Clay didn't budge long after he'd gathered his wits and was able to move. He couldn’t bear the thought of looking into her eyes and seeing regret. He couldn’t stand the idea of her hating him, yet it was what he deserved. When she’d needed his strength and his restraint most, he’d not been able to provide it.
Barbara’s heart raced. Her body ached from Clay’s weight upon her, but she didn’t want him to move. She would lay there beneath him forever if she could, but they didn’t have forever. She of all people knew how little time the people of Avalore had left, and she wasn’t going to waste another minute on anything but living in the moment. The man she loved held her in his arms, and for the first time in a very long time, the pain in her heart eased so she could breathe a little, or at least she could if his chest hadn’t pinned her so snugly to the bed.
She brought her hand to the nape of his neck, running her fingernails through the hair curling there. It was so much softer than she’d expected. With a long, deep sigh, she kissed his damp temple.
His body stiffened at her delicate touch.
“I wish we could stay like this forever.” She hadn’t meant to say it aloud.
Clay turned onto his side, taking her with him. “You don’t regret what we’ve done?” His eyes clouded as he waited her response.
Shaking her head, she couldn’t help but smile. Her body had never been more alive, her spirit so overjoyed. “No, not in the least. You?”
The muscles in his back relaxed beneath her hands. “I don’t, though by rights, we both should. Our mates-”
“Our mates have not been determined.” She wouldn’t allow him to cheapen their time together. “You know as well as I do how dire the situation has become. I shall not call upon the Elders to have my mate named. My time is all but gone.” She brought a finger to his lips, silencing his protest. “This can’t come as a surprise to you, Clayton. The darkness eats at my soul. Each new dawn is more difficult than the last.” Her vision blurred. “I cannot feel anything but joy at what we’ve shared. Don’t take it away from me, please.”
He pulled her close, his breath tickling at her skin, a deep sadness dulling his eyes. “Promise me you’ll come to me before…” His voice strangled on the words.
Unwilling to cause him such grief, Barbara pressed her lips to his. She couldn’t make that promise when she wasn’t certain she’d be able to keep it again.
With a soft groan, he returned her kisses. He took his time, stroking every part of her, first with his hands, then his lips and tongue. He delved into her mind, whispering words of love as he worshiped her body. Finally spent, she fell asleep to the sounds of his deep breaths and the rise and fall of his chest beneath her cheek.
Long tendrils of muted sunlight filtered through the open window, teasing her awake. She had hoped for a new sense of purpose, a new will to go on, but even with Clay’s arm draped over her waist and the sweet tenderness lingering in her body, the whisper of darkness called to her, enticing her to give up and find rest.
The hardest thing Barbara had ever done was slip from his bed. Maybe she would be fortunate enough in the next life to be a part of his again. He’d been more than a friend, more than the lover he had just become; he had been a part of her, the best part. He’d made her laugh when she wanted to cry and dried her tears when even his best efforts hadn’t been enough to stop them from falling. Perhaps someday, he would forgive her.
Her nightgown and cape did nothing to cut the biting chill in the air. Wrapping it tight around her, she crossed the city. The castle, still standing proud after more than two decades of emptiness, loomed over Avalore like a tombstone. Few people were out at this time of the morning, and those who were didn’t bother to acknowledge her, which suited her mood fine.
She had almost made it home when Clay woke to find her gone.
“Barbara, where are you?” Panic laced the words echoing in her mind.
“I’m nearing my home. Did you sleep well?” She tried to shove the despair deep into her soul.
“Please, come back. We’ll talk. We can spend the day together.”
Even now, when all was bleak, his plea warmed her heart. “Do not be afraid. I shall not perish today.” Even to her, the reassurance was weak and empty.
“Fine, I’ll come to you.” The little bit of grogginess he had started with was gone. “Wait for me. I’ll be there soon.”
The moment she rounded the corner, the Erikson’s home came into view. Had she not seen the dear woman mourning the loss of her child hours before, she could almost pretend nothing had changed, and happiness still filled their home. She could fool herself into thinking the darkness threatening them all wasn’t hovering just below the surface in her own mind, swallowing her will to live with each breath she took. But she had seen, and it was there.
“Barbara.” Her neighbor, Sasha, called out to her, hurrying up the street, waving to get her attention.
“Sasha, what’s wrong?” She rushed to meet her halfway.
“Nothing, at least, nothing more than…” She shook her head, and nodded toward the Erikson’s house. “It’s the Council of Elders. They’ve come for you. They’ve been waiting hours for your return. You must hurry.”
“Why on earth are they looking for me?” Barbara couldn’t remember the last time she had heard of The Elders paying anyone a social call, least of all her.
The woman ushered her toward her front yard. “Look, there they are.”
One tall, white haired woman stood ahead of the others, waiting for Barbara to approach. Her iceberg eyes, clear and sharp, didn’t just see her, but saw through her, sending a chill down her spine.
“Miss Morgan, we’ve come with important news.” The woman’s voice carried along the breeze.
“I apologize, I wasn’t aware you were looking for me. I hope you haven’t waited long.” She nodded to the others who gathered behind their leader.
“It matters not, child. What matters is what we’ve come to discuss with you.”
“Of course. I’d be honored to welcome you into my home.” At that moment, Clay arrived. He had made the trip from his home to hers in remarkable time. He stood next to her, his eyebrows raised, lending her strength in the face of the Elders. They would never dream of harming anyone, but their presence made her edgy, and she was glad for Clay’s soothing energy.
He bowed his head, acknowledging the revered group before them.
“The Elders have come to me with news. Shall we go inside?” Without thinking twice, she included Clay as part of the group.
“There is no time to lose, child. We cannot wait another moment.” The Elder woman threw a pointed stare at Sasha who hovered nearby, sending her hustling to her own yard.
“Then by all means, please share the news you feel necessary for me to hear at such an early hour.” She drew her shoulders back.
“As you well know, we, the Council of Elders, participate in daily meditation. Yesterday, or rather in the wee hours this morning, our meditation took a most unexpected turn.” A small spark of excitement shone in the woman’s eyes. “For the first time in years, we’ve been blessed with a vision. Each of us,” she gestured to the other elders with the wave of her hand, “saw the same event.”
Unable to stay still, Barbara shuffled her feet, taking her a little closer to Clay. “What is it you saw?”
The woman took a deep breath before smiling.
Barbara’s jaw dropped and she forced it closed again. The Elders, always solemn, never smiled. Whatever the woman had come to say had brought a sparkle to her eye.
“We saw her return, child. Our Queen will return. She is lost in a faraway land, but she lives. She lives!”
“Queen Angelique lives? You’re certain?” Her gaze shot to Clay and back to the woman.
“You misunderstand; Queen Angelique is lost to us. She’s found her way into her next life, but her daughter, the child she bore when she was killed still lives.” The Elder woman’s words came out in a rush.
“Quite so, though we didn’t see the details of her departure, she is alive and will return to us. The vision was twofold, which brings us to the reason for this visit, child. Though it is not the way of our people, we must make this request of you, and ask that you please consider it.” The look the woman gave made it clear what she expected Barbara’s answer to be.
Her heart fluttered and her palms dampened. “What is it you need from me?”
“It’s not what we need, Miss Morgan, it is what Avalore needs, what our people need.” She waited so long before continuing, Barbara wanted to scream. “We wish for you to request our aid in finding your predestined mate. We’d have you joined with him, and soon.”
“I’m sorry. What do you mean? How will this help our people or bring our queen back?”
Clayton stiffened beside her, but he didn’t utter a word.
“Your fate is your own and will be revealed to you in due course, but know, your role is great. Our people need hope. You can provide it until she is returned to us, until her light shines and brightens the darkness overshadowing all of Avalore.”
What did one say to such a thing? Just the thought of the Queen of Avalore’s return brought a flutter to her stomach and a small burgeoning hope in her soul. “Might I have a moment to think?”
“Of course, child, but don’t delay. So much is at stake.” The woman stepped back, turning to the others to confer in whispered tones.
“I don’t know what to think.” She blinked up at Clay who stood with his jaw clenched.
“Is there any choice? If there’s a chance, any chance at all to keep our people safe until she comes…” He cast his gaze down. “I think you should do it.” The warmth he had surrounded her with moments before froze.
“I don’t know if I can.” She blinked back her tears. She had considered many things, including ending her own existence, but never, not once had she considered having to go on without him.
“Barbara, I know it will be difficult, but you must do this.” He came before her and took her hands in his. “You must. Don’t worry for me. As long as you are well, I shall be fine.”
She swallowed hard. “I must.” Even to her own ears, she was less than convincing.
He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against hers. “Yes.” His voice, nothing more than a hoarse whisper pierced her heart.
When she was able to breathe again, she pulled her gaze from him and turned to the Elders once more. “I’ve made my decision. Please arrange for the joining, and call upon me when my presence is required.”
“Very well, child.” The Elders bustled toward the street. “We shall convene at once and notify the palace of the upcoming celebration.”
Clay held her hands until the Elders disappeared from sight.
“I should go. You’ll have preparations to make.”
“Clay, I…” Pain lanced through her as he lowered his head, avoiding her gaze.
When he looked up again, his elongated pupils were cold and distant. The warmth and comfort she’d always found there, gone. “Goodbye, Barbara.”
Her morning had been a mess of friends and neighbors gathering to assist her to get everything ready for the joyous event on such short notice. So why did tears cling to her lashes and her heart want to wither under the vise holding it in its grip?
She couldn’t do it.
What difference did it make if she joined her predestined mate today? Others had done the very same and still had fallen to the darkness. Damn the Elders and all their cryptic messages. What made them think she would be any different?
Barbara’s steps faltered. Her pale periwinkle gown flowed around her legs, allowing the toes of her matching heels to poke out as the fabric swished back. The one thing the mated couples hadn’t been able to do, though many had tried, was to have a child. Was it possible the Elders had seen a new life brought into Avalore after all these years? Her heart raced. She couldn’t have a baby. How could she care for another when simple existence was a chore she no longer wanted to face?
The palace loomed ahead, the dull stone walls a grim reminder of everything lost when Queen Angelique had died. Avalore had suffered such desolation in the aftermath of her death; Barbara feared it would never be the same. She remembered a time when those same walls were bright and colorful. Wildflowers had grown along the stone, in the crevices, a stunning backdrop for their city. Now she couldn’t look at it without a quarter-century’s worth of pain crushing her.
Each step made it more and more difficult to breathe. She hadn’t allowed thoughts of Clay to enter her mind all morning, and with the constant flow of people invading her home, it had been easy to push them back, but now, standing alone on the cobblestones leading to the palace, she couldn’t keep from seeing his eyes again. The raw pain he had tried so hard to hide sliced through her.
Would he be there today? Selfish as it was, she wanted to see him; to have him reassure her all would be well.
She took a deep breath and another step. She hadn’t even realised she’d stopped walking until she’d looked around and found she had yet to get to the corner of her street. Today was supposed to be one of the most amazing days of her life, yet heaviness dragged at her feet. As the last remaining member of the Morgan family, she would be alone up there on the dais. No one would stand with her or hold her hand to keep the trembling at bay.
Holding back a sob, she reached out to the one person who knew how close she was, how difficult each breath had become. “Clay…”
Surprised at the roiling energy she encountered, she withdrew from his mind. Perhaps she had reached out to someone else. Even as she thought it, she dismissed the notion. The telepathic link they shared was more than familiar. It was instinctual. There was no way she’d slid into anyone else’s mind.
“Are you alright?” She reached out again, her heart slamming against her ribs.
“I am. Is there anything you need, Barbara?” The tightness in his voice belied his words.
“No, not really. I… I’m not certain I can go through with it. With the joining, I mean.” She rolled her eyes skyward. Like he didn’t know to what she’d be referring.
“Think of our people. Push aside your fear, and do what is right. You know there is no other choice.” His strength seeped into her along with his words.
“What will I do without you?” She hadn’t intended to voice that particular fear.
He didn’t respond for so long, she thought he might not.
“Your mate will care for you and ensure your happiness.”
Her heart sank. He didn’t say he would always be there for her. He didn’t promise undying friendship. The tears she’d fought so hard to keep at bay spilled to her cheeks. “I wish things were different. I’m sorry.” None of it was her fault, but knowing he was hurting because of her made her want to roar to the heavens until her throat was raw.
“Don’t be. I regret nothing. I will cherish my memories.” Of course, he would try to comfort her when he himself was in pain.
“So will I.” She sniffled and dried her cheeks. She was almost at the palace, and she needed to pull herself together.
By the time she reached the joining platform, she’d steeled her heart for what was to come. She didn’t look up to see who her intended was. It didn’t matter. She would do what the people of Avalore needed. The soft murmurs of the growing crowd followed her up the stairs. A warm breeze caressed her skin, and the faint scent of jasmine wafted past. This was it. Today she would take her mate.
Turning toward the center, her brows furrowed. The Elder woman who had spoken to her that very morning approached, worry etched on her face.
“We’ve yet to locate your mate, Miss Morgan, but do not despair, I’m certain he
will be found in no time.” The woman ushered her to the center of the platform.
Barbara swallowed hard. “Do you think he…?” She didn’t want to consider it, but in these dark times, so many had fallen.
“No, no, child, do not fret.” The woman held her head high. “He has not left this world.”
Barbara scanned the crowd, foolish as it was, hoping to see Clay. She couldn’t contain the small sob when she spotted him standing near the back.
“You came.”
“I wouldn’t miss it.” The hoarse rasp of the gryphon slid into her mind.
She had no right to ask. It was cruel to entertain it, but she asked anyway. “Will you stand with me?”
His head bowed low for a moment before he lifted his gaze back to hers. “If that’s what you need.” The strain in his voice made her wish she could take the request back, but he was already making his way to the dais.
“Ah, here he comes now.” The Elder woman’s voice barely registered.
One of the Elder men hurried behind Clay, but she didn’t look past to see who followed. She didn’t care who else approached, all she saw was Clay climbing the stairs to be by her side. Once he was there, they could proceed and she would deal with the joining.
“Come now, child. There’s no time to lose.” The Elder took her hand and guided her back to the center. She hadn’t realised she’d gone to meet Clay partway.
The dark suit he wore fitted him to perfection. He was strong, sure, and steady. All the things she was not. She wanted to run as far and as fast as she could and take him with her. They could live alone somewhere in the forest and build a life for themselves…
“Mr. Matthews, please join us.”
Barbara’s gaze swept to the Elder woman. Did she just…?
Her heart pounded as Clay stepped forward. The Elder man clapped Clay on his back as he brushed past to take his place with the Council. “You’ve given us a merry chase, son.”
His eyes grew wide, and he gasped, before a wide smile split his face, making the corners of his eyes crinkle and her heart do a little flip.
“You?” She brought her hands up to cover her gaping mouth.
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