by Sasha Wasley
Finn’s smile returned. ‘I honestly believed you were seeing that Max guy. Not just seeing him – living with him!’
She shook her head. ‘Finn. Really? I mean – really?’
‘Really. Okay, I figured he was punching way – way – above his weight, and I thought you might be suffering from low self-esteem or something, to be seeing a guy who was so incredibly inferior to you, but —’
‘Hey!’ she protested. ‘Be nice. Max Drummond is a good guy. I’m not interested in the least, but he’s a nice man. He saved my wonderful printer from that creepy snake, and he saved that poor little endangered snake from my nasty printer.’
Finn pushed the chopped carrots to one side and started on the cauliflower. ‘I’m sure he is a nice guy. It’s not that he seemed evil or abusive. It’s just, you were so . . . unsettled. I assumed the relationship was a mess and that’s why you were . . .’ He stopped.
‘That’s why I was cheating on the mythical boyfriend with you? Or at least trying to?’ Free said it without thinking and then caught her breath.
His chopping ceased and Finn didn’t speak. For a tense few seconds she thought she’d upset him, but then he lifted his eyes to hers and they were still warm and full of light, just like always. She started breathing again.
Finn sank onto a kitchen stool. ‘Obviously, I’ve got a negative view of infidelity. After what happened with Elyse, having been on the receiving end of cheating, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.’
He wasn’t finished but Free broke in. ‘I get that you thought I was being unfaithful to the imaginary boyfriend, but believe me, I wouldn’t cheat on anyone. I mean, it’s easy to say that, but I honestly don’t think I would. I couldn’t even get to the point where I was contemplating playing around, because if I was that unhappy I’d just damn well say something, straight up.’ She grimaced. ‘I try to be tactful but I end up blurting out exactly what I’m thinking most of the time. Beth’s always telling me off for that.’
Was she making sense? Finn didn’t look angry or hurt.
‘Your break-up with Elyse, that must have been terrible for you,’ she said.
Finn rearranged the pile of chopped carrots. ‘I won’t lie to you. It sucked. I thought Jeremy was my friend, after all – and I had no idea she was keen on him. Or that she’d lost interest in me. Apparently it started when they were drunk one night and then they hooked up a few times afterwards. I don’t think they’re together now. Funny thing is, after I got over the initial shock, I wasn’t as devastated as you’d expect. I kind of just got on with things.’ Finn gave Free a crooked smile. ‘I kept expecting to fall in a heap and start mourning, but I never did. There was even this weird feeling deep inside me – like relief. I guess I knew Elyse and I weren’t meant to be – that we weren’t one another’s forever. Maybe if she didn’t cheat on me and we didn’t break up, we might have got stuck together in a more permanent way. Got married or whatever. What happened was humiliating, but in a strange way I’m sort of grateful. It sure made me think more carefully about who I’m with.’
She couldn’t think of anything to say. Finn pulled the chopping board closer and resumed slicing. He was silent, so Free focused on mixing up a garlic and herb rub for the steak. She washed her hands and dug for a vegetable steamer pot in the cupboard. She’d need an extra-large pan to do three steaks at once. What had happened to that non-stick one they used to have . . .?
‘Free,’ Finn burst out, as though he’d been holding his words inside. ‘Can I be honest with you?’
Free straightened, blinking. ‘Of course.’
He was on his feet before she’d finished, and came around the bench so he was standing right in front of her. He was so close she could feel his body warmth against her skin. She stared up at him, her heart skittering out of control.
Finn’s Kimberley-creek eyes searched her face. ‘I feel like there’s something between us. You and me. Even while I thought you had a boyfriend. I knew I should back off because you weren’t single, and I wasn’t about to get involved with someone who was already in a relationship – but . . .’ He took a breath. ‘But I had a lot of trouble backing off. I wanted to be in your life, even just as a friend.’
Free went warm and soft inside, although her heart didn’t slow one bit. ‘I thought there was something between us too.’ Her voice was little more than a whisper. She cleared her throat and made an effort to speak properly. ‘But you kept friend-zoning me. It didn’t make any sense, because I really thought you liked me. Like, at Willow’s wedding, and then swimming at Talbot Gorge. I saw you trying not to check me out, and failing.’
Finn reddened. ‘You’re so damn honest.’
‘Are you —’ Free hesitated. ‘Finn, are you a . . .’
She took his arm and stepped nearer to examine the side of his head, just above his ear. He made a small noise of surprise but she paid no attention. She was discovering something extremely interesting about Finn. The close-shorn hair that grew on his head was clearly a dark auburn. She inspected the very faint freckles beneath his tan, the warm colours in his startled eyes, and returned to the pindan-hue of his half-centimetre growth, only detectable at close range beneath the powerful fluorescent kitchen light.
‘Finn, I do believe you’re a ranga.’
‘What?’
‘A redhead. A ginger. A bluey. But you’re pretending you’re not, aren’t you? It’s the Irish thing, right? You don’t want to admit you’re an Irish bluey!’ She reached up a hand to touch his hair. ‘But it’s beautiful. It’s so perfectly you. Why would you hide that?’
Finn slipped an arm around her waist, his eyes urgent. ‘I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since the moment we met.’
His big, strong frame was tantalisingly close, his hand warm on her back. Locked in place, Free caught her breath as his eyes dropped to her lips —
‘What a load of bullshit!’ Barry’s voice blasted from the living room, and Finn released her instantly. ‘Have you seen this crap, sweetheart?’
Free cursed inwardly. ‘What’s that, Dad?’
‘About the diversion dam. Bloody wankers at the shire, letting that Hamilton piece of work wreck our river. Come and look at this.’
Finn shot her a rueful look and returned to the other side of the bench. Free went to watch her father’s news story.
Free couldn’t quite remember how she got through cooking a meal. Her father claimed to enjoy it, but she didn’t know what vegetables she served or whether the steak was rare or well done; she was too fixated on the joy of Finn’s confession. That one brief moment, with Finn’s hand on her lower back, the fluoro light glaring overhead in the daggy Patersons kitchen, had surpassed all her most romantic, sexy memories. Forget that Dutch guy in the field of tulips, vast windmills turning in the summer sunlight. Forget Andre by the fire at the snowed-in ski lodge in Canada. Forget Paulo and that moonlit walk along Ipanema Beach. This moment with Finn, his eyes showing everything he’d tried so hard to hide, exploring her face like he was starved of the sight of her —
‘The new season of I Gotta Sing starts tonight.’ Barry was smiling across the table at Free. ‘I’ve been looking forward to it, sweetheart.’
‘Oh yeah. Cool,’ she said.
She fidgeted through the reality show and then through a conversation about the Born and Bred project, wishing her father would just go to bed and leave them alone. But Barry was buzzing with sociability after the afternoon’s barrel race. He chatted on and on, telling old stories about his rodeo-riding days. Free prayed for patience every time he started a new one, and began to despair of getting any time at all alone with Finn that night.
At last Barry got to his feet. ‘Well, I’m off. See you two in the morning. Make sure you switch off the lights, Free.’
Her spirits rose. ‘Will do, Dad. Night-night.’
‘G’night, Barry,’ said Finn.
Free barely waited until her father was out of the room before she jumped up from the si
ngle recliner and crossed to where Finn sat on the double couch. They had so much more to discuss. And she was dying for his kiss. Finn’s face lit up with answering happiness as she sank down beside him.
‘I promised, promised myself that I wouldn’t bring up the question of us this weekend,’ he said. ‘If it went badly, it would make our weekend kind of awkward.’
She gasped at the synchronicity of it. ‘Me too! I wanted to give you a fun weekend – just be good company for you after what happened with your parents last week.’
‘And I wanted to rewind, take us back to the start so I could get it right this time.’
‘It wasn’t your fault. Just a mix-up. That damned imaginary boyfriend!’ She shook her fist.
Finn narrowed his eyes, although his smile remained. ‘I did not like your imaginary boyfriend. Not just because I was jealous, but because I suspected he was talking down to you.’
‘Why did you think that?’
‘Because of the way you always put yourself down. I figured you must have picked that up somewhere.’
Free stared. ‘I don’t put myself down!’
‘You do! You’re always calling yourself flaky, a moron, a loser . . .’
Did she do that? Enough that Finn would assume some nasty boyfriend was verbally abusing her? But Finn had also believed she was trying to start an affair with him, she recalled. That must have coloured his view of the mythical boyfriend.
‘Ugh, I hate to imagine what you must have thought of me,’ she said. ‘I mean, as far as you knew, I was living with a man, but I practically begged to come and stay the night after the wedding. You must have been disgusted with my morals.’
‘I wasn’t. I just thought you were lonely – that things weren’t great with you and Max. And that he was the luckiest bastard who ever lived but he didn’t seem to know or care what you were getting up to.’
‘You were way too generous to me,’ she admonished. ‘You would have been within your rights to give me the cold shoulder, but instead you tried to be my friend.’
‘Yeah, sort of. Except I kept catching myself doing things friends aren’t supposed to do. Thinking about you all day, coming out onto the porch when I heard you get home so I could see you. Hoping you’d split up with your boyfriend so I could ask you out.’
Free just about squirmed with delight. ‘That’s so sweet!’
‘It was only after our Talbot Gorge trip that I knew I had to do something – anything – to move on.’
She winced at the memory. ‘Because of my oh-so-subtle attempt to seduce you?’
He shot her a smile. ‘When you stood up on the rock, giving me that – that challenging look, and then swam right up close to me . . . holy crap. That was hottest thing I’ve ever experienced. I knew I was going to be stuck in the pool for a while, waiting for, uh, my reaction to subside.’
She drew a sharp breath and stared while Finn went red. Free had to forcibly restrain herself from glancing down at his lap, the heat in her own body rising.
‘Uh, yeah.’ His face was scarlet by now. ‘Lucky you got upset with me. That killed the mood.’ Free was thrilled, and Finn’s blush faded when he saw her smile. ‘That vision of you in your bikini is burned into my brain. I knew that day I had to somehow take control of my attraction to you, or I’d give in to temptation – boyfriend or not.’
‘So you dated Phoebe?’
He inclined his head.
‘And then I got mad at you.’ Free chuckled, shaking her head. ‘What a gigantic balls-up it’s all been.’
‘I wanted to like Phoebe. I do like her – but not like I like you. Briggsy had been pushing me to go out with her for weeks but I couldn’t get you out of my head.’
‘Huh, really? Phoebe heard that you were super keen to go on a date with her,’ Free said, remembering.
His eyebrows shot up. ‘Where’d she hear that?’
‘Briggsy —’
Finn gave a short laugh. ‘Briggsy told me she was “super keen” for a date, so I figured I might as well test the waters. I was desperate to distract myself from you.’
Free rolled her eyes. ‘Briggsy the matchmaker.’ She smiled. ‘You know what? I’m so glad we talked about us this weekend after all.’
‘Me too.’ Finn caught her hand. ‘It’s been a bloody confusing few weeks, falling for you and having to act like I hadn’t.’
He was looking at her in a way that made her think she might get her kiss at last. She waited breathlessly, but instead of leaning closer, he lifted her hand and pressed his lips to it. Free’s mouth fell open at the simple, tender gesture.
‘Thank you for inviting me to stay with you this weekend,’ he said. ‘I love your station and being able to spend all this time with you.’
Finn paused, listening, while Free’s pulse hammered in her ears and she floundered for something to say.
‘It’s raining again,’ he said. ‘Want to go sit outside on the patio?’
Kiss me – I can’t wait another moment! Free nodded dumbly and Finn jumped up, helping her to her feet. But when he went to move towards the back door, she tugged on his hand and he turned to her. Free gave up trying to form words. She reached up, wound her arms around his neck and hung on tight. Once again, there was that wonderful moment when he curled down over her, and the discrepancy in their height vanished – but this time he met her lips in the middle. Finally, he was kissing her. She clung to his shoulders and he slipped a hand up under her tangle of hair. For such a big, strong guy, he kissed so gently that it was simultaneously heavenly and unbearable, and Free wanted more. She squeezed him as close as she could, throwing herself into the kiss.
He broke the embrace to look deep into her eyes in the loungeroom lamplight, breathing heavily. ‘I’ve never met anyone like you. You’re incredible.’
Words still eluded Free, but the hit of emotion she felt was wondrous. Perfect. And utterly overwhelming.
They sat outside in the darkness for hours, talking, kissing, listening to the rain. When Free drifted off to sleep against his shoulder, Finn squeezed her gently to wake her.
‘Bedtime,’ he whispered, and she longed to be at their home in Mount Clair so they could have ‘bedtime’ together.
There were several more kisses before she went to bed, and then Free lay there thinking for a long time. This pull to Finn was more powerful than anything she’d felt before. Other guys faded into washed-out insignificance beside Finn. She thought back over some of her holiday romances. Those guys were like two-dimensional line drawings of men. Finn didn’t romance or seduce women – he was just himself, and that on its own was incredibly, desperately romantic. Finn showed his true spirit: he was kind, caring, trusting. Compared to her string of holiday romances, Finn was vivid and multidimensional. Real.
And somehow, through all the confusion and misunderstandings, a connection had managed to form between them. The intensity of it made her quiver and flutter as though her insides were constructed of feathers.
In the morning, she would make pancakes, Free decided. With berries. She would cook breakfast for them, and then she and Finn could go for a walk and find somewhere private to talk and kiss and enjoy that connection between them – a connection so real, so big, it took her breath away.
When Free got up in the morning, she found Finn reading a newspaper at the kitchen table, smelling shower-fresh. She checked on her father. Barry was out of sight, with the Cattle Chat talkback radio show blaring in the lounge room. She stood by Finn’s chair and slipped her arms around his neck. How did he always smell so good? The happiness in his face erased every last vestige of shyness. She dropped her face to kiss him.
‘I’m making you pancakes for breakfast,’ she said, bouncing a little on the spot.
‘Will you still make them if I tell you I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast an hour ago?’
‘Aw.’ Free was disappointed. ‘I should have set an alarm. Are you even hungry?’
‘I’m always hungry when it involves
pancakes.’
‘Good. We’ll call it brunch for you and Dad, breakfast for me.’
When she grabbed her phone to look up the ingredients required for pancakes, Free discovered several missed calls from Beth.
‘Uh-oh,’ she said. ‘I’d better call Beth first. Back in two minutes.’
She went onto the patio and dialled Beth. Her sister answered immediately, sounding cross and flustered.
‘What’s wrong?’ Free asked.
‘What’s wrong!’ spluttered Beth. ‘I’ll tell you what’s wrong. I called Dad this morning and he told me Finn Kelly is spending the weekend with you at Paterson Downs.’
Free was silent, processing Beth’s anger.
‘Free?’ Beth spoke sharply. ‘Is this the same guy we talked about? The one who screwed you over, pretending to be interested, and then fobbed you off for another girl?’
‘Beth, no. Well, yes, it’s the same guy, but I had it wrong.’
Beth’s voice was sceptical. ‘How so?’
Nerves rising, Free launched into an explanation. ‘I thought Finn liked me, and he thought that I liked him too, only he also thought I was with Max – the teacher Max, not my cat – and he thought I was unhappy with Max. Not my cat, the other Max – but it turned out my cat Max is also Donald! His cat! But when the car got broken into, he was just so nice. He thought Max didn’t even care that my car had been broken into, but of course I thought he meant my cat Max, aka his cat Donald. It was so confusing. But we sorted it all out and we both understand now. Straight away he told Phoebe that it was over. He’s such a sweet guy, Beth, you will love him. His family are going home to Ireland so he was sad, so I asked him home for the weekend. I couldn’t just leave him there, all miserable. He even brought the ute home for me. And you should have seen him in the barrel race! It was hilarious. He was chopping vegetables last night and he told me how he felt about me. We could finally be honest. And Beth, Dad really likes him. He was even helping Dad fix the shower screen yesterday. And right now I’m trying to make him pancakes.’