“Yeah, but how is that the same?”
“They did a lot of questionable things, but they did it all to give your family a better life. It was wrong, but should that action really define everything about them?”
“I see what you’re saying, but it’s not that simple for me.”
“I understand, but Eric, you’re not in a good position to judge someone. In truth, none of us are. All I’m saying is you should give them a chance to prove that they’re the mom and dad you used to know. Promise me you’ll do that at least once. I lost one of my parents, and I wish I could have him back every day of my life. If I could talk to him one more time, it wouldn’t matter where it was. A jail cell conversation would be heaven for me.”
“You’re right, and I’ll do it. Can I ask you for a favor in return?”
“Sure. I think that’s fair.”
“You hated your mom for keeping your dad’s letters from you, and then after she convinced you to give up our child, you hated her even more. She did a lot of things wrong, but she’s the only parent you have left. I know you talk to her, but I don’t think you’ve really had a relationship with her for years. Really talk to your mom when you get home, and try to find a way to forgive her.”
“You strike a hard bargain, but that’s fair. It’s time for me to talk to her and make things right.”
“Why not do it now?”
“Are you serious? It’s already eleven.”
“Oh, come on. You know your mom will be up. Besides, she’s just a phone call away. I would love to know that after all the bad I’ve pulled you into over the years, I helped you repair at least one part of your life.”
“You’ve helped me repair plenty in my life. I don’t know if I would’ve ever gotten by without you after my dad died. Do you really think I should do this now?”
“There’s no better moment than the present.”
“What would I say?”
“Whatever you want to. Express how you think she wronged you, and then forgive her. That should be a good start.”
“I don’t know if I can do that.”
“I’m positive you can. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, but I think it would be a good thing.”
“All right, but be quiet,” she said and grabbed her phone.
I could only hear one side of the conversation, and it started out a little rough, but I could tell that I had made the right decision to ask her to call her mother.
“Mom, we need to talk. We’ve needed to for a while . . . I’m calling to tell you that I’m still so angry with you. I’m mad that you kept my dad’s letters and calls from me. You robbed me of a chance to know my father when he only had a little time left. I’m also angry that you encouraged me to have an abortion when you knew it wasn’t a decision I would ever be able to live with. That one decision haunts me daily. I blame myself, but I also don’t understand how you didn’t think I should have your grandchild. In some ways, I hate you. I think it’s time for me to let go of that hate, though. We’ve both made mistakes, and although I’ll never understand some of your decisions or my inability to fight for what I knew was right, I still love you. I still want a relationship with you. You’re the only parent I have left, and sometimes I just wish things could be like they used to be with us. I love you, and when I come home, we’re going to start fresh. Our mistakes won’t matter any longer. I’m not messing up my life anymore, and I hope that you’ll make the best of what I’m offering. I want you to be my mother and my friend again. I can’t stand for it to be any other way. I’ve been angry for long enough . . . I love you, Mom. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Olivia said with tears in the corners of her eyes.
“Are you all right?” I asked as she hung up.
“I’m better than I’ve been in a while. It was time to let go. I feel relieved in some ways. In others, I feel cold. It’s almost like I should feel bad for letting my dad’s death go.”
“You have nothing to feel bad about. Your dad would be proud of you.”
“How do you know? You never knew him.”
“He might have hated your mom, but anyone who’s ever known you had to love you. He would want to see you happy above all else. If forgiving your mom gives you peace, then I know he’s somewhere smiling. Trust me on that,” I said and wrapped my arms around her.
She slowly fell asleep in my arms. I couldn’t close my eyes, however. I simply held her close and thought about how hard it was going to be to let go of her in the morning. Time passed by quicker than I would have liked as I held the woman I loved, and morning came before I knew it. After we had gotten ready, she gathered her things, and I drove Olivia to the airport. When we got to her gate, she hugged me tightly. It was as if she didn’t want to let go. Secretly, I think she had decided that it was time to let me go. We had the best time together in Miami, but she was convinced to take Emmitt’s advice. No matter how great things had been, it was time to let me move on with my life. She thought that was best for me. Olivia had never been more wrong. At that point, my heart was only beating for her. Without the hope of seeing her again, I don’t know what I would have done.
“I guess this is goodbye. Thank you for giving me the time of my life. I love you,” Olivia said.
“I love you, too. This isn’t goodbye, though. I’ll see you soon. I promise.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“I know I am,” I said and took her in my arms. Then I kissed her passionately.
There was an airport full of people, but for a brief moment, it was just the two of us as I gave her a kiss that I secretly hoped would convince her to stay. When I pulled back, Olivia took a breath and looked at me like she wanted nothing more than to throw away her ticket and come with me. I honestly thought that was what she was going to do, but just as I saw tears start to form in the corners of her eyes, she turned away and started walking toward the gate. I tried with everything I could to come up with something that would make her stay, but the words never came. I stood there and watched a piece of my heart walk away. As I walked out of the airport, I braced myself for a feeling that I never knew I could experience. For the first time, it was cold in Miami. There was a hole in my heart, and I knew that nothing was going to be all right until I saw her again. Still, it had been the greatest summer of my life. I couldn’t wait to see what the future held for us. Right now, I wish I could talk to that stupid boy who let the love of his life walk away. Out of everything that happened while she was in Miami, that’s the only thing that haunts me on a daily basis.
Chapter 20
Complete Denial
The next day after my classes, I kept my promise to Olivia. I went to see my parents, or to me more accurate, my mom. It wasn’t like they were in the same place at the prison. There were different areas for men and women. I figured I could see her that day and then see my dad over the weekend, if this visit went well. Honestly, I was really nervous. I didn’t think things would go as well as Olivia probably thought they would. In a way, I hated my parents for lying to me and leaving when my sister and I needed them most. Today I was the one taking care of things. I was making enough money with Emmitt to support myself, to help my sister out, and even to save some cash for my future with Olivia. Shouldn’t my parents have been there to do some of that? Was it really my responsibility to make backdoor deals just to give myself a fair shot?
Even if I was rightfully angry, it took courage for Olivia to call her mom on the spot. If she could do that, then I could have a conversation with my mother. After the guard had let me in and brought my mom into a small holding cell, he told us that we had twenty minutes.
“I’m so glad you came,” my mom said.
“I don’t know how I feel about it.”
“Your sister said that you were still angry. I’m sorry for what your father and I put you two through. We just didn’t think our actions would ever catch up to us. I would love to make excuses right now and tell you how we only wanted the best for our family,
but that’s not true. We were greedy, and we overstepped. All I can hope is that you forgive me some day. I wasn’t the mother you deserved.”
“You were while you were around. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve just wanted my mom? So much has happened in three short years. I could have used some guidance in that time.”
“I’m sorry. Catherine said that you went to live with your aunt and uncle in Wisconsin after things went badly. Did they give you everything you needed?”
“Everything and more. Uncle Gary and Aunt Kristen were great. Can I be honest with you about why I’m here?”
“I would prefer that you were.”
“Do you remember the girl I met while we were in Wisconsin when I was fourteen?”
“Yeah. What was her name?”
“Olivia. She came to see me for a couple of weeks. She asked me to come here, and I told her I would. I’m still mad about everything, but she was right when she said that I needed to find a way to forgive you and Dad. As hard as it is to say, I want to start fresh. I’m mad, but I realize that I’m not perfect, so I don’t have a right to judge you forever. I forgive you.”
“Thank you. I think I like this Olivia girl. Are you two together?”
“That’s complicated. I love her, but I would have to tell you everything for you to truly understand where I’m at in my life.”
“We’ve got some time, Eric. Tell me everything you can. I want to know it all.”
I told her everything that had happened over the last three years. I didn’t leave anything out. I even told her about what Emmitt and I were doing. I had to tell her a condensed version, but I got it all in.
“You grew up. It sounds like your life is as complicated as mine was before they put me in here. Don’t overstep, Eric. I don’t want to see you take the same path I took,” she said.
“I won’t bite off more than I can chew, and this business with Emmitt is only temporary. We’ll be doing things completely legal in two years.”
“I’m not the person who should be telling you this because it sounds hypocritical, but things always catch up to us. Get out now if you can, or you might find that the consequences of your actions weren’t worth it.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Five minutes,” we heard the guard say as he stepped back into the room.
“Wow. This went by fast,” I said.
“Since we don’t have much time, is there anything you want to ask me before you have to go?”
“I want to ask about Olivia. I told you how complicated our relationship is, but I love her more than I can even describe. It doesn’t seem like the stars are ever going to align for us, though. How do I make it work out in the end?”
“Always be present. Call and text her. Even video chat when you can. Go back to Wisconsin in the summer, too. No matter what, let her know that you’re going to end up with her when college is over. If you do that, she’ll wait on you. If not, she might just explore her options. Let me say one more thing. I feel bad for the other boy in your story.”
“Richard? Why?”
“Look at the facts. You punched him and took his girlfriend away. Then he was in a car accident that left him unable to do what he loved. After all that, the love of his life came back to him, and you took her away again. I’m not saying you shouldn’t have done that because I always want to see you happy above anyone else, but be careful that you’re not the villain in your own story. I know a little something about looking in the mirror one day and realizing that you’re the worst person you know. Don’t have that epiphany.”
“I understand. If it weren’t Olivia, I would never hurt anyone as much as I’ve hurt him. I really do love her, though, Mom, and . . . I love you, too. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to say that,” I said and hugged her as the guard walked back in.
Our visit was over. It had gone so much better than I thought it would. I forgave my mom and told her everything about myself. What was even better was that she accepted me, as flawed as I was. It made me think a lot about how it had taken me so long to even consider forgiving her and my dad. I had wasted so much time being angry when I could have known my parents again. I was determined to have this same conversation with my dad in a few days. I couldn’t imagine that it would go badly after how that visit had gone.
I walked out of that prison feeling like a new man. I considered quitting what I was doing with Emmitt. Doing the wrong thing felt terrible, even if it got the right result. What I had done that day felt wonderful. Maybe the right thing was exactly what I needed in my life. I grabbed my phone and dialed Olivia’s number. I wanted to share everything about my visit and my new outlook on life. She didn’t pick up, though. I left a message telling her everything that happened. I just knew she would call me back, but as night fell, it became apparent that she wasn’t going to. I sent a text, but there was no response. I didn’t understand. We had the best time of our lives when she was in Miami. Why would she be avoiding me now? I ultimately wrote off my feelings as paranoia. It was the first day of school. She was probably busy, or her phone might have been dead. I convinced myself that there had to be a reasonable explanation for this. There wasn’t, though. When she had stepped onto that plane, I didn’t know that she was walking out of my life permanently.
Over the next few days, I tried calling her over and over again. She didn’t answer. What had I done that was so bad? I couldn’t have read our visit that wrong. I was convinced that she felt everything I did. How could that not be so?
“Are you still trying to call that girl?” Emmitt asked.
“Yeah, I don’t know what’s going on. I’m going to call her mom and make sure she’s okay.”
“Whoa! Wait a minute,” he said and snatched the phone out of my hand.
“What are you doing? Give me my phone.”
“I’m saving you some embarrassment. Look at the facts. She has a boyfriend, she came here mainly to sleep with you, and now she won’t answer your calls. If we had heard about a plane crashing on the way to Wisconsin, I would say call her mom and make sure she’s okay, but that’s not the case. Face facts. She used you.”
“Used me? That’s ridiculous. What are you talking about?”
“You’re the first guy she ever loved. Things probably got hard back at home for her, and she came here to have a little vacation with you. I know you, and you thought that all of this was real. You probably believed that you two were going to get married some day after college. That’s not how life works, though. She’s there with that guy, and you’re here with me. You were an escape, and now she doesn’t want it to go any further than that. Once again, I’ll say it. She used you.”
“Olivia isn’t that way.”
“Then why isn’t she returning your calls?”
“I don’t know. That’s why I have to . . .”
“Look, I feel for you. Maybe I’m wrong. I hope I am anyway. If you’re right and she’s such an upstanding girl, then tell me this. Why do you need to call her mom? Won’t she just call you back at some point? You’ve left her a dozen messages. She knows you want to talk to her. If you keep calling, though, or worse, if you go through her mom, you’re going to look really desperate. I can’t let you give her the satisfaction of knowing that you’re waiting on the phone to ring all day.”
“Why do you care? I just manage your career, which by the way, isn’t even legal right now.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t. We both know that our friendship has had more to do with money than anything, but spending a year with someone makes you think of them as somewhat of a brother. No brother of mine is going to let some user see them sweat.”
“Maybe you’re right. I don’t think she was using me, but she’s got the messages. She’ll call when she’s ready.”
“All right, I know what you need. There’s only one way to get a woman off your mind.”
“And what’s that?”
“To get on another one.”
“I�
�m not really in the mood for that right now. Besides, I’ve got to go see my dad in an hour. It’s the first time I’ve talked with him in over three years.”
“I can respect that. Meet me at the club afterward, though. Even if girls aren’t involved, which they probably will be, we’ll have a good time. It’s Friday, and I’ll be damned if you’re going to sit in this apartment waiting on a phone call that might not come.”
“Thanks, man. You’re a real friend,” I said and headed out the door.
When I got to the prison, I told my dad the same thing I had told my mom. I forgave him and told him what had happened over the last three years. He didn’t quite have the reaction that I was expecting. My mom wasn’t judgmental, but she encouraged me to leave behind the idea of managing Emmitt. He, on the other hand, seemed to be impressed.
“I’m sorry for leaving you and your sister when you needed me most. After I get out of here, that won’t happen again. I’m glad to hear you’ve made something of yourself,” he said.
“What do you mean? Mom said the exact opposite. She wasn’t happy that I was funneling money for a college athlete.”
“It’s not a good thing, but let me tell you a secret. Anyone who has ever become somebody did a lot of things they regret. The key is not getting caught and making sure there’s always a payout worth the risk.”
He hadn’t changed at all. That worried me, but then again, look at what I was doing. You could argue that I was a chip off the old block.
“Has Emmitt kept his promise about introducing you to other athletes?” Dad asked.
“He has. I’m getting to know a lot of people. If I play my cards right, I’ll be managing several Miami athletes in a few years.”
“Good. Tread carefully, but do what you know is best. Most importantly, take care of your sister.”
“I already am, or at least I’m helping her out. Let me ask you something off subject, though,” I said and explained what was going on with Olivia. Then I told him about how Emmitt thought that she had used me and I should forget about her unless she called back.
Destiny Page 18