“Hmm.” She scratched her forehead and frowned.
“Find something?” Jax asked from the couch.
Aerilyn got up from the table and went into the living room to sit in front of the couch. She slid her feet through the beige carpet until her legs were fully extended and stared out the picture window at the clouded sky outside. She told herself that it was just coincidental. It was impossible it was the same man. Ramsay Wilkerson was Riley’s father and had a similar name, but he was nowhere near a century old.
“No, just grasping at straws.”
Jax studied what lay under the hood of the dusty Chevy Nova while Garren stood by with his hands shoved in his pockets, watching. This was what Jax considered the perfect Sunday. Grease on his hands, staring at a six-cylinder engine that needed a good cleaning.
He pulled out the dip stick and smelled the blackened oil that dripped from it. “It could use an oil and filter change, but it doesn’t smell burned, so that’s good.”
“What about the upholstery?” Garren pointed through the windows at the torn seats.
Jax sniffed and wiped his hands off on a rag. “KT knows everyone worth knowing. I can ask her if she has an upholsterer to recommend.”
Garren nodded and folded his arms across his chest. He looked sideways at Jax and asked, “So, how long have you and Aerilyn been a thing?”
Surprised and unprepared for the question, Jax stared at the ground, unsure how to answer.
A laugh broke from Garren’s lips, and he slapped Jax’s shoulder playfully. “Don’t worry, brother. I won’t say anything to Alaric.”
“It just sort of happened,” Jax mumbled.
Garren seemed to be an honest person. Famous last words.
Jax wasn’t keen to face Alaric again, knowing how much he wanted him gone. So he thought it best to keep the thing between Aerilyn and him quiet. Plus, he wasn’t comfortable talking about her when he was trying to avoid thinking about what it meant to be in a relationship. It was something he had zero experience with.
“I know what that’s like.” Garren rubbed his beard and laughed. “I met my girl when I wasn’t looking for attachments, but she wound herself around my finger.”
These sorts of conversations were foreign to Jax. He knew he should ask a question, or appear interested, so he reached to think of something to say. “How long have you been together?”
Garren concentrated for a moment before answering, “I think we’re going on two years. She’s been pushing me to take it to the next level and move in together. Seems the natural direction. But—”
Jax was curious. “What?”
“Well, I care about her, but I just don’t know if I love her.” Garren shrugged. “When it comes to marriage, ‘death do us part’ takes on a whole new meaning when you can live for a millennium.”
“What?” Jax repeated himself in stunned surprise. He stared at Garren, reeling from the thought.
The enforcer saw the look on his face and patted Jax’s shoulder again. “That’s not to say all shifters live that long. If you find your mate, then a millennium won’t be long enough, right?”
Jax nodded and tried to the swallow the lump that had formed in his throat. He was able to continue the conversation when it diverted back to the Chevy Nova, but he felt numb and a little shell-shocked.
On the drive home, his thoughts circled around Garren’s comments about marriage literally lasting something short of an eternity. Aerilyn had spoken about her father wanting her to call a matchmaker. That was something someone did who was ready to settle down. There was never a time during his adult life when he’d even considered having a girlfriend, let alone a wife.
Maybe he should have slowed down enough to really think about what it meant to take it to the next level with Aerilyn. He had no experience being accountable to anyone but himself. When things got complicated, he left town.
His chest was tight, making it hard to breathe. He needed air. No, he needed space. Freedom. And the longer he stuck around here, the faster he’d lose sight of it.
Without wasting a moment when he got home, he secured everything in his trailer, hitched it to his truck and left a note on KT’s windshield before driving down the snow-covered gravel road, his headlights leading the way.
The smell of Jax on Aerilyn’s pillows helped sooth her to sleep Sunday night, and her alarm rang what felt like a few hours later. The snow outside had begun to melt away with the sun, and the roads were clear. She drove out of the foothills and into Littleton with little effort.
When she pulled into the parking lot at school, her eyes scanned the property before she got out and collected her bags from the back. As she crossed the paved lot, she noticed movement out of the corner of her eye. She turned to see a German shepherd trotting along the snowy field. Her father had told her to expect an enforcer to keep an eye on things for her first week back at work.
Aerilyn raised her hand in a wave and relief flooded through her. She hadn’t thought she was tense, but it wasn’t until she saw Garren in his animal form that she realized she’d been anxious. She exhaled deeply and watched the dog approach her.
She leaned over to pet the top of his head and said, “The man you’re looking for has shoulder-length brown hair and icy blue eyes. I recall Riley saying his father’s name was Ramsay-something.”
The German shepherd blinked up at her. He took a step toward the school, and she walked alongside him. The dog escorted her the rest of the way, watching her reach for the door and let herself in. She knew in that moment if Riley’s father approached her again, she’d have backup.
Later that day, when Riley entered her room, concerns for her own safety were cast aside. Dark bags shadowed his eyes, and he looked even paler than before. He avoided her gaze throughout class and seemed eager to slip out as soon as he could. She tried asking him to stay back for a moment, but he hurried out of the room with the rest of her students, and she was left with her worries.
The following days continued in a similar fashion. Garren escorted her to and from her car in animal form with no indication that Ramsay would return. With every passing day, Riley recessed further into himself, becoming more withdrawn, not even looking at her when she taught her lessons. The pit of her stomach burned when he was near, indicating something was terribly wrong.
Wednesday afternoon her father sent her a text with a photo. She stared at her screen, and her heartbeat quickened. Alaric’s simple message asked, Is this the man who threatened you?
Aerilyn swallowed. She recognized Ramsay’s long hair and narrowed eyes. It was him, Riley’s frightening father. She couldn’t blame the kid for wanting nothing to do with him.
She texted back, That’s him.
Within moments, Alaric sent her another message. Garren took this today near your school.
Aerilyn had felt safe up until that moment. She tried reminding herself that Garren would be keeping an eye on him, and that she would be prepared if they faced each other again. She would know how to protect herself, but she was uneasy.
Just down the road was Jax, and she wanted to see him. She hadn’t heard from him since Sunday morning. She’d kept herself from texting or calling him, wanting Jax to reach out to her when he was ready. She was aware of his past, and his instinct to roam free. She didn’t want to smother him or frighten him away, but with the latest Ramsay sighting, she craved comfort.
So, she put on Petey’s collar and threw on a jacket. They headed outside together and walked through the neighborhood. Though the snow was piled up on the hillside and the side of the road, the sun had melted it from the gravel road. As the sun dropped behind the mountainside and the temperature dropped, the water turned to ice. She let Petey run ahead of her and called him back when he went too far.
The sight of a large snow-covered lump at the side of the road told her she was near KT’s. The Volkswagen planter wouldn’t be seen until they had a few sunnier days. She rounded the bend in the drive and saw the house. When
she got closer to the garage, she noticed something was missing—Jax’s trailer, and his truck wasn’t parked where it normally was.
Her throat tightened, and she felt sick. Petey had run down the hill, but she didn’t care. Aerilyn tiptoed through the slushy, hardening puddles and up to KT’s door. She raised her hand and knocked.
A few minutes later, the elderly woman answered.
Aerilyn hadn’t seen her in a number of weeks. There wasn’t any sign of the bandage around her neck, and she seemed to be as light on her feet as any spry seventy-year-old might be.
KT exhaled and muttered, “I suppose you’re looking for Jax.”
Aerilyn nuzzled her chin into the folds of her jacket to warm up. When she answered, her breath billowed into a steamy cloud. “I didn’t see his trailer.”
KT moved away from the doorframe and returned holding a folded note. She handed it to Aerilyn. “I found this on my truck Monday morning. Now I need to find another mechanic.”
Petey came wandering up and wagged his tail at Aerilyn. She barely noticed his presence as she unfolded the paper to read Jax’s handwriting.
The road is calling—Jax
What the hell did that mean? She frowned and stared at the tire tracks that led out to the driveway from between the garage and house. Aerilyn took a deep shaky breath and considered that she’d known all along he was a flight risk. He’d even told her he wanted to leave from the start.
“When I first met him, he told me it was a temporary arrangement.” KT sighed. “I thought he might have found reason to stay though. Sorry, dear.”
Aerilyn was jarred from her thoughts long enough to return the note to KT. The woman accepted it and slowly closed her door, leaving Aerilyn staring at the snowy slope at the far end of the driveway. She sensed Petey at her feet. He hadn’t moved from the spot.
She looked down at him. He shuffled his feet nervously and gave a soft whine. He lifted his nose to touch her hand, and she reflexively petted him, feeling her sadness wash through her. Just when she’d allowed herself to grow attached to Jax, he disappeared.
Aerilyn tightened her jaw. She’d been on her own before him. She’d be fine. She didn’t want Jax around if he didn’t want to be there.
He could keep driving for all she cared.
Sixteen
Jax walked around the rotting structure of the waterlogged modular home. The roof was sagging and the walls appeared to have made a delicious meal for a healthy termite population.
Across the yellow field, pines covered the rolling hills. It was a beautiful sight. A view he’d gazed at daily for over ten years until he left without turning back. He wasn’t sure what brought him here, what drew him to the place he’d been raised—that was a loose interpretation—a place he’d raised himself.
This was the location where two lives had been irrevocably changed. Though the memories from his youth were numbered, he could recall a time when his stepdad had actually smiled and played with him. It was, of course, before his mother left them both. Before she left a flood of sadness and pain in her wake.
Jax picked at the exterior wall of the home. Flakes of cheap siding fell off in his hand. This two-bedroom home was a place of silence now. He wouldn’t hear Rick sitting in front of the television, watching football with a bottle in his hand, yelling at the players.
A cold breeze blew against Jax’s chest and bit at his ears and face. He closed his eyes. He felt empty inside.
No, that was a lie.
He was frightened. It was too hard to even admit to himself that he was scared. The pain and devastation he’d felt when his mother had left him, her sweet boy, was something he never wanted to experience again. Love warmed your heart and kept you going. Without it, life was cold.
But if you built a wall around your heart, no one could hurt you. If you relied only on yourself, the cold numbed you, and you could fool yourself into believing it was warmth. His heart had thawed when he wasn’t looking. It took him by surprise.
Aerilyn’s face skirted his thoughts, and his chest tightened. He leaned against the rusty truck. Jax had found someone he could be himself with. Someone who accepted him for who he was. He’d never thought he’d find that. Ever.
He’d learned one thing in his life. It hurt worse being the one left to pick up the pieces. He sniffed and pushed away from the truck to stare at the decrepit home again. Jax tripped over a rock and swore.
Anger bubbled up from his stomach to his chest, neck and face, tightening his muscles and tendons. Something snapped inside him, and he bent over to pick up the rock and threw it as hard as he could at the building. The windows shook as it impacted, leaving a hole in the siding. He panted, staring at the destruction. It felt good.
Jax found more rocks and started hurling them at the house. With each crash and smash, he picked away at the pain and sadness of his childhood. Out of breath, yet satisfied, he gazed at his handiwork. Fresh holes and damage to the modular building left it in a worse state than when he’d found it.
Jax wandered over to his stepdad’s truck where its tires had deflated and grass had grown around it. Its body was more orange than blue due to the rust, and its windshield was cracked. Rick may have taught him about mechanics, but it wasn’t long before the student surpassed the teacher. Once he was old enough, Jax worked at an auto shop, making enough money to pay the rent and buy the food, which was good because Rick was too drunk by that point to hold down a steady job.
Jax touched the rusty body of the F-150 and leaned against the door of the truck, peering in through the grimy window. He could remember his stepdad just sitting in the broken-down truck, crying. Rick would yell at him if he came near, so Jax had avoided it altogether.
He rested his fingers on the handle and tugged the door open. It creaked in protest. Jax climbed into the dirty cab and sat on the cracked leather seat. Weeds were growing on the floorboards, and old bottles littered the passenger seat. He exhaled and gripped the wheel. Then he turned down the visor. A clip held some papers and a curled photograph.
Jax carefully tugged them free. They crinkled at his touch. Jax turned over the photograph and looked into his mother’s smiling face. A knot formed in his throat, and he pinched his eyes shut, not having been prepared to see her again.
He swallowed and opened his lids. In the snapshot was a young boy with a shaggy haircut with his arm wrapped around his mom. Beside them was a man who seemed happier than Jax could ever remember him being. Jax searched his mother’s face for a sign of anything that could tell him why, why she’d left, but found nothing.
He set the curled photograph on his lap and looked at one of the envelopes. Rick’s name was scrawled on the front. Jax opened the flap and pulled out a folded letter and started reading.
I know this will seem to come out of nowhere for you, and for that, I’m sorry, but I cannot stay any longer. It is for the best. You may never forgive me, but please take care of Jackson and keep him safe. –Jeny
Jax blinked at the paper in disbelief. Anger and pain welled up. Why would she have left her child behind if she cared about him? Take care of him and keep him safe? That was laughable. Rick had fallen apart when she’d left. It had been Jax who’d taken care of his stepdad, not the other way around.
He shook his head and put the letter back into the envelope before looking at the other envelope in his hand. Another knot hitched in his throat, and he couldn’t breathe. His mother’s handwriting covered the front. For Jackson at age 18.
His eye twitched as he stared at the unopened envelope. His stepdad had died from a heart attack during his senior year. He’d never told Jax his mother had left him anything more than bitterness.
Jax tore it open and fished out the folded paper. He exhaled as he flattened it and stared at the words scrawled across it.
Dear Jackson,
If you’re reading this, I never made my way back to you. You have grown into a young man without my having witnessed it. I can only imagine how you feel about m
e. I want you to know that I left to protect you, but the less you know, the better.
My love for you will never cease so long as I’m alive. I have sacrificed my time with you so that you may live on. Love is sacrifice, remember that, dear one.
Some paths cannot be discovered without getting lost. You may feel lost at times, but you are always on your path. Live the life that was taken from your father so that you may experience the passionate contradictions Earth provides.
Love you forever,
Jenyphr
He didn’t understand. The letter only left him with more questions. How was she protecting him when she left? That made no sense.
His eyes traced over her words again. Love is sacrifice. Love you forever.
And against his will, a tear traced down his cheek. His hardened heart softened. His mother loved him, and in some way that he couldn’t begin to understand, she’d left to keep him safe. That was enough for him for now. Until he found her.
He wiped his cheek, gathered the letters and photo and got out of the truck. Jax shut the door with a creak. A breath that stirred down to his toes cleared the residue of anger from his mind, and he once again thought of Aerilyn. He wondered whether she’d realized he’d gone yet. Probably. He hadn’t turned on his phone since he’d left town Sunday night. Maybe she’d called, or maybe she’d gone by KT’s.
He sniffed and exhaled. His breath puffed into a cloud of steam, rising into the sky. Jax knew very well the pain of abandonment. He’d just deserted his life in Colorado to protect his heart and, in so doing, he’d caused Aerilyn pain. She deserved better than some half-blood, some mutt.
He didn’t know if she cared for him in the same way he cared for her. There was a word for the way he felt, but it hurt to admit it. He thought again of his mother’s words. Love is sacrifice. His freedom meant nothing to him without Aerilyn.
Before Jax knew what he was doing, he’d turned back to his truck and trailer. He got into the driver’s seat and shut the door. He stared at his phone and its black screen.
Half-Blood Descendant: A Paranormal Series (Half-Bloods Book 1) Page 16