by M. J. Haag
“Not many. There are a few boys your age. Some girls a little older—but they don’t look like you—and some very small children, who fall down a lot.”
“Only the ones who fall a lot need their faces washed for them. The rest usually manage on their own.”
“I know.”
“Then why did you wash my face?”
“Because I like taking care of you.”
That’s what I’d been afraid of. Not knowing what to say or do, I held still on his lap while he rubbed my arm through the blanket.
The heat of his bare chest and the soup in my belly gradually warmed me. It was unsettling, cuddling in his lap like that, but if I were honest with myself, I hadn’t been so comfortable in a very long time. The slow sweep of his hand lulled me, and my eyelids began to droop. I gave in and closed my eyes, knowing that I was safe enough…for now.
I didn’t sleep too long. I never did. Even back in the bunker, sleep left a person too vulnerable. So, when I opened my eyes again, the light in the room had only faded a bit.
Ghua reclined beneath me, his hand no longer petting my arm through the blankets. The steady beat of his heart under my head had slowed, as had his breathing. I moved a little and waited to see if he’d wake up. His heartbeat and breathing remained steady.
Careful not to wake him, I eased out of the blankets and off his lap.
This was my chance to run again. But I couldn’t run out of the house like I was. I’d lost all my supplies when he’d stripped me in order to get me into dry clothes. Even my boots.
Tiptoeing, I went to the front closet by the door. Luck was finally on my side. Not only did the door open noiselessly, I also saw winter coats and boots close to my size. I did an internal happy dance and pulled out what I would need. On the top shelf, I also found a backpack. This house was the jackpot for supplies. I’d walk out fully clothed so I wouldn’t freeze, and I’d also be able to cram the backpack full of food and grab a knife from the kitchen.
With a grin on my lips, I slipped on the jacket and placed the boots in the pack. It would be safer to put them on once I was outside. I didn’t want to make noise walking around while I gathered the rest of what I needed.
I turned, ready to creep into the kitchen, and discovered my luck had only been an illusion.
Ghua studied me from his relaxed position on the chair. His gaze dipped to the backpack in my hands, and my stomach twisted. He’d caught me once and only scolded me. I prayed he’d take it easy on me again since he thought me a child.
He stood slowly and stalked toward me, his gaze never leaving mine. I could see it in his eyes. He knew what I’d been about to do.
He stopped before me and lightly ran his fingers along the furred edge of the coat’s hood, from forehead to jaw. The palms of his hands brushed my cheek, and I suppressed a shiver at the sensation, terrified of moving.
When he reached my neck, he spread his hands wide and brushed the coat off my shoulders. The sleeve of my left hand caught on my fist. His steady gaze held mine as he waited for me to decide what to do about the horded supplies gripped in my hand. I dropped the bag with a thud. He finished removing the jacket and placed it back in the closet, along with the bag and boots.
Facing me, he held out his hand.
“Are you hungry?”
I looked down at his offering. I wasn’t stupid. He was giving me a chance to pretend that I hadn’t been about to leave him. Again. But why? I glanced up at him, meeting his pale green gaze. I couldn’t read anything in his expression. No anger. No amusement, either.
Swallowing hard, I managed a nod and slipped my hand in his.
“You’ll learn to trust me,” he said. “I know you’re afraid. I can hear the way your heart beats so hard every time you look at me. To you, I look like a monster. To me, you are the most wonderful thing I’ve seen.”
The heart he could apparently hear went into overtime at his admission.
He exhaled heavily and gripped the back of my neck with his free hand. Slowly, he leaned down until his forehead touched mine.
“I will protect you, Eden. Even from yourself.”
After a moment, he released me and pointed to the kitchen. Without needing to be told twice, I scurried ahead of him and plopped down on the same stool as before.
Seven
Ghua appeared completely at ease as he walked to the pantry cabinet. I was wound so tightly I thought I’d explode.
What had he meant when he said he would protect me from myself? What was he going to do? He hadn’t yelled or hurt me or even threatened me. I didn’t know what that meant either.
“Which can should I choose?” he asked, looking back at me.
Nervous guilt made it impossible to meet his gaze. I swallowed hard, not even remotely hungry, and glanced away. My gaze landed on the refrigerator.
“Since the power’s still running, we should probably check the freezer.”
“Show me.”
Was this his form of punishment? I would rather have him yell than make me open a fridge that hadn’t been touched since the world went to shit. I’d had to do that too many times already. None of them had ended well.
Reluctantly, I got off the stool and went to the fridge. Holding my breath, I opened the main part first. As I’d guessed, there was a lot of spoiled food. However, most of the moldy items were safely trapped within containers, so I resumed breathing normally.
“What is that?” Ghua reached around me to go for one of the fuzzier objects.
I realized he truly had no idea what we were looking at and grabbed his arm to stop him.
“You don’t want to open that. It’ll smell awful. When the food’s fuzzy, it’s already gone bad.”
He curled his hand in a fist, and I quickly released him and took a step back to close the door. My back bumped against his chest, and the arm I’d just released snaked around my waist to hold me steady.
“Your heart is racing again. There’s no need to fear me. I will not hurt you, Eden.”
I closed the door and turned to face him. He was too close. Angry and afraid, I retreated until my back touched the fridge.
“You won’t hurt me, but you won’t let me go, either. You want something from me but tell me I’m too young to understand what that is. The world has completely changed, and I understand a whole lot more than you think. I don’t want to have sex with anyone, and knowing that you’re waiting for me to be old enough, scares the hell out of me. Let me go.”
For a long moment, he said nothing. My heart continued to thunder in my chest while he studied me.
“Where would you go?” he asked finally.
He had me there.
“I don’t know. Someplace safe where people aren’t trying to force me to do things I don’t want to do. Somewhere I can just be left alone.”
He looked at me sadly and gently reached up to touch my cheek.
“Alone is a terrible thing to feel. It brings an emptiness that eats you from the inside. It leaves you desperate and hollow. It makes you wish for death even when death will not come. I’ve lived many lives. Each one more alone than the last. You don’t want that.”
“I do.”
He sighed and dropped his hand.
“I will not force you to do anything no matter what age you are. But, I will take you somewhere safe. A place where people won’t force you to do things you do not want to do.”
I didn’t believe him. Not for a moment.
“Okay.” I motioned him away. “Let me check the freezer.”
He stepped back enough so I could turn around and pull out the lower freezer drawer. I found several packages of steaks, which made my mouth water, and a package of cheese-filled ravioli.
“Jackpot!” I pulled everything out and excitedly started looking for the pot and pan I’d need. I didn’t even care that we couldn’t grill the steaks. It had been ages since I’d had any real, red meat.
Ghua stayed out of my way as I moved around the kitchen, and it was
easy to forget he was even there until it was time to plate everything up. I divided the food and slid a plate with three seasoned steaks and a heaping portion of ravioli his way.
Without waiting for him or bothering to sit, I dug in.
A moan escaped me at the first bite of medium rare meat. How had I thought I wasn’t hungry? Chewing greedily, I swallowed in a rush so I could shove the next piece in my mouth. Bite after bite, I consumed the first steak then the second. Juice dribbled down my chin and I wiped it away with my sleeve, barely pausing. The ravioli tasted just as divine. By the time I’d cleared my plate, my belly ached.
I looked up and found Ghua watching me with concern.
“I did not know you were so hungry. I’m sorry, Eden. Do you want mine?” He started to push his untouched plate toward me.
The actual concern in his voice surprised me.
“No. I’m good now. Thank you.”
He nodded then slowly began to eat his steak.
While he ate, I went to the pantry and started sorting through the canned goods. His assurance that he wouldn’t force me to have sex with him hadn’t changed a thing. I still planned to run because I knew people lied. It had happened a lot before the hellhounds. But, after the hellhounds, that was all people did. Lie to trick a family into forced labor. Lie to steal supplies from other people. Lie just to live, like I was doing. It was the way of the world.
Anything protein based went on the counter. Those cans would keep me full longer than any cans of vegetables would. The snack packs of apple sauce caught my eye, and I put those on the counter too.
“Do all children like applesauce?” Ghua asked.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
He grunted in acknowledgement and continued to watch me make a stack of cans. He didn’t stop me, and that gave me hope.
“Can I put these in the backpack? For tomorrow?”
He gave me a knowing look that made me want to squirm. He might be clueless about some things, but he knew damn well I was still thinking about running. He surprised me by nodding, though.
After fetching the bag from the closet, I loaded it with cans and tested its weight. I’d never be able to run with that much without making a ton of noise. Depressed, I started removing a few cans.
“Why are you taking them out again?”
“It’ll be too heavy to carry with all of those cans.”
“No. It won’t. Fill it with whatever you want. I will carry your food so you do not go hungry again.”
And so I wouldn’t run away. He was good at this game, but I was better. I put the cans back in the bag, organized so the ones I didn’t want would be near the top and easy to ditch when I got another chance to run.
“Come. We need to go upstairs. It’s getting dark.” He held out his hand to me.
To keep the peace and hopefully assuage his suspicion, I placed my hand in his. His fingers curled around mine, and he led me out of the kitchen, turning on each light we passed on our way upstairs. He did the same on the second floor until every room was lit up.
At the end of the hall, he left me with a firm, “stay here.” While he went to stuff a twin mattress in the opening of the stairway, I checked the master bedroom’s possible escape routes. The bedroom windows were big enough to fit through but too far from the ground to jump safely. I’d do it if it was a choice between life and death, but that wasn’t what I was facing at the moment.
Turning, I studied the rest of the room. With a pang of regret, I took in the nice decorations and comfortable looking bed. The cozy world this room belonged to was gone. The best the bed would see now was my rank, fully clothed body lying on top of the covers. I wished it could be different, though. I wished I could go to bed clean and comfortable for a change. Just as I wished doing that wouldn’t be the quickest way for me to die.
It wasn’t just closing my eyes that made me vulnerable at night. In this new world, there was no sleeping under covers that could tangle you up and slow your escape. There sure as hell was no sleeping without boots and a jacket on. Yet, I’d be doing both tonight.
I sighed and walked to the connected bathroom. A quick search of the closet there didn’t turn up any new packs of toothbrushes, not that I’d really expected to find any. Finding new toothbrushes was like finding gold. Most of those kinds of supplies were in towns big enough to have stores. And, a town was a place I’d never go.
Turning, I faced the holder on the pristine counter and plucked up one of the used toothbrushes. In the old world, I would have never dreamed of using someone else’s toothbrush. In this new world, I was lucky to have soap nearby to clean it first. With paste on the bristles, I scrubbed my teeth thoroughly, just happy that I could finally brush them after three days of going without. I spit and stuck my hand into the water to rinse. The water was actually warm.
Turning off the tap, I glanced at the shower over the tub. It wasn’t anything special. Not huge or with seven fancy showerheads, but it looked like heaven.
“You can shower if you want,” Ghua said from the doorway, startling me. “We have time before the sun fully sets.”
My gaze shifted between him and the shower. Could I? Should I? Everything itched. A lot. And, even after getting drenched, my smell could kill a pony. I wanted a shower beyond belief but not at the risk of being raped as soon as I had my clothes off. He had, after all, just told me I was the most wonderful thing he’d ever seen.
“I’d rather not,” I lied.
He studied me for a moment, grabbed the doorknob, and started pulling the door closed with him on the outside.
“There’s a lock on the door. You have fifteen minutes before the sun sets.”
With that, he finished closing the door.
I frowned and chewed my lip for a moment. Was I honestly considering showering despite the big, grey risk on the other side of the door? Just living each day brought danger. Did I really want to die dirty? No. I didn’t want to die at all. And, I wouldn’t because I wasn’t weak or timid. I was strong, and more importantly, I was smart. I made things happen. My way.
Opening the door, I found Ghua sitting against the bedroom’s only exit. His gaze shifted from the window to me.
Pretending he wasn’t there, I crossed the room and started searching through dresser drawers. The woman’s clothing I found would be a bit loose, but it would work. With a clean change of clothing, I closed myself into the bathroom.
The first time I shampooed my hair, the soap didn’t foam up because my head was that greasy. I washed and rinsed three times before I conditioned then soaped my body. It was paradise standing under what felt like an endless supply of hot water. I never wanted to leave. Because of that, I stayed too long.
The door opened. How could I have forgotten to lock it? I panicked and looked around for a weapon. None of the bottles were big enough to do any damage.
“Eden, you need to turn off the water, now. We don’t want the hellhounds to hear us or they will keep you awake all night with their noise.”
The door clicked shut again.
I scrambled to turn off the water so I could hear him coming. The only thing I heard was the drip-drip-drip from my hair in the sudden absence of noise. No whisper of movement reached my ears. Heart thudding, I gripped the curtain and peered around it to find myself alone in the steam-filled room. He’d left? Relief flooded me.
Quickly drying with the softest, cleanest towel I’d seen in weeks, I dressed before he changed his mind. When I opened the door, I once again found Ghua blocking the only exit.
“Do you want me to brush your hair?” he asked, his gaze sweeping over me.
“No. I got it.”
I left the door open so I could keep an eye on him while I detangled my hair.
Once I finished, I left the bathroom and went to lay on the bed.
Ghua stood, and I immediately sat up.
“What are you doing?” I asked when he started coming toward me.
“Tucking you in. You need to be under t
he covers to stay warm.”
He picked me up with one arm, pulled back the covers with the other, and set me on the clean sheets. I shook my head mutinously when he motioned for me to lay down.
“I don’t want to be under the covers.”
“Why do children never want to do what they are told?”
“Genetics.”
He grunted and planted his palm on my forehead, forcing me to lay back. Before I could protest, the covers were drawn to my chin.
“Sleep, Eden.”
As soon as he turned around, I rolled to my side so I could watch him return to his spot. He sat against the door and, like the night before, closed his eyes.
Against my better judgement, I remained snuggled under the covers.
* * * *
I stretched my legs, cracking my ankles, before I curled back up and burrowed closer to the warmth behind me. I was so glad the alarm hadn’t gone off yet. I wanted just five more minutes of sleep. Five more minutes of snuggling with—
My eyes popped open, and I stared up at the strange, yet familiar, room. I knew right where I was and who had his arm casually wrapped around my waist. My head wasn’t even on a pillow but on the bulky bicep of his other arm.
Ghua was full-on spooning me. I elbowed him hard and quickly scrambled out from under the covers.
He sat up and watched me with confusion in his gaze.
“Do you have to go to the bathroom?” he asked quietly.
“Why were you in bed with me?”
“Comforting you.”
“Bullshit.”
“Eden, children don’t say that word.”
“Ghua, grown men don’t spoon children.”
“I was not spooning. I did not touch places I was not supposed to touch. I was snuggling so the hounds would not wake you. You moved less when I held you close.”
I glanced at the window. The sun was well up.
“Why didn’t you stop snuggling when the sun rose?”
A low infected call came from somewhere downstairs.
“I thought the infected would scare you too.”
The doorknob to our room rattled, and Ghua sighed and got off the bed.
“Go into the bathroom and close the door. They must have figured out how to get around the mattress.” He moved to leave.