by Ash Krafton
She shrugged admission. "When he's with me, he's so good. My parents adore him."
"Your parents don't know about him." The interjection sounded from somewhere in the mass of girls.
"My parents see his goodness. It's not fake," Tess shot back. "He's cute. He's smart. He's so sweet. You should read his emails. He texts me poetry during class. He even has my picture on his Facebook page and says he's 'in a relationship.'"
"But?" I prompted.
"But... he's hooked. I know it." Her voice fell quiet and fat tears slid down her cheeks. "I know he won't stop, even though he says he loves me. I come second."
How sad was that? Tess was just a kid but she knew how the world worked. When I had been growing up, sure, kids had problems, and there had been lots of "bad" guys around. But today the problems were so much bigger, so much deadlier. Kids had to grow up too fast. My problems hadn't been as bad by half but I also didn't see the world so clearly when I was her age.
If I had, would I have given up on people? If I didn't have my rose-colored glasses, my naïveté, would I have admitted defeat and given up, walked away from battles I couldn't win? Looking at the girls, thinking about why I sat here listening to their problems, I knew the answer. I wouldn't have given up. It was the way I'd been wired.
"So, what will you do now?" I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees. The sun had fallen behind one of the buildings, tilting shadows across the small park. I had a sudden yearning for Marek's jacket and rubbed my arms.
"How do I know? I love him and I know all he'll ever do is hurt me."
"Yeah," said the brunette. "Like when he evolves. He'll hurt all of us, then."
Tess hung her head, covered her face in her hands, and wept her broken heart out. Bad enough to betray your own heart, but when you betrayed your best friends along with it...
"You have to let him go," I said. "If your heart and your head are telling you two different things, you'll never have peace. I understand you don't always get to choose the person you fall in love with. But trust me on this one. Your heart isn't a good judge of character. It's too full of wishes and good intentions and second chances."
Rising from my seat on the bench, I crossed to her side of the path and squatted next to her. I peered up into her face as she knuckled her eyes. A sudden rush of dizziness hit me and I had to reach out a hand to steady myself. The girl felt so confused and upset she unintentionally leaked compulsion. Teens weren't as fine-tuned in their control as fully-cusped adults.
Considering I'd been too nervous to eat all day, I wasn't ready to handle the mental touch. Her angst made my blood run cold. Or was it the lateness of the afternoon? I felt crowded. I've picked up emotions from Marek and Rodrian before but hers had a feeling of density, as if she pushed her power into me somehow.
Tess gave me an odd look. I guessed if some nosy broad started giving me a lesson about life and love in the middle of a park, I'd look at her strangely, too. Especially if she knelt by me and wobbled like a drunk.
A touch on my shoulder made me look up to see Shiloh.
"Sophie, are you..." Her voice trailed off, eyes wide.
"I'm okay, Shy. I just need to sit. I've been through the wringer today." The girl sitting next to Tess scooted over, making room for me, and I smiled appreciatively.
"So..." Tess took a hitching breath as I unlocked my knees, stretching a moment before sitting. "Am I stupid for wasting love on someone like him?"
"It's not stupid. Love is never wasted."
"But... what if I don't find someone else? What if no one else ever likes me? What if I don't find someone who will love me without hurting me?"
"Tess..." I laughed gently. "There are plenty of soulmates in the sea. There will be another. And if he doesn't work out, there will be yet another. You've a lifetime to find them all."
I looked around for Shiloh but she wasn't in sight. No doubt she went off in search of a food truck. The other girls had fallen quiet, listening, and Tess seemed to have calmed down, even though she had yet to rein in her accidental compulsion. I still felt crowded and cold.
Crap. Growing up was so hard. Bad enough to be caught between youth and maturity. When your heart got tangled up in the conflict, the bad just got worse.
"Your mind, the voice of reason, is the counter-balance. When you find a good match, both your heart and mind will approve, because you'll have found the one who fits both. Don't despair. Love is confusing but it will make sense once you find the mate to your body and soul. Your heart and mind will be in accord. That's why true love gives you such a sense of wholeness, of being complete. It's because you can honestly say, with every ounce of your being, yes."
"Wow." One of the girls whispered as she peered into my eyes. "That's amazing."
"Thank you, Sophie." Tess squeezed my hand. "I know you're right. I know what I have to do. It's just... so hard."
"I know," I replied. "It's love that makes it so hard. If it wasn't love, it wouldn't hurt when you got it wrong. Then again, it wouldn't feel so good when you get it right."
She smiled, and when I looked in her eyes, I saw a shimmer of light within the DV glow. It was hope.
Something across the park caught her attention and I turned to look. Shiloh had returned with Marek and Rodrian and some of the people from the courtroom. They seemed to be marching over in a hurry.
"Her eyes. They're blue." I heard the murmur from one of the Conclave members. Did they see the hope reflected in Tess's eyes? Could they see it the way I did, feel it on the flow of her undeveloped power like I could? Did they recognize it for what it is?
But... they didn't look at Tess. One of the ladies covered her mouth and pointed. At me.
Desperately, I sought out a familiar face. Shiloh appeared frightened as she tugged on Rodrian's arm. Rodrian's mouth worked like a fish for a moment or two, before breaking out into his boyish bigger-than-face grin. And when I looked at Marek...
Well, Marek absolutely shone. His power felt like the sun breaking over the edge of a storm front. I'd never seen him this way.
He crossed the grass and approached our bench as the others fanned out behind him. Shiloh's friends flanked me like a crowd of ladies-in-waiting, facing the adults. Only a single moment of silence passed before the line of council men broke and the old woman from the Conclave pushed through.
"Ah," she said. "There you are, Sophia."
"I told you." I tightened my lips to keep from frowning and dug deep for a patient tone. "It's just Sophie."
"Oh no, it's not." Her voice wavered. A brightness bloomed in her eyes too, the kind that had been in Tess's. "It's definitely Sophia. And we..."
She covered her heart with a weathered hand and dipped her head in reverence. "We are truly honored by your presence."
On some unseen cue, they all bowed.
All except for Marek, who gazed at me with unsurpassed love and utter faith. Marek gazed at me and smiled.
They paraded me back to the courtroom but, this time, things went much differently. I wasn't surrounded by cold impassive strangers. The high and mighty Conclave had been replaced with people who seemed genuinely awed.
Even the meanie from the back who'd sent such ugly vibes at me had changed his tune. His power felt humbled. Contrite. Usually, I'd be all for giving him a stiff dose of cold shoulder, considering the crap he'd been thinking earlier. Yet, I couldn't even muster a sarcastic smirk at him. Not a single ounce of spite. I felt like they were... mine. I didn't want to get back at them for their earlier humiliation. I wanted to help them.
It wasn't only the Conclave in the rounds of benches, either. Shiloh and her friends had insisted on coming along upstairs, proclaiming they "had" me first. As Marek escorted me on his arm like a bridegroom, Shiloh marched right behind us every step of the way and jostled her father out of the way for a better seat in the courtroom.
The room was noisy, the excitement palpable, their expressions bright and eager. I didn't need to be empathic to feel
any of it.
This time, they let me have a chair. Tess filched coffee from an office down the hall. Talk about showing the love.
A kinder, gentler sort of inquisition followed, honest concerns from real people seeking guidance. When I felt the genuine hope from each one, whatever made me the Sophia sprung forth, reaching out to them, so jubilant to finally be where it belonged. I never felt so good.
My gut instinct, my inner voice—I'd lived with it my entire life. I never suspected it would amount to anything more than a helpful hunch, a compassionate personality.
This Sophia thing, it leapt with joy to be needed. It surged up and out of me in a rush of windy eagerness. Something that had been content before to merely trickle forth now flooded me with purpose. It made me laugh with wild joy. This was where I was meant to be. Something inside me clicked into place, all the right doors were finally unlocked, and I became whole. For the first time in my life, I felt complete.
I forget half of what I said. There was only this feeling that at last... at last they found me. I found me.
And I remember Marek. My grim, dark love felt so different. Over and over I replayed in my mind the sight of his smile, that true smile that made him momentarily unrecognizable. His power hummed louder than anyone else's, holding my attention no matter who spoke, and washing over me with his proud love. I caught the appreciation the Conclave felt for him, their gratitude, their confidence in him answered by this blessing.
I knew I'd never again be the person I had been. Before, I'd been a shell. Now I was filled with something I can't believe I never noticed before. They didn't put something into me or teach me how to do something new. All those DV, all their need, called forth my true self.
Eventually, though, I drooped with weariness. The earlier nerves, the coffee on an empty stomach, and my newly-freed Sophia all took their physical tolls. That strange fullness receded, pulling itself back into the depths of my mind. However, the barricade containing it had forever vanished.
Marek remained by my side, his arm around my shoulders, and nodded at Dunkan, who called the Conclave to a close. We gradually succeeded in tearing ourselves away from the gathering of DV, who were reluctant to end the evening.
His stream of affection took on a different flavor as we drove home. Though he said very little, his power teased me all the way back to his townhouse and his glances gently twisted my insides, small tugs of intent. He felt so peaceful, so content, so satisfied. And so... hungry.
I'd never been in a more accommodating mood.
We parked in the spot that was always open and waiting for him. He held the front door open for me, leaning against it as I walked inside. His eyes followed me and I could feel their nearly-physical touch. Anticipation. He'd bided his time, accepting my past hesitations with agonizing patience.
As I passed through the doorway, I brushed against him, trailing my fingers across his chest. Once inside, I dropped my purse, missing the chair and not caring. I turned into him, matching his kiss and his embrace with an eagerness that bordered on ferocity. He laughed into my open-mouthed smile, delighted and possessive.
"Stay with me." He whispered onto my mouth and glazed me with the sheen of his longings.
Something melted inside me and I grasped his shirt collar with both hands, tugging him closer. "How long?"
"Tonight. Forever. You don't need to be alone, not ever again." He held my face in his hands, stroking my cheek, smoothing back my hair. His eyes sparkled, and I smiled at his smile. He knew how to smile. I knew it.
"Hell, I took care of everyone else's needs today. It'd be selfish not to pay a little attention to you, now."
"Sophie..." As he murmured my name, he bent and brushed his lips against my ear. "Tonight isn't about need. This is pure desire."
Marek spent the next several hours showing me exactly what he'd meant.
Not a bad way to end the strangest day of my life.
The night was glorious. I'd never felt so loved or so cherished or so desired in all my life. I'd never fallen asleep so exhausted or so satisfied, either. His attentions and, em, talents made it completely possible to forget that an actual world existed outside his bedroom door. At first, I'd been a trifle concerned with the physical mechanics of loving a man so much taller than myself but, in the end, it turned out Marek was a perfect fit, no dirty puns intended.
Okay, maybe just one dirty pun, but one that was deliciously deserved.
The days and the nights that followed were just as glorious. With much reluctance, Marek allowed me out of his bed early Monday morning so I could go to work and earn my living. Conveniently, he'd managed to let himself into my apartment as I slept, retrieving work clothes and other necessities as well as feeding Euphrates (although I'm sure he spent more time perusing my underwear drawer than making nice with the cat.)
He looked so despondent when I got out of his car. As much as he would have liked to keep me all for himself, he knew there was another reason I had to work, one that had nothing to do with paying my rent.
Barbara noticed a change right away. After making almost all the right assumptions, as well as a couple lewd comments about my having needed some action, she began scrutinizing my work with new interest.
"Sophie, tell me." She set a folder onto her desk and leaned back in her chair. "How could a little nookie make you even better at what you already did well? If anything, I'd expect you to slack off like certain others."
She jerked her head once toward Donna's lair, where the Stapler Nazi slumped at her desk. Lately she'd been looking pale and tired and spent most of her day drinking those organic-looking energy drinks. I guessed her lurid night-life had finally caught up to her. She looked like death reheated in the microwave.
Not me. I felt incredible. No matter how much sleep I missed, thanks to Marek's healthy appetite and nearly-insatiable curiosity, I felt energized. Coffee had nothing on this Sophia thing.
Thank goodness, too. The DV decided they were my new best friends, keeping me busy with phone calls and luncheons and chance meetings galore. I never would have been able to keep up with it if not for the Sophia lending me strength.
As I went back to my cube, I saw Donna. She looked like she had a migraine—eyes closed, fingers to her temples, deep creases bracketing her thin-lipped mouth. I actually pitied her. Must have been the Sophia.
She cracked her eyes as I approached. "Yes?" Her tone implied seeing me were the last thing she wanted.
"You okay, Donna?" I stretched out my empathic awareness and tried to sense her. She was human—physically, at least—so it was difficult. Humans didn't emote as clearly as the DV.
"I'm fine." She bit off each word, their bitter taste pinching her mouth.
"You look... worn out. Can I help?"
"Yes. Leave. Your need to make everyone love you is making my headache worse."
I stared back, open-mouthed, dismayed by her rudeness.
"Now would be nice," she snapped.
I rolled my eyes and walked away. Sophia or no, it was more fun hating her. Some people weren't worth the price of redemption.
"Damn shame, innit." Mrs. Park clucked her tongue in disapproval as she put my take-out tray into a plastic bag. I set my purse on the deli counter, digging out change to pay for my lunch order. I could've used a change purse rather than chasing quarters around through the mess on the bottom but that would've been too easy. "World's heading straight to hell."
"What's that?" I had no idea what she was talking about, although I always got a kick when the tiny Asian lady used foul language. So demure, so delicate, yet endowed with the vocabulary of a Brooklyn longshoreman. I tried my best to encourage her.
Mrs. Park made a jutting motion with her chin toward the newspaper rack behind me. "That Levene. All over the news today. How did you miss it?"
I know how I missed it, I thought with a smile. I'd been catching up on the sleep I'd been sacrificing. It was the first night I'd stayed at my place in over a week and I ba
gged work to sleep in. My paycheck could wait until Monday. Right now I was looking forward to a three-day-weekend full of...
Then it clicked. Her words registered and I raised my head, quarter forgotten. Levene? I turned toward the rack.
My mouth went cotton dry as I took in the front page. Frank's picture. Big black letters shouted the headline: BRUTAL SLAYING SHOCKS HARRISBURG
"Oh no," I whispered.
"In the Senate building, too," she continued. "So much for security. What kind of monster would do such a thing?"
Ripping the paper from the rack, I scanned the story. There had to be a mistake. There must be an explanation. This couldn't be true. Frank couldn't be dead. He couldn't be.
I paid for the paper and my lunch, took the change with trembling fingers, and sprinted upstairs. My stomach twisted into a painful knot that rode high between my ribs, making it difficult to breathe.
I called Marek.
He answered on the first ring. "You're home? I'll be there in fifteen minutes. Dress for the bike." Click.
I didn't get a single word in.
As I dragged the bottom of my closet, I tried unsuccessfully to swallow down the butterflies making my stomach tumble. I knew he had a motorcycle. I just hoped I'd never have to meet it, much less ride it. I didn't like motorcycles.
Twelve minutes later I waited on the stoop, fussing with Euphrates. Sweet kitty knew I was upset and tried his best to distract me by climbing up my pant leg, leaving a score of itchy puncture wounds from his hind claws. Kitty love usually equaled tough love.
I had dutifully dressed in what I hoped would be considered "for the bike." Finally, a legitimate reason to wear my heavy black leather engineer boots. I didn't own many outfits that called for them, although they looked fabulous with jeans.
I bent to admire them, rubbing at a scuff on the left toe. Well, okay, they weren't exactly engineer boots. They came from Victoria's Secret, actually. Got them on sale nearly eight years ago. But they looked like engineer boots. That counted for something.