by Ryan, Syd
Now I’m lying in bed trying to decide how to approach this in the morning. Jamie can get defensive very quickly, and that is the last thing I want to happen. Honesty is best in this situation; lying or omitting the truth will backfire. I want to approach it as if it isn’t a big deal; I think being casual is the best way to handle it. The last thing I want is for Jamie to be upset, shut down, and leave.
She is such a breath of fresh air for me. I love her spontaneity and openness in saying whatever comes into that beautiful mind of hers. The possibilities are endless when it comes to Jamie.
When you talk about the typical bachelor, believe it or not, she fits that mold as well. She says whatever the fuck she wants, and she fucks who she wants. She couldn’t care less about the opinions of others, and she handles her alcohol like a champ. She’s like a playboy, working the single scene like a contestant on a million-dollar matchmaking show. I love her confidence and ability to keep me on my toes.
I appreciate the little moments, the days when things go wrong. Like when Gold Dust broke down, when Doug the Dickhead turned out to be a stalker, and when she was in tears and drowning in wine. In these moments I get to see the Jamie she hides away, the vulnerable, needy one. She is going to learn real quick that she needs to depend on the people around her as she lets them depend on her. Hell, she practically got fired over Regan.
In the morning, Jamie will try to shut down. I’ll stop it before it even starts. She will try to rationalize why this isn’t going to work between us. I’m going to give her every reason why this is going to work between us. She needs to understand that I’m not going anywhere, no matter what she thinks. I want to be with her, no matter what. She’d better get a grip on it and fucking quick. Jamie and I are far from being done. I want her more than I’ve ever wanted anyone else. But I know if I tell her that, she will run from me.
I savor the feeling of happiness I get when I see this sleeping beauty. She is so fucking beautiful. I see us being together over the long haul. I’ll keep proving to her that she is the one I want. I want to share my heart, home, and life with her. I can see us married with a carful of kids. I want to spend every day and night with her and surround myself with her beauty. I need her in my life, and I plan to stop at nothing to make that happen.
Chapter 21
The light peeks through the mini blinds, waking me up gently. I’m surrounded by body heat. Gavin is curled up tightly around me. I would never admit it to him, but I love this. Gavin treats me like the most precious cargo in his life. I soak it up so much that I don’t want to move. His body heat makes me sweaty, but it’s worth it to feel him against me. His breathing on the back of my neck comforts me. I think back to when he brought me here last night; every action demonstrated his need to take care of me. I’ve never gotten this from anyone, I’m always the caregiver; it’s a role I have accepted since a young age. So when Gavin gives me comfort, I soak it up.
The need to go to the bathroom gets to be too much, and I begin to wiggle against him. I want to slip out quietly but, as I start to wiggle, Gavin’s dick stands to attention next to my ass. I have a decision to make in this moment. I can either get out of bed quietly, or I can grind my ass against his dick in a good morning fashion.
The real dilemma is whether to have morning sex with Gavin. Believe me, sex anytime is good for this chica; I never pass up an opportunity for a fuck. Location or time usually doesn’t present a problem for me. I have had sex in plenty of places. I do not, and I repeat do not, discriminate against any location for sex. But our last attempt at sex failed. And I don’t want sex with Gavin to be rushed; I don’t want our first time to be a good morning quickie. But I never said I’m known for making the right decisions. I grind against him, touching his cock with my ass. I move just enough to make sure I get it fully hard before I slide out of bed.
Gavin takes hold of my elbow as I get up. “Where are you running off to?”
“I need to pee.”
“No...you don’t,” Gavin says as he pulls me back into bed. He gets on top of me, making sure I can’t get away.
“Let me go.” I laugh.
“I see what you are, Jamie, you’re a big tease. Get me all hard and leave the bed.” He rubs his dick alongside my pussy. He does it about three times as my pussy begins to get wet. He kisses me down my neck. It’s taking all my willpower to stop this before it turns into a morning quickie.
“Gavin...stop.”
He immediately stops, giving me a quizzical look.
“As much as I want this to go further, it can’t. I want to have sex that isn’t a quickie with morning breath.” Gavin nods. He rubs his dick against my pussy a few more times. I want to ask him if he is in the mood for a morning dry hump, but I don’t think he would see the humor in it.
Gavin gets in the final word. “I will be fucking you, Jamie. I’m telling you it will happen soon. And when I’m done, I will be the last man you want to fuck. I hope you are ready for the ride of your life.”
I go directly to the bathroom; then I go to the spare bedroom to give myself a little distance from him. I love the dirty dominant persona he gives me when I’m least expecting it. As I’m getting my stuff ready for the shower, I glance at the clock. I can’t believe it’s already 10:00 a.m. It has been forever since I slept in that late. Between working in the E.R. yesterday and sleeping with him, I was knocked out for the night. I feel brand new. I need to stop taking sleep for granted.
The words Gavin said as I left his bed this morning keep going on autoplay in my head. I want to masturbate in the shower. But my sexual frustration level has risen to the point that it will not be enough for me.
When I get in the shower, I’m nearly brought to tears. Gavin has the bathroom stocked with my shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. For some people, it wouldn’t mean much, but to me, it means the world. I’ve never been anyone’s first thought, or even their last thought. Most of the time, people don’t think of me at all unless I’m doing something for them.
The shower perks me up. I dress casually in my Pink world tour t-shirt and comfy sports shorts. My curls are wild and out of control, and I make my best attempt to control them with a high ponytail. Of course I don’t leave home without my makeup. When I’ve done it just right, I look like I don’t have any makeup on at all.
Gavin started the coffee during my shower. I grab a cup of coffee and start reading an erotic romance novel on my Kindle. I’m not sure if that is the best decision since I’m already sexually frustrated.
Gavin joins me at his breakfast bar, getting himself a cup of coffee. “How did you sleep last night? I could tell you were exhausted since you fell asleep on the couch within a few minutes while I was watching ESPN.”
“I was tired, that’s for sure. I have not been sleeping well with the Dickhead Doug situation. After getting such a good night’s sleep last night, I will not be taking sleep for granted anymore.”
“Your phone was ringing, and it didn’t even wake you up.”
“I wonder who was calling that late. I talked to Regan last night before Gold Dust wouldn’t start.” I hop off the stool to get my phone.
“I answered the phone last night. I wasn’t sure if it was Regan or the hospital. I thought you might have been on call.”
“Okay. Who was on the phone?”
“It was your sister Julia.”
I turn my back to him. “What did she say?”
“She asked that you call her in the morning. I asked if she needed me to wake you up, and she said no. Jamie, I thought you had no family. I’ve never heard you talk about them.”
“I don’t want to talk about this right now.” I grab my phone and step outside to the pool to call Julia back. If he follows me here, at least I’ll be able to hear him coming. I look at the call log and dial the number, grateful that he’s giving me some privacy.
After a few rings, Julia picks up. I was hoping she wouldn’t answer the phone this morning; that would mean she was at school. “
Morning, Jules.”
“Hey, Jamie. I hope I’m not bothering you. Who was the hottie that answered your phone? Is he your boyfriend? Are you living together?”
“Damn, girl, take a breather.” Hopefully, the Spanish Inquisition holds off for a bit. Knowing my sister, I doubt it. Jules thinks I’m living this glamorous life. I’m sure that, in her mind, anything is better than living with the people who created us. “Let’s start off with this...why are you not in school?”
“I have a doctor’s appointment this morning, that is why I called you.”
“Is something wrong, Jules?” All sorts of crazy thoughts go through my head. My parents were never good at getting us to the doctor or the dentist; whatever is wrong, it might have gone untreated for a while.
“No, Jamie. I just need you to act like you’re my mom on the phone.”
Well, this sounds very suspicious. “Why would I need to do that?”
Julia gets quiet for a second. “I want to go on birth control, and I need permission before they give it.”
Feeling a little relieved she hasn’t been diagnosed with terminal cancer, I take a deep breath. “What kind of birth control do you want to go on? Are you having sex?”
“No, Jamie, I’m not having sex. I want to go on the Mirena IUD. I’m tired of taking care of kids. The last thing I want is to take care of more kids. I can’t wait for the day I can live my own life. I love them, but I want to be a teenager.”
I fight my tears. Listening to Julia breaks my heart because this was me seven years ago. The guilt settles in; I should be doing more. “Since you are seventeen, you do not need parental consent to get birth control. I think you should be alright. I think you are making a great choice to be safe, I’m on the same birth control myself. Before you go, take some Ibuprofen. You might have a little bit of cramping but, otherwise, you should be fine. Call me if you have any problems.”
“Thanks, Jamie. I will call you after my appointment, and I want to hear about that hottie that answered the phone.”
I end the call feeling much better than before I talked to Julia. So many crazy scenarios were going through my head—with my parents, you never know. I need to figure out how to step up and help take care of my siblings. My parents are such fuck-ups; they will never get their shit together.
I have a great job here, and I don’t want to leave Regan, or Gavin for that matter. If I move so I can be near my family, I will be alone. And without my job, I won’t be able to support them financially. Besides, with my luck, I’ll relocate and my parents will up and move. I could take them to court, but once I take it there it can be undone. I have these thoughts every day, I can’t come to a decision on how to move forward. I’m waiting for the phone call for when the choice will be made for me, I just pray nothing horrible happens to the kids.
I stare into the pool like it has the answers to all my problems. Gavin isn’t going to let this go. I make the decision to tell him and Regan. Regan is going to take this worse than Gavin because I have kept my family a secret from her for over six years. She is going to blame herself. Honestly it is all on me. I didn’t want to tell anyone that my parents up and left me. They left me with nothing and no one. My parents didn’t even have any friends; they had “acquaintances”—criminals, drug dealers, and drug addicts. At least my parents had enough sense not to leave me with strange-ass people. I take a few more quiet moments to settle myself down before I go back into the house.
Gavin is sitting on the couch going through his phone. He respects my space and doesn’t start in on me the moment I walk through the patio doors. Maybe it is all of his psych experience. I like to think of myself as a wild deer and Gavin as the hunter. He knows how to quietly keep his distance and approach me without caging me in.
“I know you have a lot of questions, let’s get a fresh cup of coffee.”
Gavin smiles at me. We both get new cups and sit on the couch. I grab the throw blanket. The air conditioning is too much like the conversation we are about to have about my fucked-up family.
“I was seventeen years old when my parents up and left me here in Florida. It was six months before I turned eighteen, just before I graduated from high school. I went to school one day and, when I came home, they weren’t there. They left me a Dear John letter and a hundred dollars. The letter told me how to become a ward of the state and go into the foster care system. My mom was a product of it herself.”
Sympathy and pity are evident on Gavin’s face. I’ve managed to survive, and I have lived this long without someone’s pity. I surely do not need it now. I take a deep breath, hoping this conversation will end soon. “I was placed with a foster family, Dan and Mary Andrews. They were nice people, but I was never their family. I filled a bed, they got paid, and I turned eighteen. I met Regan in high school and, before I knew it, we were besties. Regan thought she’d never met my parents because they worked a lot, and I never told her anything different.”
Gavin's eyes get big, but he withholds judgment.
“At graduation, I acted like she kept missing them. My foster parents didn’t go to my graduation; only my caseworker attended. After graduation, I was placed in an independent living apartment, and my college was paid for all except the extras. I never contacted my family after they left, nor did they contact me. I recently received an email from my mom, after nine years, asking for money. Social media found my ass for her. My mom is an addict, and my dad is a crappy criminal. Julia is one of my five siblings, they are living in Kansas City. Well...at least you know why I’m fucked up.”
Gavin moves over and pulls me into his chest. “Sweetheart, you are far from fucked up. I will tell you this...Jamie, you can’t keep all this on your shoulders by yourself.”
Tears roll down my face. “I’m a selfish bitch for never trying to find them. I got tired of taking care of everybody. Gavin, I did it all day every day. Julia is now taking care of them. My dad has disappeared because he is tired of my mom’s addict ass. He is either locked up or fucking someone over, trying to steal their money. My parents left Florida because they were on the run. My mom had some illegal prescriptions, and my dad robbed a bank and got pennies out of it. I know how fucked up they are, and I just left the kids.”
“So, what did Julia call about?”
“She thought she needed parental consent for birth control. Julia is not even having sex, thank the heavens above. She is so tired of taking care of kids, she is making sure she doesn’t have any for years. I have paid my parents’ rent and water bill this month. I won’t give my mom money directly, and she is pissed about it. They can’t get government assistance because of the warrants, so they are living off the grid.”
“Jamie, it isn’t any of my business, but is it safe for the kids?”
“Yes, it is. Once it becomes unsafe, that is when I will intervene. Julia will let me know, she is keeping me updated.”
Gavin pulls me closer, leaving no distance between us, and at this moment I can’t get enough of him. “I will help you in any way I can. Promise me that if you need it, you will ask me. You don’t have to do this by yourself. Jamie. you don’t ever have to be alone again.”
Chapter 22
I want to believe every word that Gavin is telling me, and he has never given me a reason to think otherwise. The problem is I have been let down too many times to count, so the feeling in my gut tells me something entirely different.
The conversation with Gavin has left me emotionally drained. I could quickly go back to bed or drink myself silly. My coping skills are not anything to be proud of, but they are there regardless. Gavin holds me close to him, and I soak up the attention. I can’t get enough of this man and, at the moment, this is the most terrifying part of my reality.
As I’m wrapped up in my thoughts, Gavin kisses my forehead gently and rubs my back in soft circles. It’s almost enough to put me back to sleep. The moment I think I’m about to cross the threshold, he stops. The fucker did that shit on purpose.
“Why did you stop?”
Gavin chuckles. “I need to call about Gold Dust for starters, and I wanted to see what you want to do today. Drinking wine is not an option at ten o’clock in the morning.” Gavin says the last part in an authoritative tone I could do without.
“I think we should do what we planned last night. Lie around the pool and just hang out, if that works for you.” Gavin’s house is plenty beautiful; staying here is no hardship for me. “Works for me. I’m going to call the mechanic.”
Gavin walks down the hall to his office. I’m not sure if I want to call Regan or not. I go back and forth in my head, coming to no real conclusion. I’m drained from the conversation with Gavin. The exhaustion is settling in, and I want to drift off to sleep. I lie on the couch, and I can smell Gavin’s woodsy scent—it would be too easy to drift off. Within a few minutes, I’m asleep again.
I’m startled awake by the garage door. I look around to check my surroundings and look at a clock on the wall. It has been two hours since I fell asleep. Just a little over two hours ago, I told my deepest secret. I sit up trying to get more awake.
Gavin goes into the kitchen for some food. The man is a human garbage disposal. I don’t know where he puts it, but he can’t get enough.
I join him in the kitchen as he lays out the place settings. I must admit I enjoy watching the domesticated Gavin. “I figured I should make good use of my time while you were taking a power nap.”
“Umm...I think the power nap exceeded the power nap range since I was asleep for a couple of hours. So, give me the news about Gold Dust.”
“Well, she needs a new timing belt.” My day goes to complete shit as I absorb this information. Timing belts cost about eight hundred dollars, and sometimes it turns out that the motor is fried. I keep shaking my head as if that is going to solve the world’s problems. I definitely do not need this right now. My money is completely stretched, and I can’t dig it out of my ass. This is another reason I’m going to be the emergency room’s bitch. It’s cutting into my bar time more and more, almost like it’s someone’s plan to keep me from going out.