Perfectly Honest

by O'Connor, Linda

  Chapter 21

  Written in the Stars by Esmeralda Garnet

  ARIES (March 21-April 19) Leaning on others doesn’t make you less strong. An unexpected surprise lightens your day. Love is highlighted.

  Mikaela hung up her coat, shed her winter boots, and wandered into the kitchen. She peaked under a dish covered with aluminum foil and found lasagna, topped with melted cheese. She could smell the basil and garlic. It was her perfect comfort food. First she would find Sam, apologize for not calling, and change into comfy clothes.

  Mikaela poked her head into the family room and found it empty. She wandered down the hall to the study.

  Sam was bent over his desk reading and looked up when she came in. “Hi,” he said. “You’re home late.”

  “I am. Sorry for not letting you know,” she said quietly.

  “No problem. There’s lasagna, if you haven’t eaten.”

  “Thanks. I haven’t. I’m just going to change, and then I’ll get it.”

  Sam saw dark circles under her eyes and traces of tears she hadn’t quite managed to wipe away. “Rough day?”

  Mikaela shrugged. “Rough ending to the day.”

  “Come here.”

  “What?”

  “Come here.”

  Mikaela moved closer, and when Sam held out his hand, she placed hers on his. He gave a tug, and she fell into his lap. She was so surprised she started to get up.

  “Relax,” Sam whispered.

  With a sigh, Mikaela did just that. She closed her eyes, rested her head against his chest, and listened to the steady beat of his heart. He wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back as the tension of the day melted away.

  “Do you want to talk about what happened?” Sam asked after a few minutes.

  “A twin died at birth.”

  Sam hugged her close. “That would be tough.”

  Mikaela blinked tears away and nodded.

  “How’s the mom doing?”

  “She’s not taking it very well. Obviously it was a shock, and then she had to be rushed to the OR to save the other twin. He’s in NICU, but he looks good. Technically, the surgery went well.”

  “And how are you doing?”

  She sighed. “I’m okay. Just sad.”

  “Shit happens. You can be the best doctor out there and do everything you can for the best possible outcome. And still, shit happens.”

  Mikaela felt a fresh wave of tears and blinked rapidly to stop them from falling. She hugged Sam close. He probably didn’t even realize how much his faith in her, what his simple acceptance and understanding, meant to her.

  “Thanks,” she said, when she could speak again. “I know that. When I look at everything with a critical eye, when I consider all the options and ways this could have been handled, I know in my head that the outcome wouldn’t have been different. If anything, the health of the other twin could have been compromised. I know that. But it was such a tiny life. And the family will never be the same.” She sat quietly listening to the soothing sound of his heartbeat.

  “At first when I looked at the chart I couldn’t find vitals from the last visit. But they were there. I’ve gone over everything in my head, and nothing we could have done would have made a difference. But I’m going to grieve for a time.” She closed her eyes and inhaled the earthy scent of his skin.

  “I’m here if you need a shoulder to lean on,” Sam said as he brushed a lock of hair from her face. “For as long as you need.”

  Mikaela leaned back and looked at Sam. “Thank you,” she whispered and pressed her lips to his.

  Sam stirred and deepened the kiss. He pulled back and rested his forehead on hers. “You’re welcome. Why don’t you go change, and I’ll heat up some dinner for you. Mrs. Davy makes a mean lasagna.”

  “That sounds wonderful.”

  Sam’s hands spanned Mikaela’s waist as he lifted her off his lap. The causal brush of his hand against her breast caused Mikaela’s heart to skip as she rose unsteadily to her feet. She looked away and hoped he hadn’t noticed her reaction.

  Mikaela walked into the guest room automatically, but finding the closet empty, remembered her clothes were still in Sam’s bedroom. She went to his room, and the tangled sheets and tousled covers made her imagine Sam in bed. Naked. Focus, she chided herself and changed into soft pants and a sweatshirt. Mikaela splashed cool water on her face and ran a brush through her hair. She’d have to deal with her stuff later. Right now she was ravenous.

  Sam set a plate of garlic toast beside a bowl of steaming lasagna at the kitchen table. He poured them each a glass of wine and sat down across from her.

  “Thank you. This looks lovely.”

  “My pleasure. Mrs. Davy is a great cook. And her lasagna is a specialty.”

  Mikaela smiled and dug in, moaning with pleasure at the roasted vegetables, melted cheese, and fresh pasta. “Delicious. Did your parents get off okay?”

  “Yep. They left on Sunday afternoon. They were hoping to get a solid five hours of driving in on Sunday, stop for a good night’s sleep, and have a longer day today. Just before you came in, I heard from them and all is well.”

  “That’s great. I enjoyed meeting them.”

  Sam smiled. “They enjoyed meeting you, too. They were sorry you didn’t stay the weekend and hoped you didn’t leave because of them?”

  Mikaela winced. “Well, not directly. What did you tell them?”

  “Oh, just that you had stuff to do at your condominium and that you had been working pretty long hours since you got here. You hadn’t had a chance to go and check on it until now.”

  “They were okay with that?”

  “Yeah, they were fine. They’re pretty easy going. Although, my mom did ask me about the wedding several times. I just deferred to you. I’m sure she’ll be in touch,” he said with a grin.

  “Great.” She took a sip of wine. “Does it bother you to lie to them about us?”

  Sam shrugged. “I don’t know. You never know what the future will hold. How was your weekend?” he asked, changing the subject.

  “It was good. Margo came over for pizza and a movie on Friday night, and on Saturday we went out to a little club. A med school classmate is a sax player in a jazz band, and we went to see him. The band was good.”

  “Sounds like it was busy.”

  “Just busy enough.” She broke a piece of garlic toast in half. “Margo had to work early on Saturday and Sunday so we had early nights. But it was fun to see her again. And I had a chance to clean the condo and deal with the mail. It was … productive,” she said, wiping garlic butter from her chin. Also a bit lonely without him, she thought, but didn’t have the courage to tell him.

  Mikaela scooped the last of the lasagna from her plate. “That was delicious,” she said, setting down her fork.

  “Would you like some more? There’s more in the fridge.”

  “No, I’m full. That feels a lot better.”

  “Did you eat today?”

  “I had lunch, but it seems like forever ago.”

  Sam nodded. “I have something for you.”

  Mikaela raised questioning eyebrows when Sam disappeared to the study and returned holding a small bag. He handed it to her.

  “Did I miss an occasion?” she said, taking the bag reluctantly.

  “It’s an unbirthday gift.”

  Mikaela laughed. “I love unbirthdays!” She opened the bag and slowly pulled out a bobblehead doll. She burst out laughing. “This is great.”

  “I thought it would be a fitting tribute to you for taking on the headship.”

  “Sir William Osler as a bobblehead. He’s probably rolling over in his grave.”

  “What? It’s an honor. Being a bobblehead is the highest form of flattery.”

  She took the doll from the package and set it on the table, watching its oversized head bounce agreeably. She had to laugh. “I’ll take it to work and put it on my desk. His words ‘First, Do No Harm’ always run t
hrough my head when I’m trying to figure out what to do with a patient. I’ll try to aspire to his greatness. Thank you, Sam.”

  “You’re welcome. Maybe some day there’ll be a Mikaela Finn bobblehead.”

  “Something the world could definitely do without.”

  He laughed. “I was just going to watch a hockey game on TV. Would you like to join me?”

  “That would be nice.”

  They picked up their wine glasses and headed to the sitting room. Sam flicked on the television and sank down on the sofa. He put his feet up and tugged Mikaela’s hand, pulling her down beside him. Mikaela sighed and curled up beside him, tucking her feet up under her, and resting her head on his shoulder.

  Sam kept his arm around her and rested his cheek on her hair. He missed her the last few days. He missed sharing meals and sharing the ups and downs of their day. When she didn’t come home for dinner and didn’t text, he had a moment. He hadn’t been absolutely sure she would come back at all. It had hit home that she really didn’t need to. She could live in Rivermede and commute. No one would be the wiser, and their ‘engagement’ wouldn’t be compromised. But it didn’t sit well with him at all.

  At the start, he was sure they would tire of each other and the charade. It was a means to an end, full stop.

  It may have started that way, but slowly, over the last month, the ‘end’ had changed. He wasn’t looking to keep up appearances for his job. The job was fine, but he was still frustrated and disappointed with the operating time. What he had with Mikaela was the opposite. He enjoyed her company and couldn’t wait to see her at the end of the day. For the first time, he actually thought about settling down, making the engagement real, and spending his life with one woman.

  Funny how the idea of spending the rest of his life with one woman never even entered his airspace in the past. Now, the notion of Mikaela not wanting to be in his life squeezed his chest in a vice grip. He was pretty sure Mikaela didn’t think of him as husband material, and he could hardly blame her. Hell, he didn’t think of himself as husband material, until just recently. But, he had to admit, when he heard her car drive up, it was a wave of relief that gripped his gut and had him closing his eyes and taking a deep breath of reprieve. Sam figured he had to take it slowly, for both their sakes, but in his mind, there was a definite shift toward a new goal.

  “Who’s playing?” Mikaela asked drowsily.

  “Boston and Chicago,” Sam replied.

  “Which team is which?”

  “Boston is black and gold. Chicago is red and white.”

  “Hmmm. Which team are you rooting for?”

  “Uh. I’m not a die-hard fan of either. Probably Boston though.”

  “Oh, okay then. Me, too. Go black and gold.”

  Sam chuckled. A few minutes later, he listened to Mikaela’s steady breathing and looked down to see her features relaxed in sleep. Long lashes brushed her cheeks. Gently stroking the dark circles under her eyes, he thought how lovely she was. She was flourishing in her new role. She had taken to it like a duck to water and seemed to enjoy the different aspects of her job — the clinical work, administrative responsibilities, the meetings. He heard snippets of conversation about her around the hospital about her knack for soothing ruffled feathers, her energy. They loved the new design and her unique ideas. She was positive, never said no, always listened.

  Mikaela had found her niche and Sam envied her that. He wished this move had gone that way for him and tried to blow away the disappointment. He should have known it wouldn’t be an easy path when it was so difficult to get there. Despite putting pressure on his department head, getting more operating time didn’t look promising.

  He needed to operate, not only for his patients’ sake, but to keep his skills sharp. He picked up extra days here and there, and so far that was working. But it was tedious to cancel a clinic full of patients every time he grabbed a half-day of operating time. It wasn’t fair to patients, especially when they were bumped to a new day. Some were starting to complain, and he didn’t blame them. So yeah, that end had been disappointing. He hoped the hardest part was behind him.

  Sam sat quietly, enjoying the feel of Mikaela in his arms. She was warm and soft and slept quietly. She wouldn’t have stayed cuddled so close for so long if she had been awake. She was still tentative with him, especially if he tried to get close.

  The game finished so Sam switched off the set. Mikaela didn’t stir. He twisted around, and hooking his arm under her legs, he carried her to his bedroom. He set her gently down and covered her with a warm comforter, tucking the edges around her. He looked at her for a long time before getting ready for bed himself.

  Chapter 22

  happenstance horoscope

  ARIES (March 21-April 19) Be realistic when assessing a personal situation, even if it disappoints you. You cannot move forward with confidence without understanding where you have come from.

  Mikaela woke slowly and for a moment wondered where she was. She couldn’t recall getting into bed, but she was definitely in Sam’s bed. The room was still dark, and she quickly glanced at the clock. Seven-thirty. There were still a few minutes before she had to get up. Relieved, she relaxed again and felt Sam’s side of the bed. It was cold, and she wondered if he had slept beside her. She looked at the rumpled covers and imprint in the pillow. Maybe. Possibly. Would she have slept through that? No, probably not. She had been dead tired, but she couldn’t imagine getting a restful sleep with Sam right beside her. Even now her body tingled at the thought.

  Sam was an early riser and most days left the house by this time. So it wasn’t surprising that she didn’t hear any sign of him now. She flicked on Sam’s radio and snuggled under the covers listening to the news and weather as she slowly woke up. She smelled Sam in the covers and snuggled deeper. It was bright, sunny, and cold outside with the usual mix of mayhem and murder around the world. Palent stocks were up, which was good for her father, she thought with a grin.

  Thinking of her parents, she mentally added calling them to her list of things to do. She hadn’t spoken to them in a while. She was procrastinating because she knew her mom wanted her to visit over Christmas and bring Sam. Mikaela wasn’t sure if Sam was ready for that; or, for that matter, if she was.

  Sam’s not Elliott, she could hear Margo say. And Mikaela knew that. She was mostly over that lying, cheating, two-timing, scheming bastard. Mostly, she thought, as she took a calming breath and forced herself to relax. He really wasn’t worth the effort of any emotion.

  Mikaela could admit that now. But it took three years of a busy residency and Margo, thank god for Margo, to get to that point.

  At one time, Elliott had been the center of her world. She hadn’t been looking for love. In fact, she had been very content to immerse herself in medicine. She was busy with school and had just started her clerkship in the hospital. On one of her very few weekends off, she had gone home to attend a party hosted by her dad’s company. Party probably wasn’t the right word. Soiree. Yes, soiree was better. Tuxedos, ball gowns, champagne, an exquisite five-course meal in a high-ceilinged, crystal-chandeliered ballroom. It wasn’t really her thing. She would have preferred pizza in sweat pants, but this was her parents. She had gone because it had been important to them.

  The evening was a celebration and a thank you to the executive, the engineers and the chemists, the Palentologists as they called themselves, who worked tirelessly on the innovative technology to springboard Palent to another level of success.

  They had just patented a new polymer that stabilized chemical bonds at temperature extremes. It could be added to plastics and metals and prevented the contraction and expansion caused by high heat or freezing. It was the culmination of three years of intensive research shrouded in the highest level of security. Palent had signed lucrative contracts with multiple manufacturers who intended to incorporate the polymer into microprocessors in electronics and metal in building materials. In the future they had
plans to add it to currency around the world. It had the potential to change the world of engineering. The biggest and latest coup was the contract with NASA and the international space station. There was a lot of backslapping and jovial handshaking on their success.

  Mikaela couldn’t say she understood it completely, despite her father’s best efforts to steer her toward the company. She was relieved when her parents accepted her need to study medicine and pursue an application of science in a different way. So, growing up, she listened to the talk of the company’s struggles and successes around the dinner table, but she wasn’t integral to its success. Which is where Elliott miscalculated, the rat.

  He was at the party/soiree. Looking debonair in his tuxedo with his dark hair, dark eyes, and unsmiling sexy seriousness. He wasn’t particularly charming or witty. He didn’t have a sense of humor or empathy for other people. In fact, she wondered now, what she had ever seen in him at all. Tall, dark, faintly mysterious. Is that what appealed to her? She shook her head at her naiveté and thanked the stars above that fate had intervened. She shuddered at how close she had come to marrying him, binding her for life, she thought with horror.

  She had gone back to school and he had called and pursued her. At first she was flattered and then swept up in the romance of it. Not that he was particularly romantic. He brooded and was soulful. She was a nurturer and his soul mate, he said. He was quiet and moved like a sloth. She enjoyed the quiet after the frantic pace in the hospital, and she found his slow pace restful. And above all this, he needed her.

  Oh boy, she had that right, just not how she imagined. He needed her money and her connection to her father’s company. In the end she learned he didn’t actually need her.

  Sign these papers, he had said. Just stuff for the wedding. She had believed him. She had trusted him. She probably wouldn’t have even noticed, except for Margo. He had thrown the stash of papers among the charts she had brought home to sign. She probably would have just added her signature to those as well. Without a second thought. But Margo had been over and something had caught her eye as she waited for Mikaela to get ready to go out that evening.