Circles the Trilogy (Secrets and Lies)

by Carla Buchanan

  There is no telling how much money Quinton has shelled out to make this day happen on such short notice and I feel flattered that he’s thought to do this for me, though I’m not completely sure what this is yet.

  Todd leads us to the counter where there are people still in line paying admission. He goes behind the counter and grabs a paper bag. He hands the bag to me and when I look inside I see large chunks of something in there.

  “What’s this?” I ask Quinton.

  Once again he is being cryptic and says, “You’ll see.”

  Obviously it’s something I’ll need because I see a few children with large cups of the same stuff that’s in my bag. Quinton is smiling bigger than ever and I feel warmth course through me as I take in the child-like mood he seems to be in since we stepped out of his truck.

  As we follow Todd out to where the buses are parked Quinton tells me that his mom brought him and his sister here a couple times when they were young. He also tells me that after his mother died, he continued to bring his sister back at least once a year because he loved how excited she was to see the animals. He said that though they don’t come every year as adults, they still visit every now and then and it is just as much fun as when they were kids.

  “Here we are,” Todd says directing us toward the entrance to a large school bus that has been painted to look like a zebra. Minutes later we’re settled into seats and the bus is entering a gate driving slowly.

  At first I’m not sure about how fun this will be. I see the other cars and passenger vans ahead of us with their windows down. They are feeding the animals what looks to be those chunks in the bag I have. The bus slows to a crawl along the first turn and Quinton opens the bag and pulls a few chunks of the food out. He’s sitting in the seat along the isle and leans over me to demonstrate how to feed the animals. A giraffe practically sticks its head through the window of the bus and takes the food from Quinton’s palm. I giggle like a kid when he smiles at me and nods for me to do the same.

  I’m a little nervous but very excited about doing this. I’ve never done anything like this before. I’ve only been to the zoo a couple times and it was when I was in elementary school. I mimic Quinton’s actions and giggle again at the strange feeling of being so close to the beautiful animals.

  The bus slowly proceeds through the park and a little over halfway through, I run out of food for the animals. Quinton is now sitting in the seat in front of me as I have gone into full kid mode and am now on my knees nearly hanging out the window. I’m laughing and having a good time and so is Quinton. There is no mention of fiancé’s or work or social circles during our ride through the park. We only enjoy each other’s company and talk about what we are seeing. Occasionally, Todd gives out facts about some of the animals or gives us advice on how to get them to come over to the bus.

  As we make our way through the last bit of the park, Quinton returns to his position next to me.

  “Are you enjoying yourself, Society Girl?”

  I laugh. Using that nickname in this place makes me realize how far away I am from that person. Right now I am not the woman who is the daughter of a judge or engaged to a partner at a very successful investment firm. I am not the big sister who has to be an example to her sister and brother. I am not the person who has to be reserved and conservative. I am free and happy and laughing and enjoying myself. Right now I don’t have a care in the world and it is all thanks to this man sitting next to me.

  “I am. Thanks,” I say beaming at him. “I don’t remember the last time I laughed this much or had this much fun.” I don’t know what comes over me, but I grab his face and I pull him into me and kiss him. It’s not an innocent ‘thank you’ kiss either. I kiss him with passion, sealing our mouths together with an intensity that I didn’t know I had lying dormant inside of me. Instantly, heat infuses me and I hear myself moan as Quinton takes over exploring the depths of my mouth with his tongue.

  I forget where we are and that we aren’t alone as I try to remove any space between our bodies. Quinton pulls me into his lap and I can feel his erection pressing against the front of his designer jeans into my backside. My insides are quivering and I am now wishing we were somewhere else so we can get closer than we are now.

  Quinton is the first to pull away. He places his forehead against mine and reluctantly places me back in the seat next to him. I think that I’ve done something wrong, but realize that Quinton is as affected as I am. I can tell that he is trying to regain control of himself as he spouts a few profanities under his breath. He waits a moment before he looks over at me with eyes that are filled with want and desire that I am sure are reflected back in my own.

  After a moment he says, “Sasha Ellis, I will have you. But this is not the time or place.” He then leans over and places and lingering kiss on my lips and pulls my bottom lip between his teeth. He lets out a groan before releasing it and the sound sends a shudder through my body making me squeeze my legs together. The way my body reacts to this man is unsettling as well as exciting. After hearing for so long that it takes time for love and passion to grow between two people, I realize how wrong I was to believe that. I now realize that Daryn and I would never have the kind of passion I feel when I’m in Quinton’s arms.

  I get quiet and Quinton senses my change in mood. He probably thinks I feel guilty for kissing him but I don’t. I feel trapped. Trapped in my other life. I’ve experienced passion and desire and I feel sorry for myself because I know that I will be resigned to a life of charity galas, business luncheons, society parties, while being Daryn’s wife.

  “You okay?”

  I nod. If I speak, I may break down. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. Like Quinton has said… I am a grown woman and it’s my own fault if I marry Daryn and accept a life I don’t want. I will only be able to blame myself.

  I have no idea how to move forward.

  I pull my shoulders back and do decide to ‘put my big girl panties on’ as Neesa always says and decide to just do what I need to do. I will talk to Daryn and tell him that I am not ready to marry him. I will tell him that I have no desire to live my life hosting cocktail parties and being a younger version of his mother. I won’t do it. I don’t want to do it. I will deal with the fallout of that decision like an adult.

  ***

  The drive back seems to go by more quickly than the drive there. I guess it’s because I’ve made some decisions about myself and my life. I feel better than I’ve felt in a long time. I’m smiling like an idiot and humming along to the music playing in the car. Surprisingly enough, I know this particular song since it is one that Neesa often plays when she is getting ready to go out.

  “What are you so happy about?” Quinton asks. He probably thinks I’m crazy with the up and down moods I’m experiencing, but I don’t care. Maybe I am a little crazy. And if I am crazy, then I love the feeling.

  “I’m happy because I’ve had the best time thanks to you. I’ve also made some decisions. I don’t really want to say anything out loud yet, but let’s just say that I’ve realized that it is time for me to grow up and stop allowing other people to decide my future. I love the way I felt today and I want to feel like this every day. I know there is only one way I’ll be able to do that.” I smile again and he winks at me as if he knows exactly what I am saying.

  I know that I’ve only known Quinton for a few days, but in this short amount of time I’ve felt more like myself than I’ve ever felt in my entire twenty-eight years of life. We seem to have a strange connection that I cannot explain. He seems to know me better than Daryn and Daryn and I have been together for years. I don’t know if I want a relationship with Quinton, but I do know that I enjoy his company and I can see us becoming great friends. Maybe even friends with benefits, I think to myself. Never would I have ever considered starting a purely physical relationship with someone with no commitments before, but that person wasn’t really me. That was who I was expected to be.

  “Good.” That one simple
word makes me smile even brighter. He doesn’t question me or try to analyze what I’ve told him. He’s listens and accepts what I’ve said without judgment. He hasn’t said that he doesn’t believe that I’ll do what I’m saying or offer me other alternatives. I feel like he believes in me and my decisions and will only offer his opinion if I ask for it.

  I’m taken away from thoughts of Quinton by my vibrating cell phone. I had forgotten all about it. But reality hits me squarely in the face when I see that I’ve missed several calls from Daryn, Neesa, Mrs. Bryant, and a few unknown numbers. The vibrating is a text from Neesa.

  Neesa: Where are you?

  Me: On my way home. Is there something wrong?

  Neesa: Why haven’t you answered your phone?

  Me: What’s going on, Neesa?

  Neesa: Have you seen the news or are you around a television?

  Neesa is never this vague so I get worried that something has happened. I had turned my phone off and left it in Quinton’s truck when we’d went in to see the animals and hadn’t thought to check it until I got the text from Neesa. I have a feeling that I won’t like what Neesa is about to tell me and I am sure it isn’t something I want to hear through a text message so instead of texting Neesa again, I call her.

  When she picks up I ask her about the vague messages and she is hesitant to tell me anything. My mind immediately thinks that maybe one of my family members has been hurt and she assures me that that isn’t the case. What she does tell me makes me sick to my stomach and I now see why she didn’t want to come out and say it in a text message. She knew I would call. After she is finished telling me what she knows, we say our goodbyes and she tells me that she’ll be at home in about fifteen minutes and I tell that I’ll see her there.

  “Shit!” I practically scream and sob at the same time. Quinton looks over at me and grabs my hand. He doesn’t ask what the call is about, but he squeezes my hand as if he is assuring me that I can tell him anything. I look straight ahead at the cars zooming along to their destinations and recall what Neesa has just told me. I now know why Daryn wanted me to come by his office after my doctor’s appointment. I now know why he decided to propose to me when he did. I now know why it was so important for Daryn to find out sooner than later about his partnership with his firm. I now know that this was all his mother’s idea to have her son’s life all wrapped up and tied in a nice little bow. It was all so the media would see the Bryant family as a stable, successful, traditional part of the Atlanta community.

  I’m sure Daryn and his mother were livid when they couldn’t get in touch with me after my doctor’s appointment. I’m sure she was waiting at his office with the perfect dress in hand and a team to get me television ready for the appearance that I had no idea was supposed to happen.

  “I need you to take me home through my building’s private entrance, not the front. I can’t take a chance of anyone seeing me exit your truck.” My voice is shaky as I direct him where to go. I’m not even remotely ready for what is possibly waiting for me back in my apartment. I am sure that Daryn is there seething about the fact that he couldn’t get in touch with me earlier. I have no idea how I’ll explain my disappearing act.

  “Do you wanna tell me what’s up? You are shakin’ and you look like you are about to pass out. It wasn’t long ago that you were smiling and happy, now this. I don’t like it. I know it’s got something to do with Ol’ Boy. It’s pissing me off that one phone call makes you react like this. If you need me to come up to your place with you, I will. I am not going to let this asshole keep –”

  “No!” I snap. “I’m sorry, Quinton. I didn’t mean to snap at you. You don’t deserve that. But, no. I think it would be best if you just drop me off. I need to handle this on my own. It’s going to be a mess and I don’t want to make it worse with a confrontation. I appreciate your concern, but everything I said before may not matter. Go home and turn on the news and you’ll finally see why this way of life and these social circles I am a part of will forever dictate what I do, what I say, and how I’m forced to behave. I’m sorry if I led you on.”

  Once we pull up to the private entrance in my building, I am thankful to see Neesa standing there waiting. She knew as well as I did that Daryn was probably waiting for me upstairs. I’m sure she realized that there would be too many questions if she showed up without me.

  Before I get out, I give Quinton a kiss on the cheek, knowing that this one day of happiness will be my last one for a while. Over the next year, my life will not be my own. My every action will be judged and dissected by reporters waiting for me to do something that will be fodder for gossip. I will have to be on my best behavior and that means staying away from Quinton Ramsey. My only wish is that I would have been brave enough to make the decision I made earlier today, much sooner. Now I know I can’t say anything. I can’t.

  Neesa comes over and helps me out of his truck. I then walk past her and with each step I take; I feel my body returning to and transforming back into the person I don’t like. I faintly hear Quinton asking Neesa what’s going on, but I don’t wait around to find out what she says back to him. It doesn’t matter if she says nothing or tells him everything. He’ll find out soon enough what kind of people I have to deal with and what lengths they’ll go to in order to get what they want.

  Eight - Lies

  When Neesa meets me at the elevator, I don’t bother to ask what she told Quinton. She doesn’t volunteer the information either. She is my friend, my best friend, and she is there for me no matter what. I feel like this will be a time where I’ll need her more than ever. And though this is not a life and death situation, I still feel like someone has died – me.

  Neesa laces her fingers through mine as the elevator opens on our floor. “You know… I could just call him back and I’m sure he’d turn right around and take you away from all this. He really likes you and he is worried about you. You got out of his truck and left your purse, you were so out of it,” she says handing me my purse.

  I give her a smile that doesn’t reach my eyes. Neesa knows that I could never run away like that but I am silently thanking her for the thought. I’m sure she would do just as she said and call Quinton back. She’d let him take me away and he’d allow me to hide out with him. I know she’d face Daryn’s wrath alone if it meant that I was happy and in a place I wanted to be. But I can’t. The lie is already out there and the announcement has been made. My immediate future will be that of fake tears and interviews and presenting myself as a grieving fiancée. I guess in all honesty, I will be grieving. I will be grieving for the life I could’ve had if I’d been strong enough to stand up for myself and not let this life, these social circles, dictate my life for me.

  ***

  Neesa opens the apartment door. Though he does not meet us at the door like he did before, I know Daryn is in the apartment. I can smell his expensive cologne and the bottle of expensive scotch is open and sitting on the counter.

  “Do you need me to come with you?”

  I know Neesa means well, but I can’t let her do that. I need to deal with Daryn on my own.

  “I’ll be fine. What’s done is done,” I say. She hugs me and tells me to come and get her from her room as soon as Daryn leaves. I don’t answer because I am not sure that he will leave anytime soon. If he does leave, I’m positive that he won’t leave without me.

  I open the door and instead of the fury I’m expecting, I see relief when his eyes land on me. He gets up off the chair and wraps me in his arms. I don’t know what to make of this but I don’t say anything and wait for Daryn to explain.

  “Sasha. Honey. I was so worried about you. When you sent that text saying you weren’t pregnant and then you didn’t show up at my office, I thought… I don’t know what I thought. I was just worried. I didn’t think you’d be so upset about finding out that you weren’t pregnant that you would just disappear. I have been calling you and texting you all afternoon. When I couldn’t get in touch with Aneesa, my mother an
d I almost called the police.” He pulls back and then wraps me in his arms again.

  I have no idea how to respond to what he is saying. He thinks that I was so upset about not being pregnant that I was overcome with grief and spent the past several hours alone with my thoughts. He thinks the look on my face is one of sadness for not giving him something he wanted – a child. I’m shocked at the turn of events. I thought I would have to defend myself and we’d have a big argument about where I’ve been or who I’ve been with.

  “I’m okay,” I say, though I’m not exactly sure if I am. This is why they fed the media that story after Judge Bryant’s announcement. They thought I’d been so depressed about not being pregnant that I’d gone somewhere and curled into the fetal position. Ha! Not likely!

  And as if this strange caring version of Daryn wasn’t enough. He sits me down on the loveseat in my seating area and takes off my shoes for me. He runs his hand up my leg, massaging as he goes along. It feels heavenly so I lean my head back against the couch and let my frazzled nerves take a break. Come on… You’d do the same thing. Don’t judge me, people!

  He rises up off his haunches and sits next to me. He pushes my hair back and kisses me on my neck and then my cheek. He tells me over and over how sorry he is that I am so upset about not being pregnant. I begin to feel guilty for the things I’ve done today and my negative thoughts of him. I know I’ll have to lie about why I didn’t answer my phone and where I’ve been but there is no way I could ever admit that I was out basically celebrating the fact that I wasn’t pregnant. There is no way I can say that today, without him, I had the best day of my life with a man that wasn’t him.

  What is wrong with me? I’m out with Quinton while my fiancé is here worried to death about me. This proves how much he really cares for me, doesn’t it? Those thoughts clench my heart as my mother’s words run through my head. She told me that it may take longer for Daryn to show me how he really feels about me. She told me that it may take time to develop. I was so caught up in Quinton today that I almost gave up believing her. Maybe she was right.