by Thom Shea
UNBREAKABLE
A Navy SEAL’s Way of Life
Thom Shea
Unbreakable: A Navy SEAL’s Way of Life
© 2014 by Thom Shea
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.
Published by Clovercroft Publishing, Franklin, Tennessee
Cover Photo by Jessica Trimble at Simply Serendipity Photography, www.simply-serendipity.com
Cover and Interior Layout Design: Suzanne Lawing
Edited by Lorraine Bossé-Smith
Illustrated by Julissa Mora
Printed in the United States of America
978-1-940262-37-6
All rights reserved.
ENDORSEMENTS
The Masters of the Five Pyramids of Human Performance
PHYSICAL MASTERY
“Thom Shea is a real hero, who delved deeply into himself to dedicate himself to the most noble of goals: Human Performance. Valor is the right term for his service, courage, and true bravery.”
—DR. WAYNE ANDERSEN, AUTHOR OF HABITS OF HEALTH
INTELLECTUAL MASTERY
“Unbreakable is the raw inside story of what it is like to thrive and excel in the Margin of war. The parallels are clear in the corporate world, especially as an entrepreneur. Internal Dialogue does drive all human performance. If you want to learn what it is to succeed in the Margin while maintaining balance with a wife or significant other and family, read Unbreakable.”
—CARL STECKER, CEO OF NET PROFIT ADVISORS AND BENEFITS IN A CARD
WEALTH MASTERY
“Unbreakable is a treasure. Navy Seals are Americans who lead us from the front. They are the best in the world. Thom Shea and his wife, Stacy, unveil a riveting insight into exactly how they not only survived unimaginable challenges, but prospered. Their book is a riveting lesson from their hearts to their children and to all of us. Initially, people will want to read this book out of curiosity, but then they will be knocked out by its message that builds success in every category. Personally, I am so thankful for the Sheas’ clear message for all Americans and our free enterprise system.”
—LEIGHTON M. CUBBAGE, CHAIRMAN, SERRUS CAPITAL PARTNERS, GREENVILLE, SC
SPIRITUAL MASTERY
“I’m a raving fan of Unbreakable. It not only is a powerful story of an amazing human being and his 25 years as a Navy SEAL, but it also provides a powerful self-development tool. Let Thom Shea teach you about Internal Dialogue—what you say to yourself about who you are—and how managing that dialogue can increase your goal achievement and effectiveness in life.”
—KEN BLANCHARD, COAUTHOR OF THE ONE MINUTE MANAGER® AND LEADING AT A HIGHER LEVEL
RELATIONSHIP MASTERY
“Thom Shea captures the key to communication in his book Unbreakable. He introduces the power of Internal Dialogue and its exceptional effectiveness in creating and maintaining healthy relationships. Thom Shea provides real insight and clarity with the use of his personal experiences as a Navy SEAL on the battlefield, as an athlete in extreme adventure racing, and in the privacy of his home with his wife and children. This book will be proven invaluable to anyone who wants to better themselves and the relationships in their lives.”
—TAMARA JOHNSON, MS, MFT/PHD
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION - Unbreakable: A Navy SEAL’s Way of Life
PREFACE
SECTION 1 Unbreakable
SECTION 2 Growth
SECTION 3 Movement
SECTION 4 Spartan Wife Connection
PART 2 - YOUR MUSCLES
SECTION 5 Words
SECTION 6 Pain
SECTION 7 Appetite
PART 3 - YOUR ORGANS
SECTION 8 Insatiable
SECTION 9 Exhaustion
SECTION 10 Clarity
PART 4 - YOUR LIFE
SECTION 11 Now
SECTION 12 Future
SECTION 13 Past
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
INTRODUCTION
UNBREAKABLE: A NAVY SEAL’S WAY OF LIFE
In each word and section of this book, I have been tasked with telling my story, so should I die in combat, my children will get a sense of their father. Actually, my wife, Stacy, pleaded with me for two years to put to words who I am and how I am. Therefore, this project is not simply a day-to-day recount of all I’ve done, but rather a retelling of what I faced and what I learned in order to teach my children (and anyone interested) how to be the men and women who live the fullest possibilities they create for themselves. Simply put, being “Unbreakable” is creating and finding a language in yourself that will give you access to your own possibilities. Above all else, this project is a way to make up for being gone 220 days per year for twenty-five years as a Navy SEAL.
This book contains no hidden secrets. It is a painstaking study of my experiences in striving for excellence, which I share with you. I have learned what traits and habits are effective and efficient in pursuit of personal transformation in order to perform above and beyond what humans think possible.
My children … when you are ready to read Unbreakable and put it to use, you will recognize a pattern in each section. I wish I could tell you how to know when you are ready; however, that would truly deny you the benefit you receive by making the discovery in your own way.
When you get discouraged, when you have difficulty overcoming the obstacles draining your soul, when you try and fail, or when you feel reduced by injuries, use this book as a light to guide you through the forest. A strange thing will happen when you acquire and apply the lessons shared in this text … you will be propelled to unfathomable success.
We cannot achieve success without first enduring countless hours of practice. While reading Unbreakable, you’ll learn about something I call “Internal Dialogue.” Internal Dialogue is a trait common to all successful people, whether they know it or not. In fact, the practice of Internal Dialogue is the single-most important factor in bridging your genetic gifts, passions, and dreams. I will show you how to consciously use Internal Dialogue to your advantage … even if I do not return.
It’s important to remember that Internal Dialogue is available only to those who are actively pursuing their passions. In other words, you must have something you are wildly committed to being or doing with your life. The gift of mastering your Internal Dialogue cannot be given away for free, nor can it be bought. The most dangerous or useless gift is one bought or given without being earned.
An Internal Dialogue to create an unbreakable condition will serve each of you equally well—when you are ready. Trust me on this—education has nothing to do with it.
Who am I to say that in reading this book you will know, grasp solidly, the use of Internal Dialogue? I have spent twenty-five years living and researching what it takes to overcome any obstacle in the way of success. I have survived countless overwhelming combat engagements and failures that tested and validated the use of my own Internal Dialogue to live an “Unbreakable Life.” I have personally taught 330 basic SEAL students, and 112 SEAL sniper students, testing the use of an unbreakable Internal Dialogue to perform beyond what I thought possible.
I have never known a single person who used Internal Dialogue who did not achieve remarkable success. I have never known anyone to distinguish themselves, or to survive overwhelming battles, without possession of an unbreakable Internal Dialogue. For these reasons, I conclude the experience and education gained using an unbreakable Internal Dialogue is more important, as a part of t
he human paradigm to create a better life, than anything one learns through the standard educational system.
As you read, your own Unbreakable Internal Dialogue will jump from the pages and stand boldly in front of you. When you are ready to use it, you will see it. When your Internal Dialogue pops out, I want you to stop and drink a Guinness for me, because it will signify the most important turning point in your life.
Take note: I will be sharing my life for you—the facts, the failures, the “me,” so to speak. Through my eyes and experiences, I hope to convey the who to be and how to be!
Finally, I offer two suggestions: don’t fear the need to achieve anything, and never give up … never. All great accomplishments, all earned awards, start with an Internal Dialogue that needs to be fulfilled … needs to be needed.
PREFACE
Shortly after we were married in 2005, Thom checked into SEAL Team Seven. Being a new member of the community, I was unsure what to expect. Everyone knows the danger involved in his line of work. I felt strongly he should put to paper the lessons he would want shared with our kids if he didn’t survive the war. I’m not talking about a farewell letter, which many of our men write to each of their children and their wives before they leave, in case they don’t survive. I’m talking about a guidebook for the rest of their lives if they should have to carry on without the strength and mentoring of a father—their father.
From the time I first met Thom, I saw something in him that was clearly unbreakable, somewhat un-tethered, and massively appealing. In all my broken relationships of the past, this was the one quality I had longed for, and here it was in front of me. I wanted to preserve this for our children, knowing all too well they faced the possibility of knowing their father only in stories of who he was to me and to the men he worked with in the Teams. I needed him to translate for us, especially the kids, all the things he thought were important—all the things which made him the man who made me, and our family, whole.
In April of 2009, he deployed again with SEAL Team Seven. This time, he went to Afghanistan. He was part of the first element of SEALs sent to fight in Afghanistan since the tragedy of Operation Red Wings in June of 2005. For a warrior like Thom, this represented the culmination of a career serving his nation spanning nearly twenty years. As his wife and the mother of his children, it represented an opportunity for me to find what was unbreakable in our character.
I asked Thom to chronicle these things because I wanted what every woman wants for her children: for their father to teach them the lessons only a father can teach. The things I wanted to know from my father—like how to get through the tough times in life without giving up on commitments or blaming other people. I wanted them to know at their core they have a say in their lives and can create whatever life they want. I wanted them to learn to be powerful in the face of the overwhelming challenges life will inevitably hand them—to be generous in the face of stinginess and to be loving in the face of all the hostilities the world would present to them. I wanted them to be tough.
—Stacy Shea
We had corresponded with Thom and Stacy during his deployment in order to reach out and help a family who truly needed our help. We recognized all human beings truly need to be needed, at both the genetic/evolutionary level and during the “real life” times we all have. We were also dramatically impacted by our involvement with Thom and Stacy. After the 2009 deployment, we chaired the SEAL gala in Greenville, South Carolina, so we could give back to the men who keep us all safe and free.
—Tammy and Jerry Barber
SECTION ONE
UNBREAKABLE
CHIEF SEATTLE (a fictionalized speech written in 1971)
“And when the last Red Man shall have perished, and the memory of my tribe shall have become a myth among the White Man, these shores will swarm with the invisible dead of my tribe, and when your children’s children think themselves alone in the field, the store, the shop, upon the roads, or in the silence of the pathless woods, they will not be alone. In all the earth there is no place dedicated to solitude. At night, when the streets of your cities and villages are silent and you think them deserted, they will throng with the returning hosts that once filled them and still love this beautiful land. The White Man will never be alone.”
Adamantine: (ad·a·man·tahyn)
The reason I have settled on the word Adamantine is for the context it creates. Adamantine literally means a thing that is not tangible but when it is consumed makes anything Unbreakable. No more fitting meaning to one single word could capture the power of mastering Internal Dialogue.
As I sit in my study looking at the calligraphy of this quote which my father, a professional calligrapher, made for me, written in the blood of a deer I shot long ago, it occurs to me how fitting the quote is as I leave for war. I realize this may be the last time I will see my wife and kids—not to mention the land I love.
Stacy asked me to write down what I am doing and experiencing, for her and for my kids, to teach essential life lessons. Like Chief Seattle, I must let go of my life here, yet I want my children to be filled forever with the warrior song I am singing, and also that, as Chief Seattle put it, “The White Man will never be alone.” He meant it in a different context, but for me, my writing will ensure my wife and children will never be alone. This is my bequest to them.
I want to explain how distant and stressed I am. My stress is different from the kind you experience. I have been in so many battles and risked my life so many times that stress, while there, it doesn’t control my performance. I do regret the toll it’s taken on my family these last two days as they prepare to watch me board a plane that may take me away forever. Especially for kids: it is like tearing out part of your soul when your daddy sits next to you that final night around the dinner table, and you try not to cry or even mention your thoughts. I understand.
Looking into their eyes and realizing I might never see them again, or be around when they need me later in life, was the hardest. I tried to let them cry, and I tried to cry myself, but years of leaving for combat makes me distant and often angry. When I am angry, I tend to yell. I think yelling makes leaving easier. I regret my frequent distance and anger.
Here I am, going to what may be my final battle, to the most dangerous place on earth, knowing I may not see my children again. As my three kids, the last of the Shea clan, read this, I want them to know what happened with their mother, Stacy, and me the night before I left. We lay beside each other, silent. I could not bear the thought of never seeing her again, and she must have known what I was thinking.
As I tried to speak, she reached up and put her hands on my face. The light from the window behind her outlined her long flowing hair that covered her body. Our eyes met, and we just looked at each other, not speaking, for ten minutes. Then she said something that will always resonate in my mind:
Thom, I need you to come back to us. Do not fear dying. Fear makes you weak.
Sharing my life with you is only part of my project. Adamantine—tough and hard, the opposite of fear and weakness—is my true gift to you: the gift of quality thinking—the control of your Internal Dialogue. You will have to search and work for it all your life. I will explain how I discovered and realized the power of being unbreakable. I call it “Adamantine.” I will teach you how to attain it for yourself.
Reading and understanding this will be tough for you, my children; even harder will be attempting to accomplish many of the things I will ask you to do without me. As Stacy said to me that last night—it also holds true for each you kids individually:
Thom, I need you to come back to us. Do not fear dying. Fear makes you weak.
I need you, my children, to never give up. Do not fear dying. Fear makes you weak. I need you to fight through the obstacles that would stop you from becoming the men and woman you ARE … fearless and strong.
You can control fear if you can control the words in your thoughts. Your Internal Dialogue, what you tell yourselves every consc
ious moment, is the source of power when properly controlled, but it’s also the source of weakness if you lose control. You will learn this by reading this book.
As you children grow into adulthood, my dream for you, individually, is to be among the few extraordinary people who master their own Internal Dialogue, so you can perform beyond what is thought possible, and become reliable partners and family. Internal Dialogue controls everyone’s actions, but only a few people spend the time essential for mastery—maybe one in five, or one in ten, or even fewer. For those who can master Internal Dialogue, the possibilities are limitless.
So, I have a request of you, my family, in case I do not return. My request will engage your physical bodies and enable you to master your Internal Dialogue, but the task is not simple and is in a place so hard to reach that few have gone there. When you arrive, you’ll be in the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen. This place is not just a metaphor. Between two pristine lakes in Ontario, Canada, lies a waterfall. In the center is a naturally formed bathtub where I want you to strip down, get in, and let the water cascade over you … go in the heat of summer. Most importantly, I want you to take my ashes and pour them in the top of Louisa Falls. I will be waiting for you, forever.
DESTINATION: HELL
I am seated in a C-5 transport aircraft with the men of SEAL Team Seven, Task Unit Trident, Bravo Platoon, on our way to another Godforsaken country. Our journey is taking us to Dover Air Force Base in Delaware, on to Germany, and finally, to hell. Like all things SEAL, everything about the beginning of this trip is managed chaos. C-5s are notorious for delays. We started with a two-day delay in San Diego. To hell with posttraumatic stress; pre-traumatic stress is far worse.
As I look around at my men, my thoughts are exclusively for them. Only three rules matter to me now, ingrained after twenty years of being a SEAL embarking on countless combat missions: