by Lym Cruz
“Just don’t say anything.” Her phone rang after a quick check, she silenced it. “Thank you, Ezra.”
I nodded. Melissa ran out and I stared at the door wondering what the fuck I had done.
Since there was nothing left to do, I decided to leave as well. I went to Vinnie’s office to turn off the lights and a torn piece of paper caught my eye. It was jammed under the gap between the door and the floor. I plucked it out and inspected it closely. Part of the logo once on the paper was missing, but I didn’t need the complete drawing to recognize it. The logo was of Rowan’s restaurant.
Chapter Six
Christina
Once my therapist asked if I knew when my eating disorder began and without hesitation, I answered, “high school.” But after further and deeper introspection on the matter, I realized it began long before that. It started when I was a child, and the root of it was my mother.
Before my father died, we were a normal, happy family. After his passing, an emotional and financial hole was left behind. My mother and I moved into a tiny one-bedroom apartment. It was all she could afford on a teacher’s salary.
I remembered the day we found out that dad was gone—not with accuracy—but I recalled the moment an officer knocked on our door, saying there had been an accident and my father hadn’t made it. Some drunk asshole ran into his car, ending his life in a gruesome way.
What came after were days and nights of hearing my mother weep inconsolably when she thought I wasn’t listening.
I was six at the time and although I understood what was going on, I never fully digested the situation. I didn’t know how to feel or react. I missed my dad and when my mother cried, I cried with her.
My mother began eating a lot more than usual. When she ate, she smiled and in order to keep smiling, she ate more. Neither of us knew it at the time but depression—the unseen, silent killer—was ruining my mother and dragging me along for the ride.
Neither one of us ever learned how to deal with our emotions. In happy times, we celebrated with food. In somber times we drowned our sorrows in food. No matter what we were going through, food was always there to comfort us.
I never told my mother any of this. It would break her if she knew my problems traced back to her. Her depression ruined us both and although I’d grown up, I never mastered the art of governing extreme emotions without food.
The emotions Ezra evoked drove me up the walls. I was doing so well at that interview and then I stared at his lips. My body flushed. Then I remembered how he never even looked at me. Ever. And I got mad at myself for still being attracted to him.
I felt like such a fool. A stupid fool.
On my way home, I hit up three fast-food restaurants and later got rid of all of it. Slowly, I was falling into a pattern. The last time I was like this, a trip to the hospital after I’d passed out at school was what it took to shake me up. I would starve myself for days and the few times I did eat, it all went down the toilet afterward. Erica tried to help me and keep my secret for as long as possible but after the incident, she told my mother everything.
I wasn’t suicidal or crazy. All I wanted was to lose weight and I did. Therefore, I kept going and when people said, “You have to stop.” they didn’t imagine how difficult it was to stop. It took several months of therapy and medication before I quit.
I told myself that this wasn’t like the last time. I was better. I could go back to eating healthy and stop shoving a finger down my throat whenever I wanted. Just not right now, because I needed it.
I rolled on my bed and threw my arm over my eyes. Flashes of the interview came floating to mind. Rage surfaced at the sight of Ezra, bristling my skin and clouded my thoughts. Once again, I lashed out before thinking. It was official, Ezra was my trigger. Every time he showed up my heart rate spiked, causing shallow, rapid breaths. I let out a grave sigh and reached for my phone.
Online, I searched for job postings. I needed to get a job and start earning a living. There was no way I’d run to Melissa, Erica, or even my mother every time I needed money. And my savings were running out.
An incoming email halted my search.
Subject: Re: Re: JOB INTERVIEW CONFIRMATION
You got the job. Be aware that you’ll be on a trial. Any wrongdoing on your side; consider yourself fired.
You start tomorrow at eight. If you’re late, don’t bother coming in at all.
Best Regards,
Ezra Collin
After reading the email for the fourth time, I still couldn’t believe he gave me the position. Why would he? There was no way in hell he’d hire me after the way I behaved at the interview. He must have felt obligated to do so, or he pitied me.
Eventually, I put two and two together—Melissa. This had to be her doing. I sent out a group text to Melissa and Erica.
Christina: Ezra gave me the job.
Christina: I know you had something to do with this Mel.
Melissa: And if I did?
Christina: Then he’s giving me the job cuz he feels obligated to and not cuz he wants to.
Melissa: Agh! Tina. You’re smart so take the job if only to prove to him that you’re capable.
Melissa: Swallow your pride for once and accept it. You need something to focus on.
Staring at the screen, I considered what Melissa wrote. It would be a way to redeem myself in his eyes—not that I cared what he thought of me. I was no angel but I also wasn’t the hot-tempered girl he probably thought I was. I could be civil and courteous. I wasn’t a wild animal. But mostly, I needed a focal point. Idling wasn’t good for me. Before I could talk myself out of it, I replied to the email guaranteeing I’d be there and on time.
Erica: Yay! Welcome to adult life.
Christina: Housewife, you haven’t reached that point. David pays your bills.
Erica: I hope you get hit by a bus tomorrow.
Christina: Not happening.
Melissa: Have you apologized???
Christina: I’ll do it tomorrow.
Erica: You won’t last a day.
Christina: How much of Dave’s money you wanna bet?
The more I thought about the offer, the more it felt like a challenge. My sole purpose was proving to Ezra that I was able to share an environment with other humans while being professional and well-mannered. I wasn’t crazy.
Bright and early I got to the office. Ezra was the first to arrive after me and unlocked the doors without an acknowledgment. I trailed along behind him. He went about as though I wasn’t there, settled behind his computer and began working on his computer.
I stood immobile, by a table on the other side of the room, not knowing what to do or say, watching his back. The only sound made was the stroke of his fingers on the keyboard.
I could have started with an apology. That was my plan. However, upon seeing his childlike behavior, I decided he didn’t deserve the apology I had prepared anymore.
“What an ass.” I couldn’t be entirely sure that I didn’t say the words out loud.
“Hey, you,” Stacie cheered, walking in, holding Frank’s hand. I noticed the engagement ring on her finger. Frank kissed her temple, waved to me with that sexy smile of his and continued to his desk. “I was surprised when Ezra informed us that you were coming in today.” She sniggered. “I mean can you blame me?”
My face and ears flushed and I shifted on weight embarrassed.
“Here, let me help you get settled,” she said, offering a smile meant to say, “Relax. We’re good.” I followed Stacie as she gave me a tour of the premises.
“The bathrooms are down the hall.” Stacie pointed forward. “We share this floor with other offices but the bathrooms are always clean.” She showed me to a room across from the office. “This is the breakroom—it’s strictly ours—you can use whatever is in there. Food in the fridge is labeled. If there’s no label, it’s up for grabs. That’s the rule. And that’s it.”
At the end of the tour, I met Vinnie, the actual boss.
He was friendly and said that if Ezra picked me, he was confident his nephew made the right choice.
We sauntered back into the office. Ezra hadn’t moved. He was deeply engrossed with work and perhaps didn’t notice when I passed by him and took a seat behind the desk opposite to his. We were separated by a thin, blue divider. Sienna was next to me and I didn’t like the vibe she was throwing off. She kept peeking at me from the corner of her eye. I looked at the computer screen and there was a blue note stuck to it.
Good morning Miss Garza,
Hans is the name of the account you’ll be working on.
There is a file on the computer with the same name
and check your email to see what Mr. Hans requires.
If you have any questions, ask Stacie for help.
—Ezra
I rolled my eyes. I searched for supplies and wrote out a response on a yellow sticky notepad I found and stuck the note to his side of the wall.
Good morning Mr. E. Collin,
Noted!
—Christina
“New girl,” Vinnie called. “Bring me coffee, please.”
Everyone except Ezra chuckled.
“Yes, sir,” I said, leaping out of my seat but halfway to the door, I froze. “Stacie, how does he take his coffee?”
She shrugged. “Ask Ezra, he’s the one who used to do that till yesterday.”
I sensed she knew and elected not to tell me. Probably her way of encouraging me to talk to Ezra. I wasn’t going to fall for her trap. I ran to my desk and wrote another note.
How does he take his coffee?
I stuck it on his side and drummed my fingers on the desk waiting for an answer. A hand finally appeared from the other side and stuck a note on my wall.
Black.
Chapter Seven
Ezra
One week completed and no outbursts. During that time, not a single word was exchanged between us. I even stopped making my morning announcements to avoid saying her name. Christina was sharp and shrewd with her work. Vinnie was warming up to her and Stacie already loved her.
She was nice to everyone except me. Occasionally, when our eyes met, she glared and I snapped my gaze away. It was funny how we’d known each other for years without actually knowing one another.
This morning I arrived before anyone else to print and file documents. The printer zoomed reproducing the digital documents into the paper tray. The door office door ticked open and after a second it was shut, the sound of heels clinking made me look over my shoulder. Of course, it had to be her.
She took off her coat showcasing yet another stunning outfit. It was a white dress with a thin purple belt around the waist. Everything she wore was office appropriate, and attention-grabbing because of her goddamn curves.
Our gaze locked. She didn’t make a face this time. She merely looked back with a neutral expression. No smile. No frown either. I looked away and fixed the papers into a stack as more documents were being ejected from the printer. She moved around the office, her shoes telegraphing every step she took, and then I heard the sound of a chair sliding against the tiles.
The printer beeped declaring the end of the task. I took the remaining papers and added them to the pile. I spun, moving towards the filing cabinets only to have my steps stutter to a halt. I anticipated she’d be sitting at her desk, however, I was wrong.
She was standing against the wall. One leg outstretched on top of the chair by her desk, effectively blocking my passage.
To get from where I was to the other side, I had to go through her. The gap between the wall and cubicles was narrow and with her standing there it was impossible to get through. Christina extended her hand, examining the pink polish coating her nails as if unmindful of her actions.
Was this her stupid way of forcing me to acknowledge her? Well, she had another thing coming. Things were perfect the way they were.
Straightening my posture, I took five steps forward. When I stretched my leg to leap over hers, she swiftly pulled away—back pressed to the wall. I went on, pushing past her.
Our bodies touched and our eyes met. I stopped, taking in her perfume. I’d smelled it before, just never as close. The fragrance wasn’t sweet or fruity, it was fresh and made me think of ice. I kept my gaze on hers and for the first time, I noticed how pretty she was. She was wearing makeup but it wasn’t overt. I saw a few freckles dispersed around her nose. Her eyes were deep cocoa and captivating. Not because of the color or the sparkle in them but because of the unspoken words that swirled within them.
“You could have said excuse me,” she said. “Didn’t your mother teach you any manners?”
“No. She died before she could.”
Her eyes darted away from mine distressed by my words. She tried to find a spot to focus on but it was only me before her. To put us both out of misery, I slithered away from her and opened the intended drawer. From that moment forward, Christina and I fell back into a standstill. No more words were exchanged.
“Hello everyone.” I recognized Lala’s voice instantly. She was Neo’s little sister and I hadn’t seen her since ...
I whipped my head around to see her come in. At the same time, my phone rang—it was Rowan. I rejected the call.
Lala placed a bag on the table, came over and kissed the side of my face. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”
A bit confused with her impromptu drop by, I asked, “What are you doing here?” The question came out harsher than intended.
“I, um.” She shifted on her feet uncomfortably. “Vinnie called and asked if I could bring him one of my grandma’s recipes. Since you stopped showing up after … you know.” She shrugged. “Thought it would be good to see you.”
“Oh,” I breathed, not knowing what else to say.
Neo’s family was unaware of what he did aside from bartending, and I couldn’t face them while having to maintain the lies. My lies were already weighing me down. They believed Neo was at the wrong place at the wrong time, and got caught in the crossfire of a gang shooting.
“I didn’t know you and my uncle were that close.”
“We’re not.” She laughed nervously. “I was as surprised as you are when he called.”
“Lala,” Vinnie crooned from his office. “Come give me a hug.”
Lala sauntered towards Vinnie, and he pulled her into a tight bearhug.
“Ezra, come on over here. Have you seen Lala?” Vinnie said, cupping her jaw and gently shook her face from right to left. “Isn’t she pretty?”
Vinnie saw Lala, at most, three or four times before. I couldn’t figure out how or when he developed this sudden fondness.
“She is?” I said, not intending my words to sound like a question but the entire scene was strange.
“Yes.” Vinnie let go of her face. “And she comes bearing gifts. She’s a keeper.” He winked and I understood what he was trying to do.
“Come, everyone,” Vinnie called. “It’s lunchtime.”
“Praise the Lord,” Stacie chimed.
Chairs screeched loudly as the five of us moved away from our desks towards the round table.
Lala shoved her hands inside her pockets. “I have to run, guys. Enjoy your meal.”
“What? No,” Vinnie wailed. “I thought you’d join us.”
“I really can’t, but thanks for the offer.”
“Oh well, but do send my regards to your grandmother. How is she holding up?”
“She’s doing the best she can.” A faint smile traced her lips. “We all are.” She shifted her gaze to me. “I hope to see you around more.”
“Sure.” Another lie.
Vinnie nodded and Lala waved awkwardly at me as she walked out. I exhaled, relieved that the moment had passed.
Everyone went about setting the table when I sneaked out to answer Rowan’s persistent calls. Like always: he needed me urgently. When I returned, everyone was seated at the table sharing the meal Lala had brought. I took the empty spot amid Vinnie and Frank, fa
cing Christina.
I brought a roll of warm bread to my mouth, breathing in its fresh and delightful smell. Picking up a knife, I applied copious amounts of thick, creamy yellow butter. It was delicious.
“I like Lala, Ezra,” Vinnie said, taking a fork to his mouth. “When I was twenty-five, I was already married. You need some company and Lala’s a good girl.”
“It’s not like that,” I shook my head. “I was friends with her brother.” Before he could say anymore, I added, “Trying to shove us together won’t work. So, you might as well stop. You’re wasting your time.”
“But she—”
“Just stop.”
Christina snorted. I’d love to know what she meant by the gesture but of course, I didn’t ask. Stacie also looked at her with pinched brow expecting her to elaborate, but she didn’t.
“Is that all you’re going to eat?” Vinnie asked Christina, shifting everyone’s attention towards her plate. There were two diced potatoes on it. He took a large piece of chicken breast and dropped it on her plate. “No wonder you’re so skinny.”
Her lips took the form of a coy smile as if she took his words as a compliment.
“When are the two of you going to start talking?” Vinnie asked, pointing a fork between Christina and me.
“We talk,” she said, lifting her dark eyes and letting them fall on me. “Just not to each other.”
“If y’all got something to say to each other get it off your chest,” Frank said. “Verbalize your feelings.” He drank from his water bottle, placed it back on the table and bumped my shoulder. “C’mon man, sort your stuff out. The office is drowning with the negative energy y’all are emitting and it sucks.”