I nodded into his chest and continued to let him hold me. I felt safe, but it didn’t remove the sense of doom I felt hanging over me.
###
Jake called and got me on an evening flight to Indianapolis and left a message for John. I didn’t think I could call him without breaking down and I didn’t want to appear too emotional. My brothers have always considered me a drama queen and though I may have been before, we’ve all grown up and matured. I didn’t want to add fuel to their fire now. We didn’t think he’d fly out with me, but I didn’t want to wait to drive with him either.
I told Em and Josh that Grandma Helen needed my help with some things and I was flying up right away. Josh, sensing something wasn’t right, asked if he could go. I explained that his dad had some things to take care of but they might drive up in a few days. Josh was thrilled at the possibility but Emily was aggravated. I had to bite my lip to stop myself from getting nasty and saying something about my father possibly dying. Instead I hugged them both and started packing.
I called Helen and told her my arrival time and she offered to pick me up at the airport.
“Please, no. I'll take a cab. I don’t think you should leave Dad.”
Later I said goodbye to Emily, who only slightly aggravated by the disturbance. “Do we have to go with Dad?”
“We’ll see." I knew they would if he decided to come. I just wasn’t up for listening to her whine.
I met Josh in the hallway outside of Em’s room. “Hey, little man. I’ll call you when I get there, okay?”
He gave me a hug and squeezed me tight. “Mama, tell Grandpa I love him.”
“I will, baby.”
I could see the worry on his face. “Josh, don’t worry, okay?”
“I’m not worried, Mama. Grandma says Grandpa will really like Heaven ’cause he’ll get to see his family."
My stomach came up my throat. “When did Grandma tell you this?”
“I don’t know, a long time ago, I guess. I asked her if Heaven was nice, and she said it was ’cause you get to see your family, so I know Grandpa will get to someday, too.”
“I think Heaven is a happy place too, but I don’t think you need to worry about Grandpa or anyone going there, Josh. You’ve got bigger fish to fry, little man, like all of those XBox games. Go and destroy those, okay?” Using something I despised to deflect a challenging subject wasn’t one of my better mom moments but I was desperate and didn’t want to talk with my ten-year-old about his grandfather dying. I couldn’t handle it emotionally, probably would never be able to either.
Jake dropped me off at Hartsfield airport. He grabbed my suitcase from the back of the car and set it on the sidewalk. We hugged and kissed goodbye. I felt as though things were changing again and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I didn’t feel ready for another blow to my heart.
“Call me when you get there, okay?”
“I will.” I hugged him again and we kissed quickly one more time. “Love you.”
“Love you too."
I walked away like a lamb being led to slaughter.
Chapter Fifteen
Dad was sitting in his chair in the sunroom, smoking a cigarette and watching the Military channel when the cab dropped me off. “Hello, Sunshine." His breathing was labored.
I swallowed back a sob and forced myself to smile. It wasn’t easy. It’d only been a few months since I saw him last but he looked different, smaller and older. Helen was right. This was bad. “Hi Daddy.” I walked over to kiss him. “How are you feeling?”
“Oh, I think I’ll live another day." That was his standard answer but it made a lump in my throat appear.
“Well, I sure hope so.” I tried to go along with the game we’d played for years.
I sat on the couch next to him and saw Helen in the window. We both smiled at each other, but instead of coming out, she continued to clean something in the sink, giving us time to chat, I’m sure.
Dad put out his cigarette and picked up his coffee cup. He used both hands and they shook as he held the cup. I felt my heart break. A man once so strong, so full of life, was now fragile and old and it seemed to happen almost overnight. He coughed his loud, painful sounding smoker’s cough, the one he’d had since I was a child. I cringed. Growing up I viewed the cough as a security blanket of sorts. When I heard it, no matter where we were, I knew he was close by and I felt safe. I didn’t realize it was a cough caused by the poison of cigarettes. I didn’t realize the cigarette Father’s Day and Christmas gifts I gave him contributed to this. Now the cough was a symbol of the damage smoking had caused and of his stubbornness to continue a habit that would eventually take him from me, and my part in it, too. It wasn’t a symbol of security anymore but more a sign of pending doom.
“I’m glad you’re here."
“Me, too.”
“Too bad Jake and the kids couldn’t come.”
I felt something inside me shift and I knew I’d call Jake later and tell him to come. “They’ll probably come in a few days, Dad. Jake just had to get some stuff done and, I didn’t want to drive with him. You know how he drives.”
Dad smiled and tried to laugh, but it brought on a coughing fit. I waited until he was done. “Yeah, he almost killed me in Italy.”
About five years ago on a family vacation, Jake took my father for a drive along the curved, narrow roads in Positano and Dad almost had a heart attack. He white-knuckled it the entire ride but I think he secretly enjoyed it. Even though it scared him, Jake is the only one he trusted to drive in Italy and Jake loved that. That ride secured an already tight bond between the two.
“That’s why I flew. I value my life."
Dad smiled at Helen in the kitchen, and then turned to me. “You’ll take care of her, won’t you?”
Oh God. “Of course I will, Dad.” I squeezed his arm and leaned my head onto his shoulder, trying hard not to cry.
He leaned his head onto mine. “I’m glad you’re here, babe.”
“Me, too, Dad. Me, too.”
###
Later that night I sat with Helen in the garden room. Concern for my father hung in the air like dense fog, but neither of us could, or would, verbalize it. If we did, it would become real. Instead we talked about the kids, Jake’s job and how I was doing without my mother. I didn’t say anything about Ma being a ghost and hanging out in the kitchen, nor did I mention my newfound special gift. Helen is a strong Catholic and in the past has told me she doesn’t believe in the ability to communicate with the dead. Boy does she have a shock coming or what?
We chatted for quite some time and then she finally gathered the strength to talk about Dad.
“John called. He said Jake called him and strongly suggested he come, but I told him to wait and I’d call him in a few days.”
“He doesn’t look good. I can’t believe how much he’s changed in such a short time.”
“I know. I just wish I could get him to eat more. Maybe he’d be able to keep some weight on, but I just can’t get him to.”
“Well, Dad’s always been stubborn and he’s going to do what he wants, no matter what anyone says. He’s always been that way.”
“Maybe. He’s just so frail now. I’m really worried.”
“Yeah, me too.”
After we all went up to bed I called Jake. “He doesn’t look good. He’s barely talking because he can’t breathe and his cough is worse than ever, if you can imagine that.”
“We’re leaving in the morning.”
“No, it’s okay. Let me see how tomorrow goes. I don’t want to stress him out and I don’t want to deal with Emily being whiny if I don’t have to.”
“Okay. And don’t worry about coming home soon. I cancelled my trips for the rest of the month.”
“You didn’t have to do that. I’ll probably be home in a few days anyway. There’s some stuff going on with Emily and I feel like I need to be there.” I hadn't had the chance to tell Jake about Emily and the drug party issue, so I exp
lained everything, leaving out how Ma accidentally threw a few things. My mother haunting a fifteen-year-old girl wouldn’t go over well with my husband.
“Seriously, someone is going to kill themselves doing that.”
“I know and since Taylor is being so nasty to Emily, I’m worried she might end up doing something stupid.”
“Maybe I need to have a little talk with Taylor’s father?”
“And what are you going to say? My wife’s dead mother heard your daughter picking on my daughter because she won’t do drugs at a pill party?”
“Point taken.”
“Ma said she’d keep watch and let me know if something happens. I think, for now, that’s all we can do.”
“Yup and I gotta admit, having a ghost keeping tabs on my kid is pretty cool.” He paused. “I never thought I’d actually say something like that.”
I laughed. “Yeah, me neither.”
We talked more about my dad. After we hung up, I lay in bed and stared at the picture of the Amish girl on the bedroom wall. It's a beautiful picture in the daytime, but at night it always creeped me out. Her eyes were all black and they seemed to stare right at me. I heard my dad cough in his room and I waited without breathing until the hacking stopped. “A year Dad,” I whispered. “You promised me a year.”
###
The next morning I was up at the crack of dawn. I didn’t sleep well, tossing and turning and half listening for movement and sounds from down the hall. It was dark under Dad and Helen’s door, so I tiptoed downstairs to the kitchen to make coffee. While the coffee brewed I sat at the table and texted Mel.
“Dad doesn’t look good. This sucks.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Me too.”
Just then Dad walked into the kitchen. “Morning, sunshine.” He sat at his regular spot at the table. “Would you mind making me a cup of coffee?”
I smiled at him. Even though he was ill and old and fragile and not the strong man I knew as a child, when he looked at me, I still saw the man who taught me to ride a bike...the man who told me stories and read me poems...the man who kept me safe when I was scared...the man who walked on water. “Absolutely. Which creamer flavor? Chocolate or raspberry?”
“Both and a little milk too, if you don’t mind.”
“I don’t mind at all, Dad.” I got up and made him his coffee.
“Okay, thank you.”
I set his coffee in front of him and sat back down. “How are you feeling?”
“Oh, I think I’ll make it another day.”
“Well, I sure hope so,” was all I could think to say.
“I had a dream about my Grandpa Guy last night.”
I felt the hair on my arms stand up. Since Ma died, whenever someone said they dreamed about someone who’s dead, I was inclined to believe it wasn’t a dream, but an actual visit. “What’d you dream?”
“I dreamed I was standing on an old country road and then my grandfather walked up. I told him I didn’t think I could make it through this and he said I’d be okay and that everyone would be okay, too.”
My father never believed in ghosts. We’d talked about it many times, after family members died or when we’d talk about his mother who died when he was young, but I’m almost certain this was really his grandfather giving him a message. “Dad, do you think that was really your grandfather talking to you or just a dream?”
“I think it was Grandpa Guy.”
Well, that’s not at all what I thought he’d say and I wasn’t sure how to respond. I didn’t want to think he’d changed his opinion about death because he knew was going to die, but I knew a lot of people did that. I was afraid if I acknowledged that out loud, it would make it real and I didn’t want it to be, not yet. Probably not ever. Thankfully Helen came into the kitchen just then and we focused our attention on her.
###
I spent the next few days just talking with my dad and Helen, walking their dogs and reading. Jake and I decided to give me this time with Dad and Helen and not bring the kids up. I was glad. Every time I came to their house without my kids, I felt like I’d regressed back to being a teenager living with her parents, but I actually appreciated the family time and the quiet comfort of the house, unlike how boring it seemed as a teenager. I missed my family, but there was something nurturing about being away and not being the responsible parent, and I needed the break from reality.
Sadly, the break didn’t last and since Dad didn’t seem to be any worse, I decided it was time to go home. Jake would be able to reschedule his trips, and I felt better seeing Dad and knowing he wasn’t as close to the end as I thought. Saying that to myself made me uncomfortable so I knocked on the wood of the bed frame for luck.
I packed up my stuff and sat with my dad on the sun porch waiting for Paul to arrive to take me to the airport. He walked in. “Hi Pop. Ang, you ready?”
“Yup.”
Dad smiled at Paul. “Thanks for taking your sister to the airport. Helen’s not feeling all that great today.”
The truth was Helen felt fine. She just told him that because she didn’t want him to think she wasn’t taking me because of him. She wasn’t comfortable leaving him alone for too long anymore and I could see why. If something were to happen to him when she took me to the airport neither of us would be able to live with ourselves. It sounded selfish, but I didn’t care. No one would want that kind of guilt on their shoulders.
“No problem, Pop. I figured I can slow down at the airport exit and she can hop out. She’s got plenty of time until her flight, and with the size of her butt, she could use the exercise.”
And here we go. My brother could find a way to throw a cheap shot at me in any situation.
Dad however, knew how to turn it around. “You look good, babe. You were getting too thin there for a while.”
Dad went through puberty during the Marilyn Monroe era, when a woman had curves and men appreciated them. That look had stayed his favorite though out the years. Women who looked like Twiggy weren’t his type. He always said a woman should have a little meat on her bones, so when Dad said I looked good, I knew he meant it as a compliment, but I also knew it was time to watch my diet.
“Dad, coming from you, that’s a compliment, and Paul, bite me. In case you didn’t know, my mother died a few months ago, so maybe I’ve been enjoying a little more comfort food than I should, but I deserve it.”
That shut him up. Well played, Angela. Well played.
I hugged my dad extra tight and told him I loved him. Helen came out, dishtowel in hand, dogs close by her side, and we hugged tightly, too. Things had shifted in some way and we both knew it. “Call us when you get home, okay?” I nodded but didn’t speak. I was afraid I’d cry. I think we both realized this was likely the last time I’d see Dad. With that thought, I walked back over to him and gave him another hug. “I love you, Dad.”
“I love you too, sweetheart. Thanks for coming.”
“Wish I could come out more. I’ll call you when I get home,” I walked out the door. I glanced back and saw Helen wipe her eye with the dishtowel.
“Wow, Dad is so thin," I said in Paul's car.
“Yeah, he’s lost some weight, but he seems to be doing okay.”
My brother. No one can enter that state of denial better. “Paul, he’s really not doing well. John needs to come out and see him. Have you talked to him?”
“I talked to him yesterday. He said he’s going to try to come out in the next few weeks.”
I watched out the back window as we pulled away from the house. In the past Dad would be in the driveway waving us off, but not anymore. Yes, things had changed. “Well, I hope he does, for his sake as well as Dad’s.”
We drove to the airport, passing the time with idle chatter, something my brother did instead of any real kind of connecting. Superficiality at its best. He’s not one to share his feelings, and over the years I’ve learned sharing mine ends up biting me in the butt, so I stopped trying. We’ll never
be close, but something is better than nothing.
Chapter Sixteen
“What’s going on with Emily?” I asked Jake when he picked me up at Hartsfield.
He shrugged. “Nothing, really. She hasn’t asked to see Taylor. Hasn’t done much of anything except whine and complain. She did ask to go to the pool with some girl, Heather something or other, I think, but that’s about it.”
“You mean Hailey? Did you let her?”
“Yeah, Hailey yes, I let her go. I got tired of her roaming around the house looking like the world was about to end.”
I laughed at that. “She’s fifteen, honey, when she’s bored, her world is about to end, at least to her.”
“That’s not the way I think.”
“That’s because you’re not a girl.”
“Amen to that. I’d hate to be a woman. Way too many emotions to deal with.”
“I don’t have too many emotions.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“You’re interested in getting lucky tonight, right?”
“You’re practically emotional-less. And you’re hot.”
“Well said, Jake.”
“So she went to the pool with Heather.”
“Hailey.”
“Heather. Hailey. Whatever.”
“And she’s not a woman, she’s a girl.”
“Fine. Our girl stopped whining and went to the pool.”
“Well, at least she got out and did something.”
“Has Fran said anything about those parties or about Taylor and what’s going on?”
“No, but she wasn’t at Dad’s as far as I could tell. When I see her next I’ll ask her about it.”
“Let me know when you do. It’s kind of cool having our own ghostly spy.” He paused and then shook his head. “I cannot believe I actually just said that. Holy hell.”
I laughed and thought, if you only knew what she can do babe, you’d really be saying holy hell, but I didn’t dare say it out loud. When it came to my dead mother haunting a fifteen-year-old girl, what Jake didn’t know won’t hurt me or get me in deep poop.
Unfinished Business An Angela Panther Novel (A Chick-lit Paranormal book) (The Angela Panther Series) Page 15