“Yeah, you need to come home.”
“Wait a minute. Is he okay?”
“No, Eric, he’s not. He had a heart attack, and . . . and . . .”
“He’s still alive, though, right?” I asked in desperation.
“He didn’t make it. I don’t know what we’re going to do here. What am I going to do?” she asked as if she was just considering that question for the first time.
“I’m so sorry. We’ll figure all of this out together. I’ll be there in a few hours. I love you.”
After we said goodbye, I fell apart. I had tried to be strong while I was talking to Aunt Kristen, but the truth was that I couldn’t take this now. Uncle Gary had been like a father to me, and knowing that he was gone was the worst feeling in the world. Everything felt colder, and nothing mattered but getting back to Green Bay to help my aunt through something that seemed impossible to ever get over.
“Are you okay? What happened?” Chastity asked as I wiped a tear from my eyes.
When I glanced at her, I noticed that she looked fearful. We had known each other since we were in high school, and not once had she seen me weep. Chastity knew that something had just changed my entire world.
“My uncle died. That was Aunt Kristen. I’ve got to go,” I simply said and stood to pack a bag.
“Are you crazy? You’re not going anywhere without me. I know what he meant to you, and I’m going to be there for you. It’s not going to be like last time.”
She had felt guilty about not standing beside me during the scandal, but this wasn’t like that. I didn’t want someone standing beside me with supportive words assuring me that everything was going to be all right. Nothing was okay, and her being there wouldn’t make a difference.
“I’m fine, Chastity. I just need some time to process all of this. I want you to stay here.”
“Why would you want me here when it’s clear that I need to be with you right now?”
“Because there are still some last minute things to do on the wedding. I’m not delaying it. Uncle Gary wouldn’t want that. I need you to take care of all the stuff here, so I can take care of my aunt for at least a while. Can you do that for me?”
“Will it really help? I don’t mind delaying things for a while, if that’s what you need.”
“No, I need life to go on normally after I come back. I need you here making sure that I can come back home to something that feels halfway normal after I deal with everything there. I still can’t believe he’s gone,” I said and sat down on the bed.
“Come here,” she said and wrapped her arms around me.
Chastity didn’t say anything, but she didn’t have to. I could feel what she was trying to convey. She loved me, and she was going to be there for me, no matter what that meant.
“Are you sure you want things done this way?” Chastity asked.
“I’m positive.”
“Okay, I’ll book you a flight leaving as soon as possible. You should pack your bags. If at any point you need me, though, I’m a plane ride away. Know that.”
“I do. Thank you, and I love you,” I said and stood to give her a quick kiss.
While I packed my bag, I thought about when I was fourteen and I first met Uncle Gary. He had taken me to a football game. I didn’t even like sports, but I felt like I fit in so well with him and his friends. They welcomed me. That wasn’t something I was used to back in Miami. Words like outcast came to mind when I thought of myself then. He never treated me like an outcast, though. In fact, he encouraged me to talk to a girl who was way out of my league. Uncle Gary was the first person to give me confidence instead of taking it away. He taught me how to be a man, too. Everything I was, good or bad, was partially because of him. For that, I would always be grateful.
There were other things that came to mind also. Uncle Gary did some mysterious things in the months leading up to his death. He always encouraged me to find a way to talk to Olivia, even though he hadn’t done that in the past. Before he had been hung up on the fact that she was married, and he should have been. I didn’t understand what had changed in that area, but I wish I did. I knew he had his reasons. Then there was what Aunt Kristen had been telling me. Sometimes he would leave the house unannounced. She didn’t know where he went, and he didn’t bother telling her. It was unlike him, and the last thing I wanted to think about was him doing something terrible. Still, I wish I could have understood his state of mind during that time.
I zipped my bags closed and cleared my thoughts. Whatever he had been thinking in the months leading up to his death was irrelevant now. He was gone. I had to remember the best things about him and keep them alive in memory. Everything else could fade away for all I cared. My uncle wouldn’t be remembered for some mysterious behavior when this was all over. People would remember him for the generous and hard working man he was.
As I was walking to the door, Chastity gave me the information about my flight. It was going to be a few hours before it left, so I had to wait. I didn’t want to, but sitting up at the airport for hours would do me no good. She convinced me of that. We spent the time I had left there talking about old stories that involved my uncle. It seemed like there were a million of them. Every part of my teen years that was worth revisiting involved only three people. There was Uncle Gary, Aunt Kristen, and Olivia. Now one of those people was gone, and I didn’t think I could take it. She listened to every story, though, and when it was time to go, I kissed Chastity goodbye and boarded a plane bound for what I thought of as my real home. The apartment I had in Miami was a place to stay. It wasn’t the home I had in my head for Olivia and me. The people I had there were my real family, but they weren’t the ones I felt at home with, and the woman I was supposed to love wasn’t the person I saw every night when I closed my eyes. I was coming home, and it was going to be a messed up place for the first time. Still, I was about to be where I belonged. My aunt needed me in the worst moment of her life, and honestly, I knew I was going to need her in what was the worst one of mine.
* * * * *
When the plane finally landed in Green Bay, I got off with full expectations of having to catch a cab. I hadn’t told my aunt when my flight was getting there, so why would anyone be picking me up? As soon as I stepped off the plane, I saw an old friend waiting on me, though. It was Mike.
“What are you doing here?” I asked him.
“Chastity called me. She told me when you were going to arrive and asked me to pick you up. She knew your aunt didn’t need to get out right now.”
“Thank you for this. It’s already pretty late. You didn’t have to come get me.”
“It’s a Friday night, Eric. I’m married, but I’m not dead. It’s only eleven. Besides, I was going to do anything I could for one of my oldest friends. Speaking of that, is there anything I can do for you? I know this has to be hard,” he said as we walked toward the exit.
“No, you’ve done everything you can. This is just messed up. What happened? I know he had a heart attack, but did he go quickly? Did he say anything to anyone?”
“I wasn’t there, but from what I understand, he had a heart attack and blacked out soon after. Your aunt tried to get him back, but it didn’t do any good. When the paramedics got there, he was already gone. It was quick, and I don’t think he had time to talk very much. He didn’t have to, though. He loved your aunt, and she knew that.”
“I know. I just wish I could have been here to say goodbye or at least see him one last time. The last time I talked to him, do you know what he said to me? I asked him for advice about the wedding with Chastity. I was getting cold feet, and a part of me just wanted to run back here. He told me to follow my heart. If it was here, he encouraged me to come back running. That wasn’t like him at all. He normally would have told me to find my courage and marry the woman I loved. I wish I knew why he said that. Even more, I wish I had taken his advice. If I had come back, I could have spent the time he had left by his side. I was like a son to him, Mike.”
“I know you were. You can’t blame yourself, though. No one can predict when things like this are going to happen. I think I know why Gary gave you that advice, too. All he ever wanted was to see you happy. If that was with Chastity, then he would have approved, but if it were just wasting your life here with all of us, he would have loved that, too,” Mike said as we got into his car.
“Thanks. I think you’re right.”
“I know I am. Are you sure you don’t want to go somewhere and talk before you go home? We could get a burger and talk about the last few days. It seems like everyone has gone crazy around here lately.”
“What do you mean?”
“Get some food with me, and I’ll tell you everything.”
“All right, I’m not in a hurry to get home anyway. I’m pretty sure things are going to be really bad there.”
We found a good place that stayed open late and got a table. Then Mike started telling me about all the things that had happened lately in Green Bay. Most of it was irrelevant like the Packers had lost to the Lions at home for the first time since the early nineties. Some of it was more serious, but it didn’t necessarily concern me. A little girl had fallen through the ice recently. It was tragic, but I had enough grief of my own. I couldn’t concentrate on that. There was the obvious, too. My uncle was gone, and the people who knew him weren’t dealing with it very well. Finally, there was something I never expected to hear.
“Olivia kicked Richard out, too,” Mike said.
“Wait. What? Why would she do that?”
“Maybe that was the wrong way to put things. She wanted him gone, but he agreed to leave. It all happened tonight. I never would have thought it, but after we all had dinner together a few years ago, Kelly and I made friends with them. Right now, Richard Burning is sleeping on my couch. Yeah, a sixteen year old me never saw that one coming.”
“I still don’t understand why he left, though. What happened?”
“None of this can leave the table if I tell you.”
“Come on. I was your best friend through high school. You can trust me.”
“Apparently, she cheated on him a few months ago with some guy. I think there’s more to it than that, but he’s not telling us what it is. I told you that everyone is going crazy around here, even Olivia.”
“Yeah, that does sound crazy . . .” I said while losing myself in thought.
They weren’t the kind of thoughts that I normally would have had. I would have usually been looking at that as the perfect opportunity to win Olivia back. Right then, all I could see was grief. Sure, the mystery of why Olivia would leave her husband and reveal that she had cheated on him weighed on me, but wasn’t the death of the man who made me who I was so much more important than that?
“Hey, are you all right?” Mike asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just really tired. I don’t mean to be rude by spacing out like that. I just can’t believe the day I’m having. Do you know what I mean?”
“Yeah, I don’t know what I would be doing if I lost my dad. I know that’s what he was to you. I’m sorry, man. If you ever need anything, you know I’m here for you.”
“I know. Let’s get a round for my uncle. He wouldn’t want us to sit here sad and without a drink. Let’s honor his memory.”
We made a toast to my uncle and told old stories about him. It was odd. Talking about him was painful, but at the same time, it was so joyful. The thought of him gave me a certain type of pain that I didn’t know existed. It was worse than any I had known, but I didn’t want to ever let go of it. I wanted it to consume me because the moment I let go, I knew the memory of my uncle would start to fade. That was something I could never let happen. I would rather live with a hole in me and know it than live without him and try to forget what I had lost.
My time with Mike went by in what felt like an instant. When I was dropped off at my aunt’s house, I walked up and started to knock, but I stopped myself. What was waiting on the other side of that door, and how was I going to deal with it? Everything had been about my grief up until that point, but all of that was going to change when I walked through the door. All of my focus would have to be on my aunt. I took a deep breath and then exhaled. As I did, I made sure to push any selfish thoughts out of my head. Then I knocked. I still had a key, but I knew she would be up, and I didn’t want to scare her by just opening the door in the middle of the night.
“Since when do you have to knock?” Aunt Kristen asked as she opened the door.
“I didn’t want to scare you by just coming in.”
“I’ve already faced my worst nightmare. Nothing can scare me now,”
she said as tears started to form in the corners of her eyes.
“I’m so sorry. I still can’t believe he’s gone,” I said and hugged her.
“I tried to tell him that he needed to eat better and exercise. You know your uncle, though. He never changed one thing about himself. That was the best thing about him in most cases, but in this one, it took him from us. I wish I could go back and force him to do better. I knew this day was coming but not this soon. I don’t understand how God could take him from me right now.”
“I’m so sorry. I don’t think God had anything to do with this. Some things are just bad luck. I’m here for you, though. We’ll go through this together.”
“I almost forgot. He left a note for you. I think he wrote it a good while ago just in case something ever happened to him. I hope you don’t mind, but I already read it,” she said while pulling the letter out of a drawer.
“I’ll read it later. Right now, I just want to concentrate on you.”
“It’s important, Eric. This type of information could change your entire life. He never even told me this. I know why. I would have told you about it immediately.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Read it, and find out for yourself.”
“Dear, Eric, I’m writing this just in case something happens to me, and I never get the opportunity to tell you something that’s been weighing on me for a long time. I don’t even know if it’s right for me to tell you this because it isn’t my place to, but I think you deserve to know a couple of things. The first involves Olivia. A few years ago, we started talking from time to time. It was mainly about you. She loved you so much. She never came out and said it, but I know she wanted it to be you instead of Richard. In the past, I took the stance that you shouldn’t steal a man’s wife, but I was ignorant to all the facts. As Olivia got to know me, she told me a secret that she was contemplating telling you one day. I was never supposed to repeat it, but I can’t let you get robbed of knowing the truth. She told me that she visited you while she was dating Richard. She had some of the best days and nights of her life with you there. That’s not all she got from there, though. You got Olivia pregnant, Eric. When she figured that out, she knew she had to break up with Richard, no matter what she had told Emmitt she would do. She was determined to be with you. Olivia sat Richard down to tell him the truth, but she led with the wrong words. She said ‘Richard, I’m pregnant,’ and before she could tell him the rest, he started celebrating. He loved the idea of being a dad. It was all he had at that point. All of his other dreams had been crushed. In that moment, she remembered how you reacted when you got her pregnant in high school. You weren’t happy about it. She feared that you wouldn’t be again. Olivia made a hasty decision. She decided to let a man who wanted to be her son’s father be just that. Then she distanced herself from you. Olivia thought she was doing the right thing. You had a life in Miami, and a baby might ruin that. On the other hand, all Richard had was her and that baby. She couldn’t crush your dreams or his, so she let him think what he wanted.
After she told me all of this, I begged her to tell you. She wouldn’t, though, and I swore I would never reveal her secret. It wasn’t mine to tell, but I’m telling it now. You’re a father. For the last few weeks, I’ve been leaving at all hours of the day to go see your son with O
livia’s permission. He thinks I’m just some friend of his mom’s, and I know I wasn’t your father, but I always felt like I was. I consider that kid my grandson. I know Kristen is probably starting to wonder where I disappear to, but I don’t know how to tell her this. If I do, she’ll reveal everything, and I’m hoping that Olivia does the right thing soon. Obviously that hasn’t been the case because you’re reading this right now.
Finally, there’s one more thing I want to tell you. It’s simple. I love you, and all I’ve ever wanted for you, son, is to see you happy. Every time that girl is in the room, you light up. I know she’s your happiness, not that girl in Miami. If this is my last wish, then I’m going to use it. I wish for you to find a way to be happy, no matter what that means. If that’s by burning this letter and pretending that you have no son, then do it, but I know you better than that. You want the life you could have with Olivia. Go get it. It’s wrong to break up a marriage, but I think you can live with it, and I know I can live with being the one who told you to do it.
I’ll see you again some day. Take care of my wife for me until then. I love Kristen in the same way you love Olivia. Never let her feel lonely, and most importantly, don’t let your Aunt Kristen feel unloved. Thank you. I know you’ll be there for her. I love you, son.”
I laid the letter down on the end table and turned toward my aunt.
“What are you going to do?” she asked me.
“I’m going to concentrate on you right now and figure all that out later.”
“No, I want you to give it some thought tonight. I never knew your uncle was keeping something like that from us. I’m sure it weighed on him heavily. I can’t imagine what it was like to keep something like that inside. I think you owe it to him and yourself to take a little time to decide what you want to do.”
I nodded and hugged her. Then we went off to our bedrooms. I lay there and stared up at the ceiling. I didn’t know what to think. Why had Olivia kept something so important from me, and what did I want to do about it? It was all too much for me. Between my uncle’s death and the news I had just received, it felt like my mind was on overdrive. Finally, though, I fell asleep.
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