“You do something stupid and I have to explain to the authorities about your mental condition.”
Arriana flipped her the bird. “No, I take matters into my own hands and then...well, then things go south.”
At her sister’s raised brow, Lyza finally noticed that her phone was no longer on the coffee table. No, the bitch had it in her hand and was whistling like they were on a Sunday morning stroll in the Hamptons. “Arriana, I swear by all that is good in this world, that if you do what I know you’re thinking about doing, I will end you.”
Arriana’s slow grin put her on edge. “And yet we both know I’m about to do it anyway.”
Lyza leaped off the couch and launched herself at her twin. Sadly, she forgot to account for the coffee table and ended up sprawled over it as her sister danced merrily out of reach. Righting herself, she skirted the table only to end up chasing Arriana down the hall in time to have the bathroom door slammed and locked in her face.
“Arri, whatever you are doing, don’t. Isn’t it bad enough that the flesh of my ass is intimately acquainted with the grain of wood on the conference room table? Please, just let this go.”
“Oh, okay Lyz, just let me leave this quick message and I’ll be right out… Hello, I’d like to speak with Maxxon Thigpen please. Oh yes I’ll hold...”
Lyza could not believe the way her sister dropped her voice to sound even more like herself. She’d thought at most Arri would fire off a text message. She had no clue the crazy bird would actually call Maxxon and pretend to be her. Storming away from the door, she made her way to the kitchen where she dove under the sink for her toolbox.
After rifling through it for a moment she grabbed the small hammer and screwdriver, and marched down the hall, intent on removing her own bathroom door.
“Mamma and Daddy aren’t the only ones who can take off doors,” she muttered as she set to work, keeping her ears trained to the sound of Arri humming softly along with the hold music.
“Lyza, you realize that by the time you get that door off, I’ll have made my escape out the window, right?”
Lyza just worked faster...
“Yes, oh Maxxon’s at lunch? Well could you just leave him a message to call Lyza please, then patch me through to Jeb?”
Almost there... Almost there...
“Hey Jeb, its Arriana... Yeah yeah yeah, we’ll talk about that later. Since when does your brother go OUT for lunch?”
Lyza listened while Arri spoke animatedly to Maxxon’s younger brother. “Well I was gonna call and pretend to be Lyza and invite Maxxon to come ravish me, but oh yeah, I did hear you say... Wow, really? Well, I mean I should be free for lunch today.”
Lyza couldn’t believe this. She pulled the final bolt free and moved the door just in time to see Arriana diving head first, from her bathroom window. She lunged for the window just in time to have her sister’s feet slide outside.
She heard a small thump as Arri landed on what appeared to be a pile of pillows. “YOU planned to go out my bathroom window?!”
“What was that, Jeb? I’m sorry, Lyza is yelling in the bathroom. I think she is in the shower dreaming about Maxxon.”
“When I get my hands on you...” Lyza snarled.
“Hey, let me call you back when I get on the road, okay?” Arri shut the phone, then turned to look up at her sister. “Yes, I planned on going out the window. Why else would I borrow the cushions from your neighbor’s lawn furniture? Here crybaby, take your phone. I’m gonna meet Jeb and plot your engagement party.”
“You might as well plan your own wedding, because I am calling Daddy and telling him that Jeb had you talking in tongues while he was speaking in clit.”
“Yeah, well you do that. At least one of us will be satisfied,” Arri taunted before tossing Lyza’s phone toward the window. “And for God’s sake, when that man calls you back, think about me and my need for minions and your obvious need to get dicked down.”
“Some days I can’t stand you.”
“What’s that you say? You want to know about my meat curtains?”
Lyza gave up as her sister hopped the neighbor’s fence and made her way across the yard to yet another fence, all the while humming the theme to Mission Impossible.
What the Hell? Why the Hell?
Life was truly taking a turn for the worse if a man couldn’t sit and enjoy some good barbecue and a sweet iced tea without thinking about how much of a fuck-up he was. No, there was truly no sauce good enough or baby backs tender enough to take Maxxon’s mind off of his ability to go from calm to acting like a puppy who’d just discovered it could lick its own balls. He almost laughed at the analogy...almost.
Sadly, there was really nothing to smile about at the moment. As a matter of fact there had been nothing to smile at for the past few days. It all started when he realized Lyza wasn’t in the office, and her absence snowballed—one day turned into two, and then two into three.
Maxxon sighed as he headed for his office. While feeling her up had been a much-appreciated experience, the last thing he wanted was make her feel that uncomfortable. But no matter how many times he tried to apologize, she wouldn’t answer his calls or texts. Yep, he was a fuck-up. He hadn’t finished mentally kicking his own ass when his brother’s office door swung open. Giggles poured out before Lyza...no not Lyza, he realized—Arriana stumbled out of Jeb’s door with his brother’s hands reaching after her.
She slapped them away. “Cut it out. Lunch break is over and I have work to do.”
“I’m not done working you.” Though Jeb had spoken softly, Maxxon heard the comment loud and clear, and was disgusted. He cleared his throat and they both jerked, wide-eyed, in his direction.
Jeb gave him his best innocent look. “Well, hello there, big brother. Arri and I were just finishing lunch. Right Arri?” Jeb nudged his partner in sexual crimes.
She nodded. “Yup. Lunch. We had it and it was good.”
Maxxon’s brow rose ever so slightly before he said, “Arri...Jeb’s tie is still dangling from one wrist.”
Sighing, she took it off said wrist and handed it over her shoulder to Jeb.
“Jeb your shirt is inside out. Also, Arri you’re missing an earring and—”
“We get the point!” Jeb snapped.
“Don’t get pissy because you two suck at sneaking around,” Maxxon said.
His little brother snorted. “I’m not pissy. As a matter of fact I’m in the best of moods.”
“You smell like Arri.”
“This is precisely why I’m in the best of moods.” Jeb grinned full and wide.
Maxxon rolled his eyes. “You’re an idiot.”
“Says you.”
“Okay then,” Arri said. “Watching you two talk has been interesting and something I think I should document and send to National Geographic, but uh...I gotta go.”
She reached around Jeb. Maxxon thought it was to close the office door but from the way his brother jumped and she winked, he was sure she’d just pinched Jeb’s ass.
His lip curled. “Eeuw.”
Arri rolled her eyes. “Hater.” She bumped shoulders with him as she passed and he was left to stare at Jeb.
“You two are gross.”
“You’re upset because I’m doing exactly what you wish you were doing.”
“And that would be what exactly?” Maxxon found himself actually interested in the answer.
Jeb grinned again, his eyes bright. “Actually living my wet dream.” With that his brother trekked back into his office and closed the door, but not before he had the displeasure of listening to him let out a satisfied sigh. “Eeuw.”
With a shake of his head and a prayer to keep his lunch down, Maxxon made his way to his own office where he proceeded to close the door and pout. The weekend was nearing and Lyza still hadn’t returned to the office. He’d received her notice that she was taking a few days off, which if he were honest, he should have expected. What he hadn’t expected was the notice on his desk stat
ing that Lyza had called and she would be working from home for the next week as well.
While it was a perk offered to all senior editors, it was one that very few opted to take unless some major life event was going on.
That Lyza, who’d never even taken so much as half a day off prior to their little interlude, would do so now rankled. There was no doubt she was avoiding him. Sighing, Maxxon dropped his head back on his chair and spun in a quick circle to clear his head. God, he couldn’t believe he’d fucked up like that. Sure the sexual tension between him and Lyza had been strong for a while. But in truth, despite their titles and job descriptions being the same, he was her boss. He’d just put them in the most amazing predicament. If his plan didn’t work out and Lyza ended up hating him, she could easily file on him for sexual harassment. And I haven’t even begun to “sexually harass” her.
He was in the midst of setting off another swift chair-spin when his door opened. Stopping with his back to the door, Maxxon kept his eyes closed and willed himself into a more professional and grown-up demeanor.
The smooth velvet of the voice that washed over him caused his pulse to quicken and his cock to thicken.
“Don’t be sitting over there with your back to me thinking about how good I sound and how much you want me.”
Maxxon shook his head, a slight smile playing at the corners of his sad mouth. His cock relaxed. “What do you want, Arri?”
“You know you thought it was Lyza.”
“Nope, I still smell my brother all over you.”
“What? I just sprayed two whole cans of air freshener.”
Maxxon laughed and spun his chair to face the little sister he’d always wanted.
“You know you and Jeb are perfect for each other. I can’t wait till you guys get married and go on your honeymoon.”
“Why? Are you excited about all the nieces and nephews I’m gonna get him pregnant with?”
“Actually no, I am terrified by the thought of the spawn the two of you will produce, but I am excited about the rest and relaxation I’ll get with both of you gone for a month or two.”
“Whatever. Listen we need to talk. This means I need to talk, you need to listen, take notes, and then take action.”
Maxxon sat forward and steepled his fingers to indicate he was ready.
“Dude, my sister has the hots for you. You have the hots for my sister. I need minions, so you need to get busy. Now, here is what we’re gonna do: you’re going home and you’re gonna resign and she’ll be so upset that you felt bad enough to quit that she’s gonna find you and cuss you out. You shut her up by kissing her and then you drag her to your lair.”
At this point in her little speech Arriana raised her hand. “Spare me the details. I don’t want to know about how many ways y’all turn each other out but take her like Grant took Richmond and then she can take you like Obama took the presidency. Bada-bing bada-boom, she’ll be Mrs. Lyza Buchannan, hyphen, your name, and I can get my first minion in like, what month is it now—September? Maybe right in time for some summer fun.”
Maxxon quirked an eyebrow. “Arri, the last time I listened to you I got cussed out before getting so close to Valhalla I honestly thought I’d died. Now, not only am I worried about a lawsuit, I can’t even talk to her. Before your plan she at least acknowledged me. We had conversations. We argued over books. NOW she won’t even come into the office.”
“Okay, okay, so my first plan didn’t exactly completely work, but DUDE we got her, she was wiggling under you like...like... like—okay, I can’t think about it or I’ll puke but she waaaaaanted you. I heard her talking to herself! SHE WANTS YOU. C’MON MAXXON, don’t be a punk. THIS IS WAR.”
Maxxon sighed knowing he would go along with whatever hare-brained ass idea his brother’s girlfriend had cooked up, and knowing also that he was going to, at some point, wish he had locked his office door.
“Does my brother know you’re in here, and where is he now?”
“Dude, we talked about this at lunch and I left him in his office with a goofy grin on his face.”
“One more request.”
Arriana sighed heavily and rolled her eyes. “What?”
“Two phases. One, you tell your sister it’s you funneling all those shit stories to her department, and two, stop talking about me when you’re having sex with my brother.”
“Firstly, why would I tell the truth and set myself up for an ass-whooping? Not that she can whoop my ass. Second, we don’t talk about you WHILE we are having sex. I keep your brother’s mouth occupied.” She winked at him before laying out her latest plan to get him and her sister well and truly TOGETHER.
Sometimes a Good Cuss-out is Needed
I want to part your silky meat curtains with my pulsing fuckstick.—Maxxon
Today was the day. Today she would kill Maxxon Thigpen. Her conscience and her rage had just finished a deep discussion about it, deciding they were both entitled to the way they felt. Her rage was in rare form—a storm so powerful it could make a twister seem like light rain was brewing just beneath the surface.
Her conscience was the shocker though. The damn thing had simply nodded, shrugged, and said, “Go forth and kill.” So she would. She would take his heart out through his face, get it bronzed and keep it as a trophy because yes, it was completely necessary and no, she was not being irrational. This time Maxxon had gone too far. She’d received his little gift and now he would receive her—a grade A-one hundred percent-no holds barred-takes no prisoners-I’m about to kill everybody in the vicinity-slobber knocking-ass whooping because clearly he didn’t understand who she was.
Since he didn’t understand who she was, Lyza would have to show him by breaking his trachea in three places, and using his balls as a new hood ornament. “Yeah, motherfucker, it’s on now,” she muttered, kicking in the door to his office, all prepared to take a superhuman leap and start in on the ass whooping when she noticed it was empty. So empty in fact that she could swear she saw a tumbleweed blow through. The only things left were bare shelves, an empty desk and chair. Well those things and a piece of paper sitting on said desk. Because she was nosy, she picked it up and the more she read the more that storm brewing rage grew until she felt almost...calm. No, not calm. She felt resigned to Maxxon’s fate.
***
The knocking didn’t surprise him. It was the pure undiluted rage rolling off her in waves that did. Having stopped in his work out to answer her knocks which sounded like the police, Maxxon stood and watched Lyza as she paced and raged. Then she paced and raged some more.
“You resigned? Like you had a right to resign? And to add insult to injury you sent me this?!” Stomping back to him she slapped her hand into his chest, leaving behind a small note.
With his curiosity piqued, he looked at the note and then slowly blinked back up at her. “Lyza, I...”
“Shut up! Don’t even think about saying anything after that bullshit! You wanna part my meat curtains with your fuckstick? What’s next Maxxon? Sloppy wet fuckhole or juicy—”
He was across the room so fast, and had her in his grasp so quick, that all she could do was let out a small squeak before his mouth was on hers. The kiss was every bit as angry as she had been when she stormed into the office. Her hands slapped against his shoulders—trying to push him away, he guessed. In the next instant they were pulling him closer, running through his hair as his tongue pushed against hers.
Nothing on Earth compared to the way her body melted into his at that moment, or the way she raked her nails ever so lightly over his scalp. Damn, did she just make his leg shake like when you scratch a puppy’s happy spot? Yep, that was exactly what just happened. Pulling back he stared down at her and said one word, “Quiet.”
To his surprise Lyza just stared back, her eyes wide and whispered, “Okay.”
Well, that was new. What was he supposed to do now? Something suddenly occurred to him. He had Lyza, outside of work, staring at him like he was sex on a plate, and appa
rently awaiting his next move. What the fuck was he waiting for? Ever so slowly, he grabbed the collar of her T-shirt and pulled her until they were chest to chest before saying in a low voice, “Do you have any idea what I’m about to do to you?”
She bit her lip and shook her head, staring at his mouth. Maxxon pressed his lips directly to her ear. “I’m going to fuck you until you’re walking bowlegged and pigeon-toed at the same time. Then I’m going to fuck you some more. When you get up tomorrow, your voice will be hoarse from screaming my name—the right name—and when I finally do decide to let you off your back, sides, stomach, or up from my lap, every time you even think about today, you won’t have a choice but to call me to take care of the ache that is going to build.”
Talking Dirty Page 2