by Marie Force
Juliana turned away from the window to face him. “I just can’t get over you doing that.”
When he stood up and walked over to her she knew she couldn’t stall any longer.
“Are you going to marry me, Jule? Are we going to live here together and fill this big house with kids? Are we going to have what we were always meant to have, from the time we were seventeen?”
She bit her lip and ventured a glance up at him. “What if, in a year or two…”
“What?”
“What if you get itchy feet again?” she asked, using Mrs. R’s words.
He took a step back as if she had struck him. “I can’t believe you’d ask me that.”
“Why can’t you believe it? What if you do all this to win me back only to discover down the road that you still have wild oats to sow? What if I’m pregnant with our first child, or even our second, and you begin taking me for granted again and start wishing for anything but the life you have with me? What will I do then?”
A muscle in his cheek twitching with tension, he fixed his eyes on the window behind her. “That’s not going to happen. I’ve learned a big lesson in the last two months, and it’s one I’m never, ever going to forget.” He shifted his eyes back to her. “All I can do is tell you I love you. I’ve always loved you, and I always will. I’m asking you to marry me. If you want me to beg, I will. I have absolutely no pride left when it comes to you.” His eyes filled, and the helpless despair she saw on his face finally did her in.
She took a deep breath and blocked all thoughts of Michael. “Okay.”
Jeremy’s face went slack with shock. “Yes?”
It was inevitable. It always had been, and for her to deny that was to deny what he had meant to her for the most important years of her life—the years when no one else had loved her or cared about her or been there for her. He was right. He was her family, and she was his. Taking a deep breath, she said, “Yes.”
He let out a whoop and swept her off her feet and into his arms. His tears of joy left damp spots on her face. “You won’t be sorry, Jule. I’ll spend every day making you happy. I promise I’ll never let you down.” He reached into his pocket for the ring and slipped it on her finger. “Oh, no,” he groaned. “It’s too big.”
Juliana tried not to think about how perfectly Michael’s ring fit her. If she allowed herself to think of him for even one second, she would never make it through this. “That’s okay. We can get it sized down. It’s a beautiful ring.” Smaller diamonds framed a large, square-cut diamond.
His face fell with disappointment. “I took that ruby in your jewelry box to get the size right.”
She smiled. “That was my grandmother’s. She had much bigger hands than I do.”
“Sorry.”
Taking it off, she handed it to him. “You’d better hold on to it until we get it sized. I don’t want to lose it.”
“I wanted it to be perfect.”
“It’s a beautiful ring, Jer,” she said, reaching up to kiss him.
He looked at her with his heart in his eyes. “Do you still love me, Jule? After everything that’s happened, do you still love me?”
“Yes.”
“Will you tell me? I need to hear it.”
“I love you, Jeremy.”
“You’re really going to marry me?”
“Yes,” she whispered as his lips took fierce possession of hers in a hot kiss filled with the promise of things to come.
“Let’s go home, to our current home,” he said in a voice hoarse with desire and emotion. “I want to make love to my future wife.”
“Um, about that, Jer…”
He pulled back to look at her. “What?”
“Two things. First, I don’t want a long engagement. I want us to go somewhere and get married. No big deal, okay?”
“I don’t want to just sneak off and get married like we’ve got something to hide. I want to do it up. I know the deal with your family, and we don’t have to make it a big production.”
“No production, Jer. I mean it. I don’t want it.”
He thought about that for a moment. “A guy I met in Florida told me he and his wife went to St. John with a couple of friends and got married over a weekend. How about something like that in the next few weeks? We could take Pam and David and my mom and Gary,” he said, referring to his stepfather. “Would that work?”
“That’d be great. I could tell my family after the fact that we eloped.”
“Okay, so that takes care of one of your two things. What’s the other?”
“I won’t sleep with you until we’re married.”
He snorted. “You’re kidding me, right?”
“No.”
Realizing she was serious, he said, “Why? We’ve been having sex for ten years, Juliana. I don’t get it.”
“I feel like we let sex become too important in our relationship. I want us to stay focused on what really matters over the next few weeks. Please?”
He groaned. “I’ve been dreaming of making love with you for two months already.”
“Then a couple more weeks won’t kill you.”
“I really think it might.”
“You can do it.”
“You drive a tough bargain, babe, but okay. If it means that much to you, we can wait.”
“Thank you.”
“Thank you for saying yes.” He hugged her again. “You’ve made me the happiest guy in the world.”
As Juliana remembered Michael telling her that she made him happier than he had ever been in his life, the numbness wore off and she began to ache.
After Jeremy served Juliana breakfast in bed in the guestroom the next morning, they called his mother and stepfather to share the news of their engagement. His mother whooped with joy and promised to be there for the big day. They also called Pam and David, who were equally thrilled to be included and agreed to serve as their matron of honor and best man. Jeremy got busy on the Internet, and an hour later he booked their wedding at a resort on St. John.
He came downstairs to find Juliana when he finished. “We got really lucky. They had a cancellation on New Year’s weekend just this morning.” Embracing her, he sighed with contentment. “Three weeks, babe. I can’t believe we’ll be married in three weeks.”
Drawn in by his contagious delight, she smiled up at him.
He slid his hand around her neck and kissed her. After he spent several minutes letting her know just how badly he wanted her, his breathing was heavy and labored. “You’re really sure about this no sex thing?”
“Think about how great the wedding night will be.”
He moaned. “I can’t. If I think about it, I’ll need another cold shower.” He had already told her all about the one he took the night before after their hot make-out session at the guest room door.
She laughed. “You’re pathetic.”
“Babe? Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“When we were apart, did you, you know…”
She struggled out of his embrace. “We’re not talking about that.”
“I need to know, Jule. It makes me crazy to think about you with someone else. Tell me I don’t need to be worried about that, and I’ll never mention it again.”
“I’m only going to say this once, and I really want you to listen, okay?”
He nodded.
“I’m never going to talk to you about the two months we spent apart. We said we wouldn’t do that. I’ve agreed to marry you. If you’re going to badger me about this then we’ve got a problem.”
He studied her for a long time before he answered. “Okay. I’ll let it go.”
“Good.”
Late on Sunday afternoon she told Jeremy she needed to do a few errands and left him unpacking the boxes and suitcases he brought home from Florida.
“Hurry back, babe,” he said, kissing her good-bye. “I miss you already.”
Juliana went to her mother’s house for the first time in
three weeks.
“Well, look at what the cat dragged in,” Paullina said.
Stunned to see her mother up, dressed, and sitting at the table eating an early dinner, Juliana noticed that both her mother and the house were immaculate. There were even fresh flowers on the table.
“You must be Juliana.” A young blonde woman extended her hand. “I’m Allison, the home health aide.”
“No, you’re Allison, the miracle worker,” Juliana said with amazement.
“I told you she was a brat,” Paullina said to Allison but without the usual edge to her voice.
Juliana was startled to realize her mother was also sober. She couldn’t remember the last time she saw her that way.
“I’m sorry it’s been so long since I was here, Ma. You look wonderful.”
“Well, Florence Nightingale over there is on my ass day and night,” she said, but Juliana noticed the affection in her mother’s eyes.
Paullina took a close look at her daughter. “The bruise is just about gone, huh?”
“Yes, finally. Juliana’s Salon has shut down. It’s back to Panache on Tuesday.”
“It’ll be good for you to get back to normal.”
Normal, Juliana thought, not sure what that was anymore. She sat down at the table. “So, Ma, Jeremy and I got engaged last night.”
Paullina seemed stunned as she put down her fork and wiped her mouth. “Did you now? Where’s the ring?”
“It was too big, so we’re having it sized. It’s gorgeous though.”
“Congratulations, Juliana. You’ve certainly waited long enough for that.”
“We’re going to St. John in three weeks, just Jeremy and me.” Juliana told the tiniest of lies to protect her mother’s feelings since she had been unprepared to find her sober and rational. “We don’t want a big wedding.”
“It sounds lovely. I hope you’ll be very happy.”
Juliana’s chest tightened with emotion as she caught a glimpse of the mother she remembered from before life and alcohol took their toll on her. She leaned in to hug her mother. “Thank you. Well, I need to keep moving. I’ve got a million things to do.” She couldn’t even think about the unimaginable thing she had to do next.
“Don’t be a stranger,” Paullina said.
“I won’t. Nice to meet you, Allison.”
“You, too,” the aide called from the living room.
Juliana drove down Eastern Avenue still amazed by what she had just witnessed at her mother’s house. Now that Jeremy had paid off the mortgage, Juliana would put her money toward keeping Allison around. That would certainly lift a big weight off her shoulders.
Turning onto Chester Street, her heart began to pound with anxiety and dread. She had come early, so she could get her stuff out of there before Michael got home from Florida. The palms of her hands were damp, and her mouth went dry as she used her key to let herself in. She deactivated the alarm and was assaulted by a flood of memories and emotions and despair—utter despair over what she was about to do to this man who so totally didn’t deserve it.
Forcing herself to move fast, she went upstairs to his bedroom to pack her remaining clothes and personal items. She tried not to think about the last passionate night they spent in his bed or making love with him in the shower before she left to meet Jeremy. Was that really only yesterday? Brushing away a tear that escaped despite her iron will to get through this without them, she zipped the last of her bags and carried them downstairs and out to her car.
When there was nothing left to do, she sat on the sofa to wait for him. The room soon grew dark, but Juliana couldn’t seem to move, even to turn on a light. She had no idea how much time passed before she heard his key in the door.
“Juliana?” He flipped on a light. “Hey, baby, I was so happy to see your car out there. What’re you doing in the dark?” A smile lit up his face as he dropped his overnight bag inside the door and crossed the room to her. But when he noticed the tears in her eyes, he froze and his smile faded to an expression of agony that would remain etched upon her heart forever. “No,” he whispered, shaking his head. “No, you’re not going back to him. You can’t.”
His devastation rendered her helpless against the flood of tears she had managed to contain until that moment.
“Do you love him the same way you love me?”
“No,” she said, wiping her face.
“Then why are you doing this? I don’t understand.”
“Because I don’t love you the same way I love him.”
He grimaced in unabashed pain.
Wincing, Juliana stood up to go to him. “That came out wrong.” She buried her hands in her hair in frustration. “Oh, I never should’ve let this happen between us!”
He took her by the arm. “Don’t insult me by pretending you had any more power over it than I did.”
“Michael,” she said softly, “I love you so much. You know I do, but I’ve been with him my whole adult life. He made one mistake, and he regrets it terribly. I just couldn’t bring myself to walk away from him after he was there for me during all the years when no one else was. I’m so sorry.”
The anger seemed to leave him as fast as it had come. “I don’t want you to be sorry. You had a decision to make, and you’ve made it. I’ve always known this could happen.”
“I’ll never forget any of it.” Tears streamed down her face. “I’ll never forget you. I promise you that.”
“I want you to promise me something else—something much more important.”
She brushed at her tears. “What?”
“That when it blows up with him, you’ll come find me.”
“No, Michael—”
“I’m only asking you for one thing, Juliana. Come find me. I’ll either be here or in Newport—you know where—and I’ll be waiting for you. I don’t care if it’s a week, a year, five years, twenty years. Find me.”
“But surely you’ll be married with a family—”
He shook his head. “Never. It’s you or no one. So don’t think for one minute I won’t still want you or that my pride is too wounded to forgive you. I’ve already forgiven you. That’s how much I love you.”
“You can’t mean that,” Juliana said, choking on a sob. “You’ll meet someone else. You’ll fall in love again.”
With his index finger to her chin, he forced her to look at him. “Have I ever said anything to you that I didn’t mean?”
“No,” she whispered.
“Do you promise, Juliana? I need to hear you say it.”
“Okay, I promise, but I don’t want you to wait for me. I want you to find someone else—”
He laid a finger over her lips to stop her. “It’s not going to happen.”
“I’m so sorry, Michael.” She handed him her house key.
He put it in his pocket and reached for her left hand. “He didn’t even give you a ring?”
“It was too big.”
Michael made a sound that might have been a chuckle if he was amused rather than devastated. “And mine fit perfectly. Ironic, huh?”
Juliana couldn’t dispute that point so she didn’t try. “What happened with Paige?”
“Turns out she was pregnant.”
Juliana gasped.
“She lost it. She was in the hospital when I got there.”
“Oh, Michael. I’m sorry. Is she all right?”
“She will be.”
“Will you be?”
Resting his hands on her face, he ran his thumbs gently along her jaw in a gesture so familiar, so uniquely his, it took her breath away. “You’d better go while I’m still able to let you.” He brought her into his arms one last time, as if to prepare himself for all the days he would have to live without her. “Remember what I said, Juliana. Come find me.”
“I don’t ever want you to think, for even one second, that I don’t love you as much as I said I did.”
“I know you do.” He touched his lips to hers. “That’s why I’ll be waiting.
”
Chapter 34
Juliana went back to work two days after the emotional scene at Michael’s house. Her co-workers were full of questions about her involvement in the trial, but she kept the details vague because it was too painful to think about Michael.
She was so sad about what she had done to him that it took tremendous effort just to get out of bed, let alone function. Their time together had been brief but intense, and she couldn’t deny that she left a big part of her heart with him. Despite what he had said, though, she hoped he would eventually find someone else who could give him the happiness he so deserved.
The next three weeks were a whirlwind. Jeremy and Juliana put their rowhouse on the market and sold it four days later, scheduling the closing for the end of January. Pam helped her find the perfect white silk sundress for the beachfront wedding. During their shopping outing, Pam asked what became of Juliana’s relationship with the prosecutor.
Cut to the quick by the question and the reminder of Michael, Juliana forced herself to say, “Nothing. Nothing became of it.”
Jeremy was thoughtful, attentive, and considerate. He seemed to understand that she needed space to work through some things before the wedding. At the same time, he went out of his way to keep his promise to bring the romance back into their relationship. As their wedding day drew near, Juliana loved him more than ever and felt confident that she had made the right decision to marry him.
On the thirtieth of December, they took an early morning flight with Pam and David to St. Thomas. They caught a ferry for the brief trip across the sound to the remote island of St. John. The four of them were in high spirits as a taxi deposited them at the oceanfront resort. Juliana and Jeremy checked into a two-bedroom suite and then joined Pam and David to explore the lush resort.
They were enjoying elaborate tropical drinks at the bar when Jeremy’s mother Barbara and her husband Gary arrived. She whispered, “It’s about time, huh?” into Juliana’s ear as she hugged her.
Gary shook his stepson’s hand and kissed Juliana’s cheek. “I sure do hope you kids will be as happy as your mom and I are.”