by Helen Brooks
Guilt? a nasty little voice in her head said tauntingly. Could it mean guilt? He had never got over the way he felt he had let his sister down; perhaps this morning hadn’t really been about her, Kay Sherwood, so much as demons from the past?
The four of them were still sitting talking when Georgia and Emily came padding downstairs, the little girls’ transparent delight at seeing Mitchell causing Kay further misgivings. They adored him, she told herself helplessly as she watched the girls clamber onto his lap. And he was so good with them.
It was mid-morning when Mitchell rose to his feet and took Kay’s hand. ‘Go and get your coat,’ he said quietly. ‘We’re going for a drive and lunch somewhere after I’ve phoned a guy I know to come and fix the window.’
‘It’s a Sunday.’ Kay stared at him in surprise. ‘No one works on a Sunday.’
‘He’ll come.’ Mitchell turned to Henry and Leonora. ‘You two okay to hold the fort for a while?’
‘Of course,’ said Leonora eagerly, too eagerly, clearly delighted by events.
‘Can we come?’ Georgia asked immediately.
‘Not this time, honey, okay? But I promise we’ll go somewhere nice soon,’ Mitchell said gently.
‘Can we see the ducks again?’
This was obviously considered the ultimate in nice. Mitchell smiled, ruffling the small head of curls as he said, ‘I don’t see why not.’
Oh, please, God, make all this turn out right, Kay prayed as she fetched her coat, not even stopping to check her hair or put any make-up on. If I’m not what he wants, if he can’t break free of the past, don’t let my girls be hurt.
As they walked towards the car Mitchell took her hand and Kay found she couldn’t speak at all, but her fingers wound themselves round his. She felt in her bones what he was going to say would either make or break them, and she didn’t have any idea which way it would go.
‘I’ve finished racing at the circuit.’
It was the very last thing in all the world she had expected him to say, and now, as she slid into the car, she stared up at him as he stood holding the door open for her.
‘For good?’ she asked after a moment or two.
‘Oh, yes, Kay, for good.’
She nodded, her heart beginning to thud harder. ‘I’m glad.’
‘I’m glad you’re glad.’
‘Mitchell—’
‘Not yet, Kay. I want to talk to you, really talk to you somewhere quiet where there’s just the two of us.’ He shut the door, walking round the bonnet and climbing into the driver’s seat. ‘There’s a pub I know that serves excellent Sunday lunch not too far from here and you don’t have to book.’ He glanced at her, his eyes crystal-clear. ‘We can be there by twelve after I’ve said what I need to say first.’
Kay nodded. ‘Fine.’ Fine? What a stupid thing to say when she was so nervous she knew she would never be able to eat again in the whole of her life.
He drove out of the town and into the country and he didn’t say a word as the powerful car ate up the miles. They had been travelling for about twenty minutes when he pulled off the road and into a gateway that overlooked a valley still white with snow. It was beautiful, tranquil and sweepingly majestic, the trees stark and bare against the pale world surrounding them. A few lone birds were flying overhead but otherwise everything was still, a frozen world captured in time.
She sat staring straight ahead for a moment as the engine died, and then she forced herself to turn her head and look at him, knowing he was staring intently at her.
She saw a muscle clench in his jaw as he looked into her eyes. ‘We both said a lot of things when we first met.’ He said quietly. ‘Do you remember?’
Did she remember? They had haunted her ever since. ‘What sort of things?’ she murmured warily, still terribly unsure of where he was coming from.
He gave a short, mirthless laugh. ‘Stupid things.’ He raked back his hair, the action impatient but at the same time carrying a hint of nervousness. ‘And yet not so stupid because I thought that was how I felt at the time, that I would never—’ He stopped abruptly. ‘What I mean is, until then—’
He paused again and Kay stared at him in disbelief. Mitchell, controlled, concise Mitchell, ruthless and focused and as to the point as a sharp blade, struggling for words? Somehow it was more illuminating than anything that had happened that morning.
‘What are you trying to say?’ she whispered weakly, knowing it had to come from him. If what she was daring to hope was true, it had to start now, properly, for it to have any chance at all.
‘I love you, Kay,’ he said grimly.
She looked at him, a tiny part of her mind that seemed to be working separately from the rest of her pointing out that even in declaring himself Mitchell had to be different from other men. He had spoken more as though he were pronouncing a death sentence on her, rather than giving her the one thing in all the world she really wanted.
‘I know you don’t feel the same, not yet, and I can understand that,’ he said quickly as she remained stock-still just staring at him, her mind racing as she still didn’t dare let the hope run free. ‘But one of the things we said when we first met was that if either party wanted the situation to change, one way or the other, they had to say. Well, I’m saying, Kay. I’ve had a bellyful of going softly, softly, and this last episode with those ba—’ he stopped short, taking a deep breath before he continued ‘—with those men this morning was the final straw. I need you to know how I feel. I need to be able to have the right to strangle scum like those two because they dared to come anywhere near the woman of my heart,’ he finished angrily.
Kay stared at his dark, furious face and thought she had never loved him so much as in this moment.
‘Kay, I want a future for us,’ he continued with barely a pause, his chest rising and falling with the force of his emotion. ‘I want—oh, I want the lot, I guess. But I won’t rush you, I’ll keep to that—’ And then, as though to disprove the last words, he said, ‘Say something, damn it.’
Oh, Mitchell. She swallowed, fighting back the tears as she said, ‘You…you’re sure? I mean, really sure? There’s the girls…’
‘More sure than I’ve ever been of anything in the whole of my life.’ He was looking at her intently now, his face changing as he took in her trembling mouth. ‘I want you in my life for ever, I want a ring on your finger to keep the other wolves off and to let them know that you are mine. Is that chauvinistic?’
‘Probably.’ Tears had spilled out of her eyes now but she smiled tremulously.
He reached out a wondering hand and touched a glittering tear as it hung on an eyelash. ‘Does this mean you care a little?’ he asked shakily.
He looked big and dark and handsome as he sat looking at her uncertainly, his jet-black hair in stark contrast to the piercing silvery-blue eyes, and she wondered what she had ever done to deserve the love of this man. Because it was there, shining in his eyes. He was letting her see it and it filled her heart with such joy she could hardly breathe.
‘I’ve loved you for the whole of my life,’ she whispered, ‘long before I knew you. When I first saw you, something happened inside and it scared me to death. I tried to tell myself it was all sorts of things but it grew and grew and finally I had to admit it was love. A forever love. But you didn’t want me like that…’
‘Oh, my love, my love.’ His voice was thick as he took her into his arms, pulling her against the wall of his chest as he nuzzled into her hair.
‘I tried not to fall in love with you, so hard, but it happened right from the first,’ she said, her voice muffled against his overcoat. ‘But you had had so many women, beautiful women.’
‘I never loved one of them.’ His voice was soft above her head. ‘I liked some more than others but they never stirred my heart. If I’m honest, until I met you I didn’t want to acknowledge there could be anything beyond sexual attraction between a man and a woman and I didn’t have to. Then you came along, and…’
>
He hesitated, and she said, ‘Yes? Tell me,’ as she raised her head, kissing the corner of his hard mouth, still unable to believe she could do that freely now.
‘I had always told myself that my father didn’t love my mother towards the end, that she had burnt his love out,’ he said huskily, the words being forced up from some dark place within him. ‘It was the only way I could come to terms with an essentially good man like he was loving a woman like her. I told myself he stayed with her because he believed in family, that misguidedly he thought having a father and mother was more important than splitting us up. But deep down I knew it wasn’t true, and that’s what I’ve been fighting ever since the accident. He still loved her, Kay. He sacrificed my sister—he would have sacrificed anyone—to be with her, to hang onto her. I never wanted any woman to have that sort of power over me. It filled me with abhorrence, with disgust, but mostly blind fear.’
He looked down at her, his mouth twisting. ‘Great, eh? I’m a mess, I admit it.’
‘I’ll sort you out.’ She smiled up at him, her arms going tight round his neck. ‘I promise.’
‘I believe you can.’ His voice held a note of wonder.
‘We can do anything, the two of us,’ she said, happy tears still squeezing themselves out of her eyes. ‘We can take on the whole world and win.’
‘I only want you,’ he said huskily. ‘When you told me how badly you’d been let down, how you’d fought back, taking on the responsibility of your mother and the business, even sorting your brother’s life out, I couldn’t believe that a tiny, slim little scrap like you could have that sort of fire and will-power in her. Boy, did I learn fast,’ he added wryly. ‘And more surprises were in store. I met your daughters. Daughters. And you not looking old enough to be out of pigtails at times.’
He pulled her into him again, kissing away the tears and then taking her mouth in a kiss that shook her to her very roots. His breathing was heavy when at last he lifted his head, his lips slowly leaving hers.
‘The twins, Mitchell. You don’t mind that they come with me?’ she whispered, feeling she knew the answer but needing to hear it all the same.
‘Mind?’ He kissed her again. ‘Oh, my darling, how could I mind? They’re wonderful, amazing, two miniature Kays. Georgia has all of your determination and fire, and little Emily is your other side, the vulnerable, needing reassurance, unsure part of you. Two little individual clones from one beautiful lady.’
‘They love you already.’ Her hand moved gently to his mouth again, her fingers tracing his lips. ‘Children see so much more clearly than us at times. They recognised the real Mitchell long before you let me see him.’
‘I think your mother is for me too,’ he said with some satisfaction, grinning down at her suddenly. ‘I sensed an ally in her from the very beginning.’
‘As well you might.’ She met his eyes in amusement.
‘Marry me, Kay.’
His voice was soft with a catch in it and her heart soared with the birds overhead. ‘Yes,’ she said shakily, ‘but not straight away. First we’ll get the twins used to the idea and just have some time…’
She didn’t know how to put it, and he finished for her, his face understanding, ‘Getting used to it ourselves?’
Did he know there was still just the tiniest doubt, the merest smidgen that he might find he couldn’t do the whole family thing? She didn’t know, but she was grateful he had put it the way he had. She nodded. ‘I love you, Mitchell, with all my heart,’ she said before she pulled his head down to hers.
Just so that he knew.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
‘DO I look all right, Kay? Are you sure this suit is my colour?’
‘Mum, you look fantastic. When you walk up the aisle Henry is going to be knocked sideways,’ Kay said reassuringly as she looked into her mother’s flushed, anxious face.
It was true—Leonora did look amazing in the pale cream suit and huge bridal hat with pale blue feathers waving gently over the rim.
‘Is the car here yet?’
Leonora was flapping, but then every bride had the right to be nervous on her wedding day. Kay smiled at her mother, putting out a hand and touching Leonora’s dear face before she said gently, ‘Everything’s under control, Mum. And if I hear correctly, I think the car’s just arrived.’
She hung out of the bedroom window of Ivy Cottage and, sure enough, an elegant cream Rolls complete with ribbons and driver was waiting outside, its paintwork shining in the mild December sunshine.
Leonora turned to her daughter, her voice trembling as she said, ‘The end of an era, Kay.’
‘And a great new one about to start.’
‘Your father wouldn’t have minded me marrying again, would he?’
‘Of course he wouldn’t.’ Kay took her mother into her arms, mindful of the new hat. ‘And it isn’t as if you’ve exactly rushed into it, is it? Two years you’ve kept that poor man waiting; it’s about time you made an honest man of him.’
‘Oh, Kay.’ Leonora giggled and then took a deep breath. ‘Right, I’m ready.’
The drive to the church through the slanting sunshine was very pleasant, but Leonora kept tight hold of Kay’s hand all the time. Kay could understand why. Her mother had had her own gremlins to come to terms with before she had felt she could finally commit to Henry. Kay’s father had been a good man and they had been happy most of the time, but it wasn’t until Henry had proposed to her mother some months after Mitchell had popped the question that Kay had realised how the past had affected Leonora. The uncertainty about money, which had been a constant thorn in Leonora’s flesh when she had been married before, the final catastrophic finale when she had been left with nothing due to Kay’s father’s speculating, had all taken its toll.
But Henry’s persistence had finally paid off. He wanted her as his wife, he had insisted firmly. Not as his companion or his partner or any other of the modern terms bandied about these days. He was old-fashioned, he admitted it, but he wanted a gold ring on the third finger of Leonora’s left hand and that was that.
‘I’ve never really said thank you for saving me after your father died,’ Leonora said quietly as the church came in sight.
‘Saving you?’ Kay stared at her mother. ‘I didn’t save you.’
‘Oh, yes, you did, darling.’ Leonora squeezed her daughter’s hand. ‘I was in a state, more of a state than I was willing to admit to anyone at the time. You left a secure job, a flat, all that you’d worked for for yourself and the twins after Perry left, and you came home to be with me. And you did it so sweetly. Never once did you make me feel as if you didn’t want to be there.’
‘I did want to be there, that’s why,’ Kay said softly, smiling at her mother as she added, ‘And don’t cry, not now, not when I’ve done your make-up so well.’
‘Even my meeting Henry was through you.’ Leonora gave a loud sniff and then put down the little winter posy she was carrying. ‘Have you got a tissue, darling?’
‘Oh, Mum.’ Kay grinned at her mother. ‘I do love you.’
‘And I love you.’
Then the car stopped at the little wicker gate in front of the long, winding path leading to the church door, and it was all flurry and movement for a minute as Kay helped her mother out, adjusting her hat and handing her the posy once she was on the pavement.
‘Grandma! Grandma!’ The twins had been waiting just inside the gate, holding Mitchell’s hands, and now they came dancing out, small faces aglow as they caught sight of Leonora and their mother.
Kay smiled at her husband.
They had married within six months of his proposal, a quiet summer wedding with just family present and the girls as bridesmaids, dressed in fairy-tale dresses of white muslin and pink rosebuds. It had been wonderful, magical.
Now the twins were being bridesmaids again, but this time they were in blue satin with fake fur muffs and little warm cloaks. Her mother—the most conventional of women normally—had cut with pro
tocol and insisted she wanted Kay to give her away, and with Mitchell being Henry’s best man it was a real family affair.
Kay looked at her husband now as he hurried up the church path to take his place beside Henry, ready for when they came in. She touched the round mound of her stomach briefly wherein their first child, a little boy with strong, healthy limbs, from what the scan had revealed, lay.
Mitchell had cried with joy when he had seen his son on the monitor; in fact he’d had them all crying—the doctor and herself as much with the look on his face as the wonder of the new little life growing inside her.
And it had happened at just the right time. With Henry now leaving their house to live with her mother in Ivy Cottage, and Kay just having finished work completely after making the delivery business over to Peter, lock, stock and barrel, she felt ready to become a housewife again.
It had taken a little time for her to be comfortable with the idea after she had fought so hard for a measure of independence with Perry, but life was so different with Mitchell, so absolutely wonderful and perfect and glorious, that all her faint doubts had disappeared. He loved her in a way she had never dreamt of being loved, only desiring the best for her, and she felt more treasured and cherished than any woman on earth.
“‘Perfect love casteth out fear.’” She murmured the words the minister had spoken on her wedding day, and which had stayed with her ever since.
‘What was that, dear?’
Her mother had turned to her, and now Kay said as she pushed open the gate, ‘Nothing, Mum. Come on, he’s waiting.’
They walked up the long path hand in hand, and when the wedding march sounded and Kay had ushered Georgia and Emily in front of them they still walked hand in hand to Henry and Mitchell, waiting at the end of the aisle.
The sunlight had turned the stained-glass window overlooking the altar into a spectacular backdrop, and as Kay delivered her mother into Henry’s care and took her place in the front pew her heart was full.