by Tara Lutz
Dex agreed to Gerald’s request, hoping it would be easier for him to say goodbye to his family at their house. He and Gerald could find the gateway on the island; they both knew where it was. The day they swam out to it, so Dex could carve his and Jessie’s initials on the tree, they stumbled across the same patch of burnt grass that had grabbed Jessie’s attention. Neither had commented on it, it wasn’t really that strange to them. Dex only sensed, what he thought was a sinister pull, when he and Jessie were there the next day. It was the rock that protected the gateway, keeping it camouflaged from anyone that mistakenly happened upon it. All Dex would have to do would be walk behind it and he would be gone. It was all too unreal to believe, but inexplicably they both did.
Jessie saw him coming, smiled her sparkling smile and picked up her pace. A foot from him, she lost her grip on the slippery surface and did a sliding fall into his arms. As they both struggled to remain standing, Jessie laughed out a ‘hi’. Dex taking in every detail; the way her hair poked out from under her oversized hat, that must have been Gerald’s at one time, her flushed cheeks, rosy lips, the wayward snowflake stuck in her eyelash. He cradled her face between his gloved hands and drank in her eyes. The world stood still around them.
“Hi,” he said. They regained their balance and exchanged a quick kiss.
Jessie backed away from him slightly, so she could see his eyes. “I was right yesterday, there is something wrong.” She always knew.
“Everything’s fine. You and your imagination.” He smiled reassuringly, trying to act casual, not fooling her. Sammy tugged at Dex’s jacket at the exact time he needed her to distract them.
“Is Peter coming?” Her little sister asked, in a soft voice. Sammy was small for her age. She had her mother’s green eyes and her hair was a shade darker than Jessie’s, but the sisters shared the same button nose.
He bent down and motioned for her to climb on his back. She happily did and held on, her hands clasped loosely around his scarf covered neck. He would miss her too.
“Not today, bug, but I am sure there’s lots of winter left for you two to have some fun.”
Holding Sammy’s leg in one arm and Jessie’s double mitted hand in the other, the trio started towards the perfect sliding hill, behind his house. He noticed his father duck into the barn, his mother watching them through the kitchen window. He could feel Jessie’s birthday present tucked deeply in his coat pocket, pressing up against his heart, where it had remained since the night of the storm.
“So, you’re sure there’s nothing wrong?” Jessie was kneeling down absentmindedly forming snowballs, between her hands.
“You have that crinkle between your eyes, the one you get when you’ve been thinking too long.” She stood up to give Sammy, who had just repositioned herself on her sled at the top of the incline, a gentle push.
“No I don’t, and for the last time, everything is fine.” He didn’t mean for his reply to sound so sharp, he was barely keeping it together. He hated lying to her; it squeezed his lungs and made it hard for him to breathe.
“My feet are a little cold. I probably need warmer socks,” he stated, his tone lighter and added a short laugh, hoping this appeased her concern.
“Very funny, I like my socks.” She tossed a lopsided snowball at him, hitting on the chest.
She reached down to construct another one. Frantically, Dex crouched beside her to build some ammunition of his own. After a short, playful fight, they were interrupted by Sammy calling for Dex to give her a push. Jessie decided to climb on behind her and with the added momentum Dex sent them speeding down the hill. As the sled came to a gradual stop, he watched them tip over, and roll around for a few seconds in the snow, laughing. The sound floated over the thin, flurry filled air, back up the hill to him, and kissed him on the cheek. He felt dizzy. He couldn’t leave her.
Sammy tired after an hour of sliding down the long slope and struggling back up it to start the routine again. Too soon for Dex, they surrendered their fun and retreated to the warm, welcoming house at the base of the hill. Jessie dug her boots into the hill sideways, slipping as she held onto his arm. Sammy, who took the easy way down the hill, was waiting for them impatiently, stomping her feet to stave off the cold.
“Jesssieeee, hurry up. I’m freezing!” Her sister wailed.
“Two minutes ago she was begging to go one more time. Next time Peter is coming, whether he likes it or not.” Jessie complained about both her siblings but he knew that she loved them and now he counted on them to love her back, just as much.
They pounded off their snow crusted boots on the exterior of Dex’s house and removed their damp, outer clothes, just inside the door; then propped them up beside the fire to dry. Sammy went off to find Peter and left Dex and her sister to wrap their chilled fingers around the mugs full of steaming milk that his mother poured for them. He reached to a plate, grabbed a buttered biscuit and handed half to Jessie.
“When we’re done, there’s something in the barn I want to show you.” She frowned slightly, at his suggestion. “What?”
“Something is wrong. I knew it.”
“Nothing is wrong!” This was going to be more difficult than he had anticipated. “I just thought it would be a nice place to give you your birthday gift. Quieter than in here.”
He rolled his eyes back towards the room where Sammy located Peter. He could hear the two youngsters playfully arguing about why Peter should take her back up the hill. Sammy was winning. She was so much like her sister. He would miss them both.
Jessie’s eyes lit up at the thought of silence, accompanied by a gift from Dex. She finished her last gulp of milk; remnants of it glazed her upper lip. He reached over to run his thumb across it.
“Such a mess, Jessie,” he teased. She swatted his hand away and pushed her chair back from the table.
“And just think, I’m all yours.” She winked.
Would it still be the same after he left and found her again? What if everything that made them Jessie and Dex, disappeared, the second he stepped through the gateway. A darkness full of foreboding, crossed his face. He disguised it before she noticed, but she was already at the door pulling on her still damp coat.
“What are you waiting for?” She prodded.
He stood, quietly exhaling, and forced his expression back to being as casual as he could muster. He had buttoned up his coat and stuffed his barely thawed feet back into his boots, while she was still struggling to lace hers up.
“Just waiting for you, little girl.”
He opened the door and stood back, letting her lead the way to the barn, so he could steady her on the icy path from behind. When they got to the entrance he put his hands over her eyes.
“Close your eyes.” He directed her to move in front of him.
She backed into him. Dex could feel her lashes flutter under his palms. Her cheeks were already cold, even though they had left the warmth of the house only seconds before. He reached around her to push open the barn door and was pleased with what his father had managed to accomplish, given the short time frame.
“Keep them closed,” Dex reminded her. They shuffled forward and he took his hands away from her eyes. “Ok, open them.” Jessie could hear the smile in his voice.
His father had placed lanterns, with dazzling flames, on the floor of the barn; forming two sides of a walkway, to the ladder leading to the loft. The light reflected like stars in Jessie’s eyes.
“It’s so pretty.” She looked around her. He could tell she was confused. He talked fast.
“We were supposed to go to the restaurant for your birthday, the night of the storm. Instead, I thought we could have supper here, in the loft.” He took her hand to move her closer to the upper room.
“I know it’s kinda cold and it would be more comfortable to eat in the house, but I wanted to do something that reminded me of us. My first memory of you, is pulling you out from behind a hay bale in your pa’s barn.” He was wrong. This was not romantic, it was
stupid. How was spending their last few hours together in a barn romantic? Maybe she was lucky that after tonight she would forget me.
Jessie was smiling, as one tear slipped down her check. She turned and hugged him harder than she had ever hugged him before.
“It’s perfect.” She loosened her hold and tilted her head up to him. “I love it. Do you really remember that? The day I was stuck in the barn?” Her eyes fluttered back and forth over his.
“Of course I do.”
He was shocked that she remembered. She had been so young. He suddenly remembered two nights before, when he found her huddled next to Duke in the abandoned barn. She said she knew he would find her. She did remember, she remembered his promise.
“Don’t ever forget what I told you that day, Jessie, about finding you, no matter what happens,” he implored to her.
Dex dug into his pocket, found the small box containing her birthday present, and handed to her. Jessie removed her single pair of mittens and he placed it tentatively into her slender, silken hands. She looked down at it and then back up at him. She bit her bottom lip, which had started trembling, and lifted the lid.
The flames that bathed them in glossy light, shimmered off the necklace in the box. Attached to the gold chain was a round stone, the size of Jessie’s thumb nail. She was rubbing her fingers over it, in awe by its smoothness.
“It’s beautiful. I don’t think I have ever seen something so shiny.” She kept her gaze glued to the jewelry for a few more quiet moments. Dex started to worry that she didn’t like it.
She glanced back up at him. “Will you help me put it on?”
Jessie gently lifted it from its velvet pillow, coiled it onto his outstretched hand and turned around. She loosened her jacket and slightly bent her neck forward to make it easier for him to see the clasp. When it was firmly linked, she turned to face Dex.
“I was right,” he said, proudly. “It brings out the gold in your eyes.”
He touched it lightly, then moved his fingers up to run them up her cheek, to her ear, tugging on it, before laying his hand across the back of her head, his fingers tangled in her satiny hair. He pulled her into him and kissed her long, until they were both catching their breath.
“I feel like this has happened before,” she said, when their breathing had slowed. Dex was still holding her. “It must be because I’m so happy.”
He blinked back tears and kissed the crown of her head. He wanted to tell her that she was wrong, that it wasn’t just because she was happy, but he had made a promise to his parents and to people he hadn’t even met.
“And hungry,” she said.
Jessie’s remark, and the aroma hovering above them in the loft, reminded him of the dinner that waited for them, upstairs.
“Race you to the ladder?” She made the proposal and started climbing the ladder before Dex even had a chance to move.
His mother had left them a pot of homemade soup and more of the buttered biscuits. They talked through the entire meal. Jessie played with her necklace, often, to make sure it was still there. An inkiness started to encompass them. The lanterns continued to glow brightly, but not enough to chase away the shadows that clawed out from the corners of the barn.
“I better get Sammy home.” The spell they had been under was broken by the cold seeping up from under the floor of the loft. “I work the day after tomorrow. Maybe you could pick me up and we could go out to the lake and visit our tree.”
Why had she brought up the island? Did her subconscious know what was coming?
He nodded, afraid if he spoke even one word, his voice would betray the emotions that he was trying so hard not to show. Dex swallowed. “Sounds good.”
He brought his hand up to the chain around her neck, spinning it around, so the clasp that had fallen forward, was back behind. “I’m glad you like your present.”
“I’ll never take it off.”
He was counting on it.
They headed to the house and Jessie helped Sammy get ready to wade home through the snow. Dex kissed her one last time. She would wake up tomorrow and not know who he was or that he had ever existed. His father promised to tell Jed, to do whatever he had to do, to make sure it happened that night. Gerald would be there early the next morning, to take him to the island, and with proof that Jessie had never met a boy that she decided to call Dex. He didn’t let any tears fall from his eyes until his mother, standing behind him, put her hand on his shoulder. He stayed, staring out the window long after Jessie disappeared.
CHAPTER 23
His parents encouraged him to sleep that night, but even though he rejected it the day before, he asked for their assurances that he had made the right choice. Above all, he wanted them to reiterate the confidence they had in him finding Jessie again. He knew by the time the morning sky started to turn blue, that if her father had kept his word, Jessie would be waking up not being able to recall any of the memories they had made together. When he found her in the new realm, his soul decided to exit the gateway into, it was up to him to provide the clues to help her remember.
Dex was finishing his last tea – his mother had sternly reminded him that it was not technically his last – when he heard a knock on the door and his father opened it, to invite Gerald in.
“Would you like some tea, breakfast, to take my son to his possible death?” He imagined his father saying when in fact it had just been a curt, ‘good morning,’ and a quiet, ‘thanks for doing this.’
Gerald stood awkwardly by the front door, trying to look anywhere, other than at Dex, and failing.
“Is it done?” Dex asked, not able to meet his best friend’s eyes.
Gerald nodded. He seemed to be having difficulty trying to figure out what to say. Instead, he shook his head when Dex’s mother offered him something to eat.
“Well, did she forget? Did it work?” Dex still didn’t know what ‘it’ was.
“I saw her before I left,” Gerald found his voice. “She asked me where I was going, I said to pick up Dex. She asked me, what kind of a name is Dex? I tried a bit more to see if she was joking.” He looked to Dex smiling, slightly cautious. “You know how she is?”
Dex nodded and urged him to continue. At the same time, not wanting to hear it.
“I said, you know, Alex? She got this blank look on her face. I could tell she wasn’t acting. I’ve seen the way her face changes whenever she hears your name, I’ve recognized it since she was eight.” Gerald looked down at his shoes. “She didn’t know who I was talking about. It’s done.”
Dex released a long breath, only realizing when his lungs started to sting, that he had been holding it.
“Good, well then…..” he trailed off.
That was what Dex wanted. There was no reason for him to prolong what he had made up his mind to do. He stood up and crossed the room, stoically, to his mother. He hugged her; she hugged him back harder. When he stepped out of her embrace, he could see tears swimming in her eyes.
“I should go get Peter, you will want to say good bye to him.” Even in her distress, his mother still managed to speak a few words.
Dex grabbed her arm, fighting back the tears that were now falling freely down her cheeks, saturating the collar of her white shirt.
“No, I can’t. I just need to go. Besides, I’ll see you all again before I even know it, right?” He sounded more confident than he felt.
His mother rubbed her sleeve across her eyes. “Right.” She smiled through her slowing tears.
His father moved to her side and laid his arm across her shaking shoulders. He extended his free arm towards his oldest son. Dex raised his own to meet it. They shook hands. Dex recognized eyes, so much like his own, looking back into his.
“We are so proud of you son. You are saving something that is very important to so many people.”
Dex gripped his father’s hand tightly and quickly released it. There was only one thing left to say.
“See you soon.”
Taking one look around the only home he had ever known, Dex tried to commit everything he saw to memory. He turned quickly, to leave, without even grabbing a coat. If he stopped and thought about something else other than the gateway, the responsibility he had been given but didn’t want, he would change his mind. Gerald opened the door and Dex walked outside, without looking back. His mother’s sobs were silenced by the closing door.
CHAPTER 24
Dex and Gerald hiked sullenly, through the snow covered woods. When the silence became too overwhelming, one of them had to break it, to make sure, what was about to happen was actually real.
“Pa and I spent a few hours out on the lake yesterday.” Gerald decided it was safe to speak. Dex had stopped clenching and unclenching his hands; his shoulders had relaxed a little.
“The lake is frozen, good for walking on and the snow has packed down good, since it warmed up some after the storm.” He was making small talk. Dex appreciated that after the last two days had been filled with terms he hadn’t even heard before Jessie’s birthday.
“Anyway,” Gerald continued. “He told me for sure where it was, this gateway, even though we already knew.” Dex visibly tensed in front of him.
“I wish I could go you know, I don’t have any reason to stay here.” Dex stopped and spun around so suddenly, Gerald almost tripped into him.
“But you aren’t going, are you?” Dex didn’t want to get mad at his friend, he knew all the reasons it was his soul moving on and not Gerald’s.
He put his hand on Gerald’s shoulder. “I just need you to look after her ok? She will tell you that she can look after herself, and of course she can, but everyone should have someone looking out for them and I won’t be around to do it anymore.”
Gerald’s eyes were glassy, this was hard for him too. They had been friends longer than either of them even knew. What had his mother called them? Boarding souls?