by Anne Schraff
“Dad, I’m sorry,” Darcy repeated, tears welling in her eyes.
“Darcy, I trusted you!” her father yelled as they walked home. “Do you have any idea what could have happened?”
“But Dad, I—”
“I don’t want to hear it, Darcy. What you did was stupid. I’m so angry right now, I don’t even want to look at you. Don’t ask me to trust you again, not after this. ”
Her father stormed off, and Darcy followed, tears streaming down her face. She had never been in this much trouble. And she had never felt more alone.
“I tried to stop Dad,” Jamee said later that night. “But he wanted to bring you dinner. I knew it was a bad idea for you to sneak over Brian’s. At least for once I’m not the one getting in trouble. ”
Darcy grunted. She did not even look at Jamee, who was sitting on the opposite side of her bed.
“So what happened anyway?” Jamee asked.
“Look, I don’t want to talk about it right now, okay?” Darcy snapped. She could tell that her father had not told Jamee anything about what had taken place at the Masons’ apartment. Darcy was grateful that Jamee did not know. Jamee liked to gossip, and Darcy knew that all of Bluford would talk about how her father beat up Brian if her sister got the story.
“Sorry,” Jamee said, getting up from the bed. “Don’t worry, Darcy. Dad doesn’t stay angry long. I should know. ”
Darcy closed her bedroom door after Jamee left. In the quiet of her bedroom, she rubbed the dark bruise where Brian had gripped her arm. She could not believe what had happened just hours earlier, and she did not know what to think about Brian.
Part of her feared him. He should have stopped touching her when she asked him to. Of this, Darcy was certain. But she was not convinced he was totally to blame. Perhaps he did not understand how serious she was when she told him to stop. Or maybe she should have talked to him before they got so physical or before she agreed to be alone with him. Darcy shuddered as a wave of guilt, shame, and confusion washed over her.
Lying in her bed, Darcy remembered how hard she fought Brian and how frightened she had been. No matter what she should have done, Darcy concluded, Brian should not have behaved so aggressively. He was the real guilty party. There was no excuse for him to ignore her wishes or act so violently.
In twisted dreams hours later, Darcy relived the experience over and over again, grateful each time that she woke up in her own bed and that her father had arrived when he did.
The next morning, Darcy woke up in pain, her wrists and arms aching from the struggle with Brian. Listening to the silence of the gray morning, Darcy wondered where her father was and whether he had told her mother what happened. She was afraid to face them. She doubted if they would ever trust her again.
Pulling the blankets up over her head, Darcy wished she could just go to sleep and not have to face her parents, Jamee, or anyone. Then she heard a knock on her door.
“Darcy, wake up. Liselle Mason’s on the phone,” Jamee said.
Darcy winced at the sound of Jamee’s voice. The last thing she wanted to do was talk to Liselle. “Can’t you tell her I’ll call her back?” Darcy asked.
“No, she says it’s important. ”
Darcy reluctantly got out of bed. “Are Mom and Dad here?” she asked before opening her bedroom door.
“No, they went to get Grandma. They won’t be back until this afternoon. ”
Relieved, Darcy walked out into the hallway and grabbed the phone “Hi, Liselle. ”
“Darcy, I’m sorry this is such short notice, but I need to get some extra studying done, and I wanted to know if you could babysit this afternoon. ”
Darcy took a deep breath. Brian must not have told his sister about what had happened. For an instant, Darcy hesitated, thinking of what to say. “Liselle, I . . . won’t be able to babysit Kelena anymore. ”
“What?” Liselle asked, her voice rising in surprise. “Why not?”
Darcy looked over her shoulder to make sure Jamee was not listening. Lowering her voice, she spoke just above a whisper. “Look, Liselle, I just can’t do it, okay. ”
“Darcy, what’s wrong? Did I do something?”
“It’s not you,” Darcy paused debating whether to tell the truth. “It’s . . . Brian. ”
“What did he do?” Liselle asked, anger rising in her voice. “I knew he was going to do something wrong. He had his eye on you since day one. ”
“What do you mean?”
Liselle paused for a second. “Brian’s a player, Darcy. He’s a smooth talker, and he’s always chasin’ a pretty face and a nice body. Girls fall for it, too. They’re always callin’ him on his beeper. He’s been a dog for years, though he won’t admit it. I guess I thought you’d be be smart enough to see through his act. ”
Darcy’s face burned with anger and shame. “Yeah, well I guess you were wrong. ”
“I’ve been trying to get him to change his ways since he lost his football scholarship. ”
“He played college football?” Darcy asked, surprised.
“Division One, for a while. He hurt his knee at the end of his first year. Then he started gettin’ into trouble, and they kicked him out. That’s why he never told you about it. He probably never told you about the baby he fathered either. Because of him, there’s some poor girl out there right just like me tryin’ to raise a child without a father. Like I said, I’ve been tryin’ to get him to straighten up his act, but he don’t listen to nobody,” Liselle said bitterly. “So tell me what happened. ”
“Look, it was nothing serious. ” Darcy said, trying to hide the anger she felt toward Brian. “But I just can’t babysit anymore. ”
For several seconds, Liselle remained quiet. Darcy knew she was waiting to hear her describe what had happened with Brian. But Darcy was not about to share her experiences with Liselle, especially with Jamee nearby.
“I understand,” Liselle responded finally with a sigh. “Anyway, I’m beginnin’ to add up two and two. I’ll bet this has somethin’ to do with the mess I found in the apartment when I came home last night. Brian told me some of his friends came over and got a little wild, but now I see it was somethin’ else, something worse. I’m sorry, Darcy. ”
Darcy heard frustration and sadness in Liselle’s voice. And she felt bad about leaving Liselle without a babysitter. Still, as she hung up, she knew there was no way she would spend another second in the Mason apartment.
The silence in the living room seemed deafening. Liselle’s words ricocheted through her mind, filling her with rage. She had been fooled, she realized. Brian had lured her with his kind words. It had all been an act.
Remembering her actions over the past weeks drove spikes of guilt into Darcy’s heart, guilt for spending time away from Grandma, for lying to her family, for hiding the truth from her friends.
Ashamed of her behavior, Darcy also felt violated, as if Brian had robbed her of something precious—trust.
Several hours later, Darcy’s parents returned home with Grandma. Carefully, Dad pushed the wheelchair through the front door and then directly into the far bedroom. Darcy immediately rushed to hug her grandmother, but he cautioned her.
“She needs her rest, Darcy. ”
“I thought she was better,” Jamee replied.
“She is,” Mom explained, carrying several bags in from the car. “She’s just tired, that’s all. ”
Mom looked ten years older than the last time Darcy saw her. Her eyes were red and puffy, and deep lines marked her brow. Darcy did not know if her parents had discussed what happened with Brian, but for now everyone seemed distracted by Grandma. Looking at her, she understood why.
Grandma seemed more frail than Darcy had ever seen her. In the two days at the hospital, Grandma appeared to have shriveled inside herself. Deep purple bruises marked her arm where IV needles had been injected.
When Dad emerged from the bedroom, he was out of breath and looking tired. “She’s still feeling a little unde
r the weather. After a few days of rest, she’ll be better,” he said.
“But, she’s okay, right?” Darcy asked nervously.
Dad walked over and sat on the sofa. “Grandma needs her sleep so she can get strong again. That fall took a lot out of her. But her spirit is strong. She’ll be back on her feet again. It’ll just take some time,” Dad explained. But as he spoke, Darcy noticed he did not make eye contact with her. “The doctors say it’s okay for her to sleep as much as she does, but we gotta make sure she eats. Aside from that, there’s no medicine for what’s goin’ on with Grandma except time and love. ” Mom wiped tears from her eyes several times while Dad talked.
Despite her father’s hopeful words, Darcy sensed what was happening. Grandma might not get better, she thought. It seemed like only yesterday when Grandma sang in the church choir every Sunday morning, her voice booming songs about rising to Heaven and going home. Now maybe it was her turn.
Or maybe Grandma would bounce back again as she had done many times before. Perhaps even tomorrow Grandma would wake up and tell old stories from her childhood. Then her eyes would twinkle again as she recounted memories of growing up in the South, her courtship with Grandpa, and the time Darcy’s mother was born.
Even though she had heard the stories before, Darcy wanted to hear them again. She wished they would never stop. Silently, Darcy prayed she would see Grandma’s eyes sparkle again.
Later that evening, Darcy sat alone at the kitchen table. Midway through the meal, her parents walked into the room and looked at her. Darcy braced herself as they sat at the table next to her.
“Your father and I talked about what happened yesterday,” Mom said sternly. “What were you thinking, girl?! I cannot believe a daughter of mine would lie to her parents. Especially while her own grandmother’s in the hospital!”
“Mom, it was a mistake,” Darcy pleaded.
“You’re damn right it’s a mistake!”
“All right, Mattie—”
“You stay out of this, Carl,” Mom said firmly. “Darcy, who you do think you are running around with some boy who ain’t even in high school? And going to his apartment! You are lucky your father came in when he did!”
“I know, Mom. ”
“Shut your mouth! You obviously don’t know or you wouldn’t have been there. I trusted you! What kind of example are you showing your sister?”
“You can still trust me. ”
“Darcy Wills, it will be a long time before I trust you again. I am so upset. How could you do such a thing? And with Grandma being so sick?” Darcy’s mother whispered the last words as if Grandma was listening in the other room.
Darcy shrugged her shoulders. Tears welled in her eyes. “I’m sorry. ”
“Oh, you’ll be sorry. You’re grounded for a month. You hear me?”
Darcy nodded, and her mother stormed off. Dad followed her, but as he left he gently patted Darcy’s back. “It’s gonna be okay,” he whispered.
Ashamed, Darcy walked into her room, closed the door, and wept.
Chapter 10
Late that night, Darcy was unable to sleep. Her mother’s words haunted her like a nightmare from which she could not awaken. Never had Mom been so angry at her. Each time she shut her eyes, Darcy could see Mom’s angry face staring back at her.
“How could you do such a thing?” Mom’s words echoed over and over in Darcy’s mind. Worse than Mom’s anger was the fact that Darcy knew what Mom said was true. She was wrong to leave Grandma, and she was wrong to lie to her father. Darcy felt she had done everything wrong since Hakeem left.
“What were you thinking?” Darcy could almost hear Mom yelling in the silence of her bedroom. She wanted to reply to her mother, to have a good excuse to tell her, but she was not sure why things had gone so wrong so quickly.
“I’m sorry,” Darcy said aloud in the darkness. But the words did not make her feel better. Unable to relax, Darcy crept quietly out of her bedroom and went toward Grandma’s room.
As a child, whenever she was upset, Darcy would talk to her grandmother. Years ago, when Darcy’s father first abandoned them, Grandma held the family together. Countless times, Darcy found comfort in her grandmother’s arms. But now, as Darcy sat in the old wooden chair next to Grandma’s bed, it seemed those arms would be unable to help.
“I’m sorry, Grandma,” Darcy whispered. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you needed me. ”
All Darcy heard in reply was the sound of her grandmother’s labored breathing, but it did not matter. Being next to Grandma made her feel better. Sitting in the darkness, Darcy could not stop the flood of words pushing to escape her.
“I’ve really messed up, Grandma,” Darcy said, and then she told her grandmother what had happened over the past weeks. She mentioned the loss of Hakeem and how Brian had distracted her from her sadness. Darcy also confessed how she liked Brian and that he helped her forget about Grandma’s sickness and Hakeem’s absence. She even admitted how Brian had fooled her and how she had lied to Dad in order to see him. And when she finished, Darcy told Grandma about the shame she felt and how angry she was for having made such mistakes.
“I let them all down. Every person I love, I let down, and I don’t know how I’m gonna make it right,” Darcy continued. “I am so sorry, Grandma. ” Darcy sobbed and lowered her head down into her grandmother’s lap.
As she wept, Darcy felt Grandma’s shoulder start to move. Slowly the old woman raised her arm and rested her hand gently against the side of Darcy’s face.
“Its okay, Angelcake,” Grandma whispered, softly stroking Darcy’s hair. Hot tears streamed from Darcy’s eyes. She had not expected her grandmother to be awake. And now, just as she had done so many times before, Grandma comforted her.
After a few minutes, Grandma’s hand returned to her side, and she drifted off to sleep again, her breathing heavy and labored.
Careful not to make a sound, Darcy wiped her eyes and pulled a blanket over Grandma’s shoulder. As she sat back in the chair, Darcy noticed her mother standing in the doorway. In the dim glow of the hallway night light, Darcy could see a glint of moisture in her eyes.
“Mom?” Darcy whispered, getting up.
Without a word, Darcy’s mother reached her arms out and embraced her daughter.
“I’m sorry, Mom,” Darcy said, feeling her mother’s arms around her.
“I know, baby. I know. I’m sorry too. ” As her mother spoke, she brushed the tears from Darcy’s eyes in the same way Grandma once did. “You need to get some sleep,” she added.
Weary from crying and from the events of the past month, Darcy nodded, drifted to her bedroom, and sank into her bed. Within minutes, she was overtaken by a deep, heavy sleep.
“Carl! Girls! Come quickly!” Mom’s voice cried.
Darcy opened her eyes and suspected immediately that something was wrong with Grandma. She leaped out of bed and rushed down the hallway to Grandma’s bedroom.
Jamee and her parents were already in the room when Darcy arrived. They were standing around Grandma’s bed in silence. Grandma lay motionless before them, her shrunken body bathed in a shaft of morning sunlight that filled the room with a golden glow. A smile was on Grandma’s face and her eyes were closed.
“She’s gone,” Dad said, his eyes moist. “She came here to be with us one last time, and now she’s in a better place. ”
Darcy’s mother sobbed, and Darcy and Jamee rushed to hug her. “She told me last night that she was going home,” Mom said, putting her arms around her daughters. “I guess she knew. ”
Darcy began to cry uncontrollably, and tears poured freely from her eyes, an endless stream of love and sorrow for her lost grandmother. Then Jamee hugged her, and Dad and Mom joined them both. Together the family held each other in a long embrace, one in which tears and touch spoke what words could not.
Behind them, the sun continued to brighten. For several long moments, the room was silent except for the occasional sound of muffled sobs
.
Mom wiped her eyes, knelt over to kiss her mother on the cheek, then turned to look at her family. “This was how she always wanted it,” Mom said, in a soft voice. “With her family, with all of us together. ”
Darcy nodded. Dad looked toward the window, tears still in his eyes. “Do you see that?” he asked excitedly. “Do y’all see it?”
A small yellow bird had perched on Grandma’s windowsill. It began to chirp, and its song merged with that of other birds in the backyard. Darcy had never heard the birds sing more beautifully.
“They’re singing for Grandma,” Jamee said. “They’re singing for her. ”
The funeral was held at Holy Faith Church, which sat at the corner of a busy neighborhood street. On the front steps of the church, Darcy and her family greeted mourners who had come to pay their respects to her grandmother.
Darcy was surprised at the large turnout that came to honor Grandma. In the crowd were many people Darcy had not seen since childhood, and some whom she had never met.
Tarah and Cooper arrived just before the service was about to start. Tarah was wearing a long black dress, and Cooper a fine-looking black suit. Darcy was honored to see them so dressed up, and grateful they came to support her and her family.
“I’m so glad you guys made it,” she said, wrapping her arms around Tarah, and then around Cooper.
“Girl, of course we would,” Tarah said warmly. “We would’ve been here earlier if somebody knew how to tie a tie. ”
“Hey,” Cooper whispered, “don’t blame it on me, Miss I-Need-To-Borrow-My-Mama’s-Dress. ”
Darcy smiled for the first time in days. “It doesn’t matter what you wear,” she said. “I’m just glad you’re here. ” As she spoke, the church bells rang, signaling the start of the service.