by Vicky Unwin
Another dance in the Junior Officers’ mess last night – again tonight with the army – and so it goes on. Both evening dresses have seen good service – The puppy is really behaving very well, but I shall have to give him away as I really can’t cope – it’s a shame as he is rather a darling, but it can’t be helped.
While Kay is away I have her wireless fitted in my cabin – it’s an ordinary service wireless receiver with loudspeaker attached of which the puppy is all too keen in biting the lead –
I do hope you have managed to have a good Christmas – do you ever listen in to the British Forces Network radio from Hamburg – it really is awfully good –
I must stop now, ere I have to put this down and it doesn’t get finished –
With much love and a very happy New Year – Thank you for your wire, by the way you must enquire about the Naval private telegram system for us in Germany. Then you needn’t send to Reading – They come direct to us by teleprinter.
More love,
Sheila
1945 draws to a close with no resolution in sight to Sheila’s affairs of the heart – just more waiting and anxiety. Bruce, Ken or neither – which is it to be?
Note
8 Irma Grese was one of the most notorious concentration camp guards, who started off at Ravensbrück women’s camp. For a harrowing account of life in the camps I recommend Sarah Helm’s recent book, If This Is A Woman.
1946
‘These men!’
It is almost impossible to get more than a glimpse of the real horrors of post-war Germany from Sheila’s letters. There is the occasional passing reference to the privations faced by the German staff working with the British, or the band who tried to smuggle food from yet another sumptuous British feast in their instrument cases. There are also examples of small kindnesses shown to staff and children, as well as compassion and debate around the subject.
For the occupying forces the images of the recently liberated concentration camps, with the charred bodies, the emaciated survivors and the mass graves must have influenced their thinking about the German people. They find it hard to believe that German citizens did ‘not know’ what was going on, and so what might today seem callous behaviour has to be seen in that context.
Nevertheless, Allied policy was brutal against the vanquished between 1946 and 1950. It is thought that over two million women and girls were raped by the victors9 and that up to one million German POWs were deported as forced labour, while up to three million of them died in camps.10 Naturally few begrudged the Allies the Nuremburg Trials in order to see the architects of the Final Solution brought to justice and sentenced to death.
The Americans, in particular, with Russian backing and British acquiescence, in return for a large loan to rebuild Britain, not only divided Germany into four zones but also dismantled, rather than rebuilt, industry and rationed food to subsistence levels. The Cold War, it could be said, in many ways saved Germany as it forced the Allies to look more favourably on it as Russia became the enemy.
But for Sheila 1946 was a year of seemingly endless parties, sport – especially riding – and concerns about her future, from a work perspective but, more importantly, in the quest to decide upon her husband. At the end of 1945, she was being wooed by Ken, but holding out for an answer from Bruce, whom she is to meet on leave in February, and with whom she hopes to settle the future of their long-running ‘understanding’.
‘Life is very full’, she writes from Plön on 6 January:
Did I tell you about our New Year’s Eve party in one of the army messes here? I haven’t laughed so much for ages, and tho’ we drank of the very best (marvellous champagne cocktails) unlike my sister I remained compos mentis! I even had another proposal from a very glam and beautiful young man called Peter Shaw-Pullen – who is frightfully frightfully Mayfair and theatre, who was expert at saying the most charming things one likes to hear, but rather prone to dancing to cheek to cheek!!
The parties continue apace, including ‘one very high-level one given by the Corps commander Lt General Sir Evelyn Barker [the invitation survives] … we had dinner beforehand with the Commander and 3 Lt. Colonels from the 7th Armed Div., bespeckled with DSO’s and MC’s – but rather nice.’ She wore her old floral dress and was admired by the Admiral. The photograph, also pasted into the album, shows her in it.
Meanwhile Robin went to stay with Sheila’s parents:
… he really is such a dear, but very quiet … I couldn’t help smiling – your only comment with regard to him was ‘he’s rather a lamb’ – twice!! Well, yes, he is – and, of course, very young for his 25 years, even tho’ he has been about a lot – of course. I think it’s merely shyness because he’s like that to everyone – most retiring and often says very little – I think he’s probably very good at his job – very much ruled by the army, of course, which is natural, but a pity – He’s terribly thoughtful and kind – with a distinct opinion and mind of his own. He’s very honest and direct, too, and so sweet with his mother and sister – He really wants about six bombs behind him, tho’ – one never quite knows what he is thinking.
Lt General Sir Evelyn Baring’s party – Sheila is in her floral dress.
In news of her other swains, Rosemary has met up with Bruce in Cairo; apparently ‘she likes him very much and heartily approves’. As usual, torn between her lovers, she asks, ‘I wonder what Robin really thinks of me now?’ She has not heard from Bruce for over a fortnight and is ‘almost getting cold feet that we shall miss each other, or something terrible like that’. By 16 January she is losing patience:
I really am rather annoyed with Bruce – it’s most strange that he never wrote to R. about not turning up that time and do you know the last letter I’ve had from him was written on the 19th Dec – I just can’t make it out. I usually hear from him about every 10 days and his last letters have been full of plans re our leave and when he may be home – but the trouble is every letter says something different and I do want a reply to a particular letter of mine which says I can’t get leave after the 16th – That’s only a month from today and I do want to know soon so that I can make plans – I loathe cabling as it always seems so climatic – but if I don’t hear from him within about a week I see no other alternative. Oh dear! Perhaps he’s got cold feet!!! Well, if he has, I’d far rather know, and plan accordingly than be on the end of a sting!!!
This does not prevent her from keeping her options open and Ken has been to Plön to visit; he wanted her to share his imminent leave with him in Paris – ‘woohoo’ – but she has to decline. She is also given the chance to go to Chamonix on an official rest and relaxation break, but again she is ‘completely messed up owing to no news from B’.
To add to her chagrin, ‘in the latest bombshell’, Kay has announced her engagement!
Sheila’s leave is to dominate her letters over the next three weeks: ‘I will let you know soon as I can when I am coming – I hate to seem too “keen” or “chasing” but I must know whether B. is coming or not to make my own plans. These men!!’ Her frustration is tempered by reports of the fun she is having – skating on the frozen lakes, the addition of another new admirer, Sandy Sibun, with whom she and Kay visit Aarhus for some shopping, despite ‘everything being terribly expensive’, the birth of the puppies – and of course, more parties.
On 27 January she writes:
Yes, I have heard from Bruce now (these men!) the letter took 17 days to reach me, and the following day I had a cable in reply to mine – a very nice one – so all is well. He still doesn’t seem certain of when he is coming, but wants me to try for leave about the 20th – go home – and then wait and see when he arrives if he hasn’t already done so.
She is in a state of high anxiety and leaving nothing to chance:
Plön
7.2.46
Well now – about my leave – if I haven’t told you already – it is all fixed – I leave here on the 19th, sail on the 20th, and expect to be home somet
ime on the 21st – I only get 12 days, much to my annoyance, as VJ leave has been stopped. How nice of Papa to take some leave when I am home so that we can go about – At the minute alas, I am all at sea with my plans, so heaven knows how we will fit in – mine are, very roughly this – As you know the whole reason for having my leave in Feb is to see Bruce, and I am determined to do this. At the minute, he still doesn’t know when he will be coming, but the form is that when he arrives in UK he will either write, phone or wire, and we will make plans – Now if any communication from him arrives before I arrive back (you know his hand writing, don’t you? Very childish probably!) I want you to find out his address and phone number and I will phone you up from Hull whenever I arrive to find out what’s to be done – I shall come straight home from Hull, and probably go south to meet Bruce later. I do want to get this settled (I feel so nervous!) and think it would be better to meet him alone in London rather than lug him all the way up north only to find we hate each other on sight!! After all a year is a long time and I am petrified that he may have changed his mind! When in London, I also want to see Robin, and (whatever the form is with Bruce) try and clear the air there – After all, there is a limit to everything, and either way he’s got a few home truths coming to him – This may seem rather ruthless, but I feel I must know where I stand! I don’t think I shall see Kenneth before I leave as he is having an extra 2 weeks in the UK and won’t be back till the 16th – At the minute I am having rather a trying time with Sandy, who seems to have got it rather badly, but this simply can’t be allowed, and I am going to be very firm. Oh dear, why is it that it’s never the right one?!! What a curse men are!
Robin seems to be held in a ‘first reserve’ position and she is determined to see him as well on her leave, as she records in her last letter before her departure. I am amused that she calls her mother ‘mum’ in this letter, something I was not allowed to do when I was a small child. It had to be ‘Mummy’:
Plön
13.2.46
My dear Mum –
I’m so awfully sorry I’ve not written before – I’ve been waiting for my final dates and arrangements to be made – well now, the position has somewhat changed since I last wrote – but it’s now quite firm – so this is what it is – I am flying over in a Stirling from Schleswig to Bury St. Edmonds, on the 19th and from there I shall come straight home by the Harwich Express (going backwards!) – The only trouble is that no one has a UK train timetable and I don’t know how the trains run – so if you think you can get reply back to me by p.m. the 18th, do write and tell me how they go – It takes 2 1/2 hrs – the air passage, so I should arrive in Schleswig UK (must be going mad) by about lunchtime – Anyway, on arrival, I will send a wire saying what I am going to do, and then appear! I can bring unlimited baggage too, it’s a mail plane.
Well, about Bruce – I think it’s quite definitely that he is cooling off, but anyway, we shall soon find out when we meet – he is arriving in UK about the 19th and will doubtless write or ring – if he rings, please get his address or phone number, and I will contact him on my return. I have had 2 very pressing letters from Robin, who will be on leave at the same time and who is very keen to take me to a large dance at Westminster Hospital on the 22nd, so what I think I shall do is to go down to London for it and hope that by that time Bruce will be back, and that I can see him whilst I am down there. Dear oh dear oh dear!! I always seem to get into such complications and muddles – what will happen I can’t say – but I can only say I hope it will be for the best!! It really seems awful to rush off as soon as I am home – but I am sure you will appreciate what a dilemma I seem to be in – one which really must be solved! At the minute it rather looks as if I shall be back home again within the next month or two anyway – a thing I will tell you all about when I return – As I am going by air, I am going to try and get 14 days instead of 12 – but mum’s the word.
So glad you’ve managed to get the house done up – I hope it won’t be cold when I am back, as we are so used to central heating we are quite tender little flowers! You seem to have had a good time in Yorkshire. I’m so glad –
Sally plus puppy I have to take down to Kiel to an M.L. [Motor Launch] who is taking them back to UK. I do hope they will be OK. We now have 3 left. Did I tell you I have lost Desmond! [the dog that Ken gave her] Diana and I took him out for a walk and he disappeared, last Friday. I am désolé – we searched high and low too.
We had a good party last night, organised by me – we decorated the place with catkins and it looked awfully nice. I had such fun tasting the drinks and arranging the food – at the very end the German band got arrested because they were walking off with food in their violin cases – what a world!
Mummy, I must stop, as I must write a wee line to Robin – I do hope you won’t be cross because I am going off to London so soon – you do understand don’t you? If Bruce does ring – I’d rather you didn’t tell him I have arranged to go to London. I want to tell him myself. I shall probably have to go down for an interview anyway – I don’t mind you telling him that in the slightest – Personally, I think he has got cold feet – I know I have myself! Still, time will show –
So au revoir – hope to see you on the 19th or 20th – I will wire as soon as I arrive.
Heaps of love,
Sheila
The next letter home is not written until after the leave, on 7 March, reporting her safe arrival, and a ‘pleasant evening with John’ at the Mirabell. Could this have been her last meeting with John Pritty? We will never know.
There is no mention of Bruce in the following letter – indeed Ken seems to be on the scene again: ‘it was grand to see him … we tea’d and dined and went into Itzehoe to the new Officers’ Club – Shepheard’s – of which we are new members. Reluctantly, I came home at 4 o’clock – they wanted me to stay the night, and as I’ve not done a stroke today, I wish I had! What it is to have a conscience!’ She is going up to Hamburg to see him during the week, and then he is coming to see her over the weekend, when they plan to go to the officers’ club at Travemünde and stay the night.
The Hamburg meeting was not a success as Ken:
… had one of his ‘moods’ on – which he says he can’t explain himself – It never struck me before but they are probably something to do with him having been POW. I then find it very difficult to understand him and just can’t make out how we stand. We are supposed to be going up to the officers’ club at Travemünde on the Baltic for Saturday night – I wonder if we will?’
It really does sound like John Pritty all over again.
She still has not heard from Bruce by 14 March and she is ‘at a loss to know what has happened – but I haven’t written – after all, unless he’s fallen very ill (most unlikely) he could easily write to me’. She has in the interim applied to join Control Commission, the military government running Germany. She is obviously very concerned that she will either be demobbed or posted back to being a Wren in England, neither of which she is keen on. ‘I hope to hear on Tuesday what is to become of me. I want very much to stay out here – I just couldn’t come home and do the kind of job Daddy thinks I ought to do (don’t show him this!!) unless one is married or engaged or got some definite commitment in U.K. I think it’s far better to be out here – so I do hope someone will take me on!!’
Finally she hears from Bruce, as she reports to her mother on 20 March:
Plön
20.3.46
My dear Ma –
Thank you for your letter – I am so glad that you are better, but don’t forget to take care – why don’t you see a doctor – Yes, we had another bout of snow, but it has gone now – In one week I was ski-ing, riding and playing squash – not bad! Ski-ing was fun, but rather difficult – I kept falling down to begin with and got some horrific cracks!
Well – ! A letter from Bruce today – full of apologies and conscience-stricken feelings – certainly cold feet was the answer – he’s not fallen for anyone els
e – He returns to Haifa today, and will be out there till next November, when he comes back to UK possibly to a job in War Office – I feel rather annoyed with myself really, for not realising all this before – I did actually know it, but didn’t want to believe it, I suppose – I felt the same, but thought that a meeting would clear it all up! However, he hadn’t got the guts for that – so what!