“What’s up with your mom giving y’all black names? I met your whole family at the wedding and I didn’t see any evidence of even a remotely mulatto back ground.”
It seemed that more than one guest at the party was really interested in the answer. Arriana would swear later that it was like someone had bumped the record player at a house party. Even the crickets stopped chirping.
Jeb and Maxxon looked at each other before grins split their faces. “You didn’t meet my grandmother, though. The lady was one pistol of a woman who didn’t tolerate anything. Some called her eccentric but Agatha just believed that one should challenge the world and its views. You know all those studies about how a person’s name can make people judge them before meeting them? Make them assume certain things? Well Agatha is probably at the heart of those studies. She said when she named each of us she was giving us the ability to change the world’s perception. People would assume that our Afro-centric names would define us. We would have the ability to prove them wrong about ourselves and about others. She also named our godbrothers.” Jeb pointed at two tall, handsome African American men and their wives.
“Oh my God, your grandma named them Tanner and Toliver?” Arri asked.
“Yes. She said she wanted them to be afforded the same sort of opportunities we had before people had a chance to look at them and decide they weren’t good enough.” Maxxon answered.
At that point Maxxon’s mother sneaked up and wrenched on Jeb’s ear. “Boy, you stop all that fibbing, Grandma Agatha didn’t have a real reason behind your names other than she and her best friend thought it would be funny as shit.”
Maxxon couldn’t help it, he laughed and he laughed hard. “Mom, Jeb’s been spinning that story since junior high, and it’s worked for all four of us.”
“You used that line to pick up girls,” their mother interrupted.
“We all did. It worked better for Tanner and Toliver though. You wouldn’t believe how the girls fell for it,” Jeb retorted.
“Wait ‘til I tell your father.”
“Who do you think helped us come up with it?” Maxxon chuckled.
Arri just stood staring before clearing her throat. “You willingly let your mother give your kids outlandish names?” she asked of Miriam
“Oh, I wouldn’t say it was willingly. See, I named Tanner and Toliver as their mom was my very best friend. And Agatha thought I’d robbed them of their Afro-centric birthright by giving them such staid Anglo names so when these two yahoos came along...well, she insisted she balance the scales.”
Arri didn’t know what to believe. Three identical smiles were twitching at her. “You’re kidding again, right?”
Miriam couldn’t stop the laugh that sputtered off her lips. “No really okay, okay. There is no story behind the names. I just happened to like them and so that’s what they got named. Could be my best friend was black, could be I had an ulterior motive but really they popped in my head and that was that. But I’ll admit Jeb’s li’l pick-up speech has some weight to it.”
Jeb opened his mouth to reply but in that moment baby Jaxxon chose to showcase the most predominant trait he’d inherited from his parents—his potty mouth.
“Mamma said Unca Jeb likes your meat curtains!” he said seriously, both his hands on either side of Arriana’s face as he stared studiously into her eyes with his own hazel ones. He bobbed his head up and down to emphasize his statement, causing his unruly little curls to bounce to and fro.
Whatever anyone had been expecting, that wasn’t it. The whole backyard stood still while Jeb and Maxxon turned twelve different shades of red.
“Do you like meat curtains, Daddy? What are meat curtains? I don’t have meat curtains; my curtains are made wif choo choo twains,”Jaxxon continued.
Arriana couldn’t help it, she sank to the ground in laughter as Lyza rushed forward and snatched her son away, shooting death rays at every snickering face.
Maxxon began to whistle and Jeb became suddenly interested in one of the helium balloons that had broken free and was floating toward the bright blue sky.
Maxxon looked at his wife’s retreating back and said, “See? I told you about all that talking dirty in front of him!”
The crowd could only laugh as Lyza turned around and mouthed a hearty “EFF YOU” over Jaxxon’s head.
Maxxon only smiled wider and tucked his hand into the pockets of his jeans as he rocked back on his heels and laughed. “Yup, as soon as everyone goes home.”
** Drea & Nikki**
About the Authors
Dréa Riley can always be found one of two favorite places; the kitchen or the computer. A relaxing time for her would be concocting a delicious dish while connecting with her coterie online. Whenever something off the wall happens, Dréa will most likely be found in the middle of it, trying to look innocent and usually failing. With a heart bigger than the Grand Canyon and a mouth more lethal than an injection, this diva might save the world and cuss it out at the same time. This steak-loving sister always finds a way to juggle work, reading, and sleep. She channels the support from her family, friends, and fans into her sitcom lifestyle and stories.
[email protected]
When Nikki wrote her first story in the tenth grade, she knew without a doubt she was destined for greatness. Now if she could just convince everyone else…
Buckling down, she’s taken the time to polish what she refers to as her “writing superiority.” She hopes that the tales she has created grab the readers’ attention, and make them devoted slaves to her will fans. If you want to let her know just how absolutely, positively awesome she is, you can always e-mail her at [email protected], friend her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/people/Nikki-Winter/100002445230428, or follow her on Twitter as @NikkiWinter19.
Table of Contents
Sometimes a “Hell No” isn’t enough
The Art of Sulking
What the Hell? Why the Hell?
Sometimes a Good Cuss-out is Needed
Bowlegged Threats Ain’t No Joke
It Sucks Admitting Your Twin Was Right
There Are Times When Talking Dirty Just Isn’t A Good Idea
About the Authors
Talking Dirty Page 4