by Anthology
Ohhhh, well that makes sense.
My semen is inside of Maggie… She’s trapping it in there with the hope that it makes a baby.
Holy fuck.
I say stupidly, “Wow, so we may have just made a baby.”
Her eyes widen and she chuckles. “Well, no. One of your swimmers needs to get to my eggs and fertilize one of them. That takes a little bit.”
Stop talking, Spradley. You’re an idiot.
I don’t listen to myself. Turning on my side, I prop my head on my hand and watch her. She’s staring up at the ceiling. “What now? Do you need something? Something to drink? Do I need to get you a towel or anything? What happens if you need to pee? How long to you need to stay like that?”
Her head turns though she angles her hips some. “I’m ok. I’ll clean up in a bit. It’ll only take about ten minutes. I can pee after that.” Her nose wrinkles and she laughs again. “Sorry, this part isn’t very sexy.”
As I look at her naked in my bed with her knees bent to keep my sperm inside of her body, I couldn’t disagree with her any more.
“You’re so wrong. This is quite possibly the sexiest thing ever. Even sexier than the skin colored bra and the unshaved legs.”
She gasps and then rolls her eyes. “Once I’m done here, I’ll head home so I can shower and shave. I need to get cleaned up if we’re going to get naked again.”
Shaking my head, I mutter, “No, you can do all that here.” Rolling over, I kiss her again. Her arms come around my neck and we make out like horny teenagers. Once my dick starts to stir, I lean back in shock.
You’re ready to play again, dude?
Shaking my head, I mutter, “See, I do not care about you getting cleaned up… My dick is already ready for round two.”
She chuckles and looks down. “I’m ok with that.”
Before we shower and clean up, we get dirty two more times and then fall asleep on the rumpled bed.
Chapter Eleven
Spradley
One week later
Maggie and I have been seeing each other and more importantly sleeping together for a week. We’ve both kind of made “Operation Make A Baby” our priority. But, we spend time together just getting to know each other, too.
Even though we went to high school together and grew up around each other, we’ve realized there are a lot of things about each other we never knew. Then, there’s the twelve years since we actually graduated high school where we both grew and matured into the people we are today.
The looming date of my surgery next week is always right there with us too though. No matter how much we both try to pretend that I don’t have cancer and that if Maggie doesn’t get pregnant before they take my nut, it might not happen. Not with me anyway… since the soonest the can harvest my spunk is in four weeks and my appointment is in one…
Last night after sex, while we were lying in bed and she was cradling my swimmers, we talked. She brought up the fact that if this failed, she was still open to using a donor.
My swimmers better not let me down. I need y’all to be Michael Phelps guys!
The fact is I don’t want Maggie pregnant with some stranger dude’s baby. I want her carrying and having MY baby.
Even though she won’t be having sex with whoever it would be, I’m not really down with the idea that some other dude’s jizz is in my girl.
And she is my girl.
Maggie was the one woman I was waiting for without realizing it.
All those other women were just time killers until she came back into my life. As much as I’ve always thought that fate and all that other mumbo jumbo was total bullshit… I have to admit that the way the cards fell in our situation has me thinking that maybe, just maybe, there’s something to that.
Cue the sappy chick songs.
The knock on the door interrupts my internal conversation and Doc Barkley pops his head in. I nod and he walks in followed by the blonde nurse from the previous appointment. He holds out his hand and we shake. “You’re looking good, Spradley. Have you thought of any more nquestions since last week? I wanted to bring you in today to go over any concerns or questions you may have come up with before you head down to the hospital for pre-registration.”
He waits for me to ask anything I may have come up with. I have nothing. The few things I did need to know, I just asked Maggie. But, I’m not sure if I should say that. I don’t know if she’d get in trouble for seeing me…
Ha, dumbass. What happens if she DOES get pregnant and y’all have a kid together? Think he wouldn’t know then!?
I shake my head. “I really can’t think of anything that hasn’t already been covered. Other than how long it’ll be once you remove the nut to get the results back? How soon will I know if I need Chemo or Radiation after the surgery?”
Doctor Barkley pushes his glasses up. “We should have the pathology report back in four to five business days. Once I have that, I’ll review it and see if any further treatment should be done. I’ll call you with the results and we’ll talk about anything else that may need to be done. Of course, you’ll have follow up visits and the swelling can last a few weeks. You may also have some pain or numbness around the base of the penis for a few weeks to a few months. It should get better as the incision heals though.”
So he’s going to take my nut and then my penis is going to swell and hurt…
What does he mean numbness? Like it won’t get hard?
Can I have sex?
I blurt out, “When can I have sex?”
Doctor Barkley’s brows raise and he covers a smirk. He says, “Well, that really depends on how you heal. But a few days at least. Once the incision is healed and the scab is on it, you can masturbate or have sex. I would recommend not exerting yourself though. It may pull or feel uncomfortable and you should avoid pressure on the incision site, but other than that… you can have sex as soon as you feel ready. If we have to go the chemo route, that will change, but right after surgery, sex is ok as long as you don’t overexert yourself.”
The nurse’s nose wrinkles and her lips purse.
I feel my face flame. She knows I’m talking about sex with Maggie.
So what?
I mean, you work with her but she’s a gorgeous, healthy woman I need to knock up.
I have one more question, but I kind of want to ask it in private. Doesn’t look like she’s leaving though. “Great. Ok, one more thing. Um, as far as my virility… I can still have kids with only one nut, I know that. But, does having one nut make it less likely to happen?”
The nurse sputters and covers her face with her clipboard.
What? I’m quite certain I am not the only man to ever ask that question!
Doctor Barkley’s mouth tilts up again and he coughs. “Er, no. I can assure you that the amount of sperm you produce doesn’t diminish with the loss of one testicle. You can still have children.”
I exhale. “Whew, thank God!”
We talk a little more and I tell him I have no more questions and then he says he’ll see me next week… at surgery.
Before I leave the office, I pop my head in to see Maggie. She smiles when she sees me. “Good appointment?” Glancing into the hall, she looks both ways and crooks her finger as I nod. “Come here.”
My heart beats faster and with two strides, I cross the room. Looking behind me, I lean over her desk and plant a kiss on her pink lips. Being the devilish little minx she is, she opens her mouth and licks the seam of my lips before teasing my tongue.
Just before I climb over the desk and teach her what happens when she torments me, a voice comes from down the hall. “Maggie… can you make sure to send a copy of Spradley Nutts’s file over to the hospital and then put the original on my desk…” I lean back quickly and stand awkwardly in front of her desk. “I want to look it over…” His voice falters as he walks into her office and sees me standing there with what I’m sure is a guilty expression on my face. He looks from me to Maggie. “Um…”
He nods. “Ok, perfect. Thank you.” She smiles at him and I still just stand there like an idiot.
What do I do?
Do I make up a reason for being in here?
Finally, I just blurt out, “I thought of a question so I just came in here.”
Doctor Barkley just looks at me and then nods. “I hope you found your answer… in Maggie’s mouth.”
Maggie and I audibly gasp and stare at each other. Then, a look of horror crosses her face.
What? What the fuck?
She quickly points to the side of her mouth and I stare at it looking for the issue. I don’t see anything. I shake my head and she widens her eyes and I can see her calling me an idiot in them.
I shake my head again and Doctor Barkley laughs. “Oh good lord. Wipe your mouth, son. You’re wearing Maggie’s lipstick.” He chuckles again. “Ahhh… now your questions make perfect sense.” His eyes zero in on Maggie while I hastily wipe her makeup off my face.
She blushes. “Er, we’re sort of seeing each other…”
He nods. “I gathered that.” Holding his charts to his chest he looks from me back to Maggie. Turning on his heel, he leaves the office calling over his shoulder as he walks down the hall. “See you next week, Spradley. Now, you’d better get a move on or you’ll be late for your pre-registration appointment.”
Glancing at my wrist, I see the time. “Shit! I need to go, babe.”
She shakes her head and mutters, “Yeah. Go away. Now my boss knows I’m seeing a patient.”
With a grin, I lean down to kiss her once more. It’s quick and hard. “He knows more than that.” I wink. “I asked him about sex and my sperm counts after surgery. See you tonight.”
As I walk out of her office I hear her muttered, “Oh, dear God! Spradley!”
Chuckling, I head to the elevators to race across the lobby and up the other bank of elevators to hopefully make my appointment.
“So, earlier today I was at an appointment for some stuff going on in my life. I’d like to get a little personal here if that’d be ok with you assholes listening. Can I go ahead and get personal, Jamison?” I’m talking into the mic as I toss a foam sperm into a basketball hoop on the other side of the desk. It eases through the hoop and bounces off the glass of the sound booth to roll back in front of me.
Jamison answers me from the control booth. “Of course you can, man. The mic is yours.”
He raises his brows and mouths, “What are you up to?”
Shaking my head, I smile. “Ok, so earlier today, I was at the oncologist, you know the cancer doctor… Well, at my yearly physical last week, it seems that an issue was found with my nuts. Now I don’t know about other dudes, but my nuts are pretty important to me. I love those things. They’re a vital part of my anatomy.
“I think most men would agree… Having a big dick is a great thing, but when you have a nice dick along with some perfect nuts… that’s the best.
“And nuts are pretty important for sex, too. For men who want to have kids, you need them. That’s where the bang comes in. Without nuts, you can’t ejaculate and without losing your load, well, you can’t make babies.
“You also can’t make pornos, but hey, that’s a topic for another day. Right now, we’re talking about nuts. More importantly… my nuts.
“Ok, so last week, they found the issue at my physical. I was referred to an oncologist. I go see the cancer doctor, good dude. Awesome Dumbledore glasses. Hey Doc, if you’re listening.
“Ok, so I’m at this appointment and he tells me that we need to do more testing. I do it and it comes back as cancer. Yes, my nuts have cancer. Well, one of them.
“And the way to treat that is to remove the nut. Next week, I’ll be out because my junk is getting cut on. From next week on, my chain will hang low and lopsided.
“My girl is not really concerned with all that and as long as my dick works, well, we’ll be golden right?!
“But when the doctor tells you that he’s going to be taking your nut and if that happens, all this other crazy shit can happen. Like I might not be able to have kids. Now, kids was always something I thought about having when the right woman came along and I, like most men, thought that I’d have all the time in the world to water the right lady’s garden and grow some flowers.
“That might not happen now and that is some unfair bullshit! Why is it that when you wear a raincoat to water shit the water supply seems infinite yet when you want to use the hose and actually plant a fucking garden, the well dries up?
“Guys, get your shit checked. You’re not invincible and when the well is dry, your gardener might go looking for a new supplier.
“This is Spanky Nutts telling all you fuckers to get your nuts checked.”
Jamison cuts in with some funny remark and asks for men who’ve had their nuts cut on to call in and he signals we’re on break.
As he cuts my mic off, he talks into my headphones. “What the hell, man? You’re talking about having kids on the radio… on your show… and talking about your girl… you have never mentioned anyone you were ever involved with on the air before. Never. Now you’re talking about planting a garden and shit. Haven’t you been dating Maggie for like a week? What the fuck is going on?”
Looking at him, I decide to tell him. He’s not only my producer, he’s my best friend. I should have told him before now. “I fell for Maggie in high school. You knew that. And since we’ve been seeing each other… well, things are different now. I’m also trying to get her pregnant.” I just spit it out.
His eyes bug out and his mouth falls open. He blinks as he stares at me. “Are you fucking crazy? Does she know that?”
What the fuck? Like I’d try to impregnate her without her knowing.
As if I’d do that shit!
I’ve spent my whole life trying NOT to knock up any chicks.
Slinging myself into the chair, I flip him off. “Yeah she knows, fucker! As if I’d try to plant a baby in her without her knowing. Fucking moron.”
He falls back into the chair in the sound booth and sputters, “She knows and is on board with it? Are you kidding me? Since when do you want kids and how the hell are you trying to have a baby with the most popular girl in existence when we were growing up when you’ve been dating her for a week?!”
Tapping my wrist, I signal to him to check the time. He cusses and frantically flips switches and hits buttons while he scribbles something on the board. He counts down with his fingers, “five, four, three, two…” He points at me.
As I start talking into the mic, he holds up the board and points at it. It says, “Who the fuck are you and are you CRAZY?”
Waving my hand at him, I ignore him and take the calls he feeds to me for the duration of the show.
Many of the callers are men who have had or known men who had testicular cancer or women whose spouses did and still managed to have babies.
It gives me a bit of hope and I end the show on an upbeat.
Jamison waits for me before he leaves the studio. As I open the door to the sound booth, he looks at me like he’s never seen me before. “Rad, seriously man… what is going on? You’re my best friend and I had no idea things were this serious with you and Maggie. What is with the wanting a baby and everything? You haven’t filled me in on what’s happening with you in a week and holy fuck… a lot is happening.”
Slinging my arm around him, I man hug him and mutter, “You’re right. Let’s go grab some grub and I’ll fill you in.”
Two hours later we head to our cars and bump fists. Jamison laughs as I lean against my door. “Damn man… who’d have thought losing one nut would turn you into a one woman man trying to make a baby and going all soft on the radio?”
Flipping him off, I mutter, “Fuck off. I’m not going soft. You’ll be there for my surgery, right?”
He nods. “You know it.”
As I pull out of the p
arking lot and head toward my house, Maggie calls to tell me she’ll meet me there. She’s there more often than not now and since I have a key in my pocket I plan on giving her tonight… I’m totally ok with that.
Chapter Twelve
Spradley
The day of surgery
“Why the hell are these freaking gowns so thin?” I grumble.
It’s 7:30AM and I’ve been in this room for an hour already. There should just as soon be a revolving door in this bitch because so many doctors, nurses, anesthesiologists and whatever else have come in here that the damn thing hasn’t stayed closed one time. My surgery is scheduled for 9:15AM and I’m starving.
Maggie is in here since she took the day off and so is Jamison. My momma is supposed to be here around the time of surgery since I finally gave her the date.
I’ve been bitching since I got up this morning, but I’m more freaked out about this surgery than I’d like to admit. Jamison has already threatened to walk out if I cuss at him one more time and if it wasn’t for Maggie smoothing things out, he probably would have walked ten minutes after he got here.
A knock on the door has me rolling my eyes. I mutter, “Why do they even knock. It’s not like they wouldn’t come in if I just ignored them!”
Maggie leans over and slaps my shoulder. “Stop it. You’re a terrible patient, you know that?! You’re one of the people we want to smother with a pillow…”
I look at her. Her face is clear of makeup except for lip gloss and a little mascara and her hair is pulled into a messy ponytail, yet, she’s gorgeous. Since I don’t acknowledge the door, she calls out, “Yes?”
I tell her, “You’re so beautiful,” just as the nurse walks in.
The nurse smiles and winks at Maggie. “Aw, go Mags. I hear that your man is giving people Hell this morning though.”
Maggie laughs and Jamison says, “Hell yes, he is. Can you cut one of those wires over there to make him pass out so he’ll shut up?”
I snap at him, “Don’t let him near me. See, his ass will try to kill me.”
He snaps back, “Yeah, sure I will. Cause I kicked the beauty that spent the night last night out of my bed at 6AM to come up here to listen to your bitching just because I wanted to kill you!”