urge to touch him was great, but I couldn’t; I was restrained from doing just that.
“Kiss it,” he demanded. I leaned forward as best as I could, limited without the use of my arms. My tongue flicked out and licked the underside of the head. Nathan’s fist wrapped around my hair and pulled tight so I was looking up at him. “I told you to kiss it, Delilah.”
He released me. I parted my lips, and kissed right at his slit, tasting his salty tang. I placed hot open mouth kisses down his length and back up to his hot, red tip.
“Good girl. Now open wide.”
My mouth opened in time for him to impatiently push forward. I gagged as he hit the back of my throat, unprepared for him.
“Mmm, that’s it, baby. Shit, your mouth is so fucking good.” His hips thrust him in and out. I was only taking him about halfway.
Impatient, he thrust all the way in and I did what he said I’d do: I choked on him.
He chuckled and stared at his cock as it moved between my lips, his eyes morphing into slits. They looked like they were fighting to remain open. His mouth slack, lips parted.
He took a deep breath and seemed to re-center himself. “I told you you’d choke on it. You like that, don’t you, baby? You have the best fucking mouth. Love watching my cock disappear between your hot little lips. You’re a little cock slut, sucking me in like that. Shit, so fucking good.”
His fingers tightened in my hair, his other hand joining as he began to drive his cock down my throat. I moved my tongue along the underside, and suctioned as best I could around him, spurring more sounds of pleasure out of him; obscenities kept stumbling from his lips.
As always, his words had my panties soaked through, and I was certain a wet spot was seeping through my skirt. My eyes watered a little with each harsh thrust of his hips, but I took everything he gave me. Because it was all about him. My punishment for teasing him, and I’d take it again and again with a smile on my face.
My body began to ache, the inability to move my arms, coupled with my leaning forward, was burning muscles I wasn’t accustomed to using.
His thrusts became erratic, his cock hardening even more, and I knew he was close.
“Swallow it all. Every fucking last drop,” he ordered before pushing forward, pulling my head down to the base as he twitched and emptied down my throat. I gagged around him, tasting him as he poured into my mouth.
My tongue swirled around the length, licking him clean as he pulled out. His breath was coming out in hard gasps, and he leaned back against the edge of my desk for support.
“Holy shit, baby, that was…fuck that was excellent,” he said with a lazy smile.
I grinned up at him and leaned forward to kiss the drop that was leaking from the tip. He moaned and twitched, his lips crashing down on mine for a hungry thankful kiss, tasting himself still on my tongue.
He fastened his zipper and then helped me up, a difficult task since my knees were still shaking from want and desire. He freed my wrists, massaging and kissing where the fabric had dug in.
His hand slapped my ass, and I squealed in surprise, then he walked back around to his desk. “Back to work, Palmer.
I stared at him in disbelief. Was he really going to leave me in such a state? I whimpered as he took his seat. “You’re mean.”
“Well, maybe that will keep you from playing with your pen in your mouth.”
I gave him a wicked smile and licked my lips. “Or maybe it gave me the idea to do it more.”
He groaned and rubbed his face. “Lila…”
I looked at him with raised eyebrows. “I’m not the one who’s so impatient. I can wait an hour.”
He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “You just called me mean for not fucking you right here and now.”
“That’s because I’m all wet, soaking through my panties.”
“Serves you right. You’ve kept me hard all fucking day. Back to work.” He twirled his finger as he pointed to my chair.
With a huff, I sat back down and, with a sort of urgency, returned to my work.
CHAPTER 10
I should have grabbed him the second the doors closed, but I lacked the courage. Odd how his emotions ebbed and flowed like the tide, constantly changing the dynamics of whatever it was we were to each other. His moods always set our tone. At that moment he was rebelling against us, trying to ignore the pull we both felt. Did he feel guilty for giving in at the office?
The air around us changed the second his stomach let it be known it wanted food, the grumble echoing around the elevator.
A giggle escaped before I turned to grin at him. “Hungry are we?” I watched his body relax, a sheepish grin forming. It was new, and I couldn’t help but think how cute he looked.
“Maybe just a little.”
The elevator pinged, signaling we had reached my floor. I stepped off and extended my hand to him. “Come.”
He stared at me like he was contemplating what I meant. “Lila, I…”
“Have dinner with me. Come.”
“You don’t have to cook for me,” he said.
“Well, I have to do it for me, and it’s usually enough to feed four. So, come.” I beckoned him with my hand.
After a moment of deliberation and great reluctance, along with an argument from his stomach, he took my hand. He stared at me with his brow knitted together while we walked down the hall to my condo. I didn’t know what was going through his mind, but from the outside it looked as if he was guarding himself from my sexual assault. The thought made me laugh as it was he who attacked me in the most spectacular way against a wall in our office. And he was frightened of little me?