Declan watched her family like a drowning man thirsty for water. Their love and joy swirled around him, touching bits of his soul long dormant. Showing him what it was like to be a normal family. If this was why his relatives hated him, then he could live without them. He could break the Traveler tradition.
“You okay?” Rashae stroked his knee, her focus on him while everyone else watched Lily.
“Yeah. Fine.”
Rashae stared at him.
“I will be,” he said.
“Okay.” She turned back to her sister, but her hand stayed on his leg.
He’d lied through his teeth when he said they could be friends. From the moment she looked up at him, her eyes wide with shock, he hadn’t been objective or friendly. He’d wanted her. He hadn’t set out to seduce her, but he hadn’t tried to stop either. What was worse, he should feel some guilt about it. Instead, all he wanted to do was figure out a way to keep his spot in her life. She was right—she was too busy for the likes of him. But when she wanted someone, he had to figure out how to be the man she turned to.
Rashae sipped her doctored hot chocolate and watched her father with Declan. They were two peas in a pod, pouring over the copy of Scythe Declan had gifted her dad. Dad was determined to learn how to play the solo variant today, which put Rashae at odds with what to do with herself.
Samantha entered the kitchen through the garage and shed her coat.
“Store open, yet?” Rashae asked.
“Yes, I stocked up on crackers and Gatorade. I’m thinking we might have to stay here a few days longer. Any chance you want to switch flights?” Sam tugged Rashae’s mug from her hands and sipped. “Mm, Bailey’s?”
“Of course. And yeah, we could switch flights. I think Declan is a lot overwhelmed by all this family business.”
“Yummy.” Sam leaned on the counter and together they watched Declan and Dad at the dining table for a few moments. “I like him.”
“That’s nice.” Rashae channeled cool composure into those two words, when really, her insides were all knotted up.
“You like him. What’s up? I know you took the rental out last night.”
Rashae swallowed. Declan owed her a new pair of panties after that little adventure.
“Shae...”
“What?”
“It’s okay to like him.”
“I do like him.”
“You like-him, like-him.”
“We’re friends.”
“Fine.” Sam rolled her eyes.
Of course, she would see through Rashae’s act. How long until Declan did, too? She’d lied to him, and that gnawed at her.
“There you two are.” Lily’s heels clicked on the hardwood floor.
Rashae caught Sam’s flinch out of the corner of her eye.
“What are you all dressed up for?” Rashae turned, taking in her sister’s sweater dress, heels, and pearls.
“Nothing.” Lily shrugged. “You two doing anything?”
“Enjoying the view.” Sam didn’t look at Lily. And why should she?
“Can...we talk? Just us?” Lily wanted something. Forgiveness? Favors? There was no telling, but whatever it was, it was likely the reason for the battle dress.
Rashae glanced at Sam. They were sisters, and as much as Lily frustrated the hell out of them, they were family. It was time to get to the bottom of whatever stick was up Lily’s ass the last couple of months anyway.
“Sure.” Rashae nudged Sam. “Coming?”
Sam pressed her lips together tightly, but straightened. Rashae offered her the rest of the hot chocolate. Sam downed it in one gulp before following Lily and Rashae out to the sun room. This time of year, it was heated by a great, black stove. Mom had put a pot of cinnamon sticks on to boil earlier and the whole space smelled like Christmas spirit.
Lily closed the French doors, an impending sense of doom descending on them. Rashae and Sam shared a look before seating themselves on the wicker sofa and love seat. As Rashae expected, Lily took the throne-like chair with its tall, fan back.
Rashae had avoided Lily for the most part this visit, but now she got a good look at her sister. Lily was as poised and regal as ever. Each hair in place, her clothes stylish and modern. She was the picture of a woman at the top of her game. And yet...there was something brittle about her smile. She’d lost some of that easy charm she had. She stared at the coffee table arrangement instead of Sam or Rashae.
What the hell was going on?
“I’ve been a shitty sister, and I owe you both an apology.” Lily lifted her chin and rolled her shoulders back. It was the look she got before heading into court. She was ready to face down an army...not her sisters.
“Sam, I know I hurt you. There’s a lot I’ve done that...I can’t make up for.” Lily blinked a few times.
Those were tears.
Sam remained rooted to the spot, but Rashae couldn’t stand this. She grabbed the tissues on the side table and stepped around the coffee table, offering the box to Lily.
“What’s going on, boo?” Rashae squeezed Lily’s hand. Sometimes she was so painfully perfect they all forgot she was human, too.
“Why? What can you possibly say that’s going to erase everything you’ve done?” Sam’s voice trembled. “When I needed my sister—when I needed you—you turned on me. You talked about me. You showed people those pictures. What reason could there be that makes it all okay, Lily?”
“Sam—”
“No.” Sam flung her hand toward Lily. “She doesn’t get to cry a few tears and say she’s sorry. That doesn’t make it okay.”
“It doesn’t. You’re right.” Lily’s voice was soft. The note of defeat...that was new. Lily was the fighter. The stubborn one who liked to pick at them until they bit back.
“What’s wrong, Lily?” Rashae stared at her beautiful, perfect sister, and knew the next words out of her mouth were going to change their lives.
Lily licked her lips and daubed at her eyes.
“I...have cervical cancer,” she said softly.
Sam gasped.
Rashae gripped Lily’s hand and sat down on the tile floor.
No—no—no.
“My doctor says it’s from HPV. I don’t know where I got it or when, but this summer the cells...changed. I’ve always known my type was high risk, but I’d hoped that...if there was treatment, that research would find a cure...but not in time for me.” Lily soldiered on, mustering a smile.
“Do Mom and Dad know?” Rashae asked.
“No, but I’m going to have to tell them. I just...I wanted to wait. Until after Christmas. But this was my only chance to tell the two of you.” Lily stared across the space at Sam. “I’m so, so sorry, Sam. The things I did to you and Oliver... I was scared and selfish.”
Sam lunged off the love seat and nearly tripped over Rashae. Sam sat in Lily’s lap wrapping her arms around Lily, and Rashae hugged them both.
Rashae should have seen the signs. She’d been the outsider, watching it all unfold. Yes, Lily could be a bitch, but she wasn’t cruel. Hurting people hurt people.
They hugged and cried, muttering words of, “I’m sorry,” and, “It’s okay.”
The door opened and closed quietly.
“You told them?” Sebastian asked, his voice soft, soothing.
“He knew, and we didn’t?” Sam glanced at the man who could be her fiancé’s twin and back to her sister.
“Sebastian is...not my boyfriend.” Lily held out her hand. Sebastian took it and leaned in to kiss her cheek. “He’s my...what did we decide to call it?”
“We’re friends.” Sebastian smiled. “I lost my sister to breast cancer. Lily and I...”
“He caught me crying my eyes out in the parking lot of Dad’s office and wouldn’t leave me alone until I told him why.” Lily glared at him, but it was a fond look. Much like she used to give Sam and Rashae.
“So...you two aren’t dating?” Sam asked.
“Your sister is a beautiful, stunning,
and strong woman but...I’m gay.” Sebastian shrugged, his smile stretching into a grin.
“Shut up.” Rashae smacked his knee. “I have good gaydar.”
Sam pushed to her feet, stepped over Rashae and squeezed Sebastian.
“What now? How are you?” Rashae sat back on the floor, clinging to her sister’s hand. She’d just assumed Lily was working out, losing some weight.
“I begin the standard treatment in January. I was taking part in a trial, but the results have not been improving. Sometimes the trials don’t work. I’m in the early enough stages it was worth waiting to give it a try. I’m taking a leave of absence at work. It’ll hurt my standing within the firm, but...the doctors seem to think that I have a very good chance of beating this.”
“It won’t be easy.” Sebastian placed his hand on the back of her chair. “She’ll need help.”
“I’m not expecting instant forgiveness or for anyone to drop what they’re doing to help me,” Lily said quickly.
“Shut up. Of course we’re going to be there for you. You’re our sister.” Sam’s scowl was downright fierce.
“I hurt you a lot.” Lily reached for Sam’s hand.
“What’s Shae’s phrase?” Sam glanced at Rashae.
“Hurting people hurt people.”
“Yeah, I’ll still probably get butt hurt, but we’re sisters.”
Lily blinked rapidly, but the tears were coming anyway. She stood and Rashae pushed to her feet for another sister-hug.
How were they going to tell Mom and Dad?
They’d clearly need to take shifts, make sure someone was on hand to keep Lily occupied. She was a workaholic like the rest of them. She couldn’t be left alone.
Rashae could bring work down, maybe Sam could postpone job hunting for a bit, mom would, no doubt, take a sabbatical. Sam was right. They were family, and they’d stick together.
Life could be cut short. Their aunt had only been forty-four when she passed away. Lily was just starting out. She should have her whole life ahead of her—but not if cancer won.
16.
D
eclan closed the trunk and peered through the back window of his car at Rashae’s profile.
She’d been oddly quiet and solemn since yesterday. Even in the early morning hours when she’d slipped into his room, they hadn’t had sex. She’d just held onto him.
He didn’t know what’d changed, or if something had happened, but he wanted to fix it. How, he had no idea. But the last thing he could do was pile on his truth when she was already feeling so rotten. His conscience would have to wait for the right time.
He circled to the driver’s seat and got in, buckling up.
“Where to?” he asked.
Her parents were on the next flight with Lily and Sebastian, while Sam and Oliver would follow tomorrow.
“I don’t want to be alone.” She stared straight ahead, her voice a little hollow. She looked like she was in shock.
“Somethin’ happen?” He reached over and took her hand. “Did I do somethin’?”
She turned to face him, her brow lined with worry, lips pinched.
“Lily’s...sick. So much of the last couple months makes sense now.”
“Sick? How sick?”’
“Bad sick.” She squeezed his hand. “I don’t want to go home yet. Mom and Dad don’t know. I can’t look at them and not tell them, you know?”
“Yeah. Um, want to get a game in? Some of the guys said somethin’ about meetin’ at this pub we game at from time to time. We can go see if anyone is there. Get your mind off things.”
“Do you mind?”
“Not at all.”
She reached across the old, bench seat and hugged him, burying her face in the crook of his neck, her breath warming the scarf wrapped around him. Whatever was wrong with Lily had Rashae scared, that much was clear.
“Thank you,” she said into his coat.
“Don’t think nothin’ of it.”
She sat back on her side of the car. He resisted the urge to drag her across into his lap so he could ease her fears. The best he could do was distract her, instead.
They struck out across DC, pausing at his place long enough to stash the luggage before heading to the pub. There weren’t many people there in the middle of the afternoon, and none of them were the guys in Declan’s normal game group. Instead, they ordered lunch and a pint. They made some small talk, but it was clear Rashae was concerned.
“Do you...want to talk about it?” he asked finally.
She drew in the condensation beading the outside of her glass.
The cheerful Christmas carols still playing on the speakers were a stark contrast to the serious, worried expression on her face.
“She has cancer,” Rashae said quietly. “It sounds like she has a plan in place to treat it, and Sebastian isn’t her boyfriend he’s...he’s been her treatment buddy because...she was scared, and telling us made it real. I can’t believe I didn’t realize something was up. I knew—I should have known—I should have seen it.”
“Shh.” Declan slid around the circular booth to her and pulled her up against his side.
She leaned against him and wrapped her arms around his waist.
“I feel like such a shitty sister. I’ve bitched about her and never once did I pause to think anything other than, ‘Oh that’s just how Lily is.’”
“You didn’t know. She didn’t tell you.”
“Sam and I talked. We’re going to try to negotiate with the tenants in her house, get them out so Lily can stay with her. She hates her apartment and loves the brownstone. I could come down for weeks at a time if it comes to that.”
“How long is treatment?”
“I have no idea. She’s being pretty vague still. She has to be so scared. Lily is always in control.”
“I can relate.”
“You two would like each other.” Rashae chuckled.
“She didn’t seem so bad.”
“She’s really not. All those times she kept bugging us to do stuff...she just wanted us to hear her. She wanted to tell us, we just weren’t listening. God, I’m an awful sister.”
“You aren’t. You are too hard on yourself.” He kissed her brow. “You’ll be there for her now.”
“Yeah, which means you’ll be seeing more of me, too.” She leaned back against the cushions and tipped her chin up.
“There are worse things in life.” He shouldn’t be happy about her being in DC more, not under these circumstances. But he still had to tell her the truth. The nagging need of it was really starting to get to him. He was better than this, but he’d let what he wanted and his attraction blind him to what needed to be done.
“Gee, thanks.”
He placed his hand on her knee and squeezed. She smiled and for the first time since yesterday it touched her eyes. If his one job was to bring her joy, he’d do it. Smiles like that were worth every bit of the effort.
“Where are your friends?”
“Dunno.” He shrugged.
“You haven’t texted them or anything?”
“Don’t have their numbers.”
“Are you really friends with these guys?”
“Sure. We meet up here on Sundays and play games.”
“But you don’t...hang out or talk otherwise?”
“No.”
“Guys are so weird.” She shook her head.
“What? Did you want to hear that we get together and braid each other’s hair? Is that it?”
“Yours could do with a little upkeep.”
“Only because you nearly ripped my hair out of my head the other night.”
“Shh.” She smacked his shoulder and glanced around, eyes wide.
“No one’s listenin’, no one’s even close.”
“Still—shh. That is no one’s business.” She chuckled.
He picked up her hand and kissed her knuckles. She watched him, her eyes lingering on his lips.
“Should you be doing that?�
� she asked.
“Is there a reason I shouldn’t?” His stomach knotted up.
She shrugged.
“I can stop.”
“It was just a question.” She covered his hand with hers.
He turned his hand over and she wove their fingers together.
If Rashae were a better person, she’d warn Declan now. Tell him to run. To get far, far away from her.
The waitress saved her from blurting out everything in her head. Their meal was served, steaming hot and her stomach growled, reminding her that breakfast had been peanuts and lunch some crackers. She tucked in, mulling over her deeper thoughts.
She’d lost faith in her ability to keep things casual with Declan. At most, she was hoping to fool him until she went home tomorrow. Maybe with some distance she could sort out her emotions. But with Lily’s diagnosis? There was no way. Rashae would have to be strong for her sisters the way Sam was strong for their parents. And in the moments between, Rashae would need someone in her corner to prop her up.
The girls—Miranda, Piper and Tamara—all had their lives rolling forward. Their paths were dividing, they had serious boyfriends. Rashae was pretty certain Miranda and Raul were talking marriage, and Tamara and Stephen might as well be married. They were buying a condo together. That was...permanent. And Piper—she had to find herself. It was a journey no one could help her with. Rashae had to accept that her friendships were changing—and she still needed someone to lean on.
Declan was calm, a bit stoic. He made her heart race and when he looked at her the way he had in the SUV, at his place, when he kissed her—it was pure distraction. She’d need that. But was a distraction what she was looking for? Was she made for distraction?
She swallowed. Lily’s cancer was another reminder that life was short. What if Rashae spent so much time working, trying to build her brand, that she let something good pass her by? Like Declan? What if they could be more? They’d been pretty honest with each other, and though she was having second thoughts, what if he wasn’t? What if she told him she changed her mind, and he...they weren’t dating so he couldn’t break up with her. They could stop being friends though.
If she told him, she could lose him.
If she didn’t tell him, she was going to be stuck on one side of an empty relationship.
The Gamer and the Geek (Gone Geek, #4) Page 14