“Why would that be a problem if he’s single?”
I whorled around. “Because he claimed to love me,” I spat out.
“Love?” She pointed to a chair. “Chrissy, you’ve got some ‘xplaining to do.”
I grabbed a bottle of water and marched to the living room like a spoiled child not getting her way. The attitude is more aimed at myself as my little sister was about to lecture me about love. Where had things gone wrong.
Before I could speak, she did. “Let me guess. He’s your mystery guy a few years ago. The one you would never say his name.”
I nodded. “I didn’t want to lie to you. But if I told you, I would spill to Eddie.”
I wouldn’t be chastised about that. Just because she was my sister didn’t mean she was entitled to know everything about my life.
“And Eddie had the no dating my brother rule.” I silently agreed. “I remembered though I never got that.”
There was another confession. “It wasn’t just him. I made him promise not to date you either.” Her jaw dropped. “You never liked him. I didn’t think it was a big deal.”
She started and stopped working her jaw before she said, “We’ll talk about that later.” She licked her lips and I knew what she was about to say. “He was the father.”
A sickness I never thought I’d ever get over to hold of my gut. “Yes.”
She nodded as all the pieces clicked into place.
“And he couldn’t come because it was game day.”
I’d been pregnant and hadn’t had the chance to tell Cam because he’d been in his first year as a starter. He’d been so worried about not letting his team down, I didn’t want to tell him until I was sure about what I was going to do. I knew if he found out, he’d want to marry me. I’d feared marriage all my life. Mom had drilled into me about how much Dad had changed after they got married. All the romance he’d put into getting her had ended the day they said I do. I was afraid that if I married Cam things would change between us too.
“The game had started when it happened. He wouldn’t have made it from New York to Dallas in time anyway.”
I was home alone watching my secret boyfriend play when the horrible cramps began. As he was working his magic, I was losing our baby. The blood came and there had been no one to drive me to the hospital. I’d been alone until Jillian showed up.
That day was also the day I realized that unless I wanted to move to New York away from family and friends, our relationship would never work.
A tear spilled down my eye.
“Did you ever tell him?”
I nodded. “I did. But I also told him it could never work between us.”
There had been a huge fight. He wanted to come and I told him I needed space. I’d pushed him away to protect him and me. He needed to stay in New York and live out his dream. He was scheduled to have a Thursday night game after that Sunday. He would have never been able to come out without the world finding out why. He was a star.
I’d needed time to get over the loss of our child without the world finding out. I also needed to get over him. Having him come would have broken my resolve and exposed our loss to strangers.
“Jesus, Chris. Do you love him?”
It was a question I’d asked myself a million times and always come up with the same answer.
“Yes.”
Pretending I hadn’t had been an Oscar winning performance on my part.
“What are you going to do?” she asked.
I faced my sister as she had secrets too. “Have you ever loved someone so much it hurt?”
A ghost of pain crossed her face. “Yes.”
“But you knew that you loved that person so much you could let them go?”
She dipped her head and I realized that I wasn’t the only one with hidden pain. I hugged her and we both cried a little.
There was something I hated but needed to do. I had a little more vacation time built up.
“I can’t stay here. He’ll only find me and I haven’t found myself,” I said.
Jillian let me go and gave me a stern look.
“I’m going to forgive you for not telling me,” she said.
“Because you haven’t told me something either?” I tossed back at her.
“Everyone’s entitled to one secret,” she said.
I went back in for another hug and held onto her for a moment longer.
When we separated, she added, “I’m going to tell you something you may not want to hear.” She waited a beat. “That man loves you. I saw it from the firm set of his jaw to the stiffness in his shoulders. If a man loved me that hard and chased me to the moon and back, I would let him catch me.”
I didn’t bristle because I read through the lines. “Is that from experience, little sister?”
It was a teasing jab and I sniffled a little.
“It’s the truth,” she said.
My phone rang before I could ask.
Eddie.
He’d mostly likely heard the news by now.
I answered and held the phone a few inches from my ear as he yelled.
“…You married my brother. How many times have I warned you he’d chew you up and spit you out? And you promised me.”
“Eddie,” I tried and failed to cut in.
He was so wrong about Cam. If anyone had broken someone’s heart, it had been me.
In my head, I heard Cam ask me Are you going to run again?
“Eddie,” I yelled back. “I love him.”
He cursed but then there was blessed silence for a beat. “He’ll only hurt you.”
“No, I hurt him,” I admitted.
My tears began to run in earnest.
Jillian was there with magic tissues because I had no idea where they’d appeared from. She took the phone from my hand.
“Eddie.”
He didn’t bark at her as I didn’t hear his response.
“How’s the honeymoon?” she asked with a smirk as I wiped my eyes.
She pointed me toward my bedroom and mouthed, I’ve got this.
As I trudged down the short hall to my bedroom, I heard bits of the conversation.
“Uh huh. Yeah.” Pause. “She’s a little busy right now. And frankly it’s really none of your business.” Just as I closed my door, I thought I heard her ask. “Yeah. Does your wife know this is your second wedding in Vegas?”
She was only egging Eddie on right? My sister and Eddie fought like it was Armageddon when they were near each other. No way was Cam right. Eddie and my sister didn’t hook up. He wouldn’t be getting on my case about breaking the pact if he had, right? I dismissed the thought because it was ludicrous and flopped on my bed. The call I had to make to my boss was not going to go over well.
Chapter 10
The sky had only brightened to a navy blue when my eyes popped open. I’d fallen asleep dressed and found that Jillian had plugged in my phone to charge. Bless little sisters.
A picture of her and Eddie popped in my head and I shook it. Nah.
But she and I did need to talk about who the guy she’d hidden from me. Her excuse was I was doing the same thing and that she would tell me if I’d told her. Now that she knew about Cam and me, I deserved answers about her mystery guy. Only she wasn’t home. There had been a note that she was out with her current boyfriend, a man far too old for her in my opinion. But who was I to talk about dating rules.
I got back on task and the first thing I needed to do was pack. Cam would be back. He was persistent like that until I pushed him far enough away.
I needed time to grasp what I’d done. I loved him, yes. Did he really love me? Probably. He’d wanted us to be together but on his terms. I couldn’t blame him. He’d had a multi-million-dollar contract and couldn’t leave New York.
Until now.
Now he was here in Dallas, leaving me no excuses. I sighed as I gathered clothes in large tote without care to folding them. I wasn’t going far, but to the one place Cam wouldn’t look
for me. Mom’s house.
Jillian’s room was still empty an hour later and I left her a message telling her where I’d be going for a few days.
The drive to Mom’s wasn’t long. Plano was just outside of Dallas. A lot had changed over the years and it didn’t look the same as it had when I was growing up until I reached the east side.
I drove into the sleepy little country club area that was prime real estate in its day. Now it was old but had the charm that made my mother fall in love with it so many years ago.
The brick ranch looked the same as it did when I left for college. The manicured landscaping was mother’s pride and joy.
I parked out front feeling like a stranger. With my bag in hand and the hour and not many minutes after seven in the morning, I knocked.
Mom, a consummate morning person, hummed her way to the door.
“Christina,” she said with a frown on her face and looked over her shoulder. “Where’s your sister?”
It wasn’t that she was upset I was there. More like she was perplexed. I didn’t come around unless it was a holiday or her birthday and Jillian was usually with me.
It wasn’t her that kept me away. Her latest husband was a mistake she wouldn’t let go. He had wandering hands I’d swatted away numerous times that Mom didn’t seem to notice.
“Hi Mom. It’s just me.”
She stepped back. “Well, come in. I have a pot of coffee ready.”
“Is Bill here?”
She shook her head. “No, he’s out of town with work and won’t be back until next week.”
More like he was out drinking with the boys and God knew what else.
“Can I stay here a few days?”
A smile broke on her face. “Why that would be nice?”
I didn’t head left toward my childhood bedroom. The back guest bedroom off the kitchen was my choice. It was as far from old memories as I could get in the ranch house.
It was there I placed my bags before facing my mother.
She was pouring steaming coffee into a mug near the front window. Time hadn’t been as kind as it could have been to her. Worry sank deep into frown lines that sprouted like weeds across her face. I sat in the second half of the large kitchen where the table was. Sliding glass doors let more of the dawning sunlight into the room.
She placed two mugs on the table between us. Talking with my mother had never been hard and I made the dutiful weekly calls, but there was still distance between us over her life choices.
“What brings you home?”
I hated the sad tinge to her voice.
“Cam,” I admitted.
She smiled at me as she brought the cup to her lips. She drank before speaking.
“I always knew you were sweet on that boy.” Her eyes sparkled with mischief. My jaw dropped. “Oh don’t look at me that way. I’ve got eyes and he was sweet on you too.”
I wondered how much else she knew.
“Why did you marry again after Dad?” I asked, switching gears.
Her hands trembled as she set the mug down.
“I’m not as smart as you, Christina.” Before I could protest, she held up a hand. “I’d never worked a day in my life. The only thing I know how to do is be a wife.”
My soul ached for her. “You don’t have to—”
“What?” Mom snapped with pride forcing her voice steady. “You’re right. I don’t have to. I choose to. Don’t shame me for not being you.”
I held in my growing anger that she stayed stuck in this bubble because she thought of herself as less.
“I’m not shaming you, Mom. I wanted to give you options. If you don’t love Bill—”
Again she brusquely cut me off. “Love isn’t always enough, is it?” She held my gaze and my lips clamped shut. “You love Cam. You haven’t told me the story yet, but you’re here and not there with him. Bill provides. In two years, this house will be paid off. Bill thinks it’s his, but the deed and loan he’s paying is in my name.”
I let loose a laugh that scared away some of my worry.
“That’s right,” she continued. “He might not think I’m so smart—”
“But you are,” I finished.
“I am. And I’ve got plans.” She wasn’t done. “Don’t make the same mistake that I did.” When I stared in puzzlement, she said, “I didn’t fight for your father.”
I gaped at her. “He cheated and left you for another woman.”
She agreed. “A younger woman. But that’s not the point. I thought that he should love me and fight for us. But I didn’t give him reason too.” I frowned. “A man needs to know you love him just as we want to feel it. I stood back and let her take him without a word.”
“He didn’t have to…cheat.”
I hated the word.
“No, he didn’t. But I could I have told him how much he meant to me. Instead, I did nothing to stop it. I was the good wife and didn’t complain, but I also didn’t give anything outside of that either. I wanted him to want me without letting him know I still wanted him to. Men have feelings even when they act like an ass.”
I wasn’t going to forgive my father that easily.
“He’s not off the hook,” I said.
“No, he’s wrong. But I could have done more. Just a simple I love you might have reminded him why he shouldn’t cross that line. I hadn’t known better.”
Mom had been just out of high school when she met my father. He was older and charming and promised to take care of her. Her parents hadn’t been affectionate in front of each other at least I’d never seen it. They’d never said a kind word to each other in the years I’d known them before they’d passed on.
She patted my hand. “If you want to stay married to him, you fight for him.”
I glanced up into her knowing eyes.
“You saw?”
She nodded. “He’s good boy, Christina. Don’t be afraid to love like I was. You don’t want to end up like me.”
We had a good cry and it gave me a lot to think about. I laid in bed that afternoon, thinking about all she’d said. I’d thought my mother weak, when in fact, she was a survivor.
Chapter 11
Two long days later I picked up my phone and played the voice messages that I’d ignored.
The first one was from Cam...
“Chris,” Cam said, not daring to call me Chrissy. “Please call me back.”
I felt a chill and immediately missed the warmth in his arms.
The next one was not ten minutes later. “You promised you wouldn’t run.”
There were more, like Call me, Give us a chance, and a simple Please.
But it was the last one that tore my heart in pieces.
“I feel like I’ve been chasing you all my life. I’m going to finally take the hint and let you go. I’ll have my lawyer draw up annulment papers.”
I couldn’t hit his contact information fast enough, but the call immediately went to voicemail.
There wasn’t time to waste. All my doubt disappeared realizing I might have lost him. How could I have been so dumb and afraid. I snatched my keys calling to my mother that I was leaving as I ran for my life. Just as I clawed the door open with trembling fingers, there she was smiling.
“Go get go him honey,” she called back.
I might have broken the sound barrier as I drove to the practice field. It was early enough, I could reach him. I was glad my press badge was still in my purse. I’d submitted my in depth article yesterday, but had ignored my editors calls afraid I’d hear the words that I’d been fired.
“Miss,” the guard said, “You do know the game is out of town this week. The team isn’t here.”
I blamed hormones for my sudden burst of tears. How I’d messed up everything out of fear? I’d reasoned so long that staying away would protect me from heartache when I was hurting myself all the same.
The drive back to my apartment was the shorter option than Mom’s.
It smelled like a flower shop when
I walked in. Dozens of roses in all colors covered the kitchen island as they drooped in their vases.
Jillian had done her own disappearing act. We’d spoken briefly and she was spending the weekend with rich old guy. So much for a good sistery cry. Eddie was still on his honeymoon, which left one other person I wanted to talk to.
Cam. Leaving a message might have been easier, but it was important for our conversation to be in person. I thought about my mother and the gleam in her eye as she mentioned her plans. I had some to make of my own.
First order of business was calling my boss. He wasn’t exactly happy, but I’d become news. Something I’d always known would happen if our names were tied together.
Apparently that news was part of the reason Jillian fled. Reporters including some of my colleagues had stalked my house. I’d gotten out before they’d descended.
It had been all quiet when I arrived minutes ago. Though I’d parked far from my door and came from around back. But the window outside had shown they’d given up looking for me.
My boss wanted an exclusive in exchange for keeping my job. As we spoke, my plans started to form shape. In the meantime, I had other articles to write. Which meant watching games on TV since my media outlet wasn’t big enough to send me to cover a lot of out of town games.
A few days later, I wasn’t sure what to expect as the hour approach me seeing him again. I’d caught sound bites from him as I watched TV.
One reporter had asked Cam how he was dealing with rejection and if it contributed to the team's loss. Though he’d maintained a cordial smile, I’d seen the tightness around his eyes and jaw.
“You win some you lose some,” he said, before cutting the interview.
Was I too late?
I drove to my destination anxiousness damping my palms. Once I was there, I parked and set my plan into action. When the bus arrived to deliver the players back from their defeat, I stood on the sidewalk waiting. Though I wasn’t the only team supporter, I’d certainly made my mark.
With the parking lot lights ablaze, my reason for being there was evident.
Married In Vegas_ In His Arms (The Vault) Page 6