Destiny

by Mitchel Grace

“I’m not. Like I said, I was young once. Just make sure you don’t take staying the night with her lightly, especially now when she’s in mourning. You might end up being the person she tries to hold onto through everything.”

  “How should I be there for her? I mean, what do you say in a moment like this?”

  “It’s not what you say. It’s what you do. That applies to everything else in life, too. Be there for her through everything. When she needs a shoulder to cry on, be that person. Most importantly, be understanding. She might lash out at people, but that’s normal. Be the person you would want to be around if your dad had just died.”

  “Thanks for this,” I said and started to head upstairs.

  “Where are you going? You have snow to shovel,” he said.

  I looked at Uncle Gary like are you joking. He wasn’t, and I spent my morning shoveling snow. For a Miami boy who had never seen anything that resembled winter weather, it was a new experience, but it was one I deserved. I didn’t regret my time with Olivia, but a phone call to my aunt and uncle was the least I could have done.

  As I was finishing up, I saw Olivia step out of her house and run to her car. She looked upset. Before I even got a chance to talk to her, she was in her car and gone. I looked at the front door to see her mother standing there. She looked upset. It was obvious that some type of fight had just occurred. A part of me wanted to go over there and ask her what was going on, but it wasn’t the time. Her ex-husband was dead. Questions would only make things worse. Still, I was worried, and throughout the afternoon, I kept coming back to what I had witnessed. Was Olivia okay, and what should I be doing right then?

  When the evening rolled around, I heard a knock at the door. It was Ms. Winters. She looked upset.

  “I’m sorry to bother you, Eric, but have you heard from Olivia?” she asked.

  “No, I haven’t. I saw what happened this morning. Did she not come back?”

  “No, and I’m starting to get worried about her. She wasn’t in the best state of mind when she left. If you hear from her, please call me immediately.”

  “I will. I’m sorry for your loss, by the way.”

  “Thank you.”

  I knew where Olivia was. There was only one place she could be after the death of her father. Odds were that she was at the first place she ever showed me. She had gone there on the night that her dad left, and I couldn’t imagine her going anywhere else on the night after he died. I explained what was going on to my aunt and uncle and asked if it would be all right if I stepped out to bring her back home. They told me it was fine, and I drove out to her secret spot. Sure enough, I found her waiting there. She was sitting in the snow outside of her car. It was freezing outside. I didn’t know how long she had been there, but I knew I had to get her warm quickly. I got out and pulled her up from the ground. Then I wrapped my arms around her. She was freezing. Without hesitation, I picked her up and carried her to my warm car. Once we were inside, she spoke.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Your mom said you never came back. I knew you would be here, so I came to make sure you were okay.”

  “Well, do I look okay? Nothing is all right, and it won’t ever be again.”

  “I don’t completely know how you feel, but . . .”

  “That’s right! You don’t know! Just leave. This is something I have to go through on my own.”

  “No. I’m not leaving, even if you want me to. When you hurt, I hurt. Now, tell me what’s going on. Why aren’t you at home with your mom?”

  “This is why,” she said and handed me a stack of letters.

  I looked through them to see that they were letters from her dad. He had written many over the years. The first letter explained why he left her mother. There were just too many problems. Their fights always seemed to turn physical, and he didn’t feel like that was who he was. Away from her mother, he felt like he was a calm person. He had to leave because he didn’t like the man he was becoming with her. His later letters asked her about school and life. He told her that he was living in a town about an hour away. She was invited to come visit him anytime. The last letter was the kicker, though. He was depressed. When he called, Heather wouldn’t let him speak to her, and she didn’t answer any of his letters. He missed his daughter, and he felt like a failure for abandoning her. He expressed extreme regret for walking away. Even if her mom drove him crazy, he felt like it was his failure as a man that he walked out. The last thing he said was very telling.

  “Olivia, I’m going through a lot of things that I don’t even know how to describe to you. No matter what happens, just know this. Your daddy always loved you. I failed you in ways that are unforgivable. You should have never seen your mother and me fighting, and I should still be there. I’m not, though, and I can’t change the past. Just know that I’m so sorry. I hope you read this letter, and I hope I hear back from you. Either way, you’ll always be my little girl. I love you more than anyone or anything in this world.”

  At the bottom, it was signed Dad. I didn’t know what to say. Why had Olivia never answered her father? Was her mom hiding these letters from her?

  “What are these? I thought you never heard from your dad again,” I said.

  “Isn’t it obvious? My mom didn’t want me talking to him. She never gave me the letters or even told me he called. I thought he abandoned me, but he still wanted to be my dad. If I had just answered one letter or call, then maybe that would’ve been enough to keep him alive. How can I go back to that house when she took my father away from me?”

  “What she did was wrong, but she didn’t kill your dad. I’m so sorry that all of this has happened, but don’t shut her out. You lost one parent last night. Don’t lose another by refusing to let her explain herself.”

  “That’s really easy for you to say. You’re just some spoiled rich kid from Miami who never had a single problem until a few months ago. What could you possibly know about something like this?”

  “Well, that hurts. I might be a spoiled rich kid, but I’m the best friend you have right now. I always will be. Don’t push me away when you need me the most.”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that. I know you’ve been through a lot, and it was wrong of me to insult you that way. You’re only trying to help. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Last night, I thought my life couldn’t get any better. It felt like you and I were starting something so special, and that’s all I could focus on. The next morning, it fell apart, though. Now all I can see is everything I’ve lost.”

  “That’s okay. I’m still going to be here when you’ve found a way to live with this. As a matter of fact, I’m going to be here with you every step of the way. I don’t just want you at your best. I want you at your worst, too, and no one could blame you if you lost yourself for a while now. My dad is in prison, and I miss him, but I know he’s still alive. I don’t know how I would feel in your situation, but I know one thing. You would be there for me, so I’m going to be whatever you need through all of this. What is it that you need me to be?”

  “Exactly what you’re being right now. I just want you to sit here with me and look up at the stars.”

  “Then that’s what I’m going to do,” I said and put her hands in mine.

  Slowly, she warmed up. There was still an extreme coldness in her, however. It was as if a part of her had died that night.

  “Eric, do you remember when I told you why I used to come here?” she asked.

  “Yeah. You were here when he left, and a part of you always thought that it might work in reverse. Maybe he would come back one night while you were staring up at these stars.”

  “Do you think that could ever work?”

  “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “Neither do I. I just wish I could get him back. I want to talk to him one last time.”

  “So talk to him. You never knew he was trying to write or call you, but you know where he is now. He’s in Heaven, and I’m sure God woul
d let him hear you. Just look up to the stars, and say whatever you feel.”

  “This from the man who hates God.”

  “I don’t have anything against God. I was just angry back in the summer. It was stupid of me to blame Him, though.”

  “Well, it doesn’t seem so stupid from where I’m sitting.”

  “That’s not you, Olivia. You’re smarter than I am. You go to church every Sunday. You’re a good person, and you know that something like this wasn’t done to you. It’s just something that happened. Don’t you want to at least say something to your dad just in case he can hear you?”

  “I do, but what I have to say to him isn’t nice.”

  “I won’t judge you. Just say whatever you have to.”

  She paused for a moment and looked up at the stars. These same stars had been her hope for so long, and now they were only a symbol of a father who could never come home. We often think of innocence being lost after a certain age or a sexual experience, but in my heart, I knew that this tragedy and those stars had stolen her innocence. The hopeful Olivia I knew was gone. Sure, she was still buried in there somewhere deep, but the girl I knew was forever changed by hardship and loss.

  “Dad, I have a few things to say to you. You’re not going to like one of them. I didn’t know that you ever wrote me or called. For that, I can’t forgive Mom. I hate her. I know that’s wrong, but I can’t even look at her now. I’m angry with you, too. I don’t hate you, but I’m confused. How could you leave me alone here? You left me when I was just a kid, and then you killed yourself on a night that was supposed to be the most special one of my life. You were supposed to come back, and we were supposed to be a family again. I thought you would walk me down the isle one day. All of that’s gone now, thanks to your selfish decision. I can’t forgive you for that or possibly understand it. I love you, though. That will never change. Even after everything we’ve been through, I love you in the same way I did when I was a little girl sitting on your lap. I miss you more than I can describe. I just feel like I’ve been robbed of someone so great tonight, and the worst part is that you were the one who committed that crime. You stole a very important part of my life, and that’s inexcusable. If you can hear me, though, I want you to know this. You’re my dad, and I’ll never have another one. I was always proud to call you my father, even when you and Mom fought and when you left. I’m even proud now. I’ll miss you, but I know I’ll see you again some day. Until then, I’ll be writing letters to you and leaving them by your grave. Apparently, I have a lot of catching up to do because you wrote me so much over the years. I hope somehow you’ll read my letters. I look forward to the day that I see you in person. It was always my dream to see you one more time. Until then, I love you. Goodbye for now,” she said as tears started to fall down her cheeks.

  I did the only thing I could. I took her in my arms and held her close. The most important man in her life had left her alone, and I was determined to never make that same mistake. Through thick and thin, I would always be by her side. As I was thinking about how I had to always be there for her, Olivia pulled away and started to get out.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “I need to go. Truthfully, I don’t know for sure where I’m going, but I can’t stay here for another minute.”

  “You’ll come home with me. If you can’t face your mom yet, then you can stay at my place until you’re ready.”

  “Your aunt and uncle won’t go for that.”

  “Yeah, they will. They’re not going to let us sleep in the same room or anything like that, but you can take my room while I sleep on the couch. I’ll drive you to my house, and we can come back for your car tomorrow. You don’t need to drive while you’re this upset.”

  “I’ll be fine. Just follow behind me,” Olivia said and gave me a quick peck on the lips before getting out.

  That small gesture of appreciation was the first positive sign I had seen out of her since we got the news of her father’s death. It was such a small thing, but it gave me hope that she was going to pull through this. As I followed her back to my house, I called her mom. I knew that Olivia wouldn’t approve, but I had to let her know something.

  “Hello,” Ms. Winters said.

  “Hey, this is Eric. I found her. We’re on the way back to my house right now.”

  “I’ll be waiting on you. Thank you so much.”

  “I don’t think that’s such a good idea. She’s still really angry, and if you come over right now, it’s only going to result in her running off again. I know I haven’t given you a good reason to, but please trust me on this. I’m going to sleep on the couch tonight and let her have my room. By morning, I’m sure she’ll have cooled off enough to talk to you about everything.”

  “Did she tell you why she was mad at me?”

  “She did.”

  “I don’t want you to think I’m heartless, Eric. I had a lot of reasons to keep Olivia away from Charles.”

  “I’m not judging you. I’m sure you did. Right now, all I really care about is that Olivia’s all right, and I think her getting through this is going to have a lot to do with her ability to forgive you. A little time and space will go a long way in helping her do that. You’re her mom, though. If you want to try to talk to her tonight, then that’s your call. I just want things to work out for you two as best they can.”

  “Do you really think one night will make a difference?”

  “I do. Just trust me. I’ll talk to her more about forgiving you before morning. By the time you come over, she’ll be ready to at least hear you out.”

  “All right, we’ll try it your way.”

  After I was off the phone and had pulled into the driveway, I led Olivia inside. I quickly explained everything to my aunt and uncle and saw that it was going to be fine for her to stay, as expected. We ate dinner together, and then I showed Olivia to my room. My aunt and uncle quickly directed me to the couch. That was okay, though. It wasn’t like I had any intentions of sleeping with her after everything that had gone on.

  After all the lights had been turned off and everyone except for Olivia and I were asleep, I heard soft cries coming from upstairs. She was upset. I wasn’t supposed to go into that bedroom until the next morning, but I couldn’t stay away knowing that she was hurting. I quietly walked upstairs and snuck into the room. Then I lay down beside Olivia and wrapped my arms around her. I kissed her forehead and wiped the tears away.

  “Thank you, but you don’t need to be in here. If your aunt and uncle catch you, you’re going to be grounded for life.”

  “I disagree. I think I’m exactly where I need to be. I love you, and I’m here for you.”

  She laid her head on my chest, and we drifted away. I learned something that night. No matter what was going on in our lives, as long as we ended each day together, we could get through anything.

  Chapter 13

  Futures

  The next day, my aunt and uncle discovered Olivia and me in the bed. It didn’t seem to matter much. I think they knew that the situation was innocent. Olivia had needed me, and I was there for her. Letting her mother be there for her would be a bit harder, however. They talked the next morning, and Olivia ended up going home. I didn’t get the feeling that she had actually forgiven her mom for anything that happened, though. Finding the strength to do that was going to take a lot of time, and I didn’t know if she would ever find it in her heart to leave behind everything that had been stolen from her.

  The days passed by quickly leading up to the funeral. It was set for the day before Christmas Eve. That wasn’t ideal for anyone, but it couldn’t be helped. I was there for her through it all, as best I could be. When it was all over, I got the feeling that she was finally at peace with things. Sure, she was still mourning, and she had a long way to go in finding complete forgiveness for her mom, but a lot of the battle was over. She had accepted that her dad was gone, and she wasn’t blaming people for it anymore.

  I slept peace
fully the night after the funeral not knowing that a surprise awaited me the next morning. When I awoke, I heard the sound of the front door opening and eventually went downstairs to see my sister sitting at the table with my aunt and uncle.

  “Hey, I forgot to say anything with all that’s happened lately, but Catherine called a couple of days ago and said she was going to spend Christmas with us,” Aunt Kristen said.

  I was glad to see my sister, but it was strange. She looked so much different. The girl I knew when I left Miami was just that - a girl. The person sitting at that table was more than that. She was a woman. The spoiled girl I had once known was gone, and even if she used to irritate me, I missed her.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” I said.

  “Let’s leave Eric and Catherine alone for a little while so they can catch up,” Uncle Gary said, and they walked out of the room.

  It was awkward as I sat down beside my sister. A part of me wanted to hug her right then, but we never had that kind of relationship. How should I react to the one piece of family I had left? Thankfully, she did the reacting for me. Catherine hugged me without saying a word. It was a firmer hug than she had ever given me. It was as if she thought I would slip away if she let go.

  “All right, don’t suffocate me now,” I joked.

  “I’ve just missed you. I never thought I would say that about you, but I didn’t know how good we had it until everything was taken away.”

  “I know exactly what you mean. You seem different, though. How have things been going back at home?”

  “I enrolled at Miami. I’m taking some classes in accounting, and I’m working at a restaurant downtown for money. I have a little apartment off campus. It’s nothing compared to the place where we grew up, but it’s become home. I know you have a good life here, and our aunt and uncle were just telling me about how great things are going for you in school and with Olivia, but my place is big enough for two people. I told you I would find us a place and come back for you after I got on my feet. Now, I’m ready to keep that promise.”