Forgiveness 4 You

by Ann Bauer

  “I believe,” I started gruffly, having little idea of where I’d go from there. “It is how we live that makes us who we are as humans.” Where was God, I wondered, and why wasn’t he giving me better? Especially for this man. “Did you love Divya?”

  “She was my life,” Raj said softly.

  “It is a perversity of our time, the decision you were asked to make.” Raj opened his mouth to speak, and I held up my hand. “No. I understand there were other people at stake. But two hours? For a love like yours?” I shook my head, as if I knew anything about such a love. “Not possible.” I swallowed, nervous for reasons I could not name. “That kind of love is actually more than love. It’s faith. The sort of faith you can have only if you can look past the real, the concrete, and envision celestial things.”

  There was a small, scratching noise behind the mirror, as when a bird had gotten trapped inside the vestry. In the periphery, I caught a glimpse of Madeline’s bright-colored sleeve. My face burned. The sacred trust between Raj and me had been broken.

  “You, you couldn’t,” I stammered. Then I gathered myself. “You could not imagine a world in which Divya was dead. You had faith that she would come back to you. You could see it, even while she lay there in that bed, couldn’t you?”

  Raj looked at me with hard, tear-filled eyes, and I cringed at the cruelty of this. “You still had faith in Divya’s recovery, in the life the two of you would have together. So don’t you see? It would have been wrong for you to choose her death. That …” I paused for a beat. “That would have been something to regret. Not this. Not faith. Not doing the best you could to preserve a life and a woman and a marriage that were pure and good.”

  The store had gone quiet around us. It was late, the doors locked to new customers; the other sales clerks were gathered at the front, cashing out.

  “Do you believe this is true?” Raj asked.

  “I do,” I said.

  “And if, if it were your wife?” He gestured in the direction that Madeline had gone, and I imagined her bandaged and still, a small empty form on a long white raft.

  “I hope … no, I know … I would hold the same faith. I would believe with all my heart that she’d return.”

  Madeline appeared just then, a mask of unknowing on her face. “I’m so sorry,” she said to Raj. And then—it was fleeting, but I saw—Madeline touched his left hand. “I don’t mean to be rude.”

  “Not to worry, ma’am. Your husband and I have had a chance to talk, and if we take in the waist an inch these slacks will be excellent.”

  “Perfect.” Madeline swiveled her head slowly and looked at me with her eyebrows arched. “Let’s take them. Oh, and um, sweetheart?” She held up three ties like party streamers. “Which one do you prefer?”

  Madeline paid the bill while I stood by, trying to look like a doting husband rather than a ragged and libidinous ex-priest. Raj shook her hand and then mine, clasping it for a good minute and sending me warmth like the low heat from a glowing fire. I held on a few seconds longer than he did, but whether it was to comfort him or me I could not tell.

  Madeline and I walked to the car without speaking. There was a scuffle as I tried to open her door while she was reaching to relieve me of my packages. We circled each other uselessly before laughing and each getting in our own sides. Then we rode in tense silence for a minute before Madeline cleared her throat and said, “I heard what you said to that …”

  Again, the shame of exposing Raj that way gripped me, and a combination of regret and anger rose from my gut. “Please, Madeline, don’t talk to me about how I should have ‘converted’ him into a paying customer. He was only talking because you had to take a phone call, and I don’t even think I helped him that much. I liked him! I wasn’t about to take his money. He probably …” I was about to say “makes $12 an hour,” when I remembered the two million dollars in the bank and got confused. “Just lay off, okay? Not everything is about shaking people down.”

  There was no sound for a few minutes except the tires bumping on the road. I looked over as we passed through a bank of streetlights and rain sparkling like a meteor shower. Madeline was transformed into a Picasso of sharp angles and endless eyes. The ageless woman I’d met in the bookstore was back.

  “Hey, I’m sorry.” I shifted under the packages she’d bought me, $489 worth, and felt warm with shame. “I sincerely apologize. I was just so, um, affected by his story. Usually that doesn’t happen, but this man. His wife …” I leaned back and saw again the sterile room with an unmoving woman sheathed in bandages and breathing through a machine.

  “I know,” Madeline finally said. Her voice was thick. “I agree with you. I heard enough to understand.” She swallowed and spent a couple of seconds fussily adjusting her rearview mirror. “It wasn’t like he came to you looking for something. It was almost like …” She glanced at me, a dark look, her face like a shadowed oracle in the night. “I felt more like he gave you something.” Her voice was soft and low. “Does it work that way? Sometimes?”

  “Maybe once in a hundred times,” I said. “Or less. But yeah. Sometimes it works that way.”

  Madeline stopped for a light and fanned her face with one gloved hand, despite the mean, gray, late winter wind outside. “You’re wrong,” she said in a steely voice, “when you say you didn’t help him. I can assure you that you did.”

  “I’m not so sure.” The light turned green, and we surged forward. I stared out the window as the buildings went from tall and ornate to sagging and sad. “I felt like I was … off my game.”

  “Maybe it was the shock of our sudden elopement,” Madeline said, looking straight ahead through the windshield.

  It took me a couple seconds to laugh, and when I did, I felt my shoulders un-hunch. “Yeah, that came out of nowhere. Didn’t it?”

  “Faith.” The word came out of the darkness. When I turned, I could swear there were tears gleaming in Madeline’s eyes. But she never blinked. “That’s what we all wish for, right? A relationship with one other person that’s so close, it’s like a religion.” Her last four words drifted into the cold night air.

  We rode the rest of the way in silence. But when Madeline pulled up in front of my apartment, where scraps of garbage hovered in the air, I felt another pull of sadness.

  “Thanks for the clothes,” I said as I opened my door.

  “Wear the gold tie for our meeting tomorrow, okay?”

  “Sure. Good night.” And I thought as I gathered my bags what a relief it was to be dressed by someone else again. Wandering lost in the wind and rain, as Raj had. Making no decisions. Holding on to my faith.

  March 12, 20--

  Mason & Zeus Kickoff Memo

  Client: Gabriel McKenna/M. Madeline Murray*

  Project Name: Forgiveness4You

  Job Number: 48011

  Team:

  M. Madeline Murray, Acting Account Director 150 hours

  Scott Hicks, Creative Director 125 hours

  Joy Everson, Strategist 75 hours

  Abel Dodd, Copywriter 200 hours

  Ted Roman, Interactive Media Specialist 75 hours

  Isaac Beckwith, PR consultant** TBD

  Timing:

  We’re going lightning fast on this one, with phase one deliverables (see below) to be completed in two weeks (with phase two executed by April 21). Internal check-ins will occur every day at 10 a.m. for 30 minutes; this includes Saturdays and Sundays. Please accept this recurring meeting on your KompanyKalendar system and attend daily. Our goal is to be online and in market by Easter.

  Deliverables:

  Core creative that is consistent throughout: website, two (2) animated leaderboard banner ads, four (4) static rectangular banner ads, at least one flash concept, bus shelter ads, El-train wrap, radio spot, Facebook campaign. Isaac will work with local media to secure media coverage and interviews around the time of launch.

  PLEASE SEE THE ATTACHED ADDENDUM FROM ISAAC BECKWITH

  To: Forgiveness Tea
m Highly Confidential

  Hey Team—

  It’s good to be here and I’m happy to be working with each one of you. Over the next few days, I’ll make the rounds and meet everyone individually. For now, let’s dive in.

  As some of you may be aware, there’s a papal conclave scheduled for next week.

  A little background: The papal conclave is a meeting of the College of Cardinals (I swear, that’s what they’re called) in Rome to choose a new pope. They lock themselves away in the Sistine Chapel and take secret votes until they reach a two-thirds supermajority. They can only hold one ballot on the first day. Then they can hold four on every day after that until a “final, decisive vote” is reached.

  After each voting session, they signal the result by sending either black smoke through the chimney of the Sistine Chapel—indicating that they did not reach a supermajority—or white smoke, which means that a new pope has been chosen.

  What are the takeaways from this?

  • No one does branding like the Catholic Church.

  • People are addicted to ritual and certainty.

  • The more mysterious and magical the process the better.

  These are things to keep in mind as we develop the look and feel of Forgiveness4You. We’re not basing it on the Catholic religion, per se, but take what works. The Church has been operating successfully (and profitably) for 2,000 years.

  I’ll be monitoring the situation in Rome to gauge its usefulness to us. Best case, they elect a regressive pope who alienates more Catholics and broadens our potential client base. Worst case, they elect an American liberal who looks and talks like our guy. Whatever it is, I think we can leverage the results in Rome to our benefit.

  Remember, you’re talking to no one outside the F4Y war room about any of this.

  Thanks~

  IB

  From: Joy Everson

  To: Jill Everson

  Dear Mom—

  I’m attaching a note that came from our PR consultant, who is this gorgeous gay guy from Texas weirdly named Isaac. Basically, it says we’re going to leverage the election of a pope to help market Forgiveness4You.

  Did I tell you that’s the name we chose? And I doubt anyone remembers this, but it was mine. We were in one of those brainstorms where everyone’s supposed to “think out loud” and say whatever comes to them. Madeline had already written Forgiveness.com on the white board and then someone suggested we put a letter in, like U. So she wrote ForgiveU, which sounded like a University to me. But I didn’t say so because “There are no bad ideas in brainstorms.” Then I thought, what about a number? Like you use in texting. So I said, “How about Forgiveness4You, with a number 4 and a capital Y?” and she wrote that on the board.

  Then we voted—which means everyone got sticky dots to put on their favorites. And after it was done, mine looked like a sunburst, with all these dots clustered around it. Scott told me later that if I was a consultant to Mason & Zeus, instead of an employee, I could bill $10,000 just for coming up with that name.

  Anyway, I’m curious what you think of Isaac’s note, which by the way taught me some things about papal elections that I never learned in Sunday school. I know you and Daddy are hoping for some liberal pope who’s going to sanction birth control and gay marriage (and I am, too). But Scott says that would actually be bad for us because it’s all the retro rules of Catholicism that make people leave the church, and then they become prime customers for us. I mean, Isaac said that in his note, but it’s Scott who really explained it to me over dinner last night. We had to work late together, and he used his company AmEx to order from this really nice restaurant that even delivered a bottle of White Burgundy. It was divine.

  I’m sorry I won’t get home for Easter this year, but I’ll be working nonstop.

  Love,

  Joy

  P.S. Scott is technically still married, but he’s going to get a divorce as soon as he figures out the financial aspects. His wife is a terrible housekeeper, and she doesn’t pull her weight (i.e. make much money), and he said she’s an okay mom but they don’t agree on things like Magenta’s bedtime. He’s definitely not happy and planning to leave her as soon as possible, but he has to wait for the right time. I feel bad for him. But even though he’s so unhappy at home, he’s great to work with and always really funny. I know you’ll love him when you meet him on your next visit!

  From: Jill Everson

  To: Joy Everson

  Hi honey—

  I’m so proud of you for coming up with the name Forgiveness 4You, which is hard to type but very clever.

  However, I read Mr. Beckwith’s note and must say I’m a little peeved. No one does branding like the Catholic Church? I assume he’s talking about traditions that go back to the time of Jesus Christ. And I wouldn’t say I’m exactly “addicted” to the rituals of the church. I happen to believe in them! Well, most of them. The black smoke and white smoke is a little silly, but it’s probably something that started back before anyone had phones.

  Your father and I struggle with many of the teachings of the Catholic Church. That’s why we go to St. Ann’s and volunteer on their diversity committee. We’re going door to door with a petition that will be sent to this new pope, whoever he is, asking for him to lift the ban on birth control—especially in third-world countries where they have so many babies and everyone is starving to death. But we’re still, in our hearts, Catholic. And we raised you that way, too.

  I know I didn’t say all this the last time you wrote, but I was busy getting ready for this trip (which is wonderful, by the way; we’re staying in a hotel with a spa!). Later, when I was on the plane and had time to think about it, I decided charging people for confessions is simply wrong. I know that wasn’t your idea, sweetheart, so I’m not blaming you. And we all have to do things in our jobs that we don’t agree with. Just be aware.

  Are you dating the married man who named his daughter after a crayon?

  Love,

  Mom

  March 13, 20--

  Transcript from the Red Oak Private Equity meeting at Mason & Zeus: Called to order, 9:09 a.m.

  BOB GREEN: Good morning. Thanks to all of you for coming. Thanks to Mason & Zeus for hosting us. Great coffee. Where’d you get that?

  MADELINE MURRAY: Intelligentsia.

  GREEN: Beautiful. I think we owned them once. So, moving on, let’s do a quick round of introductions, just so everyone knows who’s who. I’m Bob Green, equity partner at Red Oak Private Equity, which we like to call ROPE.

  MURRAY: M. Madeline Murray, CEO of Mason & Zeus Advertising.

  JIM LYNCH: Jim Lynch, founder and equity partner of ROPE.

  AMY SEE: Amy See, MBA, CPA, business analyst with ROPE.

  ISAAC BECKWITH: I’m Isaac Beckwith, PR consultant to Mason & Zeus.

  CANDY JOHANSSEN: Candy Johanssen, receptionist at Mason & Zeus. I’m just here to take the minutes.

  KATHERINE SEATON: Kat Seaton, sitting in for my husband, Rick, equity partner with ROPE. Rick is recovering from knee surgery.

  GREEN: Give Rick our best. And, last but not least?

  GABRIEL MCKENNA: Uh, Gabe McKenna. I’m, um …

  MURRAY: Gabe is our partner in a new business concept, working name—Bob, have we had everyone sign a confidentiality agreement?

  GREEN: Yes, which was highly unusual. If we own something, we’re generally free to …

  BECKWITH: Sorry, that was just a precaution. Mr. McKenna isn’t specifically bound to us—to you—just yet. And his new platform is so revolutionary, we felt it would be a disservice to him if we didn’t offer protection for his intellectual property.

  GREEN: Understood. And we’re all eager to hear about this revolutionary new idea. But before we start, let’s do some level setting. Okay? When we got involved with Mason & Zeus it was represented as a quick turnaround investment, eighteen months max. Margins were incredibly good, and we were going to turn around and sell to Publicis. Amy, do you want to step in here and hel
p us understand how that all turned to shit?

  SEE: It appears the margin on one account, Grain Farmers Bank, had been inflated due to a balloon payment that year. And my own forensic examination shows recordkeeping was hit-and-miss in the years prior, leaving the impression that Mason & Zeus was far more profitable than it actually turned out to be.

  GREEN: Thank you, Amy. What she’s saying, in a very nice way, is that fraud was committed, and the CEO who perpetrated it is gone, serving a little time on a playground they call prison. But that leaves us here, with a company we can’t sell that doesn’t make us enough money to warrant four of us sitting here in this room.

  MURRAY: Thank you, Bob. I think that recap helped everyone here get up to speed. And I want to assure you—that’s exactly why we’ve asked you here today. We have an idea that may spark a new revenue stream. That’s where Gabe …

  LYNCH: But does this fall under the company’s charter? You can open a strip club in the office and generate money that way, but it won’t make your advertising agency any more valuable on the general market.

  BECKWITH: That’s the beauty of this. If we could just turn our attention to Mr. McKenna and his breakthrough concept. I think you’ll see that we can function as his public representatives in a way that’s consistent with the mission of Mason & Zeus. But at the same time, we’ve entered into an arrangement that will give us a sizable stake and income stream from his activities.

  GREEN: And exactly what are his activities?

  MURRAY: Gabe is … I mean he was … a priest. And since leaving the priesthood he’s been counseling people ad hoc. He’s been forgiving their sins, ministering to their souls, sending them on healed. And he’s doing all this pro bono, without representation. But we believe there’s a sound business model here. People are busy. They don’t have time to go to church! Oh, they might show up on Christmas Eve or Mother’s Day when the place is so packed they can barely get in the door. But regular weekly attendance? That’s really old school.