by Amy Joy
“It’s going to be okay, dear.” Someone was so close. So close I could feel their breath on my face.
I still couldn’t see. “Just a bad dream…” His voice was gentle like the grandfathers in movies. Tap. Click. Click. Beeeep….
“ALATHEA!” Sergeant Prattle shouted. I attempted to pull my head from the crook of my arm and realized my hair was stuck to my face in a less-than-attractive fashion. As my eyes began to focus, it became clear that not only was Sergeant Prattle staring at me, but the entire class as well.
“Class time is not sleep time, young lady. Now, can you tell me the solution to the equation?”
I gazed sleepily at the board, trying to snap life back into focus.
“Alathea, we don’t have all day!”
My classmates stared and tapped their pencils. Tina glared at me from her corner seat.
I scribbled the problem into my notebook and attempted to solve it. “42?” I said, for once not entirely sure of my answer. Everything was still a bit fuzzy in my head.
“That is incorrect, and you are wasting our time. Mr. Barrett, could you provide us with the correct answer?”
“The answer is 47, ma’am,” he replied smugly.
“That is correct,” Prattle said, glaring back at me.
16. the path to enlightenment
“Are you alright?” Stevie asked after class.
“Yeah, I guess so. Thanks.”
“I haven’t been sleeping well either.”
“Actually, I thought I slept pretty good last night. I don’t really know what happened.”
“Bodies are weird. You’ve been through a lot of changes recently—we all have. It could just be everything getting to you.”
“Yeah, that’s true.” I said, still feeling fuzzy about the whole thing.
The rest of the day went on without incident, and in the evening I met Stevie and Shara back in the dorm.
“We’re going to meditate here?” I asked.
“What did you expect?”
“I don’t know…a dark room…candles… incense…relaxing music?
“This isn’t a massage treatment,” Shara answered. “It’s meditation,”
Stevie looked at me and shrugged.
“Yeah, but how are we supposed to relax with all these distractions?” I asked, looking at the dozens of girls bustling around the room.
“This place is perfect. If you can learn to shut out all this, you’ll be on your way to enlightenment in no time.”
I shook my head. “Okay…What do we do?”
“Fold your blanket into a square and lay it on the floor. She demonstrated with her own and Stevie and I followed her lead. “Then we sit cross-legged.”
“Aren’t we supposed to sit all yoga style?” Stevie asked, trying to pull her feet up on top of her knees.
“Don’t hurt yourself,” Shara said, shaking her head but smiling. “Cross-legged is fine.”
Stevie laughed as her yoga efforts failed and she fell over. She giggled and sat up again. “Okay. I’m ready. What do we do next?”
“Find your center,” Shara said. Stevie and I looked at one another. “Center yourselves.” We glanced at each other again. “Focus here,” Shara said, pointing at her stomach. “Then close your eyes and lay your hands palms up, on your knees.”
“Now focus on clearing your mind.” Shara’s voice was soft and gentle. “Each time a thought enters your mind, imagine it washing away down a peaceful stream.”
No sooner had we begun and a river was coursing through my brain. I tried to drive the thoughts away, but they just kept coming. First I thought about my immediate surroundings—the other girls of the dorm—their voices, footsteps, the strange looks they were probably giving us, and the bustling sounds near the bathroom. Then I thought about the day—people, places, faces, Algebra, the men I heard in my dream. What did they say? And then, at last, my thoughts settled on Bryan.
It was Anna—Bryan’s mom—who had finally gotten us together. After the Academie Expansion Act was signed into law, Bryan had asked that I send her a message. What resulted was an ongoing stream of emails between us, until finally, I got the message I’d been hoping for.
Allie,
We’re getting Bryan home for a night in August! Now I just need your mom or dad’s phone number—if you don’t mind—to make sure it’s okay with your parents.
We’re looking forward to meeting you.
Anna
I immediately replied with my phone number and apologized for any trouble she might get from my parents. How she was going to convince them, I had absolutely no idea. I worried every day from that point on and judged each of my parent’s responses to determine whether or not Anna had phoned them yet. Sure enough, the next day mom interrogated me.
“So, I talked with a Mrs. Allen today,” she said.
“Oh, she called you?”
“Yes, she mentioned that you and her son were close, and she wanted you to come and visit to celebrate his birthday before school starts.”
I was surprised to hear her mention Bryan’s birthday, but I tried not to let my surprise show. “So, what did you tell her?”
“I said it was fine.”
I tried not to look excited so she wouldn’t ask too many questions.
“Oh good. Thanks mom. I know it will mean a lot to them.” Not to mention me.
“It seemed very important to her.”
“Yes, they’ve missed him a lot since he’s been away at…school,” I said, hedging, “At least that’s what Bryan’s said.”
“So are you guys….should I be worried?”
“No mom. We’re just friends.” I felt confident in my response. It wasn’t a lie. We hadn’t even met yet.
“So, did she happen to mention when they want me to visit?”
“August 15th—it’s a Saturday.”
I sighed inaudibly and counted the days in my head. Almost two full months.
But the weeks sped by, and before I knew it, we were celebrating Andy’s eighth pretend birthday.
“So, only thirty-five days left till we meet,” Bryan said online one night.
truth: You’re counting?
zxbfeie: You’re not?
The truth was, I tried not to. In the time since I first got the confirmation of our visit, two things occurred to me: 1. I was scared to meet Bryan because we had become so close. Online he was the perfect boyfriend. What if he wasn’t in real life? 2. I was afraid to meet Bryan because meeting him meant that I only had a few days left of freedom before I started at The Academie.
These two things sent me into a panic, troubling my sleep and making life difficult to say the least.
“Do you ever wonder if we won’t get along well in person?” I asked Bryan online one night. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked? I get so trigger happy with the keys sometimes.
zxbfeie: Nah…why wouldn’t we get along? It’ll be the same, only louder. :o)
He was always so calm and collected. I wish it would rub off on me.
“Aren’t you going to pack?” mom asked the night before Bryan’s mom picked me up. We had recently returned from Maine where we hiked, picked wild blueberries, and took a frigid boat ride which—thankfully—paid off with numerous whale sightings. I had spent most of the days since hiding out in my room talking to Mandy—my friend from college—on the phone or online.
“Pack?”
“For your trip?”
“What would I need to pack?”
“Overnight stuff?”
“I’m spending the night?”
“That’s what Mrs. Allen told me. She said she’d pick you up Saturday and bring you back Sunday. It’s too long a drive to expect her to make twice in one day.”
“Yes, of course, what was I thinking?” I said as I wandered back to my room. I’m spending the night? I whispered to myself once I was safely inside. I couldn’t decide if I was more happy or scared at the prospect. Now if things went well, I’d have plenty of time with Br
yan. But, if things went bad, I’d have plenty of time with Bryan….
I pushed the idea aside and focused on choosing the perfect things to wear. I also had to decide on a birthday gift that Bryan might actually be able to take back to The Academie with him. Since the rules were so strict, it’d have to be something that would fit in his pocket so he could sneak it back in. I wracked my brain for the next hour before giving up to pack my overnight things so his mom—Anna— wouldn’t have to wait when she arrived at twelve-thirty the next day.
The next morning, I put on the same pink t-shirt I had picked out for our first failed meeting—hopefully the clothes weren’t jinxed, along with a pair of tan shorts since the weather would be in the low 80’s. For the evening, I packed a button-up sweater. Then I grabbed the small bag of clothes and personal items I’d need for the night and headed to the main part of the house to wait.
Over the next hour, I must have looked at the clock a hundred times.
“How about lunch before you go?” mom asked at 11:30.
“Ummm…” I looked at the clock again and considered whether my nervous stomach could hold down food. “Yeah, I guess that’s a good idea.”
“Hey, Dan, do you want to eat before Allie goes?” mom yelled up the stairs to dad.
“I’ll be right down.”
“How about grilled cheese and macaroni?” mom asked.
“Oh yeah.” It was one of my favorite lunchtime meals. I knew it wasn’t good for me, but I loved the cheese overload.
When I finished eating, I ran to the bathroom to re-brush my teeth. Then I joined my parents back in the kitchen and checked the clock again. Twelve twenty-three. The doorbell rang. I sprang from my seat and ran to the door.
“Hi!” we sang in unison.
“I’m Allie.”
“Anna,” she said, extending her hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you.” Her smile was beautiful. I liked her instantly. “I’m sorry I’m a few minutes early, but I just couldn’t wait. I feel like the quicker we get there, the quicker Bryan will be home,” she whispered so my parents couldn’t hear.
I led Anna to the kitchen, apologized for the lunch mess, offered her some grilled cheese—which she declined—and introduced her to my parents.
“Daniel Thompson; nice to meet you,” dad said in his professional voice.
“Hi, Anna. It’s nice to meet you,” mom said.
“Thanks so much for letting me borrow Allie. I know your time with her is precious.”
My parents smiled back, and I wondered if they really felt it was as precious as Anna suggested. Sometimes they seemed so unfazed by The Academie system that it really got under my skin.
“Okay,” I said, breaking an awkward silence. “My things are by the door.”
“Right. I’ll help you with them,” Anna said as we made our way back to the door. My parents and Andy followed, and I gave each of them a hug before following Anna out the door, stuff in hand.
“Sorry about that,” I said as put the things into the trunk.
“For what?”
“They are just so weird sometimes. My parents are huge supporters of The Academie.”
“Oh, right…. “It’s fine.” She waved a hand as though to wave away the thought.
As we headed off, I realized that while I’d worried if the two hour trip with Anna would be uncomfortable, it really wasn’t. Anna was easy to talk to, and since we were both excited, time flew by.
“So, I gotta know, how did you talk The Academie into releasing Bryan, and what did you say to my parents to get them to let me stay the night?”
Her smile expanded into a somewhat ornery looking grin, exposing her perfect teeth. “I told The Academie that we had a family emergency.”
“And they let him out for that?” I couldn’t believe that it could be that easy.
“Well, no. They did after I ranted for a while about how it was unconstitutional for them to keep my son away when his family needed him and that I was only asking for one night and if they didn’t comply with my request they’d be hearing from my lawyer. I hammered them for a good hour, citing different laws and court cases that have set precedent for why my case would hold up. I must have confused, scared, or simply annoyed them to death, because they finally relented.” She continued to grin and I could see she was proud of herself.
“How did you know about the laws and court cases?” I knew she was an English teacher, so this didn’t seem to add up.
“Oh, I read about everything. I can’t help myself; I’m just curious. And I did some extra research so I’d be ready to take them on.”
She was so cool. “That’s incredible.”
“So I have to ask,” she turned her eyes away from the road momentarily to catch mine, “how did you and Bryan meet?”
I sighed, not knowing how to explain, and wondering if Bryan would be upset if I did. I decided honesty was best. “I was online, looking up information about The Academie—I had just had a horrible visit with my brother there—and suddenly, an instant message popped up on my screen.”
She sighed. “He hacked out of their system.”
“Yeah…” I wondered if she was mad. Maybe I should’ve kept my mouth shut?
“It’s seventh grade all over again.”
“He hacked a computer in seventh grade?”
“Yeah, the grade book for his math class.”
“You’re kidding?” I laughed, then caught myself. Anna looked serious, but when I laughed, she smiled slightly.
“He studied so hard for that class. It didn’t come easy to him, so he worked all that much harder, determined he was going to do well. We were so impressed with him…” she trailed off before starting again. “So when the mid-term came, he’d have his dad and I quiz him on the formulas, and he’d practice the equations every night. He worked so hard that we actually worried about what might happen if he didn’t do well.”
“So he failed?”
“No, he did fantastic.” She smiled as she remembered. “He ran in the door that day shouting that he knew he aced it. Sure enough, a few days later, the test came home to confirm it. We posted it on the fridge and even took him out to the new movie he wanted to see to celebrate.”
“So what happened?”
“The teacher marked the wrong grade into the online grade book.”
“Oh no!”
Anna shook her head and shrugged a shoulder, “It’s an easy mistake to make. Every teacher’s done it at some point.”
“I bet he was devastated though.”
“He was. So we encouraged him to talk with the teacher and even told him we’d do it ourselves. But he’s always been so proud and so independent.” She glanced at me briefly. “But as a kid, he was also really shy. I think he was afraid to approach the guy.”
“So Bryan changed his grade?”
Anna nodded.
“How’d you find out?”
“I went into his room to say goodnight and found him saving the changes.”
“Oh, poor guy. I bet he was so embarrassed—not to mention freaked.”
“He was. He’s always been such a good kid. The way he saw it, he was just fixing the mistake. But he did ask me if he should change it back. I told him no, but I’ve wondered since if I should have. It did fix the problem, but I tried to explain that it wasn’t the way to handle things.”
It was clear from how she told the story that she regretted how things went and felt guilty for not making him admit what he’d done.
“So did the teacher ever find out?”
Anna shook her head. “And to the best of our knowledge, he’s never changed a grade since.”
She rubbed her forehead. “I can’t believe that he’s done it again though.” I knew she was referring to hacking another computer.
She paused and I refused to interrupt her thoughts. “I can’t help but feel partly responsible. I’ve been quoting Dr. King to him his whole life, telling him that we have a moral imperative to disobey unjust laws
.” She rubbed her forehead again and smiled slightly. “He’s certainly my kid.”
The conversation turned to lighter topics and we chatted away the rest of the trip. As we approached Columbus, I grew more excited. Then her husband, James, called to let us know that he had picked up Bryan and they were heading home. “Let me talk to him,” I heard her say, her grin widening. “Hi sweetheart; how are you?” There was a pause while he answered. “Yup, I’ve got her right here.” Another pause. “Yeah, I guess so.” Pause. “Okay, here you go.” She pulled the phone away and glanced at me, flashing her cover girl smile. “He wants to talk to you.”
My heart did a flip as I took the phone and placed it to my ear. Despite our countless conversations, I’d never yet heard his voice. I had to catch my breath to manage a greeting. “Hi.” My voice cracked, giving away my nervousness.
“Hi.” His was warm and gentle. “We’re almost there. Can you believe it? I’m really going to get to meet you this time.” Tingles of nervous, excited happiness ran through me.
“No; it doesn’t seem real.”
It really didn’t. Maybe it was because I had been so excited last time, and we didn’t meet up, but I think it was more that Bryan had always seemed too good to be true. I kept waiting for the bubble to burst, or the shoe to drop—or whatever it is when everything comes falling apart. But just now that didn’t seem to be the case. Maybe for once, just this once, everything could be good and perfect?
“How close are you?” he asked.
“Your mom says we should be there in about ten minutes.”
“Perfect. I’ll see you soon.”
“Okay. Bye.”
“Bye.”
Anna caught my smile as I handed back her phone, and I couldn’t tell which of us was more excited.
Only minutes left.
My heart felt like it might beat right out of my chest.
I watched each turn she made, not knowing how many were left before we arrived, but I figured it out when I saw two tall men—one with dark chestnut and silver tipped hair and one light brown with a lean build, standing eagerly in the driveway.
“When you are ready, find your center.” Shara’s voice cut through my visions.