He wasn’t a killer.
Or at least, he hadn’t been.
One glance at his gnarled and scarred knuckles told me he’d been living in a world of violence since pushing me away. He’d said he was a boxer, but just how much deadly violence had those hands known outside the boxing ring?
My body began to tremble at the possibility of my family playing a role in his suffering. What horrors had he seen in the past seven years? Silent tears slipped from the corners of my eyes. I thought no excuse would be enough, but I was wrong. My heart broke once before because of Nico. Now, it broke all over again for him.
“Don’t look at me with your pity,” he snapped. “That was years ago, and I’m not that same kid anymore.”
“I can see that, but it doesn’t make it any better.”
He unfolded from his chair and reached out to take my hand, bringing me to my feet. “The reason I told you all that was not so you’d feel sorry for me, but so that you’d understand—so you’d give me a chance. You were supposed to be mine. You’ve always been mine. I pushed you away for a reason, and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Killing that man was hard, but the pain was over and forgotten in no time. The hurt I caused you burned so deep, the pain has never stopped. But it was the only way I could think of to keep you safe—to keep the ugliness of my life from touching you.”
How many times had I dreamed of hearing those words come from him? Wished he would reappear and tell me it had all been a mistake. Nico had been my everything—the only future I ever envisioned. Even after he left, I couldn’t seem to picture myself with anyone else, which was why I’d never dated. I had been adrift, clinging to a buoy, but it was land that I needed. Nico was the solid ground that kept my life from falling into chaos. Just having him near me, even though a current of secrets still existed between us, made me feel more at peace.
His hand came up to cup my cheek, his thumb tracing my cheekbone. “Say something, Ladybug. Tell me you’ll give me another chance.”
“I have some questions,” I said hesitantly. “If you knew who my father was, and you knew my life was already tainted by him, why did you do it? Why try to protect me from something I was already entrenched in?” It was one of the pieces to his puzzle that wasn’t clicking into place.
“I only happened to learn your dad was involved on accident, and I didn’t know until later that he was the boss. What I knew right away—or thought I knew—was that you had no idea. I believed that you never would have kept something so huge from me, which meant you didn’t know.” His eyes hardened as he spoke, clearly still upset at learning the truth. “Your father had tried to give you the option of a crime-free life, so who was I to drag you back in? Even if I did stay with you, was I supposed to lie to your face every day about what I did and who I was? I was trying to do what was best for you. I was trying to put your future before my happiness. I couldn’t think of anything more selfish than keeping you for myself despite the dark turn my life had taken.”
“But you came back,” I said on a breath. “Why? Why now after so many years?”
His lips thinned as he turned, running his hand through his thick hair. “A lot’s been going on lately, making our lives more dangerous than usual.”
“Does it have something to do with Alessia’s mysterious kidnapping?”
He glanced back at me, his face grave. “Yes. Your father has been worried about your safety. Sal Amato betrayed him and did some shit that got a lot of people mad at the family. Sal’s still on the loose, and we have a number of dangerous people angry with us.”
I had been told Uncle Sal and my father had a falling out, but I didn’t know what the cause had been. I was stunned that he would betray my father. He wasn’t just a part of the family, he was also a part of my family. But then, I’d always thought something was off about him. As I grew up, I decided it was just because he was a little smarmy with his child bride and over-the-top flattery. The more I thought about it, the more I wondered how I hadn’t seen it coming.
“And how do you play into all this?”
“Your dad wanted someone near you to keep you safe. He figured bringing someone in from your past would be the best way to keep you protected without making you suspicious.”
“So you only came back to act as my bodyguard?” My stomach churned as I recalled his claims of missing me—telling me that he never stopped thinking about me. Had it all been a rouse?
“Stop!” he commanded, closing the distance between us and seizing my face in his hands. “I see what you’re thinking, and you need to cut that shit out right now. Just because there was a reason I came back doesn’t mean each word I’ve said hasn’t been the God’s honest truth. When I was given my orders, I thought I could keep my feelings in check, but that was a joke. That same night I was told to protect you, I watched you in your studio painting and knew I’d never be strong enough to stay away from you again. One look was all it took.”
“You were in my house watching me paint?” I balked, pulling back from his hold, trying to remember when it could have happened.
His face contorted in confusion. “I don’t think that’s all that relevant, considering everything else we’re talking about here.”
I shook my head, trying to focus my thoughts after he’d caught me off guard. “No, I know. You just surprised me. So our run-in at lunch and you showing up at dinner—those were attempts by my parents to bring us back together so you could protect me? You say you saw me and wanted more, but what does that even mean? What is it you want from me, Nico? A lot has changed since you left.”
His eyes hardened just before he tugged me closer and slammed his lips down on mine. All thoughts and logic evaporated in a cloud of sultry smoke. No matter how much my mind tried to argue the dangers, my body was too desperate for his touch to care. It didn’t matter that I had no experience to draw from, kissing Nico felt so natural, so right, that my body knew just how to move.
His hands grasped my ass and lifted me against him, pulling my dress up so I could wrap my legs around his narrow hips. Only once I was secure in his arms did he slowly pull away from our kiss. “I want everything from you, Sofia Genovese. I want your body and your mind. I want your secrets and your trust. I want to tell you every horrible thing I’ve ever done and know you’ll love me anyway. I know it’s going to take time for us to get there, and I’ll have to work my ass off to earn it, but you’re worth it. You were worth all the pain of walking away, and you’re worth the groveling it may take to get you back. I didn’t come near you all those years because I knew I’d never have the strength to stay away. I never once stopped thinking about you and never will. You’re it for me, Ladybug. Let me show you how much I love you.” He sucked my bottom lip between his, then nibbled on the soft flesh.
“Wait,” I breathed, pulling my lips from his. “My parents are downstairs.”
“Their bedroom is on the opposite end of the house.”
“But it’s still their house.”
His eyes softened to a warm velvet. “It’s the way it should have been—us as teenagers, sneaking away to explore one another. I think it’s only right that it happens here.” He didn’t give me a chance to respond, but I couldn’t have formed words if I’d wanted to. I was totally swept away with emotion.
Everything he’d said—it had filled the hole in my heart that never seemed to heal.
For a moment, I let myself believe that maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for us. That maybe the obstacles that sat in our way were surmountable. That maybe, I’d have my Nico back.
The temptation was too great.
I gave in to the sensations, rolling my hips to rub my core against his thick shaft straining against his pants.
He groaned, resting his forehead against mine. “I want to do this right. I’ve been fantasizing about it all night.” Lowering me to my feet, Nico stepped back, eyeing me with a predator’s gaze. Slowly, he stalked around behind me, stepping closer until I could feel his b
reath ghost across the skin on the back of my neck as his hands lower the zipper on my dress.
My body became overly sensitized; each hair stood on end, desperate for his touch. I couldn’t believe this was happening, after so many years. It complicated matters, but I couldn’t seem to care. I wanted Nico so badly my body ached for him.
“This is how it always should have been,” he mused as his rough fingertips eased the straps of my dress off my shoulders. “You and me. We should have been each other’s firsts—each other’s one and only.”
My belly dipped and swirled at his words, and his possible reaction to what I needed to tell him. “Um, actually, I’m not sure how to say this … but I haven’t … been with anyone else. I’ve never done this,” I whispered the words. I wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed, but it felt awkward to say. I was a twenty-two-year-old virgin.
Nico went inhumanly still behind me. Suddenly self-conscious, I started to peek at him when his voice cracked out like a whip, startling me.
“On the bed.”
I followed his order, crawling onto the full-size bed and turning to sit facing him, dressed only in the jeweled necklace. Nico unbuttoned his dress shirt, slipping the fabric from his muscular shoulders and revealing an assortment of tattoos as his steely gaze branded my flesh. The only light in the room was the soft glow from filtering in from outside, but it was plenty to confirm that his body was just as beautiful as I knew it would be. I wondered about his tattoos, wanting to hear the story behind each and trace the lines across his taut skin. The light was too dim to make out the details but enough to see how perfectly they complemented the contours of his sculpted body.
When he lowered his pants and boxer briefs, my mouth went dry. It was an odd sensation to see him stand before me, someone I had known so well, but who was so incredibly changed. He was all man now—no signs of the boy I’d known. Could he see the same was true for me—that the little girl he’d known was gone? Neither of us had survived our separation unscathed. Would our reunion be our undoing? Or would it make us stronger than we’d ever been before?
There was only one way to find out.
Nico lowered himself onto the bed, stalking up to where I lounged back on my elbows. “This body is mine,” he rumbled as he eased himself over me. “These breasts,” he murmured before grazing his teeth against my skin. “These ribs …” His tongue explored the dips and valleys of my rib cage. “This belly …” Soft kisses trailed one lower than the next. “And this pussy … they’re mine.” He spread me apart and took a long, languorous lick up my slit, sending sparks of electric sensation throughout my body.
“Nico!” I gasped, arching with the need to be touched.
“That’s it, baby. I want to hear you say my name. I want you to know who owns this body because no one else will ever fucking touch it.” He dived in, circling my clit with his tongue while his fingers pulled at my hardened nipple. Each sensation alone would have been blissful, but together, they were mind-bending. He licked and sucked, growling when I moaned and twisting my nipples extra hard when I squirmed too much. He played my body like the keys of his piano, a masterful musician, my moans and gasps his symphony.
When I came, it was nothing like I’d been able to give myself with my own fingers. Never had I been remotely tempted to make noise when I touched myself, but the orgasm Nico drew from me had me biting off a strangled cry. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I was at my parents’ house and needed to be quiet, but it was nearly impossible. The thundering waves of pleasure tore through my body like a tsunami, annihilating everything in its path. Every inch of my body was swimming in sensation; even my ears buzzed from the electric surge.
He drew every last ounce of pleasure from me, only stopping when I floated back down to earth. As I recovered, he eased himself over me, bringing us face to face, skin to skin.
“You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I should keep you locked in my bedroom, naked and writhing just like this, every day, all day.” The heat in his eyes and need in his voice stirred to life a spark of sensation in my belly that I thought had surely burned itself out.
“You’re not so bad to look at yourself. Will you tell me about these one day?” I asked, tracing the lines of his shoulder tattoo.
“I’ll tell you anything you want, but first, I need to be inside you. I’ve never gone without a condom, so I’m clean. I want to be bare inside you with nothing between us.” He peered at me in question, allowing me to make the call.
“What about pregnancy?” I asked cautiously, noting he hadn’t raised that concern.
“I can’t imagine anything finer than having you round with my child, so that’s not a concern of mine.”
Holy shit. He was serious.
“I’m on birth control,” I whispered.
His eyes softened. “Another time then. For now, this is just about us. You’re perfectly slick and ready, but it’ll probably still hurt a bit. I can’t say I’m sorry. Knowing I’m about to take your innocence makes me happier than you can fathom.” His lips lowered to mine, kissing me passionately while one of his hands guided my knees up and back, opening me to him. His tip pressed inside me, warm and thick, spreading my entrance until I stiffened with worry. “Relax, Ladybug. It’ll hurt more if you’re tense. Try to remember it’s me and how you were made for me.”
I nodded, trying to ease my clenched muscles. Nico continued to rock himself just inside my entrance, allowing me to adjust to the sensation. Then, without warning, he thrust fully inside me, sending a stab of shooting pain through my core. I cried out, and he pulled my face close to his.
“Shhhh, that’s it. It’s over now. The pain is done,” he soothed me, trailing his fingers up and down my arm.
As I calmed from the surprise, I noted that Nico’s voice sounded strained. “Are you okay?” I asked warily. I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong, but what did I know?
He chuckled, then kissed me lazily. “I’m more than okay. You’re so fuckin’ tight that I could die right now as the happiest man alive.”
I smiled shyly just as Nico started to slowly rock inside me. I expected it to hurt, and there was a dull soreness, but it quickly eased into something more pleasurable.
“I’m not going to last, Sof. I’ve waited so long for this moment, and I can’t hold back.” His voice shook with strain, and I soared at knowing I affected him so deeply.
Only a couple of minutes after entering me, Nico’s body broke out in a sheen of sweat and flexed tightly as he sucked in a breath and moaned his release. He took several ragged breaths as he recovered, then buried his face in my neck. “I promise it’ll be better next time,” he muttered against the skin of my neck.
I giggled, enjoying the feel of his weight over me. “What makes you think there was anything wrong with that?”
He lifted his head and gazed warmly at me in the dark room. “Trust me, it gets a whole lot better. I’m going to teach you, and I look forward to every one of our lessons.” He grinned deviously, then pulled my back flush against his chest, which was a huge relief. His words had triggered a flood of emotion as I began to grasp the implications of what we’d done. He thought this was a beginning—not just a one-time thing. I had known he would, and a part of me wanted that too, but it wasn’t so simple.
A relationship with Nico would be complicated.
I wasn’t even sure it was possible.
Yes, we had a connection, which included amazing chemistry, but that didn’t change the past. His departure set into motion a chain of events that couldn’t be undone, nor did I want it to.
As I listened to Nico’s breathing slip into the restful pattern of sleep, I lay awake worrying about what I’d done. Even if I could wash away the hurt from years ago, being with Nico would be enormously complicated. He was under the impression we’d patched things between us and all was well, but the reality was my troubles had only just begun.
Chapter 16
Sofia
Then
Thursday and Friday after Nico’s birthday, he didn’t show up at school. I texted and called him repeatedly with no response. On Saturday morning, I had my mom drive me to his house only to find no one home. Just after lunch, I finally got a text from him.
Come to Josh Newton’s party tonight, we can talk there.
A party? We’d never gone to any of the high school parties. At least I hadn’t gone. It was possible he went without me, but I highly doubted it.
I was anxious to see Nico, but equally hesitant. That sixth sense that resides deep inside us, the one that stirs to life when a loved one is in trouble or a natural disaster occurs, was telling me something wasn’t right. It made me want to hide under the covers of my bed and not come out, but that wasn’t an option. I needed to know what the hell was going on.
After some negotiating, I was able to convince Maria to sneak me out of the house and drop me off at the party. Her reticence to help me had nothing to do with disobeying my parents and everything to do with carving time out of her busy schedule to bother with me. I didn’t care, as long as I found a way to get to Nico.
It was a good thing the houses weren’t close together in Josh’s neighborhood because the music from inside his house could be heard all the way down the street. Maria dropped me at the curb and drove off without looking back. I hurried to the house and let myself inside into a chaotic swarm of bodies. The house was big enough that kids weren’t packed together, but they were everywhere—dancing, talking, making out. Near the entry, a table was set up for beer pong with a dozen or so people crowded around it. I cautiously walked past, searching the crowd for the only face I was interested in seeing.
A couple of girls I was casual friends with ran over to greet me, surprised I had come to the party. They confirmed they had seen Nico, so he was there somewhere. Continuing my search, I wound my way toward the back of the house. Unlike our parties at home, the doors to family rooms were not closed, and I was subjected to public displays I had no desire to see.
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