by Cynthia Dane
Claire forced a smile. “I remember that one. The one shot in Venice Beach. You played a call girl who falls in love with the bellhop at the hotel she always uses.”
“Yes. The very first movie I made in America. Well, the first one I choose to acknowledge.” Probably a good idea, since the very first ones solidly fell into the sexploitation category. So did A Beautiful Blue Place, but at least it had a plot beyond Carmen shows off her tits. “You’ve seen it?”
“At least fifty times.” Claire turned down the coffee. “They used to show it on TCM all the time when I was a kid.”
“The kind of movie for a child to fall asleep to, hm?”
“Mom.” Jake redirected the conversation before Carmen’s sturdy gaze could bore a hole in Claire’s skull. “Claire and I came here to tell you something.”
She took one look at them and let out a laugh of utter disbelief. “When you said something had happened between you and your future stepmother, Jacob,” she began, “I thought maybe you had offended her fragile ass. Now I see. The way you two sit together, that lilt to your voice… don’t tell me. You’re in love.”
Jake straightened his back and glanced at Claire. She wanted a cigarette, and she hadn’t smoked since she was an edgy teenager trying to look cool.
“Something like that,” Jake admitted.
“How predictable. I always warned you that your father marrying a young actress was trouble. He probably knew you fancied her already and moved before you could cement any happiness.” Carmen sputtered out another laugh. “I can’t believe it, but you are your father’s son, I suppose. I could only counteract so much of that.”
Carmen shot Claire another intense look. Under the weight of that gaze, Claire shivered as if every layer of her skin had been peeled away and analyzed. She’s seeing me for who I really am. She wants to know my motives. Oh my God, what if she knows already? How much can she tell about me from one look? Does she know…
“I’m pregnant,” Claire blurted.
Jake groaned. No, this was not how he had rehearsed telling his mother the news, and Claire didn’t care. He would never understand what it was like having an older woman stare at her like that, as if there wasn’t a single secret Claire could hide. She’s better at this than my mother!
Carmen remained nonplussed. “Of course you are,” she said, after having a sip of her coffee. “I could tell when you walked in here. I just didn’t know whose it was until now.”
“It’s mine,” Jake said.
“So she says.”
“It really is his,” Claire answered. “I’ve never… been… with Arthur.”
“Now that’s surprising. How did you swing that engagement, then? Let me guess. He bought that you were a virgin waiting for your wedding night?”
“I never said I was a virgin.”
“Good. Because he isn’t that big of an idiot, even if he got off on the idea.” Carmen sighed. “Do you know who was a virgin when she got married? Yes, yes, it was me.”
Jake took the coffee away from his mother. “We need your advice.”
“About what? Your father? Oh, darlings, you’ve really gotten yourself into a mess.”
“I don’t want to marry Arthur.” Claire almost didn’t realize that Jake’s hand was in hers. “I don’t love him, and I know he doesn’t give a crap about me. Not really. I thought I was okay with being a trophy wife, but now that I’ve got this baby on the way…”
“What are you so afraid of by telling my ex-husband to take a fucking hike?”
Claire shuddered. “I’m an actress. He could blacklist me.”
“How’s your career, sweetie?”
Cheeks red, Claire shot Carmen her own heated look. I think you’re amazing, Carmen Carter, but I’m not about to let you totally control this conversation. “Why do you think I agreed to marry him? Solely for his money? He’s a big producer. He has connections.”
“Don’t I know it.” Carmen sighed. “Who else knows about this?”
“Just my doctor.”
“Not even your own family?”
“No. I haven’t told anybody but Jake.”
“I see.” Carmen studied her son’s reaction before looking back at Claire. “It is love?”
Claire almost choked on her spit. “I… I don’t know…”
“If you two are in love, then you know there’s only one answer. If you weren’t in love, I could give you all kinds of advice, some of it you might not like. This?” She gestured to the held hands and how the young couple leaned in toward one another. “Just get married before Arthur finds out he’s been duped like he deserves.”
Claire sat back in her seat, hand faltering in Jake’s. Marry Jake instead? She had considered it more than once, but it was so farfetched, so stupid that…
“What do you have to say about becoming a grandmother?” Jake asked his mother. “You’ve barely reacted to that.”
“I’m only surprised that you haven’t shotgun married some other girl yet.” Carmen then addressed Claire. “If you haven’t noticed, my son is a terrible romantic. You’re either in for the love of your life, or the nightmare of your twenties.”
That made Claire’s eye widened, before she remembered what the real nightmare was. That was why they were here, invoking Carmen’s advice on the matter.
Well, she had given it, and now Claire had to decide how much she felt for Jake was real, and how much was her fears manifesting in new and more frightening ways.
Chapter 11
Marry Jake. That’s an option. A fairy-tale option that couldn’t possibly be real.
Seriously, how was she supposed to treat that thought with any dignity? Elope? That’s not what I want! It was different when she arranged to marry a man out of perceived necessity without knowing much about him. Completely different when sex and emotions came into play.
Jake had been mum about his feelings on the matter. Or at least until they reached his apartment back in the city.
“If we got married instead,” he said matter-of-factly, while Claire sat like a statue on his couch, “it would solve a lot of our problems. Namely, problems with my father. Can’t do much if we’ve already filed a marriage license.”
“Solve our… are you nuts?” Claire scoffed. “Are you missing the part where getting married isn’t a simple thing? I should know. I was agonizing over marrying your dad before I found out I was pregnant. Do you know how close I’ve been to calling it all off to save my sanity? God!” She stood up, jacket falling from her hand. “You know what I wish? I wish I were fucking your father, because then I could say it’s his kid. That would solve all of my problems!”
Jake leaned against his kitchen counter. The tea kettle whistled on the stove behind him. “I know you don’t mean that.”
“I do. If we’re talking about the logical thing to do, then I wish I had fucked your father.” She snorted. “I mean my fiancé. Because God forbid I ever forget that fact.”
“Claire.” Jake rounded the counter. “Don’t torment me with those thoughts. Don’t torment yourself with those thoughts.”
“What, Jake? Are you going to be Prince Charming, come to rescue me from your big, bad daddy? Why do you even want to do something as stupid as eloping with me? Don’t you know what it’s going to do to your relationship with your own father? You stand to lose way more than I do with him. I might as well retire from an acting career I never had. Become a full-time mom or something. I hear going into fashion design is big for has-beens like me. Or do I need to do more than a shitty reality show to be a has-been?”
Jake opened his mouth. Claire cut him off.
“I appreciate you wanting to take responsibility for what we did, but don’t throw away your life for us.”
“For us?”
Claire put her hand on her stomach. “Yeah. Us.”
It was the first time she thought of her baby as anything but… nebulously there. She was aware she was pregnant, and it wasn’t getting easier to ignore as the we
eks went by. But she didn’t have any emotions toward the child growing inside of her. It was there. It was a nuisance, honestly. The way it made her feel, the situation it put her in… not a creature to resent, no, since Claire had no one to blame but herself (and Jake)… but she wasn’t elated about the prospect of pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood. Honestly? It terrified her.
So if she didn’t think about? It didn’t exist. Her baby didn’t exist. The only thing that existed was the terror lurking beneath the surface of her subconscious.
No. It’s happening. I’m having a baby. I’m going to be a mother. Time to do something about it. She would start by protecting the helpless child who depended on her to make the right decisions.
Yes. Rationality. Logic. More than whatever Jake offered her.
Or so she thought until Jake spoke again.
“You know why I suggest something as preposterous as us running off to get hitched before my dad even knows what’s hit him?” Jake took her hand before she had the chance to run out on him again. “If you think it’s only about the baby, you’re blind.”
“Blind?”
“Yes, blind.” Jake brought her closer, his heavy breath hitting her right on the lips. He was so close to kissing her that she almost wished he would. “Because you obviously can’t see how much I love you.”
Her eyes widened, as if to prove how blind she wasn’t.
“I wouldn’t do half of this for a woman I didn’t love, baby or no.”
Claire entertained the truth behind his words for exactly half a second. She then shook him off her, and she didn’t care that the hurt on his face was enough to make her cry as well.
“I really need to go.” Claire hustled away before Jake had the chance to catch her again. “Please… give me a few days to think things over. I can’t make any decisions like that right now. That includes how I feel about you.”
He had offered his truth, and in turn, she gave him hers. Claire didn’t know if she loved this man yet. Not enough to run off and marry him when she was supposed to be marrying another man.
Honestly, the thought of marrying either Carter man made her want to curl up into a ball and wish none of this had ever happened.
***
“Have you gained weight?” The seamstress pulled out her tape and wrapped it around Claire’s midsection. “That’s not good. This dress doesn’t have a lot give for us to loosen up.” She shook her head, those old, graying curls sad about the amount of work she had before her. “I suggest you go on a diet, Ms. Finn. You’ve got one month before your wedding, so that’s enough time to lose an inch!”
Claire ignored her. The wedding dress stretched against her skin, and she didn’t care. Yup. I’ve got a bulge. She could still pass it off as a food baby, and it helped that she had enough weird cravings to get away with it. How much Chinese food had she consumed around her mother lately? “Jesus, Claire!” Gloria had cried more than once. “Since when do you eat like this?” She couldn’t help it. The grease and salt were so good and hit the special hole her baby burrowed in her stomach.
“Don’t think it’s going to get any better.” Claire finished checking messages on her phone – none of them from Jake – and looked at herself in the mirror. The seamstress had moved out of the way, so Claire could get a look of the princess skirt expanding from her waist. The bulge was covered, but the waistline was low enough that it would become quite uncomfortable as the wedding approached. The best thing to do was come clean about being pregnant and either needing a unique solution or buying a whole new dress. Unfortunately, she still wasn’t in the mood to share the news with strangers. She had yet to tell her own mother about becoming a grandmother.
“I don’t know what you want me to do, Ms. Finn.” The seamstress pulled another pin from her hair and attempted to loosen up more of the waistline. “I’m very good at what I do, but I’m not a miracle worker.”
“It’s fine. It will have worked itself out by then.”
“I thought you said…”
That’s what Claire did, though. She waffled between calling off the wedding and going about sabotaging it, so Arthur would be the one to call it off. I haven’t talked to him in three days. Ever since she caught him in bed with another woman, Arthur had been scarce. The only time he willingly called or messaged Claire was to discuss tentative details or to invite her over for lunch. She turned him down most of the time, but the wedding planning went on as usual.
What a strange circumstance.
Likewise, Claire hadn’t spoken to Jake. She had asked for space, and he gave it to her. It allowed her to think about his declaration of love and how much it meant to her.
On one hand, she wanted Jake to be real. Those past few weeks sharing his bed and making love whenever they had a spare moment were some of the best of Claire’s life. Love? A part of her had certainly been falling in love with him, hadn’t it? Because she wouldn’t risk everything with her sure-thing of a marriage match if she wasn’t falling in love with a man that should’ve walked straight out of her dreams.
That was the problem, huh? It was too good to be true. The man she saw from across the room… the one she had a fling with… the one who accidentally knocked-her up… in love? With each other? Could it possibly be a forever thing?
Reality told her no. Fantasy, romance… it told her to go for it. To take the husband who claimed to love her, instead of the one who still had eyes for other women. God knew Claire only had eyes for the one who truly loved her.
If he truly loved her.
She left her wedding dress fitting with new resolve. Claire got in the back of a taxi and gave the directions to Jake’s apartment. From her bag she pulled out a manila envelope containing the first few sonograms of her baby, procured earlier that morning.
I wish you could’ve been there, Jake. Maybe that was Claire’s problem. She was going through this alone, because she didn’t know who to trust and who to keep at arm’s length. She was the only one her baby could trust, and she had to be extra vigilant.
I’m tired of being alone in this. Next time, Jake could come with her and see his own child. Until then, she would take these pictures over to his place and gauge his reaction.
“Ms. Finn!” The receptionist in Jake’s building perked up in surprise. Why? It wasn’t uncommon for Claire to be around there anymore. Hell, how many times had she snuck out at three in the morning so she would be home before her mother realized she stayed out so late? “Was Mr. Carter expecting you today?”
Claire stopped in front of the desk. “No,” she said, manila envelope threatening to slip from her fingers. “I’m surprising him. Why? Is he not in today?” He had mentioned something about finishing up a script and shopping it around with his agent. Claire knew that could mean multiple meetings over several weeks.
“He’s in, but… he expressed that nobody else should bother him today.”
“Nobody else?” This apartment building would rue the day they hired this incompetent asshead. Because a good receptionist would not have let slip that a resident already had one female caller that day. A secret one, apparently.
The apple truly did not fall far from the tree.
“Ms. Finn!” The receptionist called after her as she ducked into the elevator and jammed her finger into the button.
The doors closed before anyone could stop her.
She rehearsed what she might say the whole way up. “Here’s the pictures of your baby, asshole. Enjoy them with your new skank.” “How many babies you making in this town, Jake? Huh? Your father got a few more, too?” Each one fed into her righteous need for revenge.
It fueled her on her way to his door. When she knocked, it was with a fiery indignation that almost knocked the door in.
Jake opened it a crack. Claire crossed her arms.
“Claire? What are you doing here?” Jake opened the door the whole way. She peered over his shoulder, but didn’t see another woman present in the small apartment.
She
slammed the manila folder against his chest. “Sonograms,” she announced loudly. “Mr. Baby Daddy.”
He was too shocked to keep her out of his apartment. Claire entered and immediately found the other guest.
It took her a moment to recognize Arthur’s little girlfriend from the studio lot. She’s younger than me. She’s prettier than me. She’s sure as hell easier to manipulate than I am. That didn’t make Claire feel better to think, but it was worth it in the moment.
“You…” Claire braced herself against the archway leading from living room to the dining area.
The woman was so white with fear that she looked even more different from that afternoon Claire caught her in bed with Arthur. You and your little pink convertible! Who the fuck are you? Barbie? Wait. Why was she white with fear? This wasn’t a woman having a romantic rendezvous with another Carter boy. Or at least Claire doubted she would drop by Jake’s place for romance wearing nothing but gym sweats. She had no makeup on, and her ponytail was greasy. The only reason Claire recognized her was because that faraway afternoon was etched into her memory.
“Ms. Finn!”
“Claire,” Jake said behind them. “I’d like to formally introduce you to Ms. Ophelia Walter. You might know her by the stage name Ophelia Wells.”
“I know who she is.” Claire rounded on him. “She’s the woman I found in bed with your father.”
“See?” Jake said to Ophelia. “I told her she didn’t think of him as her fiancé first. He’ll always be my father.”
“What’s that have to do with anything?”
“Have a seat, Claire. You might be interested in this.”
Confusion settled over her as she sat down at the dining table. The same table she had dined at with Jake more times than she could count. Mexican food. Thai food. Chinese food. BLTs and Boston Market. What did it matter anymore? This woman clearly ate with Jake, as recently as… what time was it? An hour ago? Looked like Indian takeout in the trash.