I kiss his neck and nibble on his earlobe. I feel such an intimacy toward him already.
None of it would have been possible had he not punished me before.
He crosses his legs with mine. I love how safe he makes me feel, how protected.
It’s a wonder we’ve only known each for what, less than two weeks?
My stomach coils in eager anticipation at the thought of everything else we are going to share this summer.
“Sylvain,” I say softly. My hand runs back and forth along his chest. “You won’t let anybody else hurt me. Will you?”
“Never,” he swears.
He catches my hand and holds it so tight in his. “That is an honor afforded only to me.”
“Good,” I say, and relax my head against his shoulder. “I feel safe when I’m with you.”
He smiles.
“No, really, I mean it,” I insist. “I didn’t know what I was lacking before. And now I do. Thanks to you, I do. You make me feel… protected.” I glance at him. “Is that wrong?”
“Never wrong,” he says. “And you will forever be protected by me, Dani.”
“I love that,” I whisper.
“I know,” he says. “It is because we are so compatible. I know what you need. I know what you want. I am opening your eyes to the more exotic tastes of the world. And you are finding that you like them.”
“Oh, it’s much more than ‘like,’” I say, circling one finger around his nipple. “I already love.”
He chuckles. And I think: did I really just admit that?
But so be it. I hold no secrets from Sylvain.
Nor do I ever want to.
**
An hour after we make love, Sylvain leaves me.
I lounge dreamily on the sofa bed. I run my hand back and forth over the soft silk fabric and think how wonderful it is to have a lover like Sylvain.
He told me we would not go into the upper reaches of the White Tower today. The highest stories are reserved for when we make real progress.
But already this feels like a dream.
I couldn’t have imagined myself capable of anything like this, with a man like this, before I arrived.
I sigh. I wish I could call Min. I want to tell her everything about Sylvain.
But he is my secret for now.
As I am his?
The doctor knows about me.
And who else, I wonder.
I want to know how many people Sylvain has in his life.
He is still a complete enigma. We’ve shared physical intimacy. The draw I feel to him is ludicrous. Ludicrous in its intensity, ludicrous in its strength.
Ludicrous in where it comes from. Ludicrous that it exists in spite of the things he does to me.
Ludicrous that it’s strengthened by the things he does to me.
I take a deep, satiated breath. I stretch out like a cat.
Then I stand and walk out of the chamber.
The White Tower is a dream. And, like any dream it has to end so that I can go back to reality.
Right now, my reality is not here.
Chapter Seventeen
Sylvain is playing the piano again. I come into the room.
He turns to me. Abruptly, the music stops.
His eyes go dark.
“What,” he asks me solemnly, “are you wearing?”
I pick at the dress in confusion. “You gave it to me…” I begin.
He strikes me so hard and so fast I cannot react. I crumble.
“You forgot your place!” he accuses. “Where are you now, Dani? Where? Where are you, woman? Answer me!”
I look up from the floor at his glowering form. I cower away.
“Where are you?” he repeats. “Are you in the White Tower? Tell me! Tell me, tell me now!”
“N-no,” I manage.
“No,” he sneers. He steps on my dress. I’m caught in place.
He leans down, his angular face menacing. “No, you are not. You are in my castle. You are on my estate. It is my domain. Did I give you permission to wear that outside?”
He’s so angry.
“No,” I whimper.
He grabs my hair. He pulls me up.
He heaves me into the piano.
“Take it off,” he commands.
My body’s shaking. I’m too scared to move.
He steps into me. His hands tighten on my arms. He holds me so hard it hurts.
There are going to be marks.
“Take it off,” he growls, “before I rip it in two.”
His aggression is undeniable. My mind goes blank. All I know, all I want to know, is how to please him.
I don’t want to do anything wrong.
With one quaking hand I slide the left strap off. Alastair watches. I’m afraid he’s going to hit me again.
My breaths are hitching. I reach across my body for the other one…
He catches my wrist. “Too slow,” he says.
He clutches the midline of my dress and rips it in two.
A sob escapes my throat. No, no, no, the fabric was so beautiful. No, no, no, no, no…
“Are you upset?” he demands. “You should be. You should know better than to show up here dressed in that.”
“I’m… I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I didn’t mean—”
“You didn’t think,” he says. He steps away. The dress falls in pieces to the floor.
I am naked before him. I put hands over my body and turn away.
“No,” he says. “No, Dani. You will not hide from me. You do not want to piss me off. Not now. Not when you’ve already made me do—” he gestures at the torn dress in disgust, “—that.”
I freeze, absolutely terrified.
“The question is,” Sylvain continues. “What… do I… do… with you?” He leans in close. “Hmm? Do you know? Do you have any suggestions?”
I mumble something incomprehensible.
“What’s that?” Sylvain asks. “Louder, Dani. Tell me what I should do.”
“You should…” I shudder in revulsion at what I’m about to say next. “You should… you should punish me.”
“Ah,” a cruel smile lights up his face. “With that, you are right. That is exactly what I should do.”
He steps back. “Turn around,” he says. “Bend over. And stick out your ass.”
I move like a zombie, cold, dazed, scared. Automatic.
“Mmm,” Alastair’s deep growl comes from his throat. “Spread those legs for me, Dani.”
I do.
His hand presses into my pussy. He starts rubbing me hard.
In my ear, he whispers cruelly, “Tell me how that feels. Tell me that it hurts.”
“It… it hurts,” I manage. His hand is so rough. It’s so calloused.
All the warmth and softness I experienced with him just an hour ago has evaporated.
There is only cruelty left.
“I hoped I would not have to resort to this yet,” he tells me. He walks to the other side of the room, and takes out a hard wooden paddle.
He gauges it in his palm and looks at my naked ass.
“Oh, the things you make me do.”
Epilogue
He has darkness in him. But he also has light.
I’ve seen it. I’ve beheld its power, born witness to its might.
It is a powerful, wonderful thing.
Love has two sides. Love is a duality. Man and woman. Woman and man. Black and white, white and black.
Light and dark.
Pleasure… and pain.
I deserve this. Whatever he does to me, I deserve.
That I know.
I’ve earned the pain. Because I’ve betrayed my Master’s trust.
The way he hurts me? That is the way I know I am loved.
And I know that darkness… darkness is always followed by light.
The End.
The Alastair Affair 4: Sylvain comes out January 08, 2016.
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