Daryn kisses me on my lips. He kisses me again and again. He trails kisses down the exposed part of my chest and stops abruptly. He scrunches his nose up.
“What?” I ask. I’m afraid that he may somehow sense Quinton’s presence or smell his scent. I stiffen. I should be offended, but I am relieved when Daryn speaks.
“Darling? Why do you smell as though you’ve been to a petting zoo? Where did you go when we couldn’t find you?” He looks into my eyes and I turn away. I can’t bring myself to lie while looking into his eyes.
“Oh, that… I … um… I just started driving and I ended up at the Atlanta Zoo.” When did I become such a good liar? “I think I just needed to be somewhere that I could see the smiling faces of children having fun with their parents.” The lie flows so smoothly that I surprise with myself at how good it sounds. “I saw the animals and yes, I did visit the petting zoo there. I probably looked like some crazy child stalker walking around by myself, but it was exactly what I needed at the time.” Gosh. When did I learn to lie so well? I ask myself again.
He nods in understanding. “Why don’t I go run you a hot bath? You can go grab yourself a glass of wine. I hate to rush you, but we really need to talk about my father’s announcement and explain to you why my mother and I felt it was necessary to tell the media the things we did.”
“Okay. I’ll be right back.” I walk into the kitchen. Neesa is there on the phone, but quickly ends her conversation when she sees me walking in her direction. She stares at me as I walk over to the cabinet a grab a glass. I look in the fridge and see that Neesa has already chilled a bottle of the cheap Lambrusco that I love so much.
“I thought you might need it.”
“Thanks. You are such a good friend to me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” A tear escapes my eyes and she pulls me into her small frame and hugs me tight. I start to sob. She probably thinks I’m sobbing because Daryn has said something to me or made me feel as though I have no say in my life, but I’m not. I’m crying because I’ve made a complete mess of things by allowing myself to develop feelings for Quinton. I’m crying because I’m confused. I’m crying because I know I should be furious with Daryn and his mother, but I’m not. I stop crying long enough to tell her why Daryn was here waiting for me, but I don’t go any further than that. I don’t want to talk about Quinton with Daryn right there in the other room. I don’t think she wants to talk about him anyway since her jaw is on the floor after I tell her what Daryn and his mother thought.
I know my friend very well and I see that she is angry with me that I’ve simply decided to accept what they have done. I agree that what they’ve put out there is a lie. It’s unethical and immoral and if anyone finds out, the shit will definitely hit the fan, but what else can I do. What’s done is done.
“You’ll never have to find that out, Sasha. But what about Qui –”
I pull away when his name threatens to leave her lips. I shake my head. “That was a fantasy. This is reality. My reality.”
I walk away with my glass of wine and find Daryn chatting away on the phone – my phone. He mouths to me that he is talking to my mother. I walk on by him and start to undress for my bath. I set my wine glass on the ledge as I step in and settle myself into the vanilla scented bubbles. I wonder who’ll enter the bathroom to sit with me. Will it be the caring version of Daryn who thinks I’m sad over the fact that I am not pregnant with his child or will it be the one that I know so well? The one who, along with his mother, has schemed to turn my disappearance today into a political ploy to raise his father’s poll numbers.
I still can’t believe it. While I was out having the best day of my life, Judge Bryant was announcing his intent to run for senate next year. They’d had a news conference at Harris & Park – Daryn’s office – and had expected me to be there with them for the announcement. He’d asked me to come to his office after my appointment so that I wouldn’t be able to say ‘no’ to being paraded in front of the cameras for all of Georgia to see. I guess when I didn’t show, Daryn had to tell his mother about my appointment and the result. She probably was the one who came up with the idea to tell the media that I wasn’t yet fit to be on television because I was at home grieving over the supposed miscarriage that I’d found out about that morning.
That’s what had Neesa so upset. She was upset that I am not throwing Daryn out and giving him a piece of my mind for allowing that lie to come out of his mother’s mouth in front of all of Georgia. Yes, it was wrong. It’s immoral, but it’s too late now. I love Judge Bryant like a second father and I won’t ruin his chances at the senate seat because I am a disgruntled fiancée. I won’t embarrass his family or my family. Yes, breaking up with Daryn would’ve been a major embarrassment, but a society page embarrassment is a lot different than what could happen if I break up with Daryn or reveal that I was never pregnant. It would be a media disaster and no one from either one of our families would be able to show their face in public again. Fun and happiness are great fantasies, but the reality of my situation is that I now have a responsibility to the people that I love. I know that Quinton may think that I’m a coward but I’ve only known him for a few days. I’ll eventually get over him and he’ll move on to the next woman who presents a challenge for him. I’ll just be some distant memory to him. I guess being able to lie to myself comes with my new found lying ability.
I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting there inside my own head but I know it’s not long because the water is still warm. I hear Daryn saying bye to my mother and promising her that I will call her after I’ve taken a nap and had some time to rest. Obviously my mother is worried. She’s had to hear things about me in the news and though I know that none of it is true, she doesn’t know that. She thinks her oldest daughter has had a miscarriage and had never told her that she was pregnant. I feel terrible. I groan out loud and lower myself into the water until my whole body is submerged.
When Daryn reaches the tub, I must look a sight with my body under the water as if I’m trying to drown myself. He reaches in and pulls me up startling me, but the look of pure panic on his face snaps me out of it and I realize that he must really think that I’m practically suicidal. I’m not. Far from it. Homicidal maybe, but not suicidal. I wish I could wrap my hands around Ella Bryant’s neck and choke the life out of her for the position she’s put me in. She is forcing me to go along with this lie which means I’ll get asked questions and I’ll have to be sad. I’ll have to sit down with her and come up with some sort of timeline of events leading up to the ‘miscarriage’. I wonder what kind of punishment God will give me for a lie such as this.
“Sasha! Are you okay?”
“Oh. Yes. I’m sorry. I’m sure this looks… I mean… It’s been a long day. I wanted to block everything out for a few seconds.” My body is pressed into Daryn’s chest. I’m getting him soaked and I’m dripping water everywhere. My eyes are burning from the soapy water and as I look over Daryn’s shoulder I see that my glass of wine has spilled onto the floor. I feel Daryn release a sigh of relief at my words. I look at his face and see that his skin has gone pale and his eyes have unshed tears. I feel bad for making him think I would harm myself, but I wonder why he thinks I am this depressed over not being pregnant. Does he honestly think I care that much about having his baby? When I walked in after being gone all day, did I look a certain way? Maybe, just maybe, I’d really accepted that I could’ve been happy. Maybe a part of me did die with the news that I’d have no choice other than to be tied to Daryn. Maybe I am grieving. I’m grieving the loss of the Sasha I thought I was on the verge of becoming and not some imaginary baby.
“Thank God!”
“Daryn… please. I have no intention to hurt myself. I’m just tired. Like I said, it’s been a long day.”
Daryn accepts this explanation and leaves the bathroom. I quickly wash up and as I’m finishing, he returns with one of those towels that Neesa ordered from an infomercial late one night. Two of them have soak
ed up all the water and the wine spill. Now the floor looks like nothing was ever there. I step out of the tub and dry off. I lotion my body and slip on my robe. I join Daryn in my room where he is getting undressed.
“If you’re okay, I’m going to take a shower. Why don’t you get comfortable and I’ll join you in a few minutes.” He doesn’t wait for me to answer. He leaves the room and I let out a breath. I face-plant myself onto the bed and wonder how one moment I’m feeling on top of the world and the next I feel like I’m trapped six feet under the ground.
I lie in the spot for a minute or two. I know that Daryn will be a while in the bathroom so I go out to find Neesa. I find her sitting down on the couch with her iPad in her hand and reality TV playing in the background. She looks up at me and shakes her head as if she’s disgusted by my presence.
“Don’t do this Neesa. Say it. I can’t take you being mad at me. But honestly I don’t see why you’re mad anyway. You’ve known me for years and you know the kind of choices I have to make. It sucks ass sometimes, but you know that this decision was not my own. I just have to go along with it.”
I sit down next to her and she moves away from me. She takes in a deep breath. “Okay. I get it. But when I talked to him, he said that you were happy today. He said that you’d decided to make your own decisions. He said that… never mind. You know I love you and I want you to be happy and I can’t stand to see that evil woman do this to you. Sasha, you have to stand up for yourself. You have to one day decide to do what makes you happy. You can’t let the ‘rules’ of some stupid social circle dictate your life. I will stand by you no matter what you decide, but I wish you were deciding to spend more time with Quinton. He really likes you, you know. He went so far as to call my assistant to get my number so he could check on you. You probably already know, but that’s who I was talking to when you came to pour your wine.”
“I figured as much. And since you know what I said to him today…”
“Said to whom today?” Daryn asks walking in on the end of our conversation.
I’m stunned and I feel like I’ve been caught. I wonder how long Daryn had been standing there. I can’t believe he’s already out of the shower. He usually takes at least an hour in there primping and grooming. I’ve lost my ability to speak and just like the best friend that she is, Neesa saves the day.
“Oh, she was just telling me that she’d talked to Mr. Larson today.” She intercedes referring to my boss at the charity office. She says it with such a straight face that I nearly believe her myself. “By the way… tell your dad good luck in the senate race. From what Sasha has told me, he’s a really good man. You can guarantee him my vote.” With that, she gets up from the couch and heads to the other side of the apartment to her room. I’m a little nervous because Neesa is rarely nice to Daryn and never says anything good about him or his family. Actually the two of them barely speak more than a few words to each other when he is visiting.
Apparently Neesa’s words catch Daryn off-guard because he says, “What was that all about?”
“Oh, nothing. Just a friend trying to be supportive of my decisions. Sorry I wasn’t there when you came out of the bathroom. I was thanking her for taking me to the doctor this morning and letting me use her car when I needed to get away for a few hours.” This lying thing is becoming a bad habit. I stand and take Daryn’s hand and lead him back into the room where we pick up right where we left off before I took my bath. As I pass the table inside my room, I feel a pang of guilt when I see the beautiful flowers that sit there.
I guess Daryn has gotten over his aversion to having sex while Neesa is in the other room because he initiates our encounter and is the most tender and caring that I’ve seen him. He takes his time with me, but I’m not thinking about him as he kisses me and touches me. I’m thinking about what it would feel like to have Quinton in my bed with his hands all over my body. I think about Quinton’s mouth on my nipples, sucking gently and then more forcefully, making my core clench in anticipation. I respond to Daryn’s touch, but I’m thinking about Quinton hands. I moan Daryn’s name, but I wish it was Quinton’s name I was saying over and over again. When Daryn pushes into me, I wrap my legs around him and imagine my legs wrapped around Quinton’s waist as I meet him thrust for thrust feeling his impressive erection deep inside me, hitting just the right spot.
The way I’m practically screaming, I’m sure Daryn wonders what has come over me. I’ve never been so responsive while making love to him. Though he may wonder, it doesn’t seem to bother him one bit because he is pumping harder into me.
With my eyes closed, I imagine Quinton’s face and his voice and his lips. I come apart beneath Daryn with a loud scream as my climax consumes my entire body. My pussy tightens around Daryn and my nails dig into his back. I feel my walls as they become drenched with my wetness, igniting Daryn’s release. He kisses me over and over again telling me how much he loves me. His voice jars me from my fantasy interlude with Quinton and I open my eyes and literally face my future. I’m going straight to hell for that one.
How long can I do this? How long can I imagine the face of Quinton while I’m making love to Daryn? Is it even fair to do so? Have I been given any choice in the matter? It was just today that I’d planned to break up with Daryn and face the consequences. And on the other hand, has Daryn even changed? Or is this just an act? Will he go back to being the jerk that I know him to be? I guess, right now, there are too many unanswered questions for me to make any real decisions. I may have been too hasty before when I said I’d made up my mind to break up with Daryn. I’m so confused! I want to follow my heart, but my head is telling me to be sensible and not cause any unnecessary drama. I feel like such a coward. Maybe I’ll have a better idea of what to do once Daryn and I are able to talk.
Daryn rolls off of me and I get up and head to the bathroom. I get halfway there and Daryn calls out to me. “Sasha, honey? Where are you going?”
I’m confused. He knows exactly where I’m going. I’m going to get new sheets for the bed and to turn the shower on so we can both clean ourselves up. I tell him this, but he surprises me saying, “A shower is fine, but don’t worry about the sheets. We may mess them up again some time tonight.” He then gets up and grabs my hand. He pulls me into the bathroom with him and we take an intimate shower together. The night goes just as he said it would with us making love multiple times throughout the night(a first for us). I forget all about the questions I have and let exhaustion take over some time in the wee hours of the morning.
Nine – Ugh, Fiancé! ...Oh, Fiancé!
I open my eyes and smile to myself early the next morning. There is a delicious ache to my body as if the night before had been real and not a dream. I remember dreaming about making love to Quinton over and over until the wee hours of the morning until I was so exhausted that I couldn’t keep my eyes open a moment longer.
I turn over on to my side and see Daryn beside me with his laptop open. When he feels me stir beside him, he smiles down at me. He puts his laptop aside and kisses me passionately. “Good morning, Honey. I didn’t think you’d be up this early. We had a long night last night and this morning.” He smiles arrogantly as if he’s just accomplished some great feat. God, I want Quinton!
I close my eyes, not wanting to see the guilt in my eyes. I don’t want to let my thoughts show on my face. I didn’t dream any of it. Well in a way I guess I did. I dreamed the part about it being Quinton I was making love to. I feel so guilty that I made love to Daryn all night while my mind was on another man. I giggle a little. The best sex I’ve ever had with Daryn was when I was imagining myself being taken by another man. How wrong is that? I’m going straight to hell, I think once again.
I avoid the subject of last night and ask, “What are you doing here? Don’t you have to work today? What am I saying? I have to work,” I say jumping up out of the bed. “Has anyone from the charity called yet? What time is it? This is so unlike me to sleep in.”
“Calm dow
n, Honey. I’ve already talked to Mr. Larson. He said to take off as long as you need. And as far as I go, Peter has given me some personal time off to spend with my grieving fiancée.” He smiles at me after he spits the lie and I know it’s time to have our little conversation. Though he hasn’t told me himself, there is no doubt that he knows that I know about the lie that he and his mother have fed to the press in regards to my absence from the press conference on yesterday.
I sit down and put my face in my hands. “Why, Daryn? Why did you have to tell them that I’d had a miscarriage? I don’t get it. Why didn’t you just tell them that I was sick or something?”
“Honey, I know this is not something you’d want to be in the media, but my mother made me realize that is was the right thing to do. At first I was skeptical, but it was already too late. My mother had already made the decision. Here…” he says turning his laptop around to me, “… look at this video from the press conference yesterday.”
I press play on the video. The author of the video is the Campaign to Elect Judge Dexter Bryant. The video starts off innocent enough with Daryn’s father being introduced and then announcing his intention to run for United States Senate. There are many whistles and claps from the crowd when he finishes his speech. Then the floor is open to questions from the press. Most reporters ask the basic questions about his platform and some of his ideas on issues, but then I hear the question that starts it all. Someone I know to be one of the Society section reporters of the local paper asks about me. They ask, ‘Judge Bryant? Since your future daughter-in-law is not here today standing with your family, does that mean she doesn’t support your run for the Senate seat?’ Another reporter shouts, ‘Is the wedding off?’ Then another, ‘Did she call off the wedding because she doesn’t agree with your politics?’
Circles the Trilogy (Secrets and Lies) Page 9