And that’s when I saw her.
Jessie.
She looked just the same as I remembered her. No—better. It was like I’d forgotten how pretty she was in the last year. All that golden hair, that heart-shaped face, the big blue eyes. Just seeing her made my heart start beating wildly in my chest. I missed her a lot.
Unfortunately, she wasn’t alone.
She was with someone. A guy. A tall guy with brown hair whose back was to me. Even though I couldn’t see his face, it was clear enough he wasn’t in a wheelchair. And when he talked, Jessie’s face broke into a smile. And then a laugh.
When I first got shot, I made myself a promise that Jessie would never see me in a wheelchair. As I’d gone through rehab, being in the chair had started to feel more normal to me, but this experience made me realize that it wasn’t normal at all. If I went over to Jessie, she wasn’t going to want to go out with me anymore. She was going to give me a big, fake smile and talk about how “good” I look. I had the right idea when I made that promise in the first place. Jessie would never see me like this.
I ended up leaving the pizza place without buying my pizza and I wouldn’t tell anyone why.
Chapter 41
Jessie
Ramen noodles are an amazing thing. I know everyone thinks of them as cheap food for college kids, but they’re also great for two adults in their twenties who have massive loans and negative total income.
For example, you throw some frozen vegetables in a pan, toss in an egg, add your ramen noodles, and voila! You have a delicious Asian stir fry for two.
Or you can drop the ramen noodles in some water with an egg, and now you’ve got an egg drop ramen soup. (All ramen noodle recipes involve an egg.)
I’ve become quite the expert at shopping on a budget. I clip coupons. Bags of frozen vegetables and boxes of pasta are my friends. A box of non-brand spaghetti that lasts a whole week costs only a dollar. I could usually get a can of sauce for a dollar. Granted, we don’t want to eat pasta every single day, but I’m just saying, that option is there if things get any tighter.
I hope things don’t get any tighter.
Seth’s practice that he set up with his friend Pete is not doing great. Between rent and their receptionist, they’re still earning negative money. I told them to get rid of Stacy—they can’t afford a receptionist, but they don’t have the heart to fire her, so that means more ramen. Endless ramen.
“This is really good, Jessie,” Seth tells me as he digs into the chicken ramen noodle soup I made for dinner. Chicken is also cheap—we eat a lot of it. “You’re a genius with these ramen noodles. You should write a book.”
I suspect anyone who would like to buy such a book wouldn’t be able to afford it. “Thanks.”
“Someday we’ll look back on these days,” Seth muses. “We’ll remember when we used to be poor and happy.”
I raise my eyebrows at him. “So you think we’re going to be rich and miserable?”
“That’s the dream.”
I listlessly stir my ramen around in my bowl. “Did you get any new cases today?”
Seth sighs. “Do we have to talk about my work?” That means no. “Why don’t we talk about your work?”
“Because my work is freaking boring?” The last thing I want to talk about is work. It’s bad enough that I have to do the work. I don’t want to have to go home and talk about it.
“I’m sure it’s not that boring,” he says.
“Well, you’re wrong.”
It really is. I should probably quit. Except I can’t envision any job that I’m qualified for that would be any better. Singing is out—I’ve already been rejected enough times to get the message. Maybe I could become a teacher. That could be rewarding. Molding young minds, yadda yadda yadda.
Seth is chewing on his ramen when he pauses mid-bite. “Shit,” he says.
“What’s wrong?”
“I forgot something.” He dumps his spoon into the soup and stands up so fast that his chair nearly falls over. “There was a letter I was supposed to mail out today. For a client. And I completely spaced out on it.”
I watch as Seth scurries over to his briefcase and starts rifling through all the papers one by one. I’m not sure why he has to do this now. It’s not like the mailman is coming any minute and he might miss them. Every possible means of mailing a letter has closed for the night.
“Can’t you do that after dinner?” I suggest.
Seth looks up from his disorganized pile of papers. God, that briefcase is a mess. Maybe he could get Stacy to organize it, considering I can’t imagine what else she’s got to do there. They have practically zero clients.
“I can’t do it later,” he says tightly. “This is important, Jessie.”
“Right, but it’s eight o’clock at night,” I point out. “You’re not going to be able to mail it now.”
“Will you let me fucking do this?” Seth snaps at me.
Sheesh. “Sorry.”
“I mean, I’m trying to keep my goddamn practice together,” he continues to rant as he goes through the papers more frenetically. “Maybe you’re satisfied to be in a piece of shit job, but I wouldn’t be.”
“It’s not my fault you forgot to mail that letter,” I point out to him.
“Jess, will you shut the fuck up for a minute?”
I look down at my ramen soup. I know Seth has a tendency to lash out sometimes when he’s really stressed out, and I try to be understanding about that. But the problem is that these days he’s always stressed out.
Nick Moretti never snapped at me. Then again, we never lived together. And I know from what he did to Evan Thompson that he definitely has a temper.
A second later, Seth pulls an envelope from the pile of papers. He blows out air from his lips in relief. “Found it.”
“Congratulations,” I mutter.
Seth frowns at me. He rises from the floor and comes over to stand next to me. I feel his large hand fall on my shoulder. “I’m sorry I snapped at you. That was a really important letter and I thought I’d lost it or something.”
“Yeah, I know,” I say.
He touches my hair, running his fingers gently through the strands. “I love you, Jess.”
“I love you too,” I say.
I love Seth. But if he doesn’t get more work soon, we may end up killing each other.
Nick
Tony is cruising for chicks.
He dragged me out to this bar on the lower east side, even though I’m beyond tired. Not only that, but my back is killing me. I’m not even thirty, but at the end of the day, my back hurts like a mother. That’s what happens when you spend your entire day sitting without any break. I shift positions as much as I can, but it’s not enough.
But my brother wanted to go out tonight, and he reasoned that I don’t get out enough. “All you do is work, Nico,” he complained on the phone.
Maybe that’s why my buildings don’t turn into whorehouses.
“Come out with me,” he said. “Come on. I’ll find you a nice girl to take home with you.”
“I got Valerie,” I reminded him.
“Valerie,” he snorted. He doesn’t think much of Valerie.
I texted Valerie anyway to invite her along. Call me old-fashioned but I don’t want to be looking around for other girls when I’ve already got a girlfriend. Even if she’s not the best girlfriend who ever was.
Now we’re in the bar, Tony is burning holes into the ass of a redhead sitting at the bar, and my phone starts buzzing. I see Valerie’s number on the screen and pick it up, knowing she’s going to tell me she’s running late. Valerie is notoriously late.
“Nicky,” her breathy voice says on the other line.
“Hey, Val.”
“Are you having a good time without me?” she asks.
I glance at my brother, who is almost slobbering over this chick now. “Good enough.”
“So listen,” she says, “something came up and I can’t make
it after all.”
That’s the alternative to Valerie running late—she doesn’t come at all. I should just end it. Right now. I’m sick of this shit.
But then she croons, “I’m so sorry, Nicky. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
“Yeah, okay,” I mutter into the phone.
Just before we hang up, I’m certain I hear a guy’s voice in the background. I think about calling her back and asking her who the hell she’s with. Then I figure I’d rather just relax and have a good time here, instead of getting in a big fight with Valerie. She’ll just deny everything anyway.
“No Valerie, huh?” Tony doesn’t look too surprised. “That’s a shame.”
“Shut the fuck up.”
He grins at me. “I bet a nice piece of ass will help you forget all about her.”
Maybe. But I don’t know if I feel like sitting here while my brother flags down potential one-night stands for me. I’d rather just have a beer, go home, and lie down to rest my back.
Christ, I’m getting to be an old man.
I’m about to make an excuse for Tony when I see a familiar face sauntering into the bar. Chrissy Cagliari, wearing another of her tight, short little dresses, squeezing between tables as every guy in the whole place stares at her. She looks sexy as all hell tonight.
Tony waves in her direction and Chrissy’s eyes light up. I nudge my brother, “Hey, that’s Chrissy Cagliari.”
“Yeah, I know it,” he says. “I ran into her outside your building and I invited her. She’s so goddamn hot.”
“She works for me though.” I shake my head. “You know that?”
“So what?” Tony shrugs. “I’m not looking to hire her away from you. I just wanna fuck her.”
Chrissy misses that last tidbit, which comes only seconds before she slides into the empty seat at our table. I notice she scooches over to be closer to me, and in turn, Tony moves his chair to be closer to her.
“What are we drinking, boys?” Chrissy asks us.
“Beer,” I say.
She eyes my half-full bottle of Guinness. “What number you on?”
“His first.” Tony rolls his eyes. “My third.”
I shoot my brother a look. He acts like it’s a personal failing on my part that I don’t drink the way he does. I never explained to him that the price I pay for not having a catheter in me all the time is I gotta be careful what I drink. Alcohol and caffeine are diuretics, so I always watch how much I drink. One beer or a glass of wine is all I’ll usually have.
“Glad you decided to join us, Chrissy,” Tony says.
Chrissy’s eyes meet mine. “Wouldn’t miss it,” she says.
Chrissy orders herself a beer, and pretty fast, she’s caught up with Tony while I’m still nursing my one beer. I’m dying for a second, but I know the risks. Nothing’s worth the chance of pissing my pants in public.
As Tony gets more drunk, his advances on Chrissy get more blatant. He’s forgotten all about the brunette at the bar—he only wants to take Chrissy home. Despite having several drinks in her, Chrissy is pointedly refusing any of my brother’s attempts to hit on her. It’s almost funny.
“How’d I ever miss a gorgeous girl like you in high school?” Tony leers at her.
“Dunno,” she says. “Maybe it’s cuz I was butt ugly in high school. Couldn’t even get a date to prom.”
“You’re kidding,” says Tony, who’s certainly forgotten the fact that I was Chrissy’s senior prom date.
“Uh huh.” She winks at me. “I was so ugly that when I was a kid, my ma had to take me to the vet.”
He laughs loud and hard. He tries to slip an arm around her shoulders but she wriggles away from him—good for her. If Chrissy doesn’t want to go home with Tony, she won’t have to. I’ll make sure of that.
“I bet you had all kinds of guys going after you in high school,” Tony says.
“Maybe,” she admits. Her eyes go back to me. “Except the truth is, I had the biggest crush on Nick over here.”
I know she’s messing with my brother now. There’s no chance Chrissy had a crush on me in high school. She knew the deal with me and Jessie.
“Oh yeah?” Tony laughs. “You ever hook up?”
“No.” Her eyes never leave mine. “Never.”
“Oh right,” Tony slurs. “Nico was always hung up on that chick with the blond hair. What was her name again? Jennifer?”
“Jessica,” Chrissy says. “Jessica Schultz.”
“Oh yeah!” He’s laughing hard again. “Jessie Schultz. Shit, I remember that name. What the hell happened to her anyway, Nico?”
I know Chrissy brought up Jessie just to see my reaction. I’m not going to let her see that just saying the name affected me. It hasn’t been easy not to think of her all these years. “How the fuck should I know?”
When Chrissy gets up to fetch another drink from the bar, Tony can’t take his eyes off her ass. “She’s really amazing,” he comments. “How come you never told me how funny Chrissy is?”
“I didn’t really know,” I answer honestly.
“If I go take a piss,” he says, “you think you can put in a good word for me?”
“I might,” I say, even though I won’t.
Tony stumbles off in the direction of the bathroom. I wonder how many drinks he’s had. He can hold his alcohol, that’s for sure, but even he’s got his limits. It’s gonna be a pain in the goddamn neck if he passes out and I gotta get him home.
Chrissy slides back into her seat with her fresh beer. I wonder how drunk she is. She used to have a reputation in high school for being able to throw back shots without getting plastered. Not that you had to get Chrissy plastered to score with her.
She jerks her thumb in the direction of Tony’s empty seat. “Did we finally get rid of him?”
“He’s just in the bathroom.”
She frowns. “Too bad.”
I snort. “Why? You don’t wanna go home with Tony?”
“Not particularly.” She takes a swig of her beer, then leans back in her chair. Her eyes meet mine and things get real quiet between us.
I feel like I should say something, but I don’t know what. So I just shut the hell up.
“It’s true, you know,” she finally says. “I did have a huge crush on you in high school. Actually, since we were in first grade.”
I’m still not sure if she’s messing with me. “Really?”
She smiles. “Yeah, really. Is that so surprising?”
“A little.”
I think of prom night, when Chrissy kissed me just before we got into my car. I’d thought she was just being Chrissy, but maybe not.
“Your collar is crooked,” she tells me as she reaches out to straighten the pressed white fabric. Her fingers linger there for a minute, our eyes locked together. She doesn’t ask permission before she moves to my lap. My pulse quickens as she leans her face in toward mine.
“I got a girlfriend,” I manage.
“I got a boyfriend. So what?”
I’ll bet she does have a boyfriend. “Tony’s gonna be pissed off, you know,” I tell her. “He wants to take you home.”
She shrugs. “He never had a chance.”
And then before I can come up with any more reasons why not, she kisses me. She already kissed me once in my office, but this is a kiss fueled by alcohol and it’s got a lot more heat behind it. Even though I don’t want to be cheating on Val, I find myself grabbing at Chrissy and pulling her closer to me.
“Hey! Is this how you put in a good word for me, Nico?”
I pull away from Chrissy and see that Tony is standing in front of us. He looks pissed off but also amused. Tony and I never fought over a girl before, and I don’t think we’re gonna start now.
He slugs me in the arm, hard enough that it hurts, but not nearly as hard as he could have. “What was all that bullshit about how you have a girlfriend, huh?”
I shrug.
“Awright…” Tony shakes his head. “I guess yo
u gotta get laid worse than I do, little brother. I’ll let you have her.”
I roll my eyes. “Gee, thanks.”
Chrissy laughs at that, but when Tony heads out of the bar (probably in search of another bar), the make out session gets more intense. Chrissy Cagliari is a really good kisser—everyone in high school knew it. I never had any interest in kissing her because… well, she wasn’t Jessie. But now that I’m getting to experience it, I realize all the rumors were true. She’s running her hands through my hair and it’s putting every nerve at attention.
Then her hand goes down my pants.
I let it happen for a couple of minutes. I’m not sure what she’s doing down there because I can’t feel it, and that in itself gets me anxious. I finally grab her wrist and forcibly get her out of there.
“Prude,” she whispers in my ear, then bites my earlobe.
I don’t feel up to explaining to Jessie’s former best friend that I can’t feel my dick, so whatever she’s doing isn’t doing anything for me. And the last thing I want to imagine is her passing on this information to Jessie, if they still keep in touch. In fact, just thinking about the two of them discussing this is as effective as a cold shower.
Even if it’s just a one night thing, hooking up with Chrissy would be a mistake. For a lot of reasons. Not the least of which is she owes me a favor, and I’m worried whenever we’re done, she’s gonna say to me, “And now we’re even.”
“Listen, Chrissy.” I pull away from her. “I’m really beat. I think I’m just gonna go home now. Maybe… you know, another time.”
I see the surprise on Chrissy’s face. Guys don’t turn her down a lot. “You blowing me off, Nick?”
“I am your boss,” I point out. “It doesn’t seem right. Plus, like I said, I got a girlfriend.”
The Girl I Didn't Marry Page 18