Because passing away at peace in bed was the most horrible way for a person to die.
Some people were willing to put away their uniforms. Maybe not her stepfather, and she could respect him or the choice, but she also wondered if he ever gave any sort of consideration to the alternative choices people made.
“I want your status reports expanded to give me insight into how Cruz is reacting to Atlas’s progress.” Captain Jones made a clicking noise with his tongue. “My concern is that he is chasing ghosts better laid to rest instead of focusing on the task at hand. I do not want this asset put at risk because a man couldn’t leave well enough alone.”
There was an interesting way to put it.
“What would he be looking into?” Because now she wanted to know why her stepfather was coincidentally concerned with David’s investigation of Calhoun’s death. It wasn’t a secret as far as she could tell. David had mentioned openly going to the nearby military base to look over the reports.
“Every friend is convinced there are suspect circumstances around the way a man has died in service. They’re looking for a reason. Call it a form of grieving. My concern is that Cruz could become delusional, depending on how much he’s indulging in other bad habits veterans occasionally pick up once they leave the service. While you are the contractor I’ve engaged to work with this asset, he is also involved in the project and could reflect on it negatively.”
Ugh. And it was always about how things could reflect back on his reputation.
Anger had been slowly building through this latter part of the discussion. “Why single out David Cruz? There are several trainers here on site and there’ve been handlers involved with Atlas since he returned to the US. Did you keep close tabs on every one of them?”
“Once this asset came under my sphere of influence, everyone involved with it was scrutinized, yes.” Captain Jones huffed. She could almost picture him tugging the front of his uniform straight in his annoyance. “Cruz is of particular concern both because of his service record and his direct involvement with the asset.”
She bit back an ugly retort.
Her stepfather was judging a man he’d never met and assuming the worst about him based on the unfortunate outcomes of other people’s lives. She wouldn’t deny things happened like this. Truly. It happened a lot. And she understood that.
But the men of Hope’s Crossing Kennels had built something so much better here with their energy after they’d left active duty. To suspect any of them of having succumbed to delusions or alcoholism or drug usage—any of the things her stepfather was alluding to—was so completely wrong, she couldn’t ignore it.
“These are good men here.” She said it slowly and clearly. All pretenses of friendly conversation dropped. “I would stake my reputation on the quality of their training and the kennels they’ve established. They build a safe haven and are continuing to give to the community in their own way. It’s not the Service, but it is still incredibly admirable.”
Silence. Then her stepfather cleared his throat again. “All the same, I would like reports on his approach and activities while he’s working with you and the dog. All influences on the asset are of interest to me at this time.”
“He has a name. Atlas is doing well.” He could acknowledge David as a good man and Atlas as a living soul, not a simple thing to be inventoried.
“He has a designation number and responds to the name ‘Atlas’s.” Her stepfather made the clarification. “If you want to work with more military working dogs, you should ensure you refer to them as both their designation and their name.”
She didn’t know how to respond to that. He was right. And it killed her to admit it so she kept silent.
“This could be the first of many contracts for you and you would do well to look at it as a key objective to come out as the lead trainer in this.” There he went, setting goals for somebody other than himself. Maybe it worked for the people under his command. It didn’t suit her. “I didn’t mention this at the beginning because you have a stubborn tendency to go in exact opposition to my suggestions in order to spite me. However, I hope you’ve matured enough to realize this is counterproductive to your career development and I would like to think you wouldn’t jeopardize the career you’ve worked hard to establish against my better judgment in order to spite me again.”
Of course not. He’d trapped her in logic. Go against his recommendation and she hurt her own career. Follow his suggestion and she’d be following his lead, doing exactly what he wanted her to do. He won either way.
“Working independently is admirable, Evelyn.” And there was her full first name.
She gritted her teeth.
“What it doesn’t give you experience in is leadership.” His voice took on a distinctively patronizing tone. “Only by working with people—actual humans—and earning their respect, can you learn leadership.”
“Not everyone respects you.” As soon as she said it, she snapped her mouth shut. Now she sounded petulant even to herself.
He remained unperturbed. “No. You are correct. Let’s clarify then and say you become a true leader when people follow you even if they don’t respect you because they have no choice but to acknowledge yours is the better judgment.”
Like this particular situation.
“I’m sorry you don’t like this.” He paused. “And I would like to remind you that life isn’t about getting people to like you. It’s about ensuring that what needs to be done, is. They can hate you and it wouldn’t matter so long as they do what needs doing.”
She sighed. “I’m not in the military.”
It wasn’t so much the status reports. She gave those to her clients regularly as a standard practice. Being able to see the progress of their relationship with their dog over time positively reinforced the hard work involved and illustrated the value of her services. But she didn’t work with people or dogs who didn’t like her. If she wasn’t able to build a rapport, she refunded the money and dissolved the contract.
“No, but this would be true in any corporate environment.” She didn’t hear it but she could picture him shrugging.
A key reason she’d chosen a profession with the flexibility and freedom she had now. It hadn’t been the easy path by any means. But it had been truer to the way she wanted to spend her time.
“All of this complexity is only conjecture and words.” She’d had enough of both. “For me, it boils down to a simple truth. I like dogs better than I like people. I will continue to work with Atlas because I want to see him happy.”
“A working dog is happy working. Not so different from a worthwhile human being.” Her stepfather continued with his inexorable logic.
God, was he never wrong?
“I think we’ve beat this conversation into the ground.” She was definitely worn out from it. He always did this to her. Give him another ten minutes and she’d have a raging migraine.
“Fine. I want your agreement, though, that you will update your status reports in accordance with my request.”
She sighed. Anything. Anything at all to end this. “You did not make a request. You instructed me. Understood. I’ll have a report ready tomorrow.”
“Tonight.”
She’d accuse him of needing to have the final word but he hadn’t terminated the call. He was waiting for her to acknowledge him. Damn it. Forget time in the Service. Her stepfather alone was enough to drive her to heavy drinking.
A brisk knock scared her right out of her thoughts.
“Lyn?” David’s voice came through the door.
“Fine. Tonight.” She ended the call before her stepfather could hear anything more or say anything to put her in an even worse frame of mind.
Chapter Seventeen
David let himself into the cabin, scanning the room more out of habit than any suspicion of someone in there with Lyn. She’d have found a way to warn him. His girl had a good head on her shoulders, after all. The last couple of days had proved it.
Something was off, though. Lyn had a deer-in-headlights look on her face and while it was adorable, he didn’t think she intended for him to read her so easily. She was used to reading the dogs and people around her, not the other way around. Her ability to detect bullshit seemed as fine-tuned as any delicate instrument, but he’d developed his perception around some of the most closed-off personalities a person could come into contact with and remain sane.
So to him, her expressions and body language were an open book. One he enjoyed reading as he ran his hands over her, kissed her into quiet desperation.
Her current tension wasn’t anticipation and nothing about her posture was an invitation. He was a little disappointed actually, but more immediately he was concerned.
“What’s wrong?” And whatever it was, he wanted to eliminate it.
She blinked. Panic flashed in those big blue eyes for a second before she got hold of herself. “Oh. Nothing.”
Uh huh. Try again, darling. “I could guess, but we both know this would go a lot faster if you told me so I could help you.”
She laughed, a short huff of dry humor. “If it’s all the same, I’d like to avoid introducing you to even the concept of my stepfather.”
His stomach dropped. Guess introducing him to the family wasn’t high on her list of priorities. Funny, the idea of introducing her to his hadn’t occurred to him but the idea of not hit him in the gut. Hard.
Her gaze was on him now and she took a step toward him. “I’d love for you to meet my mother someday. If the idea of it doesn’t make you want to pack your bags and head someplace far, far away. It’s just introducing you to my stepfather would mean I’d have to see my stepfather and I try to avoid him pretty much all the time.”
The sucker-punched sensation eased up a bit and he took a slow breath. “Okay. I take it you talk to your stepfather on the phone, though.”
Had to be who he’d heard her talking to if the man was at the forefront of her mind. He’d not wanted to eavesdrop though. It’d been why he knocked and waited for her to tell him it was okay to enter. Suddenly, he was more careful of her personal space than he’d be with normal people. He honestly couldn’t care less if he got other people upset but her—well, things had evolved.
“Yeah.” She drew out the confirmation as she looked away, out the window. Obviously she had a lot on her mind when it came to her stepfather. “Recently more so than the last several years.”
And not in a good way, apparently.
“Yeah?” In his experience, family had a way of coming in and out of life, sort of the way comets were gone for years then back in the night sky. Signs of the Apocalypse, too. “Any family trouble?”
Lyn shook her head. “More of a disagreement.”
She scrunched up her face, the tip of her tongue showing.
Damn, she was adorable and sexy simultaneously. He had no idea how she managed it but he liked it. A lot.
“Most of my discussions with him are disagreements, really. So it’s not a surprise. It’s just frustrating.”
David didn’t know what to say. He waited and when her weight shifted forward as if she was about to walk toward him, he opened his arms in invitation.
She came to him without hesitation and snuggled deep as he closed his arms around her. Warmth spread through him and he dropped a kiss on her hair. She might never understand how much it meant to him, the way she’d come to him. No hesitation. No fear. No reservations. Every time she did it, he came unhinged. “Family always seems to know the exact buttons to push.”
She nodded, her face pressed against his chest. “Mmm hmm.”
After a moment, her arms slipped around his waist. He was pretty happy to stand there and enjoy.
But Lyn wasn’t the type to be silent for long. He grinned when her head popped up, almost catching him in the chin. “What buttons does your family push?”
Oh, hell. “There’s a heavy answer to what you probably meant to be a light question.”
She leaned back in his embrace so she could gaze up at him, her expression somber. “I’ll take the heavy with the fun. I’m guessing it requires a lot to get under your skin when it’s people who matter. You’re incredibly patient once you’ve decided someone is worth your time.”
He grunted in response and she giggled and rose up in his arms to press a soft kiss against his jaw. Embarrassed, he tucked her back against him and thought hard. He wasn’t sure what to do with her.
If he wanted to keep her, he owed her answers to her questions. And the intent might not have been clearly thought out before, but he did. He wanted to keep her near, like this.
“I enlisted pretty young and I didn’t have a handle on how much it’d changed me my first time out. When I got home, I wasn’t good at compartmentalizing yet, or pretending to be…normal.”
He remembered the change in their expressions, the moment when real smiles froze into polite horrified masks.
“They expected you to be normal? What was normal in their eyes?” Lyn’s questions were murmured against his shirt and her arms remained around him. No hint of her pulling away.
He tightened his arms around her anyway, because she wasn’t trying to get away.
“I was rough around the edges, rude.” He shrugged. “It was embarrassing to them. They felt I’d developed bad habits, and I had. I smoked. I drank. I cursed at everyone, even the kids, without meaning to.”
Lyn nodded and he absorbed her acceptance like a balm on his memories. Funny how they were still raw. He’d thought he’d made his peace with the reality of it.
“It wasn’t the habits that were the problem, though. Those were…manifestations. I needed, craved a change in my state of mind. Whatever could do it for me, I went after it. It was all to take me out of the numb and help me feel something different than the shit place I was in most of the time.” He cleared his throat, suddenly thick with emotion. “Next time I came home, my father quietly said they didn’t feel comfortable leaving the kids home alone with me. Never been so ashamed in my life. I’d never hurt those kids. Never.”
But his being near them was a bad influence and maybe even a danger. He’d accepted it. Taken accountability.
Lyn’s arms tightened around his waist. “You respected their wishes.”
“’Course.”
“But did they ever come to you, try to understand you?” There was a thread of anger there in her voice. For him. And he found himself holding onto it like a man drowning. No one had ever been angry on his behalf, not a civilian. Not someone outside the service. Not someone who hadn’t lived it. Lyn was, though, for him. “They were concerned about the kids and themselves. Fine. But did they make any effort at all to be there for you?”
“I was a grown man. Fighting for my country. I could take care of myself.”
It’s what he’d told himself over and over. He’d never had this part of the conversation with his family.
“They had expectations of you but didn’t stop, did they, to ask you if they were fair?” Lyn was working up a temper now. Her hands had fisted the back of his shirt.
“Life isn’t fair, darling. I’m okay with that.” He’d felt he deserved it.
“I’m not!” Her head popped up this time and he captured her mouth in a kiss.
He was more than hungry for her. He wanted to drown in her sweetness, the way she made him feel whole and cared for. As he kissed her, he continued to hold her close and urged her body to meld against his. A needy whimper escaped her lips and he nipped the corner of her mouth before settling his over hers for another deep kiss.
Bitterness, disappointment—it had all sat ignored and festering for a long time and finally it had washed away in the wake of this tidal wave of…whatever the hell she made him feel.
God, she made him happy.
He finally let them both up for air and she was clutching at him for balance. Which was all good as far as he was concerned. “Let it go. It’s okay now.”
“How is it in
any way okay?” She was a little breathless. He’d have to work on making her more so. But she was still riled up.
She was hot when she was mad. Sexy hot.
“Because it’s past and gone now and wouldn’t do anyone any good. It’d hurt them to know but not be able to go back and fix it.” The truth of it settled in his bones as he spoke it out loud. “I don’t want to cause them any hurt or regret. I just want to find happy on my own.”
He smiled down at her, his happy, and wondered if she’d understand. She could be dense about the impact she had on the people around her.
She was still hung up on the issue, though—had it between her teeth and wouldn’t give it up.
“Let it go,” he said again, putting more force behind his words. “I want to so I need you to as well. Deal?”
Defiance was still there, a fire in her eyes. But she sighed and relaxed in his arms. “Okay. But only because you’ve built so much here for yourself now. This place is good for you.”
“You’re good for me.” There, he’d said it. Out loud, directly to her. Not to the air or to Atlas; to her.
She bit her lip. “You mean that?”
He’d said it, hadn’t he? He could say the obvious but he’d rather kiss her instead. So he did. And when he pulled back, he brushed his lips over hers, teasing, until she rose up on her tiptoes and claimed his mouth with her own insistence.
She did get demanding when he teased her enough. He should tease her more often.
* * *
Lyn couldn’t get enough of David. Really, she couldn’t.
Kissing him was everything she could ever want and not enough all at the same time. She loved the feel of his mouth on hers, the taste of him, and the way his hands roamed over her body. He let her pull back and brush her lips against his, playing, and nip at his lower lip. He bit her back gently in kind and then settled his mouth over hers in a deeper kiss to steal her breath away.
Extreme Honor Page 17