by Peach, Hanna
“Israel.”
“Hmm?”
“Israel, that’s not a motto.”
“Yes it is.”
“It’s not even Latin.”
He made a whatever noise but didn’t respond, his lips were too busy seeking out her skin under that damned sheet. Her soft, wonderful-smelling skin.
“Israel, we can’t stay in bed all day. Again.”
“I beg to differ.”
“Israel, I have to get ready to go,” she pleaded.
“Alright, alright.” Israel sighed.
“Come back in an hour.”
“One hour and not a second more.”
He took one last lingering kiss from Alyx and shot one last longing look at the bed that they had thoroughly messed up…several times…
“Thank you,” she called to him over her shoulder as she began to dig through her drawers, the sheet dipping ever so distractingly down the curve of her back. God damn.
“Duty before passion. Jeez, what a buzzkill,” he muttered as he forced himself out her bedroom door.
Duty before passion. Whoever invented that motto needed a slap in the face.
* * *
Jordan found himself taking the long route through the castle the next morning before he and Lukas were scheduled to leave. He was bleary-eyed from little sleep but a cold shower had roused some life into him. He was dressed simply in brown pants, a white shirt and a dark leather jacket that hid the daggers at his side. At his hip was a longer blade.
This particular route this morning took him past Cleo’s bedroom, the scene of the crime. As he neared the closed door the shame rose up in him again. His words, stark as evidence, rang in his ears. I feel sorry for her…a nuisance, really.
Jordan shook his head as if he could dislodge these thoughts and shake off this layer of guilt. It didn’t work.
He stopped silently at her door and raised his fist to knock, but…
But…
But what?
In his head, his fist knocked. In his head, his brain commanded his arm to move. But in reality his fist didn’t move. Fear had him frozen as if it had lassoed a rope around his wrist and was holding him back.
He was afraid? Yes, he recognized this feeling. He was afraid. Afraid of…this conversation. What was going on with him? Why was he so damn afraid of this conversation?
Because…
Because what?
There was no answer that he could see. Just a sense that there was something more going on, like the currants running under the surface of a calm sea. He felt that he should understand it, but he wasn’t even able to shape this “it” into a form that he understood. He couldn’t even rely on himself today, it seemed.
Jordan stared at Cleo’s door, her silent door that seemed to taunt him. It’s just a door, dammit, Jordan, just knock.
And say what?
It would have to be an apology. He didn’t like to have to apologize to anyone, but still…in his past he had expended a thousand cooing, soothing words to various females, all miffed and ruffled feathers. He was a savant in soothing non-apology apologies.
So just knock already and get it over with!
I can’t.
Because?
Because…
All of a sudden all those smooth and practiced apologies, those calming, cooing words, they all seemed so…fake. Without those words that had served him so well in the past, those easy, proven words, suddenly he was left feeling like he had…nothing. Cleo deserved more than those words from him. She deserved something real.
What would he say to Cleo? What could he say that would be enough?
His command of the English language suddenly failed him, his brain stuttering and spluttering out useless phrases like a dying car. None of them any good.
Jordan drew back from the door feeling utterly lost.
* * *
Cleo sighed as she stared out her bedroom window. From this angle she could see onto the grassy area at the front of the castle. There, standing on the grass in a casual huddle were Tobias, Alyx, Israel and Lukas. Oh, and him. That damned infuriating, clueless and heart-twisting man. It seemed even immortal beings of the male persuasion were just as infuriating as the mortal ones. The mortal ones you could at least hope that they would die old and ugly.
“Stop torturing yourself,” said Xiang.
Cleo turned her head to the lithe Asian woman who was sitting with her legs tucked under her on Cleo’s bedspread. Xiang was Vix’s life partner and the only other mortal in this community. Xiang had sought Cleo out after she had first arrived at the castle, apparently taking it upon herself to be a one-woman welcome wagon for Cleo. At first Cleo had resisted, suspicious at Xiang’s intentions.
After all, Cleo had never been friends with other girls, even other girls in Purgatory. Especially the other girls in Purgatory. Worthy adversaries, yes. Competitive frenemies, yes. Actual friends? Hell, no (pun intended).
But the sweet little Xiang soon won out over Cleo. “Won out” meaning that Cleo soon realized that this little Asian lady, despite looking as timid as a Chihuahua, had the gnawing persistence of a pit bull with a bone and was not going to let up until Cleo liked her, dammit.
So, like her Cleo did. Besides, it was nice to have someone to talk to. Alyx, the only other person she knew here, had been more than preoccupied with Israel, Israel and more Israel. Oh, okay, and the pesky Armageddon that was looming.
Cleo had been able to talk to Jordan, hereby renamed as “that ass”. Surprisingly easily. Annoyingly easily. But she couldn’t talk to him about them, it seemed. If there even was a them.
“Come away from the window, Cleo.”
“But I enjoy torture,” Cleo said. “Obviously, otherwise I wouldn’t have all these stupid feelings for that ass.” Cleo turned to stare out of the window again. Alyx and Israel were trapped in an embrace so intimate that she felt like she was voyeuristically intruding, like she had just walked into their bedroom. “That ass” was standing angled away from the two lovers, his arms were crossed over his chest. It might have seemed like a casual stance for Jordan, but she knew better. She could see his hands were tight fists. Jordan may have learned to keep his face totally removed from any emotion he was feeling, but not his hands.
Alyx and Israel’s long goodbye bothered him. And this bothered her.
Cleo made an exasperated sound and tore her eyes away from the window. She flung herself onto the bed next to Xiang and made a strangling noise. “Kill me, please.”
“He’ll figure it out.” Xiang paused. “Eventually. He is a man.”
Cleo snorted. “You think he could do that while I’m still young and beautiful?” Now that I’m no longer in Purgatory, I age. That creeping fear, her mother’s voice began to fill her mind, but she shut that out. One friggin’ drama at a time, please.
“Jordan just needs some time.”
“He called me a nuisance.”
“He didn’t mean it.”
“He didn’t even tell me he was sorry.”
“He will. Men take some time to work up to sorry. Sorry is a big deal for them. Like…sports cars. And root canals. He cares about you. He does. I’ve seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is watching.”
“But he still cares about her that way too.” Cleo hated calling Alyx her. Especially after she felt she owed Alyx so much. Alyx showed her that her life could be more. Alyx offered her friendship even after Cleo drugged her without telling her. Alyx offered her a place here with their community. Despite how hard it had been leaving Purgatory and coming off DreamDust, it had been worth it. Here, Cleo was finally starting to feel something like home and something like family.
“Maybe he does still have feelings for Alyx, maybe he doesn’t,” Xiang said. “But I’ve known Jordan a long time.” She let out a long dramatic sigh. “That boy is the king of avoidance strategies.”
Cleo blinked, a little confused. “He’s trying to avoid Alyx?”
“No, silly g
irl. He’s trying to avoid all his new feelings for you.”
Cleo shook her head, not wanting to believe it, not wanting to feed this seed of hope in her chest lest it grow into a real thing, only to be trampled on and destroyed when he figured out that he didn’t want her. Even if his body did, as evidenced the other night when he reached for her in his sleep and called her name. Her name. Not Alyx’s. Hers. It was too risky to hope too much. Or to hope at all. “That’s such a ridiculous explanation for his stupid, confusing, stupid−”
“You already said ‘stupid’.”
“−stupid, ass-sensical behavior.”
“Ass-sensical?”
“Something between asshole and nonsensical.”
“Oh, right. Of course. Ass-sensical. Men?” Xiang offered.
Cleo snorted. “Men, indeed. Even worse; beautifully sculpted immortal seraph men. I swear the immortality thing goes to his head and makes him even more…” Cleo’s hand waved uselessly in the air.
“Ass-sensical?”
“Yeah.” Cleo made an exasperated sound. “Can’t live with them. Can’t stab them.”
“Well, you could. Stab him, that is. But he’d just heal real fast and then what would be the point... Oh, right…”
“Ugh. That’s it. I’m not talking about him again.”
“That’s a great idea.”
“I’m not even going to think about his stupid ass again.”
“Good for you.”
“Starting now.”
“Good.”
“Great.”
“Great.”
There was a pause. Cleo chewed her lip. “So what now?”
Xiang shrugged. “There’s always women?”
Cleo glanced over to Xiang. She looked so serious. Cleo couldn’t help herself, she gave Xiang a flirty little wink. “Are you offering?” The stricken look on Xiang’s face was enough to make Cleo burst out into laughter. “I’m just joking, Xiang. Unfortunately, I only love the things that hurt me.”
Xiang frowned for a second, then a look of realization took over her face. “Oh, right. A joke.” She let out a laugh then returned Cleo’s wink. Except her wink was more of a weird cheek-scrunch than a wink; the kind of wink that those who can’t actually wink do.
“If it makes you feel any better,” Xiang said, “women aren’t that easy to understand either.”
Cleo wondered if anyone was easy to understand. She found her eyes going to the open window. Had he left the grounds yet? How long would they take him to get to this strange island? How long it would take for him to get back? Would he miss her? Was he even thinking about her like she was thinking about him?
“Dammit,” Cleo yelled. “I just thought about him. Ugh, and now I’m talking about his stupid ass.” Cleo grabbed the blankets with her fists and mimicked banging her head against the mattress. When Cleo finally looked up at her, Xiang looked worried. “Tell me, Xiang. What do I do?”
“I… I don’t know.”
“Great.” Cleo let her face fall into her arms. “I’m so screwed.”
Chapter Eight
Alyx and Tii’la flew side by side across the ocean towards Atlantis, the vast sea giving Alyx a sense of freedom she hadn’t felt since she used to compete in the illegal night races for the RaceKeeper. Alyx stretched out her body and enjoyed the rush of wind through her hair.
When Alyx glanced over to Tii’la she noticed the dark shadows under her eyes. “Are you okay? You look tired.”
“I just didn’t sleep well last night. I’ll be fine.”
“A mission like this can be nerve-racking.”
“Yes, that’s it. Just nerves. So, you and Israel…” Tii’la said, changing the subject.
“Me and Israel,” Alyx breathed, happiness humming under her skin.
“That thing you did yesterday with the mind-connection thing. I mean, wow.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty cool.”
“Do you guys have any other…you know, cool tricks?”
“Not sure I’d call it a trick but, yeah we do. I pull into his head when he feels fear, basically when he gets into trouble.”
“Does that happen a lot?”
“Unfortunately,” she laughed as she shook her head. “Sometimes I swear he just runs right up to trouble.”
“Hmmm,” Tii’la mused. “It must be even more difficult having to guard someone who you’re in love with. I mean, just being in love with someone means that you’re always thinking about them, worrying about them…I can’t imagine having all that extra pressure of Guardianship on top of it.”
Alyx was pleasantly surprised at Tii’la’s assessment. She had always passed Tii’la off as just another warrior, a good warrior, but she never realized how perceptive Tii’la could be.
“It is hard,” Alyx agreed. “Sometimes I think that whoever chose me to be Guardian didn’t make the best choice.”
“Why?”
“Because I love him so much, I’d do anything to keep him safe…I make choices I usually wouldn’t make. Do things I wouldn’t normally do.” Sometimes things that she didn’t feel good about doing.
“Perhaps that’s what makes you such a good Guardian. Sometimes you have to do things you would normally never do…” Tii’la’s voice trailed off.
Alyx glanced at Tii’la out of the corner of her eye. Tii’la was staring off into the distance. “What about you?” Alyx asked. “Is there a special someone?”
Tii’la gave her a half-smile. “There was. But…it didn’t work out.”
“That’s too bad.”
“Yeah.”
“Who was it?”
Tii’la’s cheeks flushed. “Just…someone at Michaelea.”
“Someone I know? It’s someone I know, isn’t it?”
Tii’la’s face flushed just a shade redder. “No.”
“Oh come on,” Alyx coaxed, “you can tell me. Who was it?”
“It’s no one.”
“I know…Varian.”
Tii’la squealed. “Curse you for even thinking that. That seraph is horrible. He’s such an uptight, joyless...” Her voice dropped. “God, could you imagine him in bed? He’d be all like, ‘do this, do that, bend over, now drop and give me twenty’.”
Alyx made a face. “Not appreciating the visual.”
Tii’la laughed. “It’s definitely not Varian.”
“Well, tell me who then.”
Tii’la paused before admitting, “Lutando.”
“Lutando!” Lutando was one of Alyx’s old flock mates in Michaelea. She knew him well.
“He comes across as such a tough boy but inside he’s so sweet and kind. He noticed I was falling behind in one of the lectures we shared together. He offered to tutor me. He’s so beautiful I used to wonder why he even noticed me. I know I’m not ugly. But I’m not beautiful. Not like you.”
“Tii’la−”
“I don’t mind. It’s the truth. But he saw through all that. He made me feel beautiful, and that matters most.” Tii’la became very quiet.
“You’re still in love with him, aren’t you?” Tii’la’s face fell. “Sorry, Tii’la, it’s not my place. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No, no, it’s fine. I guess it was probably obvious anyway. But it’s all in the past now.”
Alyx’s heart tugged for Tii’la. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re in our community now. Maybe out here you’ll find someone who will bring you lasting happiness.”
Tii’la smiled back at her, but it was a smile weighted with sadness. “I hope so too.”
Alyx felt the sudden urge to turn away consume her. “We’re approaching the mirage around Atlantis. Jordan said it’s strong so we’ll really be urged to turn away. Grab a hold of me so we can stay on course together.”
Tii’la reached out and grabbed her hand.
They pushed on forward, holding on to each other tightly as both of them veered and swayed. The tension from the mirage built up in Alyx’s body until she thought she might bu
rst.
There was the familiar pop in her ears and her body relaxed. They had broken through the mirage. A huge island appeared before her, jagged crystal structures growing out of the green jungle that covered the island like a proliferate moss. The lost Seraphim city of Atlantis.
Chapter Nine
The city was made of crystal towers, looking almost exactly as Jordan had shown them, except the structures were broken, partially buried in the encroaching forest and were now homes to birds and other wildlife. Plants and flowers reached out from the edges of the honeycomb-like openings as they made their slow journey towards the sun. It was beautiful. But eerie in the absence of Seraphim life. A silent volcano stood watch over the forgotten city.
Alyx and Tii’la moved through the city following the compass trail that Raphael had left her. As she passed near a building Alyx reached out her hand and rubbed along the crystal surface with her hand. It was cool to the touch.
Out of the corner of her eye she thought she saw a figure reflected against a piece of crystal. She turned her head but there was no one.
The blue arrow led Alyx and Tii’la through the buildings, past the edges of the city and towards the south side of the island, where the volcano sloped up to an open crater. They flew up to the mouth of the volcano. Down below in the center the blue trail disappeared into a hot lava pool.
“It looks like it goes into there,” Alyx said, pointing down.
“Into the lava?”
“I never promised this adventure would be easy.” Alyx stared at the lava. Why would Raphael lead them into a volcano? Unless… “Maybe it’s a mirage?”
“Or maybe the volcano grew around the entrance to Raphael’s secret Amulet bank and was flooded by molten hot lava, molten hot lava that we, that’s you and I, should not try and swim in. Oh dear, looks like it’s a dead end. End of adventure. Let’s turn back.”
Alyx gave Tii’la a look.
“What? I like my skin where it is, thank you.”
“You can stay here if you like. I’m going in.” Alyx let herself lower down into the mouth of the volcano.